Friday, December 31, 2004

Another Year Over, A New One Just Begun

End of 2004. Where has the time gone? It is already the mid 00's. Anyways, fitting for a strange year to end with a Spring shower. I love spring showers. The rain smells so fresh, and the cleansing seems like it not only cleans the grime off the ground, but from your soul also. That said, the year was a decent one. I got a new job and worked less at the Farm, which was good for my self concept. Met a lot of new people, went to a lot of parties, and bought about 400 CDs by my estimate. I'm super out of it due to the fact that I slept for like three hours last night due to my opening shift and then took a nap right now. Sorry. Funny that the old gang has splintered to the point that everyone is going to Grabskis and I am going downtown. And I was the one who wanted to find a party. Oh wait. I'm banned from Grabskis. Not saying that I am looking forward to 2005 all that much. I have decided that the new year isn't one of those "slate cleaning" things that everyone else needs. Hell, I think my slates clean enough, thank you very much.

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Linger On, Your Pale Blue Eyes

Where have you gone, Peter Harold? A Jacob turns his lonely eyes to you, whoo whoo whoo.

Treatise On "Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm"

Once, there was this kid who told me on the bus that the song "Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm" was about three kids who got into "shitters." The kid who got the spots, the kid whose hair changed colors from black to bright white, and the accident kid. The kid (I remember it very vividly, his name was Cody Mix and he was two grades below me) ranted on about how these predicaments were "shitters" for the whole bus ride from Brookdale Drive to the corner of 81st and Dupont. I wonder what the hell happened to the group Crash Test Dummies and the kid?

A Simple Twist Of Fate

Really like the Bob Dylan "Blood On The Tracks" album I got for Christmas. The songs are so painful, so personal. It is like looking into someone's soul. I only own four Dylan albums, but all are fantastic affairs. Need to be a completist like I am with The Beatles, Bowie, and Elvis Costello from 1977-83. Also, "The Holy Bible" by Manic Street Preachers is really really fucking great. If you could imagine rock guitar soloing crossed with British hardcore style rants, you'd have this band. And they have a hook that says, "Tipper Gore was a friend of mine." Funny, and sorta punk, in a Joan Jett-producing-her-own-albums kinda way.

Worked sucked and blew today. I was scheduled 7:30 to 11:30 but ended up staying until 2:40 because everyone was sick. Dammit. Fortunately, it was slow.

Worst news ever is that Benchwarmer Bobs closed. I have probably eaten there 100 times in the 15 years it was open. The best bar food I have ever eaten in my life, period. The worst part is that my parents have a gift certificate to the place for $25 bucks. Dammit!! The Buffalo Chicken sandwich will be sorely missed. Jeff and I are in mourning. It must be hard for Jeff. First, his break with Cheapo, and now this. Hasn't he suffered enough?

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

He Came From Somewhere Back In Her Long Ago...

"What A Fool Believes" is the greatest song ever. Next to "Rich Girl," which may or may not be about Bryan Ferry from Roxy Music.

So This Is Christmas?

XMas 2K4 was great!!! Got Simpsons season 5, Seinfeld 1 and 2, Futurama 1,2, and 3, Bob Dylans "Blood On The Tracks" and an assload of gift certificates. Good times. My uncle Jason got all shitty at the Vikings game and we talked shit about how my family puts too much spectacle into present opening. I went shit crazy at Cheapo yesterday and bought The Kinks "Village Green Preservation Society," Manic Street Preachers "The Holy Bible," Razorlights new CD, Year Of The Rabbit and some other stuff. I love that store. The only shitty part of XMas was the fact that I worked all day on both Eve and Day. The tips were great, but all the people were in a shitty mood. It's so funny that the people who come in feel the need to belittle us on THEIR DAYS OFF!!! You think that they would be happy that we were working on a national holiday, but nooooooooooooooooo. It was all about them being pissy towards us. Sadly, I didn't feel the Christmas spirit. It felt all weird and unwholy. I also found out that Jody got engaged to her boyfriend Christmas morning. That was not totally unexpected, but it is rather weird that my ex girlfriend is getting married soon and I haven't been in a relationship yet in the year that we have been broken up. I thought that I would have taken the engagement worse, but I didn't care. If it were eight months ago, I may have been upset. But now it's like nothing. Strange.

The Valley Of Malls

Brandon John Quade brought up the word "tilt" and it immeaditely reminded me of the old arcade at Brookdale. TILT took over when Picadilly Circus left in the early 1990's. All I remember about the arcade was a retarded chick ran the place and called everyone "G" and that I stepped on some gangstas shell toe Adidas next to the Street Fighter machine and he threatened to kill me. Great memories. Brookdale was the place when the food court was in the middle and it was Taco Bell. Also, Musicland was the place where I bought many of my first discs, so it will always have a special nook in my heart.

Friday, December 24, 2004

The Best (Of 2004) I Ever Was, I Was With You

Here are a few of my favorite albums from 2004. If I think of any more, I will post them.

Franz Ferdinand- Franz Ferdinand: This album was so refreshing to hear in a year where Ursher dominated everything. I love quasi-gay lyrics, and the fey posing of "Michael" and "Jacquline" fufilled my wildest desires. This is the album Bowie wishes he would've made after "Scary Monsters".

Rilo Kiley- More Adventuerous: The best alt country album written by ex child stars ever! The lead singer, Jenny Lewis, needs to be held. And Pinski from Salute Your Shorts plays instruments! Connor Oberst sings backups! The songs deal with pain and matters of the heart. "Portions For Foxes" is the best song ever about being resigned to fuck buddy status. Beautiful.

De La Soul- The Grind Date: A tight, lean album from a group that has been known to meander a bit. Sounds very contempoary, with "Shopping Bags" and "Church" needing to be played on the radio. Oh wait, Lil' John isn't on it. Nevermind. One of the many "underground" albums that should have been bigger than it was.

Beastie Boys- To The 5 Buroughs: Thanks guys for having a #1 ballsy enough to name drop the Kyoto treaty and Modells sporting goods on the same album. A classic, political, funny and beautiful album all the way through. Best since "Paul's Boutique," and that is one of my favorite albums of all time.

Green Day- American Idiot: I have come to the conclusion that this is better than "Dookie." Anything that has a nine minute song suite about disillusioned teens is epic and classic. It sounds like a baby made by The Kinks and The Clash. "Wake Me Up When September Ends" is my anthem for the next 4 years.

The Roots- The Tripping Point: On which the Roots quit jamming and started to write concise, rocking songs. "Stay Cool" was the #1 hit of the summer in an alternate universe in which Fat Joe died instead of Big Pun and Ashley Simpson did not have a career due to her sister. Yes, you are tighter than the Bushes with the Saudis, which is pretty damn tight.

Wilco- A Ghost Is Born: First off, I loved "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot." Then this came out, and it kicked that albums ass. Every album that these guys release is better than the last. "Spiders (Kidsmoke)" and "I'm A Wheel" take music in a scary new direction that I am prepared to venture to.

Mos Def - The New Danger: A fucking spooky album for a scary time. The cover is just plain frightening, and the music inside is uncompromising. I love the sloppy, loose rocking vibe. Having purchased this before "Black On Both Sides," I can see why more people felt that than this. This is not a pop friendly album, but it is incredibly important. I fear the Boogeyman. And who exactly are the quasi-homosexuals from "The Rape Over?"

Interpol- Antics: The first Interpol album should have been called, "Ian Curtis, We Love You!!" because it was a direct Joy Division homage. This takes the best parts of the first and adds feeling and warmth to it. "Slow Hands" and "Take You On A Crusie" are nearly perfect songs.

Prince- Musicology: I was worried to shit that Prince would deliver another "Rainbow Children." Thankfully, this wasn't the case. This is his best work since "The Gold Experience." All the songs are either sexy and/or funky, with "Cinnamon Girl" a should have been hit if payola wasn't in full effect. "Illuison, Coma Pimp and Circumstance" is the best funk since "Pussy Control." The shit, without a trace of Kanye anywhere.

The Killers- Hot Fuss: These kids think that they are Morrissey. They also like Duran Duran. So do I. We have a bond. Unfortunately, I have never had a fight on the promenade in the rain (my favorite lyric of the year) like Brendan Flowers did in "Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine." I wish I did. Hopefully, I can someday. Always aspire, Jake.

Morrissey- You Are The Quarry: This is his best work since "Viva Hate." Actually, its probably one of the only listenable Morrissey solo joints, due to the fact that the production doesn't sound like the warmed over Smiths. Moz even sounds happy on, "I Like You." He also goes back to his old ways of shitting on the monarchy on "Irish Blood, English Heart." Never change, sweet Tommy Gunning prince of pain.


But Give The Man A Taste And He's Gone

For Nathan Andrew Heck:
Chicago style pizza is much better than anything that you can find here in the Twin Cities. The pizza at Luce or Davannis is best described as either Sicilian or New York Style, due to the flatness of the crust. The Chicago pizza is thick and has a flaky, almost pie-like crust. The cheese is thicker than most deep dish here, and the sauce is a bit darker (at least in my opinion). The pizza at Giordanos may have been the best thing that I have ever eaten, and other deep dish that I have had since tasted like shit in comparison. Davannis is too dry in their deep dish. The only thing I have ever had here that is comparable is probably the old school Green Mill (from the late 80s, not now.) The stuff at Old Chicago isn't even close. There are your differences.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Have You Ever Seen A Woman Taken By The Wind?

Went out for Christians B-day last night and, to my and Quades surprise, CHRISTIAN WASN"T THERE!!!!! Turns out he and his friend left early, like even before Hookers N' Blow started playing early. Has to be the strangest thing ever. He even left the parents there, I am told. So we watched the band for a bit and went to Pizza Luce for a few slices during intermission. Some ugly lesbian reached for her purse under Nates chair and told him to "not get his hopes up." To which Nate replied, "I usually only date straight chicks." Nate danced the night away at the bar though. We watched him and "J-Bird" dance from our balcony seats. It was very decadent.

Last night I had a dream that Brian Anderson was working at Starbucks with me and he was rocking his white fedora. Then Quade texted me from Ohio State and told me about his roommate Chris Carter. He said hi to me I guess.

Friday, December 17, 2004

R-O-C-K In The USA

There was some more new gossip on Buddyhead's gossip page It said that the "What's cooler than being cool?" line in "Hey Ya!" was a dis on Kool Keith, because, well, they have been hating each other for some time now. Keith said that Andre stole his style and his penchant for wearing platnium wigs. They also had this little bit of info:

The Alarm recently played a pretty amazing joke on the UK music industry by releasing a single under the guise of a “hip new young band” called The Poppyfields. The band had a group of teenagers perform in the video to make their story believable. Well it worked cuz the single went Top 30 and tons of labels asked to sign the “hip new young band”. The band has now agreed to let Sara Sugarman direct a film about how the band duped the UK press.

The Alarm was kind of like U2 back in the day. The only song that I remember was "Sold Me Down The River." Pretty funny to expose how shitty the music industry is. Fucking Ashlee Simpson-style.

Phil Is My Dad, Phil Is My Dad

My brother claims that Shaq said that he had sex with Cindy Crawford. Can someone tell me if this true, or if he is talking mad rumors? Also, Kobe is a tattle tale bitch. What a fucking loser. I don't blame Karl though. I would crawl naked through a field of burning nails to have sex with Kobes wife. Sweet, sweet lady doesn't deserve what she is getting.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

College Dropout 2K5? (REMIX)

I ain't going out like that, oh hells naw. I laid down the law to those ma'fuckers at the U of M One Stop and they was all like, "You can register." Fuck g-yeah! So I am still a studentin bei der Uni. Ausgeseitnet!

What Your Mamma Saw, It Was Against The Law

Had lunch at Bob's today with Quade and he invented a new way to eat fries. First, you dip them in mayonaise. Then, you dip them in cajun sauce. Double the gluttony! I did this once when bombed. Instead of the above, I dipped in ranch and ketchup. I then proceded to tell everyone, "Ranch is the new ketchup." And if I have my way, goddammit, it will be.

My mother was defending my aunts career choices today by saying, "Well, Peggy always wanted to be a country singer, so she was chasing her dream." To which I replied, "I always wanted to be a fucking astronaut, but you don't see me hanging round NASA." I'm pretty sure my aunt ain't giving me even a Christmas card this year, so whatever. Thats gonna be fun, Christmas. All my extended family does is get hammered and yell, "DOOOO!! and HEYYYYYYYY!!" at each other in this tard voice they do. Then they talk about snowmobiles and "muddin." Then my cabinet maker uncle Donnie asks me if I "fucked a bitch yet?" It's pretty crazy.

I Want To Dance With Somebody Who Loves Me

I have been gorging on CDs lately. I bought 5 for 12 bucks yesterday. Then I got pumped because I got $70 back for my textbooks and proceded to buy two more CDs. Then I bought Taco Johns and I got sick as a motherfucker. The CD finds are very sublime. I am in love with the Cheapo 95 cent CDs. I have now found two Fishbone CDs for that price and they were both great finds. Quade found "Fair Warning" by Van Halen for 95 cents and now I own every Van Halen CD that counts (the ones by DLR). I also found a Whitney Houston CD that was so old that the Cheapo sticker on it said SCUF instead of the normal SKUF. Haha, no one likes Whitney. Who would have thunk it? Bobby Brown turned her into a coke slut. No way.

Farm Xmas2K4 is gonna be hoppin. Two downsides. One, Mok is still afraid to bring his lady around the crew. We are not going to embarass you or steal her, dooder. Don't worry. Two, Peter Harold Quist is a bitch and feels it necessary to go to his friends "graduation." How many graduation parties does someone have in their lives, Peter? At least three. How many Farm Xmas2K4's are there? ONE, UNO, EINS, ICHI!!! Come for some of it. Kwaamer is coming, and his lady is going to Europe. Come home, Pete. Come home. You were the man behind "One Farm."

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Reject All Sin And Vice

I'm not dropping out, I am just pissed. The sched was breathtaking. I would have not had class until 12:45 and only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I would have had to re-jigger my Starbucks schedule, but more open days may have allowed me to finally get promoted. Oh, and I would have had to quit the Farm. Less money, but more time for Jake. I cannot stand these long ass days where I work and have three classes. I am going shithouse. Some flamboyant bitch on VH1 just said "We take it to where we can legally take it before we get busted by vice." I am not sure if vice is the cops or vice is a deadly sin, but his Swedish accent intrigued me. That makes it better. Farm sexual harrassment meeting tomorrow. Wonder if Dave will toss off more bon mots like, "What if she wanted it?" when referring to a sexual harassment suit? Wonder if we will get brownies? Or soda? Or better yet, Za? And I wonder who will show up to Farm Xmas 2K4? Will it be the reunion Nate claims? Or is it going to be the new blood where Jeff will be forced to break out his F.U.N.B. vest and claim that the Brians are not fit to be flea circus champs? The questions, the questions.

The College Dropout 2K5?

The son-of-a-bitch bastards at the U won't let me register because I haven't paid in full. Who in the fuck do they think I am, Rakim?

Monday, December 13, 2004

Man, I Feel Like A Woman

Peter yesterday said that I was listening to a lot of femmie music lately. I agree. What's the deal? Back in the day I used to be Mr. Masculine when it came to my choices. Lately, its been Morrissey with his pocket full of gladiolas and Bright Eyes and his whole femme pose. Have I become in touch with my feminine side? Probably not. I just enjoy ambiguous men. I know that sounds a little gay, but hell, Bowie was ambiguous and his music is so damn brilliant. It's probably due to the lack of a strong female presence in my life currently. But I really doubt I will be listening to Korn and shit like that ever again. Even Deftones are very girly when it comes to metal, and they are the best thing out of the whole Nu-Metal genre. Maybe it's not such a bad thing. Like Steve Winwood says, I gotta roll with it baby.

Baby, I'm Bad News, Bad News, Bad News

The B-day was a success. Pizza Luce was the best ever, and I even got a slice of the Baked Potato from Milla. I love that pizza so much, so very much. But, I digress. The parents bought me the Nirvana boxset, Trivial Pursuit 90s Edition, Castlevania (NES) for the Game Boy, and some Simpsons enamel figurines. So dorky but awesome. And Jody bought me Rilo Kiley and Brandon gave me "Help!" by the Beatles. The 90s Edition would have been perfect for the Farm about a year ago. I played it with my bro Jordan and my mom the other night, and it was awesome. The Nirvana boxset gave me goosebumps. It was so good. I cannot believe what a whore Courtney Love is for taking Kurt from us (by her overbearing nature or actual pulling of the trigger). I believe that there was so much more music in that man. Anyways, great birthday. Except I cant find my GBA, so I cant play Castlevania. Dammit!

The overnighter was fucking weird. Pete and Kraemer got into it, and Real Brian Pettingil called me a "fat faggot" for having a reaction to the onions on my pizza. Crazy night. Todays shift was easy job McGee because we only worked for an hour and a half. Now I have to type a paper on The Beach Boys, The Beatles and Early Pink Floyd.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

My Girl Wants To Party All The Time, Party ALLLLLLLL The Time

When I was a little Jake, I thought that Eddie Murphy was singing "Potty". How stupid. Also, for some reason, that song and "All She Wants To Do Is Dance" by Don Henley are stuck together for me. My mom listened to a lot of KDWB and WLOL when I was a kid. I still remember Steve Cochran saying "Rock Steady" by the Whispers was #1 on the "Black Singles" chart. I always remember the song because of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles character. I always have weird memories about old 80s songs. I remember hearing "Don't Want To Fall In Love" by Jane Child on the way to a North Stars game in our Delta 88 and then writing the title down on a Transformers box because I hated it so much. That song is still so awful to this day.

But back to the party theme. This will probably be the last post before I turn 22 tomorrow night at midnight. Holy shit. Twenty-Two. Spelled out, it is long and scary. But I will face it head on, and I hope to graduate college by the time I am 24. Looks to be a reasonable goal. I will be celebrating my birthday with a dinner at Pizza Luce in either Uptown or Downtown. I haven't been in a while, and it is kind of a tradition. Call me for details. I am thinking around 6 or 7 because of the overnight on Saturday. Oh, and I am looking forward to the Farm meeting on Tuesday. I wonder what it is about? Possibly the stolen calcs? Or is it about some of our limited availabilities? We shall soon see.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

The Hardest Walk You Take Is From A To B To C

Last few days have sucked. Worked 12-8:30 yesterday and went crazy by the end of the shift. There was no reprieve. Well, I should say that only work has sucked. Everything else has been good. Bought Robert Johnson "King Of The Delta Blues Singers" and have been playing it nonstop. The original "Stop Breaking Down" is harder than the White Stripes version. Unfortunately, I stayed up watching some show on VH1 about being a dork in high school with a bunch of celebs on it. Funny enough, I still consider most of them dorks, such as Ben Stein and TESH! I fucking love TESH! The man wrote the NBC Basketball theme. TESH 4 LIFE!!!

On a non-TESH note, I actually agree with some of the Grammy nominations. Except that whole Ray Charles CD thing. Working at a Starbucks, I hear that crap all the time. I honestly believe that the majority of the people who bought that CD at my store had never ever heard "Hit The Road Jack" or "What I Say?" It's just like the coffee, its a status symbol. As my manager said the other day, all our coffee is is a status symbol and people are paying extra to have a cup with the siren logo on it. Oh well, it gets me real paid. But not paid enough to pay my Verizon bill on time. Dammit!!!

Here would be my nominees for album of the year, by the way:

Franz Ferdinand "Franz Ferdinand"
Green Day "American Idiot"
Prince "Musicology"
Mos Def "The New Danger"
Beastie Boys "To The 5 Burroughs"

Very disappointing to see that the Beasite Boys didn't get more love for releasing a politically charged classic this year. It wasn't their biggest seller, but come on. That is probably their second or third best CD.

Monday, December 06, 2004

If It's Izzy, Slash or Axl Rose...

Oh good god, the trip to the Cloud was legendary. I quite possilby have never been that "Tom Zenked" in my life. All I remember was Milla beating the shit out of me for some innapropriate comments, and Christian bumping the Prince Christmas album. "Raspberry Candy Cane" is the jam! I guess that I admitted some hidden crush to Jeff right around the same time that we discussed Rolos and Kit Kats. The MPLS Pro Wrestling league was in full effect as the hardcore title changed hands in the street no less than five times that night. I think Milla won it the last time when he Hogan legged dropped Jeff in front of Coburns. Truth be told, we partied like fucking rock stars that eve. I can't wait for the next trip to the Cloud. Now off to class, as I am updating this from the basement of Coffman Union. Later.

Friday, December 03, 2004

What Did The Clouds Look Like When You Were Young?

THE CLOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Going to be the hottest time ever. The suite is going to be hoppin'. And Coburns is not going to know what hit it. Hoping for Bonanza buffet that Christian rumored to exist in the city. And I will not be dining at the SCSU cafeteria like was suggested. Unless they have tri-tators and hot ham and cheese wrapped in foil with a shitload of ketchup. THE CLOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Nothing Else Can Save Me, S.O.S

Cheapo'ed it up tonight. Bought 6 CD's for $23 dollars. Finally actually bought the Depeche Mode Tribute and Fishbone's first album for 95 cents. Also found the new Paul Westerberg and The Faces Greatest Hits for six bucks each. And yes, I bought ABBA. I fucking went as gay as possible and bought ABBA. The shit is a guilty pleasure, and it is good. Even my pops looked at it and was like, yes, nice. Come on, everyone likes at least one ABBA song. Don't they?

I'd also like to plug Erbert and Gerbert's subs, which I have an obsession with now. Fucking great subs. A soda, a huge bowl of chili and a great sub for seven bucks. It keeps you full the whole day. I have to go tomorrow. Hell, I want one now. I recommend if you are on the East Bank to eat there. Sorry about the rant, but I'm so hungry.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

I Hate Myself For Loving You

I saw the Sea Lab 2021 where the half human/half shark was created. Marco fucked a shark and was killed by the sharks husband. But then Sharko was born with a complex and it shot people. It was the funniest shit I have ever seen. But I also feel dirty because Sea Lab 2021 sucks so bad otherwise.

Everything's Gonna Be All Right

Woke up this morning and realized it was all going to be ok. I'm going to the Cloud, money will somehow work itself out, and I just need to go with the fucking flow. I went to CD Warehouse and found a Postal Service single for $4. I know, Death Cab side project, fucking indie hype, the O.C., but this single kicks ass. Electro emo is the best way that I can describe it. And then, one of the B-Sides is a cover of another Postal Service/Death Cab For Cutie song by The Shins. The Shins may be the best group of the last ten years. They are so fucking amazing. I need to buy everything they have ever touched.

The new Gwen Stefani/"Johnny Vulture" song is so damn weird. I need another Outkast double album right now. Andre Benjamin is one of the most talented men ever in pop music. And Big Boi is inventive as all hell also. They are the Lennon/McCartney of R & B.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Swing It In The Kitchen When There Ain't Nobody Home

Remember when a certain couple fucked on Jeff's blanket at the cabin? Or when they got-it-on in the loft at the farm? I have never known another couple to have sexual relations in more public a place. Usually the car is it.

Girl, What Can I Do?

I forgot to mention my 30 minute rant on women at work today. I was just so mad thinking about all the shit I have heard in the last year coming from the ladies regarding men. A few classics are, "He treats me nice sometimes so it's o.k." and "He talked about how much he loved me on the first date. That's so sweet." What the hell? Sometimes I think that dudes are the only ones with common sense. In response to the first quote, sometimes isn't good enough. If I was being treated like shit even a bit, I would high tail it out of there. Second, that's just fucking creepy. The only way a guy is saying that is because if you hear the three little words, he knows he is getting in your pants. I have to agree with the comedian that said that women are men without the logic and reason. If I had any female readers, I would gladly like some feedback on this. I always thought that it was just stupid women who did these kind of things, but lately I have met some pretty smart ones who do this also. Most of this is probably based on the fact that I am extremely sexually frustrated. I am sure that if I was getting some, I would not think like this. Execpt for the no logic and reason part. That has been in my stable of thought through thick and thin.

Uno, Dos, Tres, Catorze

Well, I guess that I have to use the "City of Champlin" template because it is the only one that displays the blog decently. Pretty strange weekend. Sat and drank six beers alone at Bob's on Friday waiting for Quade to get off (got to talk to Quades hot co-worker, which is a plus). Then when he got there, I was too tipsy to really talk. Then Doghouse M. texted me "7th Grade" and I laughed for like an hour. I wonder where Saifuddin Ansari is these days? Saturday consisted of me getting sick at work, then getting a call from Milla to go to Grabski's. I dragged my sick ass out of bed, only to realize too late that drunk Doghouse M. invited me into a no fly zone. So Peter (who just happened to be there) and I went to Perkins and I had Potato Pancakes. We listened to the Streets "A Grand Don't Come For Free" twice through. That album is the best story of 2004. Then, I Farmed it for five hours today and all I got out of it was Taylor saying, "Thanks for tucking in your shirts, assholes" for no apparent reason. After that, it was coffee with Jody at Caribou in Maple Grove. We talked about old times, and stuff like that.

Friday, November 26, 2004

R To the A to The K-I-M, If I Wasn't, Then Why Would I Say I Am?

I just realized (by watching VH1s "Awesomely Bad Metal Songs") that Limp Bizkit sampled Eric B and Rakim's "My Melody" in "My Way." NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At least some guy said that Durst always sounds like he is a 10 year old whining for ice cream. And you know that they really really want to take the "Awesomely" title down but they are afraid to get sued. Oh, and now some dude called White Lion a "motherfucking pussy."

If you wanna have a good laugh looking at Mr. Sensitive (THE GUY WHO WROTE "EAT YOU ALIVE" AND "BREAK STUFF") go to Fred Dursts blog at :

Happy Valentines Day, February the 14th

So, Thanksgiving sucked. My asshole drunk uncle Danny got all huffy because my mom didn't vote for Tex, and my mom's friend Donna tried to hug my brothers and me. The highlight was the best game of football ever played between my brothers Jordan, Zach, my cousin Josh, and myself. It was great. Trick plays, after dark miracle touchdown passes, interceptions, game saving tackles. Zach and I prevailed 13-11. The food was pretty good, except for this stuff my grandma Marge makes called Tomato "Speck". It is a Jell-O mold full of lemon Jell-O and tomato soup concentrate. Then they put green olives in and top it with Miracle Whip. I'm not sure anyone actually eats it, but I once took a bite and threw up in my mouth. It is the foodstuff incarnate of what hell would taste like. At one point the political discussion between my uncle (who kisses up to my grandpa by litterally saying, "Dad, dad guess who your daughter voted for? knowing my mom voted Dem in a Conservative family) and my grandpa grew so heated that I turned to my aunt Sandy and said, "I don't discuss politics with these fuckers. They don't listen." And she agreed. Zach also threatened to break out his "Clinton '92" button and wear it (yes, we have one). It was one hell of a weird Thanksgiving. At least it wasn't two years ago, where my uncle Joe beat up my aunt Jenny (his sister) between dinner and the pie. That was a fucked up ordeal.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Only In Dreams

I found my old dream journal that I wrote in up to a year ago. Here is a few of the strangest entries:

Brandon Quade's dad got mad at me because I didn't know who sang lead vocals, Brooks or Dunn. Someone remade "Swingin'"(By Jon Anderson)

There were people living in the hole in the AV room. One came to me and said, "Probably no alcohol left?" Then Taylor told us that homeless people live in the hole. They had a beanbag chair. Then Ashley Clark came out of the hole and yelled at me. I was then watching Sports Center and I heard that the NBA had foreclosed the Mavericks secretly a year ago. Then they showed a montage of Grant Hill sucking. Then there were newspapers with headlines about Florida State and Arizona, and one that said "IRELAND!"

I played basketball at CPHS with Jeff, Brian Oddy, Julius Stokes and Devar Moore. We kept calling the team we beat the Nets

I went to the mascot races and cheered for the Syracuse Orangemen mascot.

A review in a magazine said that Conner Obherst's (Bright Eyes) first albums were much better than his new one.

I was on SNL and all we had were scripts written by kids from North Hennepin. We did the skits in restaurant booths and made fun of Lorne Michaels. I talked ghetto and had a diamond ring in my only skit. It was at IHOP, and Shawn Michaels flexed in the booth behind me.

I found a Sports Illustrated at the farm with Sinead O'Connor on the cover and the headline, "SLUT!".

I was in a choir at North Hennepin with Caleb Hicks and Angie Lewis. We sang a Beach Boys song and did jazzy hands.

I went to some 50s party where the MC said to break out your blades and then everyone started doing coke except me and Darrin Dalida. Some lady caught Quade doing it but I covered for him. Then we listened to "What's Going On 2000" by Marvin Gaye. Jeff, Quade and I then beat the shit out of the Cleveland Cavs. Then Jeff and Quade morphed into Richie and the Fonz.

Weird shit, huh?

What Is A Manage Et Trois? Or What Is Sex When There Is Three People?

Hehe. Anyways, not all that much new in my life. Working a shitload and pumped about my day off tomorrow. I got to thinking about how my own musical journey has been influenced by people and stuff after reading Christian's blog. Here is my own timeline.

1990-1995: Basic Top 40 stuff, lots of KQ92 when they played new and old music, and the classics that my dad listened to. Got heavy into Nirvana, some Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Green Day, Aerosmith. Also basic rap through my friend Jeremy, although I still do not know what Spice 1 sounds like.

1995-1998: MTV and The EDGE. Thank God for these two things. Got into Oasis, Cake, Foo Fighters, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, basic Modern Rock of the time.

1998-2001: Mostly through friends. Heard They Might Be Giants through Kyle, rekindled my love for Weezer. Albums that I have never heard of through Peter Harold and Christian (Paul Barman, Rare Prince, Velvet Underground, Del, etc). Nick Miller introduced me to ATLiens and underground rap (Dead no). Russ Olson of all people played "Stankonia" and it changed my perception of rap. Lots of pop punk through Louwerse and reading Billboard.

2001-Current: The internet allowed me to hear shit I read about in Spin and Billboard when I was a kid. The first MP3 I downloaded was in 1998 (Pearl Jam "Wishlist and some Archers of Loaf song). When I got Napster, I heard Kool Keith, old rap like Eric B and Rakim and lots of stuff by Pavement and indie rock groups. I also was introduced to more rap and R&B through Jeff and Christian, and actually grew to like the Velvet Underground through Peter. Its been a fantastic voyage.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Like You Was Poindexter

Had the new greatest night of dorkdom ever tonight. I went to watch the Wolves game with Jeff and Nate at Bob's. Then we went to Cheapo where I proceeded to by "The Essential Cheap Trick" because I love "Everything Works If You Let It" and "Dream Police". It was also only seven bucks. Then Jeff played "Rich Girl" by Hall and Oates five times on the ride home. I am convinced that it is the greatest song ever. Halo 2 and Fusion Frenzy were then played until we got the bright idea to watch "Sixteen Candles" on the WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! (or WE) channel. I can't wait for their history of the tampon special Tuesday. I have decided two things after this special night of dorkdom. One, Star Jones (and her new marriage) are the reason that I am not ever going to get married. And two, there will never be as good a teen flick made as "Sixteen Candles."

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Fight For Your Rights, Fight For Your Life

This article sums up what I was thinking about the fight exactly:

Street Fighting Man

Heavyintojeff is up, and I now feel that I have to up my game. Scoops is showing nasty titties, and Quade brings back the Siggies. What the hell does a little 'ol blog have to offer? My sparkling wit and charm, yeah that's the ticket.

Anyways, I saw the Pistons-Pacers fight last night and was thoroughly disgusted. In a nutshell, the fight showed why I cannot give my heart to the NBA. Artest fouls Wallace hard WITH A TEN POINT LEAD. Fucking worthless bi-polar thug. Then, the players need to go into the crowd and fight the fans. It's not like fans haven't thrown beer before. Granted, what the fans did was wrong. It is just really sad that the players felt the need to go into the crowd and throw haymakers and whatnot. It was sickening to watch and it just confirms that the NBA is not the sport that I grew up loving in the late 80s-early 90s. That NBA was graceful and high scoring and was dominated by clever and great stars like Magic, Bird, and Barkley. Jordan would have never went into the crowd to fight jerkoff fans. And the NBA thinks that Jermaine O'Neal is worth basing a marketing campaign around? Why don't they start issuing Kermit Washington throwbacks.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Drop It Like It's Haaaaaaaaat

Well, I have decided to drop Biology. Piece of shit class. I will miss some aspects though. My lab class was really fucking amusing. I will miss the man who looked and acted like Chi-King Jr. who would stare at me and laugh for no reason. He also didn't know where Williams Arena was, and he lives on campus. I will miss his lab partner, who was disgusted by him and was also the only non anti-social girl in that class. I will miss the argument the Arabian kid and Chi-King got into over Jacob Wetterling that ended in racial threats. I will miss my lab partner, who said about three words all semester and treated me like I was mentally retarded because I didn't exactly get meiosis. I will miss the Amazonian girl that was my lab partner for a week and her hot fake tan and the fact that she felt compelled to yell "Thirsty Thursday!!" in class. I will also miss the frat boy who asked "Does anyone need lube on their fingers" five times because we had tack on our hands for a lab. Mostly I will miss the fact that I had to plant shit when I am a Journalism major. And the fact that now I am out $1200 for nothing.

You're Out Of Touch, I'm Out Of Time

I have been watching this "Retrosexual" thing on VH1 and it is pretty damn good. All the dudes look like gay porn stars though. And I still stand by my idea that I would have been celebate because no one trimmed their naughty bits back then. Also, Surgeon General C. Everet Koop was a pimp. Someone under Reagan who wanted to give out rubbers? And who dressed like an actual general? Fantastic. And what happened to that Joycelyn Elders chick who suggested that kids get taught jerking off in 5th grade? I hope that she is doing well.

These Dreams Go On When I Close My Eyes

Lifes been pretty good lately. I have been getting enough sleep, so no depression or anything like that. Some of you might know, but the less sleep that I get the more down I get. So lately, yeah, no depression. The only bad thing is not going to enough class, because I have been a little ill lately. I hope its not mono again. Good lord, not mono. Otherwise, lots of work and playing tennis outside because it is still pretty damn nice out. I ate two different pizza buffets (Broadway and Godfathers) in the last few days, and enjoyed it a lot.

I have been having a lot of really strange thoughts lately. One was started by that Michael Nottington guy who posted the day after the election. He said that I should get involved in politics because of my views. I may take his suggestion. I have often wondered about what it would be like to run for some sort of office or council seat, and it may have to be done. I just do not know where I would fit in. I am obviously a Democrat, but I supported tearing down the apartments on Brooklyn Boulevard, which is a Republican stance. I guess that I would go more into the mold of my man, William Jefferson Clinton. A man who was moderate if there ever was one. I mean, not now. In a couple of years. The woman who won my district ran an auto parts store, so its not like you really need that much experience to be a state senator or a state rep. I know its crazy, but its a thought.

My other thoughts have involved women. I just have no interest in dating anyone seriously. I guess it is the lack of crushes and available women that are around. I finally am comfortable with the single life. Sure, it may have taken a year, but now I really think that I dig the fact that I do not have a significant other. Strangely enough, I miss the cuddling (and obviously the sex) but its something that I have come to grips with. My time will come. It does suck that I attend a University with extremely hot girls left and right. It is true that men put women into two groups when they first see them. It seems these days I put more in the "would" group than the "wouldn't" group. The less I get, the lower the standards are.

Only 60 Dollars

The new Handsome Boy Modeling School is the brilliant shit. It is like a mix tape from heaven. So many of my favorite artists that get not enough or no love (Mars Volta, Chino Moreno) are here in new exciting ways. The Oates/Jamie Cullum song is really really good, as well as the Jack Johnson. The great thing about the album is that there is a good mix of styles. I can't believe they did what they did with pop music. I knew both of them could work wonders with hip hop, but the rock side is just as good. I am pretty sure that this will make my top ten for the year.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Cause It's So Hard To Swallow

Some dude came up to me and Jeff outside Cheapo tonight and asked us if we wanted to buy mushrooms. He was normally dressed and in a Buick with five other dudes. The question is, why mushrooms? No one is just going to say, yeah, you know, sure. Pot or coke maybe, but mushrooms?

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Oh, Oh, The Israelites

Last night was a good time until No-Knee lied about the kegger. Anyways, Millas 22nd at Mayslacks was pretty crazy. Christian got a purple nurple for touching some girl (who looked like Sue Marklowitz) hair bun. Milla danced with a 40 year old mom? Pics will be soon in coming for that one. Hookers N Blow was hot hot shit. The Stevie, Stones and Curtis covers were hot, and I cannot believe that they played Shantytown by Desmond Decker, because I quoted it on the drive over. Also, the car ride on the way over sucked because Angie's car reeked of seaweed. But the awesome roast beef sandwiches at the bar proved a nice distraction. And at the end of the night, Jeff and I ate Taco Bell while listening to "Badmotofinger" by Soundgarden in my car. Oh, and Nate and I wore the same fucking shirt. That was pretty pretty gay. But overall, a good time.

Friday, November 12, 2004

Guitars, Cadillac's, Hillbilly Music.

This Space Ghost with Meatwad, Shark Thing and the hillbilly squid is the funniest thing I have ever seen. They keep saying that the Shark Things father put his human penis in his shark mothers vagina. Then Meatwad asks for candy, and they ask to bring out the vaginas. And the Shark talks about his anal fins and being beaten with a jar of turtle penises. What the hell? I usually hate all the above characters. But this is brilliant.

Everybody Knows It Hurts To Grow Up

Went out to Fridays tonight with Milla and Jeff A. Hill. Discussed how the Farm was a huge frat where all the old members are still welcome (except Pods and Schmitt) and they will always be Farmers. I cannot believe that it is Millas 22nd today. Seems like it was just yesterday we had 7th Grade Reading in the portable at Jackson Middle School. We got to wear our coats outside, and I remember his St.Louis Blues Starter Jacket and his big ass Sketchers and his No Fear shirts. Fucking 1995, what the hell? All about sports teams and the girls rocking the stupid CK shirts. Then came 8th grade German when my mom bought us all strudel and Milla called me fat. Then in '99 when we spoke over Dreamcast in the morning after the bus and Soul Calibur and how kickass Rancid was. I gave Milla a ride home from the first pepfest (along with Kyle Robert and a 14 year old Louwerse) and he in turn ordered me Punk O Rama 1 from Epitath. I think that since then we've probably been to about 50 concerts together, from that first Five Iron Frenzy show on Halloween '99 (has it been 5 years?). Holy shit, how time flies. Milla is now an adult, I will be so in 29 days, then Hill in January. It seems like I was 17 yesterday, and sometimes I wish that I was. We now cannot rely on the "Oh, I'm 21 excuse." Where are the others now? Louwerse is fucking married and Kyle is a lifer in the military (and Dustin is in the Navy). We lost Radam and Mike and all those guys, and many female friends along the way. Honestly, I don't know what I want to do with my life. I should be graduating this year like all of the others in my class, getting a job and whatnot. I think I'm gonna start a new excuse. It's called, "Oh, I'm 22. I can do this for another year." And I am gonna love that.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

His holy light shone on the E.B.H.C that fateful eve. Posted by Hello


The best picture that I have ever taken. Record cover '02 Posted by Hello

You've Cleaned Up, Found Jesus, Things Are So Good I Hear

Jeff finally found Christ. It just happened to be at a party with a keg. Posted by Hello

Saw a Logal Kid Woogin Upba Moo Be

According to this Wednesdays City Pages, 26% of homosexuals voted for Bush. Isn't that like an African American voting for George Wallace in '68? What kind of self-loathing person would vote for someone who wanted to limit their civil rights? Next, I'll be voting for a candidate who limits my intake of Broadway Pizza Buffet.

We're Rough, Rough, Rough

My brother Jordan turned on a movie with Eugene Levy in it. I asked him what movie it was and he replied, "The Story Of Jeff Hill." Then he looked at me because the movie had John Candy in it. Fucking asshole.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

One Glimpse Of An Ankle And I React Like It's 1805

I am in love. Her name is The Shins "Chutes Too Narrow". Now I know that that is a long name, but it is beautiful. Seriously, this CD is the best thing to come out in a long time. I bought it three months ago and I have played it nonstop since then. All the songs are so poppy yet seriously warped in a strange way under the melodies. It is so good. I recommend you download "Kissing The Lipless" and "So Says I" if you want to also know the truth. I'm feeling the mini revolution in music these days. The Roots put out a straightforward CD, Mos Def gets all experimental. De La cuts the skits and shortens the songs. Franz Ferdinand and The Killers bring back fey synths and quasi-disco. And Modest Mouse, the indie stalwarts, have a #1 modern rock single. Finally, something interesting these days.

Holla Atchya When I Come Off Tour

My brother Jordan and I saw an ad for the Jay-Z/Linkin Park mashup CD that is coming out and he suggested that Pansy Division mash up with someone. Then I suggested that they mash up with Beenie Man because he "wants to pour acid on all the gays in Jamaica." At the thought of this, I laughed so hard that I nearly shat myself. Who thinks of "pouring acid" on people? And did/does anyone actually listen to Pansy Division?

Saturday, November 06, 2004

I Saw You Talkin To Christopher Walken On My TV Screen

Thanks to Heck for this one back in the day. I found it. Go to for more weird shit like this Posted by Hello

Say Goodnight, Mean Good-bye

Clinton, the idol of men, came on KARE last night and said that Dems should "quit whining and take the party in a new direction." Only Slick Willie would make such a bold statement. On with the show. Jeff, Milla, Nate and I went to Gasthofs in Nordeast Minneapolis last night and it was the best time ever. Got a big beer for $8, Jeff talked politics with two chicas, Nate did the lonely robot and tried to karaoke "Feel Like Makin Love" but didn't. The ride home featured a drunk Jeff laying across Nate, Christian and Milla in my backseat. He kept telling people to throw his shoes out the window. Then we went to White Castle and it hit the spot as usual. Can't wait to go back.

I also got my ass handed to me in a rousing game of tennis less than eight hours after bar close. I held my own until the final games, where I couldn't serve worth shit and my return was always long. The highlight was the fat kid and his brother playing next to me. The kid was like 11 and the heavy kid 18. He got worked by jr. and then he pouted and made him go home. Then he did a burnout in his Intrepid.

I am nursing the worst cold/allergies ever. I think that I am going to cuddle up with GTA: San Andreas and a nice cup of something sweet and good.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Maybe It's Time We Impeach TEX

Nice to see the country is so united over this election. All I hear is Republicans saying, "neeyah, neeyah, neeyah" and all I see is the Democrats still rocking Kerry-Edwards buttons. The only good thing is that this election got a lot of young people active and voting. Hopefully, as the Star Tribune reported today, Tex won't spend his "credit" on passing his bullshit religious right agenda. Can this man be even remotely moderate? I do not consider his victory a mandate to do whatever he wants, because there are still around 50 million (plus the 5 Nader supporters) who DO NOT agree with no civil unions for homosexuals, and who believe that a woman's body should not be governed and it should be her right to choose. Not too mention Social Security. As someone who has a disabled relative who relies on Social Security, I do not want to see it taken out of the governments hands.

Oh, and Bill Miller in '06 for guvnor, so we can have two Guvnor Millas.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

See The Idiot Walk. See The Idiot Talk

It's nice to hear that John Edwards wanted to fight the injustice of the ballots that I am sure were withheld by the Republicans. Kerry, fearing a sequel of 2000, conceded. I can't wait until 2008. You know Cheney won't run because of his single-digit approval rating. You think that Bush will change the Constitution so he can seek a third term? He wants to ban homosexual marriage and our civil rights, what will stop him from getting that third term? I also hope that Edwards runs instead of Hillary. My ideal ticket would be Edwards-Obama, but I think that he has his own aspirations. There was a rumor on WCCO last night that Pawlenty will run in '08. I bet it will be him or Coleman, or both. Just get him out of our state. Also nice to see Dubya so gracious and sincere in his acceptance speech. What a load of shit. Why would you want to "Bridge the gap" between parties when all you are good at is burning bridges?

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Black Wednesday

The Following is not the statement of a sore loser, or an angry Democrat. It is the view of someone who is deeply concerned with the future of this country. You may not agree with my views, but understand that they have been thought through for some time.
Isn't it funny how Bush became a born again Christian just as his political career was starting? Or how John Kerry honestly admitted his past use of marijuana and Bush denies his well publicized use of cocaine? How fucking stupid is the American populous? Tonight, I hate this country. I do not see our resolve over adversity, I see a bunch of citizens voting on issues that do not directly effect them, such as marriages that are not their own. I see people not sending out a rebuke to a man who has killed 1000 plus people in a senseless war that was not ours to fight. Our economy is arguably in the worst state that it has been since the Great Depression(even during a war). Yet people want the man who has put us deeper into debt than any prior. And why is this? Is it because people like Karl Rove and Dick Cheney cast a wave of fear over everyone. Who was listening when Cheney said that if Kerry is elected then we will have another terrorist attack? It seems no one. What bullshit. Why is my president the one chosen by people in the Southern United States who still haven't taken the Confederate Flag down from their houses? These people are fighting a war that ended 150 years ago. This land is not free. It is a land that is supposed to have a division between church and state, but I see none. I see God playing a huge role, and you know that tomorrow many will say that God shined on George W. Bush. I say that my God does not want his children sent off to kill for Haliburton. Today, if George Bush wins the presidency, which I see happening because you can't take power away from a man who had his bloody hands on the Patriot Act, I can say that I am not proud of my status as a citizen of these United States. I am ashamed that the public is too ignorant to see that our president has and will continue to lead us on a path that we should not walk alone. The Red, White and Blue is a mockery when it flies over the man from Texas.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

We've Come To The Election Day

Ah, the above was a Duran Duran side project called Arcadia. I love the fact that their name sound like an 80s videogame machine. I think that Grace Jones sang backup vocals. It's definently no "Rio" or "Union Of The Snake." I have come to accept my blooming homosexuality when it comes to musical tastes and I have bought a Duran Duran best of and "Faith" by George Michael in the last month. They only came to a total of $4, which makes it OK in my book. For some reason, I dig synth pop. Christian gave me this album by Playgroup which is so fucking hot its ridiculous. It features the lead singer from Bikini Kill in a non-annoying way, and also Edwyn Collins from new wavers Orange Juice and the one of my fave 90's singles "A Girl Like You." Good stuff, good stuff. Oh, and in an essay about Gershwin in music appreciation, I dropped how Sublime samples Gershwin's "Summertime" on "Doin' Time." That songs a classic, yes I said it. A Sublime song is a classic.

Monday, November 01, 2004


I was listening to "The Low End Theory" today during my break at school, and I realized that it is one of the greatest hip-hop albums ever. I mean, I always knew that it was a groundbreaking work, but it really hit me today. I was thinking, wow! It amazes me that only three members could make music that glorious. Yes, a DJ and two rappers really kill. The interplay between Phife and Q-Tip is just so great. The fact that the album is enhanced by guest stars like Pete Rock (who made beats) and Charlie Brown and Busta Rhymes, who were not in the group but in Leaders Of The New School, makes it classic. I mean, the guest stars don't make the album, but Brown and Rhymes really make great guest appearances. Really great stuff.

Baby, Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me

Why in the fuck is Mac Davis in "North Dallas Forty"? I turn on ESPN Classic and there he is. I hate that curly haired bastard. I still have not seen the Mac Davis album that Christian had where he is throwing a football in a Jim Plunkett album on the back. The 1970s were really a time for ugly men to have successful music careers. Meat Loaf, Jim Croce, Mick Fleetwood, Mac Davis, John Denver and Joe Walsh were all hideous hideous looking dudes, yet they all had hit singles and got lots of pussy. None would be anything now. Music is so much about image today. Not since the early 90's could you be ugly, and even Cornell and Vedder are good lookin' guys. That was maybe a little gay, but it's the truth.

Kick Out The Jams Motherfuckers

Halloween '04 had quite a few amusing moments. Jesus walked and saved both myself and Jeff Hill. Cody's girlfriend flashed everyone on the porch, and it wasn't her top. Macho Man went around and hit everyone with a chair. Perverted Elvis passed out once again and macked when he was awake. I found that I have loyal readers that I didn't know about. I got spanked by a hot dirty cop. Peter and Quade showed up and the party went wild. Jen asked why some pregnant chick was walking around. Jeff kicked mailboxes and threw newspapers while screaming "EXTRA! EXTRA! Paperboy do the "Ditty" if ya want to" on the longest walk home ever. And my personal fave was when Natz put in "Kick Out The Jams", "TV Eye" and just about every Replacements song ever. Peter even requested "Gary's Got A Boner" and it got played!! The two lowpoints were that that fat goth bitch Jackie showed up and started insulting me, calling me "Rosie O'Donnell" and just talking shit. I am so glad that Jeff stole her shit. The other low point was that the keg ran out at 12 AM. There was much more partying to be done, and I wished for another keg. It didn't rank up there with the 80's party, but really, what does? The costumes were very well done, and I am glad to see I made the top 10 on Christians blog. I still think that I looked more like Andre instead of Meat Loaf, but what the hell?

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

That Blue Eyed Girl Turned Blue Eyed Whore

Whoa! For some reason I was looking at Buddyhead's gossip page ( and there was a picture of PJ Harvey's crotch. What the hell, its not everyday that you get to see a musicians bits. Chicks got some balls to go onstage with no underwear and a skirt. When is Liz Phair gonna do this? Oh, and Peter Harold is gonna go apeshit for this picture.

Quasi Homosexuals Be Runnin This Rap Shit

The new Mos Def album is quite an interesting work. I was expecting something completely different when I picked it up. I was shocked that the albums first half is hard rock. I knew of Black Jack Johnson, but I thought that it was just a live act. I should of known something by the cover of the CD. What a disturbing image. Seriously, nothing that could be contained in that cover would be straightforward. I like the fact that the album sounds rough, almost like a demo more than a finished product. Usually, I am not a fan of long albums, but if the album is a sloppy joyride then I am more open to it. "The White Album" and "Sign Of The Times" are two that don't follow any given formula and do not get boring. After the first listen, I really appreciate that "The New Danger" was conceived in the same vein. Sure, it may be unfocused (especially on the rock songs) and overly long, but at least he went out there and tried something new. I hate that modern music has had relatively little to offer lately. And "Modern Marvel" is truly a great song, and "Sex, Drugs and Money" is pretty good also. So the experimentation paid off in some areas. Fuck most of the negative reviews that the album has gotten. Like I said before, I would rather have an unfocused sloppy album with some great songs than anything by Nelly or Chingy or those other Phony Rappers.

I Don't Go To Sleep To Dream

School today was probably the weirdest ever. I slept for three hours in Coffman Union, which is a personal record. Then, as I was leaving the bathroom, I saw the author Garrison Keelior standing by the elevator. He looked like a broke ass Forrest Gump. He had on a cheap gray suit and a pair of red Reebok Classics. It's funny that a nationally known author rocks the same shoes as Jeff Hill.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Take Me Home Tonight

HOLY SHIT! FOX just played "I Think I'm In Love" by Eddie Money as Larry Walkers enterance music for the 3rd inning of Game 2. Im really pumped!! Just like the title of my Bowflex post from last week.

Work All Day For Some Old Man, You Sweat And Break Your Back

Last night I went to Team America, and I laughed so hard that I was crying at many points. The action movie song parodies are the hilarious, and the dialogue is great. I can't believe that they got away with so many gay sex references. Work today was horseshit. Some guy took offense on how I was helping another customer and then told me it was "first come, first served bud" all passive aggressively. The worst part was that he was all dressed up and whatnot like he just came from church. Ah, it seems like we have a hypoticritical Sunday Christian I thought. The best kind. It is so funny when I get shit on by customers. It's like, they cannot afford paid help to verbally belittle at home, so they come and lay into people at a service job. I do not go to this assholes job and shit on his copying or memo-ing skills or comment on how well he fucks his secretary. I also hate when parents come in and yell at their kids in front of us. It's so lame. Save it for the car, and remember, passive aggressive talk to kids just makes them think that you are a retard. Trust me, my mother did it when I was young.

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Thanks For The Killer Game Of Crisco Twister

Funny goings on last night. Jeff hid my shoes and then proceeded to call everyone a "shit talking motherfucker." Then Cody Stevens showed up for a total of 5 minutes and then made an early exit once again. I also had a heated political discussion with some Conservative guy for like a half an hour. Finally went to bed at 4 and then slept until 12:30. I was so friggin tired yesterday I was falling asleep at work.

I also went and saw "I (Heart) Huckabees" last night. It was quite funny, a little pretentious though. It contains probably the worst sex scene I have ever seen in a movie between Jason Schwartzmann and some 50 year old woman in the forest.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Oooooh, Something's Got A Hold On Me Now

Oh 50 Year-Old Bowflex woman, I think that I am in love with you. If I could meet you, I'd ask you what your favorite book was. I bet it would be "A Tale Of Two Cities". Your favorite food would be butternut squash, and you would love to watch football on Sundays in the nude. I bet you speak Italian or French. Goodnight, sweet princess. I will be waiting.

Darlin Won't You Ease My Worried Mind?

How did Rod Stewart and Eric Clapton go from being rock gods to pussies over the course of 15 years? Rod's solo and the Faces were very very good unitl like 1975, then shit like "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" Claptons worse. Cream to meddiling shit like "I Shot The Sherrif" and that "Layla" cover from MTV Unplugged. "Change The World"? Come on. Why do artists mail it in after a while? I don't get it.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

What Up Blood, What Up Cuz, What Up GANG-STAH?!

Just got done with a rousing game of 'nis at Northwest Athletic Club, which I beat Nick Miller 1 set to none, because we both sucked and didn't play a very good game. It was quite fun, and I can't wait to go back next week. It costs $25 to rent a court, though. A little spendy, but most worth it.

So Take A Look At Me Now, I'm Just An Empty Face (Not The Phil Collins Version)

Whats with all the intrigue and cloak and dagger on the blogs lately? Random Cody hate on my site, random gay hate on Christians, and lack of updates on most others. This annonymous stuff should be left to the book "Primary Colors". Worked was lame, it seemed to drag on and on and on. Oh well, I had the "Left of the Dial" boxset to come home to. Eightys college rock is so hot, I love it!!! "No Thanks" and "Nuggets" are also great. I love Rhino Records more than any other label, their re-releases and comps are like no other. My brother Zach is all pumped because he is buying an IPod soon, so hes downloaded 100 songs in the last 10 hours to "prepare". I think that I would kill for an IPod. So sexxxxxy. In other news, I am failing Biology. I think that I should be studying, but fuck it, who cares?

Sunday, October 17, 2004

I Can Feel St. Elmo's Fire Burning In Me

What to watch, a Richard Pryor comedy special on Comedy Central (uncensored) or "The 40 Most Awesomely Bad Filthy Songs" on VH1? Flippin back and forth right now. The Pryor shit is really funny. True stuff about sex and stuff. 19-8, what the hell? It's over, no chance in hell. The Yankees will win tomorrow at Fenway, which will kill all Red Sox fans. I also lost to Nick at 2K5, ending my nice little streak. That bastard. Went to Main Street Grill in M.G. It was pretty decent, kinda like a Ground Round (which used to be there). Then Jeff and I went to Cheapo and for once he found nothing. I found the first Marvelous 3 album, which was so damn hard to find. I also bought my sweetie the Pure Country soundtrack. By sweetie, I mean the only other person who liked it, being B.J. The South Park with the Jackoffasaur is on, and I've never seen it, so I've got to see it.

Friday, October 15, 2004

The Politics Of Dancing(Uh Huh),The Politics Of Mmmmmm Feeling Good

Thanks to my brother Zach for alerting me to two awesome bumper stickers that he saw today. One said, "Help Re-Defeat Bush '04" and the other said, "When Clinton Lied, No One Died". Where are the funny Republican stickers? The worst one I heard of was "Flush The Johns". I think that they can do better.

Freddy's Dead, That's What I Said

Saw Curtis Mayfield at Benchwarmer Bob's mackin on some loud chick who said she likes to watch porn. I thought he died in 2000, but there he was, jean jacket and granny glasses blinging. And to a certain Christian R. Abrahamson, Jeff Hill swears he saw you interviewed on WWF Sunday Night Heat back in the day. He says that someone asked you who was going to win the title at Summerslam. Is this true? And do you have the tape?

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Our Presidents a Bush and The Vice Presidents a Dick, So A Whole Lotta Fuckin Is What We Gonna Get

I went to a meeting for work tonight, and I guess that we also have to clean the track lighting and the awnings in addition to making coffee. That is lame. I also got a text from some random email address saying "damn yankees" and asking how my morning was. I told the person that they had the wrong number, and they questioned me on it. It would be sweet if I had a stalker, especially if it were a random hot chick. Oh, and FUCK THE YANKEES just one more time. Just what I want to see, a Yanks-Cards series.

One more thing, my neighbor always puts out these crosses in his front yard saying who has died the year before around Haloween. They are always kind of political, as he is a die hard Republican. This year, he put a John Kerry cross out next to a Bush-Cheney '04 sign. Some awesome hooligan knocked all the crosses over last night. Now there is a sign in his yard saying that the premesis are monitored by security cam. What a dick. I hope the FBI sees the Kerry cross and hauls him off to jail for terroristic threats.

He's Just A Little Tease, He's A Femme Fatale

So I guess "John The Femme" and David Guest think that everyone at the Farm calls me "Fat Jake". Little gay fucking know it all. Don't you hate it when the childern act up? Someone needs to tell A.J. that Jackass was played out in 2001 and that "Buick LeSabre" is fucking queer. I don't know whats worse, being stared at by fat desperate Maple Grove housewives or listening to the fucking Farmers talk about the motor specs on their broke ass cars. At least I don't try to supe up my bitch car (T excluded, his car isn't an Contour or a Saab.) Seriously, I honestly think that A.J. and John are walking the hollowed ground stomped on by Sam Schmitt. They are that bad. Sure, we grabbed each others asses and swung tampons over our heads and surfed on cars, but at least we did it with panache and wit. Nothing these two newbies does has any intellegence behind it. I'm sure we looked ridiculous doing the shit we did, but we never just said random shit about the older crew that we weren't friends with. The worst part was I was nice to that little fag and have given AJ the benefit of the doubt many a time. Never again. At least the Brians and Anthony are cool. Dave's kid even seems nicer than AJ and John. And A.J needs to also stop talking shit about him too. I heard him say, "Heh, I'm not short stuff anymore" right in front of the kid. What a shit.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Stop, Hey. Whats That Sound?

Jack Van Impe=Hilarity. He just quotes random (possibly made up) bible verses to back ideas like pets in heaven and the world ending. His wife is a cross between a Barbie Doll and a Corpse. Just great late night TV. I would also like to put it on record that I would like to bone that 50 year old Bowflex chick. I want her to be my personal trainer. No way that POA is 50.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Your Rap Style Is Older Than A Chrysler Cordoba

I will admit it. I love the album "Faith" by George Michael. I don't know why. I just really love that closet homosexual who came out to a cop. Also bought the new Cure and an old XTC album tonight. The RTP (a.k.a the Russian Tea Party) showed up at Starbucks tonight. Let me explain the RTP to you. A bunch of horny Cossack teens come in every Sunday night fifteen minutes before close and order lots of shit, then try to get free drinks or at least a discount. They chew, smoke and harass us. I am not sure why they chose tonight instead of last night. Maybe it was the anniversary of Lenin's death or some holiday commerating how Katherine the Great fucked a horse. The only reason that they come in is because my assistant manager likes them because they are a church group. I'm pretty sure that they have ties to the mafia, because they all bank like motherfuckers. Its so funny, the girls are all butterfaces and the boys sit on one side of the store and don't talk to them. There was one non Russkie with them and it made me think about the churchies. Fucking jean jackets. Funny shit. I am so pissed that I can't afford "Left Of The Dial" tomorrow that I may cry. Also, I work for eight and a half hours with the district manager. She just asks us by the book questions and shit like that. I hate it. But, if I want to become a shift soon, I gotta kiss her ass.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Jerry Was A Race Car Driver, He Drove So God Damn Fast

I bought CDs last night because I was depressed. I have so many discs these days, I bought based on wether or not I thought I would be interested. I bought "Sweetheart Of The Rodeo" by The Byrds because I have been intrigued by Gram Parsons for some time now. I also brought "The Decline of British Sea Power" by British Sea Power because it is on Rough Trade and I have heard bands that I like compared to them. I dig both CDs and for six bucks each, it wasn't bad at all.

This Is The End, The End Of The Innocence

Last night sucked. The End. At least my second favorite team is still in it against the Yanks. They can die, I hate everything about them. Their "stoopid" fans, their (Insert Name Here) Sucks chants, their shit hole stadium pretending its got half the charm of Wrigley or even Fenway. Steinbrenner. How Jeter is the most overrated player ever to lace up spikes. How Rivera is so domminant because of mystique. Fuck em.

Monday, October 04, 2004

Politics As Usual

I am very excited that there is a political discourse going on between all the farmers and their outside friends. It doesn't matter that we have differences in opinion, what counts is that we are actually TALKING about something that matters, something that could change all our lives. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, what matters is that you have an opinion and you voice it. Politics is all about discourse.

Saturday, October 02, 2004

I Fought The Law And The Law Won.

Interesting goings on at Starbucks today. I saw some guy run through drive-thru today around 3:30. The Maple Grove police called our store two minutes later, and said they were prusuing this guy. They found him in Poppa John's after blocking off a part of our parking lot with squads. So weird.
The debates last night were interesting. I watched the whole thing, and it made me hate Bush even more. He looked like that asshole guy in high school that you just wanna nail in the face. What really pissed me off was when he said, "I don't think about Kerry winning. I think I'm gonna win." What a cocksure prick. Kerry obviously won, but doesn't matter because there will always be holier than thou assholes and Born Agains to vote for whatever peanuts the Elephant coughs up. And quit invoking how the war will be won, Dubbya. It's going to bite you in the ass eventually.

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Lost And Found?

According to, they may have found Jacob Wetterling in Bemidji. The man who looks like him has a lot of holes in his life story, and he will not submit to dental records or DNA testing. If this proves true, then it would prove to be an end to the biggest ongoing newsstory in Minnesota history. I always thought that the child was sold into white slavery or prostitution due to the fact that the kidnapper looked at the kids faces when he abducted him. It will be interesting to see how this story turns out.

Generals And Majors Always Seem So Unhappy Unless They Got A War

First of all, I have something to get out there. I'm gay. Now, anyways, I have to thank Christian for bringing up the fact that Cat Stevens supported the Fawta on Salamin Rushdie. Had I remembered this, I would have not supported Cat Stevens (or Mr. Islam, as he now likes to be known). I have read some of Rushdie's work and I find him a fascinatingly strange man. I also remember hearing of the Fawta as a child and wondering how a government could sanction the killing of an individual for a work of fiction. Honestly, this shaped how I thought of Muslims as a child, and it was not a very good opinon. So what it comes down to is that Cat Stevens the singer sang gentle songs, and Yousef Islam, or whatever he likes to be called, is obviously not a man of peace for supporting such a horrid bounty. This does not change how I feel about the governments policy of stripping civil rights via the Patriot Act, though.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Ride On The Peace Train

Go USA!! Ha-Zah Tom Ridge!!! Way to detain Cat Stevens! If this doesn't prove that this country is racist in its screening policies, then I do not know what will. Yeah, I'm sure a world famous singer (and legendary man of peace) is gonna commit acts of terror. If you don't vote the first Tuesday in November you are a sorry citizen. Things like this arrest should get all those who feel a regime change is necessary out to the polls. Lets put it this way, "Slick Willie" never arrested Muhammad Ali just because he was Islamic. I am so vexed right now.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Road Runner Road Runner. Going A Thousand Miles An Hour

Best night of Cheapo ever. I bought two Primal Scream albums for $3 each, and found Dr. Octagon finally, after first reading about it and being interested in Spin in 1996. The biggest find of the night was THE MODERN LOVERS!!!!! For nine bucks! This album is out of print, and I am so fucking pumped for it. Gonna buy Interpol tomorrow, and if money holds out, Talib Kweli.

Monday, September 27, 2004

With My Midnight Confessions Screaming Out That I Love You

Overnight fun was pointless. Now Im not tired and I am looking at random bullshit. I put the giant suppository magnet from the farm near my head and now I have a huge friggin headache and my eye sight is all blurry. I am sick of all this drama with people calling me and then not "being there" when I call back. Whatever. Todd got blown up at 2:10 this morning, and I almost threw my phone away because that child is so pimp. I called it to Nate and Mok that Toddles would get the call, and it happened. Mok rocked the glasses for the first time since the second Clinton administration, and I told him that I could see into his soul. I saw a man with a ponytail waving a tampon above his head about to hurl it at Dustin Michael Moore.

Saturday, September 25, 2004

Let Me Love You Til The Morning Comes

Went quasi bar hopping tonight. Had a pre party at Geoffs and we made quite a spectacle of the beer we drank. I don't really remember much other than the tunes and Geoffs yearbooks. Went to Brothers and it was packed. Some chick "had to bump me" and then said that she was a linebacker and could handle a big guy. Saw G-Skis sis at Lyons Pub. We were gonna have the best nite ever by going to Drink but Nate was rocking 3 band shirts and the hoodie was much too much for the bouncers at the beautiful people bar. All the MPLS gay cops were waiting on the LRT tracks. Some ghetto whore called us "Faggot ass white boys" as some gangsta tried to start something. I hate when people act hard. Anyways, the night ended up at Luce, where the pizza was so gawdamn good I would have sold my soul for two slices.
One other thing: Do you ever look for someones face in the crowd when ever you go in public?

Friday, September 24, 2004

I Want To Know What You're Feeling. There Are Somethings You Can't Hide. PURE ENERGY

UH OH, I like Bright Eyes I think. Time to grow a beard and cry when I think about women. Oh wait, that has been an ongoing thing for quite some time now. "The Ballad Of Dorthoy Parker" is untouched in its greatness. Five Hundred songwriters could write 1000 songs a day and could never come up with such a surreal sexy song. Its like a painting with words and instruments.

I Wanna Do It To You All The Time, Allright

And I always talked about my ass. Ive come to the realization that my ass isnt that good. Its a little flat. By a little, I mean nonexistant

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Hollywood Bitch, So Fake That She Seems Real

Have you ever looked at someone and deemed them worthless just by their actions? I usually do jokingly, but today I actually saw someone and said, "My lord. What a pointless excuse for a person." The person in question is a girl in my 20th Century Music class. Five-two, blonde, spray-on tan, probably about 100 pounds. She comes into class ten minutes late wearing work out shorts every day that barely cover her ass. Her cell phone rings in class during the middle of a lecture and she has the audacity to answer it. Always checking her phone. Today, she looked at her phone at least 3 times in a hour and a half class. I had the misfortune of riding a commuter bus with her, and she sat on the outside seat of an empty bus so one else would sit with her. She was wearing a skirt that was about an inch above her ass and it had a matching Dolce Gabana bag. Just a soulless look in her eyes. The bus thing was the kicker. What kind of bitch would block a seat because she was too good to sit with anyone? Her actions speak louder than words.
I hold on to things too long. I hold onto a summer crush much longer than I should. A grudge. Forget about it, they last so long that I forget what they are about. I have magazines older than some of my new co-workers. I tell the same stories about things that happened five years ago without thinking about tomorrow. Why is this? I have no idea. I often wonder, do others think like this?

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

September Girls Do So Much, December Boys Got It Bad

Best purchasing day ever. Bought the new Green Day CD "American Idiot" (which is excellent) and THE STAR WARS DVD's. Just got done watching Episode IV. I want to make sweet nerd love to this box set. I never get sick of the Star Wars movies. I almost bought the Clash "London Calling-Legacy Edition" but realized that I do not have $25 to spare right now. It will be bought. School sucked because I missed lecture due to some accident on I-94. I got a quality nap in though, which was cool. Cannot think about anything but Star Wars right now, gotta go watch some trailers.

Friday, September 17, 2004

What Have I, What Have I, What Have I, What Have I Done To Deserve This?

Been sick as a motherfucker today, snot pouring out my nose and my head on fire and my eyes too bloody to see. But I will stop quoting Billy Joel and get on with my jorunal entry. School only made me sicker, as we had to cross polenate plants in Bio Lab today. The CDs of my annual campus walk were "Letters" by Butch Walker and "The Queen Is Dead" by the Smiths. I love the Smiths. The meloncholy really fits well with my long walk. Its funny, I feel like such an outsider with my headphones on. Butch is just a quality songwriter who has written some of the most catchy pop rock of the last ten years. I am so pumped that Christian borrowed me the Faces greatest hits, as I have been interested in them for the last year and haven't heard much. I am really into "Double Nickels on The Dime" by The Minutemen lately. The CD takes some time to grow on you, but once it does... BAM!! The work at the farm has been kind of fun lately, which is so different from the last two years. The young turks are ligtening the mood, and that is a huge relief for a job that was starting to feel like a descent into hell due to the negativity of the higher ups. It seems that all my crew is hooking up with ladies. Rumor has it that C.B.S has a ladyfriend that none of his non-Steve Miller boys knew about. Me, I'm always pining for the one perfect lady that will be the one to pursue me. Have I met the perfect lady and I didnt know it and let her get away? Or did I meet a good one and not act? I think its the latter. I did date a great one for two years, but there was a lot of little personallity differences that make us work better as friends. Jody and I did not have as much musically in common as some girls that I have met recently. God knows I tried to "convert" her to my style of music, but she was just too stubbron. I don't know why I place such a high emphasis on music. It's like a barometer of what I think of a person in some cases. If someones fave band is Saliva or Three Days Grace, then we gonna have problems.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

I Saw You (And Him)...Walking In The Rain

The Twins game was amazing, and Santana was brilliant. It was also the most random experience of my life. For instance:
- Four dirty hippies sat in front of me. The chicks were smokin. One of the hippie dudes made out with both of the girls and cuddled and ran his hand through his buddies hair.
-An Asian man took pictures of dudes at the trough
-Some dad said to his hottie daughter, as they walked through the pouring rain, "Boy Abby. You sure are getting wet." (Nick and I sure giggled at that one)
-A Cigarette Smoking Man lookalike sat alone in the upper deck
-Some he/she thing sat in the upper deck alone while fiddling with a tripod with a blinking light as she nervously smoked a cigarette.
-Finally, some Ghetto Mamma called her three year old kid a bastard and a motherfucker as she got off the bus.
Night everyone. GO TWINS!!!!!

Sunday, September 12, 2004

You've Got The Most Stumbling Blue Eyes I've Ever Seen

Please, for the love of God, Yahweh, Neo, Yourself, Nature, etc GO TO THE TOAST MESSAGE BOARD!!! Read these douche bags who talk about how they'd rather have the world end than Toast break up. And, how the new Toast album will have EIGHT DANCE REMIXES!!!! I hope that this band picks up a fucking album by someone who is not AFI or Smashing Pumpkins someday. Do you think that they even know that black people make music? Oh, and Jordan and I realized that Ashlee Simpson totally ripped off "Head Over Feet" by Alanis Morissette for "Pieces of Me." The standards for hotness have really gone downhill with that Tina Yothers-lookalike bitch. Sure, she's got a nice little rack and some gams, but I could name five chicks from high school who I'd rather give the little German to. Key word, little, to ward off any unflattering posts.

How Do You Break? And When Did Your Eyes Begin To Look Fake?

I bet my brothers that I could write an emo song pretty convincingly, and lo and behold, the first one turned out perfectly. Now, when I think about how shitty bands like Matchbook Romance and Lucky Boys Confusion are, I get pumped to write an emo song. Here is an effort called (Tonight) I Will Drive. Just picture Taking Back Sunday sing this shit.

Driving down 169
Through the glow of headlights
For a love that is not mine
Farther away from your heart

I still wish that you were mine
But I know this cannot be
Maybe in another time
I swear I'd make it right

I swear I'll make it true
I swear I'll give you all
I swear I'll make it right
Don't let me be alone TONIGHT!!!!

TONIGHT!!-If you'll listen I'll tell you
TONIGHT!!-Just hear it from my heart
TONIGHT!!-If you know it's true
Then swear you'll make it right

Between shit like this and that Slipknot video where that clown fucker wards off the Oddy-esque steakhead mooks with his bat, watching FUSE makes me want to kill. Except when they play Franz Ferdinand. That just makes me want to do lines of Peru off some supermodel's ass.

Friday, September 10, 2004

I Don't Feel Like I'm Falling Down, Just Say Hello To The Ground

The stupid fucks at FAFSA said that I would not get any financial aid. I hope they are lying, and I hope they all suffer horrid cases of tractor gonareha. If it doesn't go through, I may have to drop out of the school that I have come to love. For shame for my parents for making too much money. For shame.

The Patriots won tonight in dramatic fashion, serving as a delicious appetizer for the main course Sunday afternoon of the Purple Pride and the Cokehead Cowboys. Quincy Carter, Harvey Martin, Michael Irvin and Leon Lett, all drug casualties that played for the Yankees of the NFL. At least we had Barry Word AFTER his coke bust. I predict a Vikes win, 31-17.

School was a joke tonight, as I had easy ass German in the stinky class room and a Biology Lab for an hour and a half where we looked at plants and counted their "adolescent hairs." Lame. At least we got out early. I listened to Led Zeppelin "Houses of the Holy", New York Dolls self titled, and some scattered Ben Kweller and Funkadelic cuts. I love that I can listen to music nonstop while admiring the fine ladies of the U of M. Thank God for skirt season.

I always check out other peoples blogs with certain interests as mine, and when I clicked on the "Casino" option, Christians blog popped up second on the list of quite a few. Weird. No one elses blog pops up under certain areas. Night y'all. Off to do the hausarbeit fur Freitag.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

I Just Was Talking To Kim, I Said, "You Fucking Die." Like A Joke

School was, in the words of Cody Stevens, Hill-aaa-ree-us. My crazy little Music teacher stomped her foot so hard to John Phillip Sousa's "Washington Post March" that the CD player skipped. My Journalism teacher told us that she was obsessed with "Lois and Clark" and "Charmed". And the German classroom stunk like ass. I had a break for two and a half hours today, so I went to the CD Warehouse in Dinkytown and had mulitple orgasams. They had just about every CD I have ever wanted but couldn't find, and all new. I almost bought some Kinks, some Joy Division, and almost the first Time album for ten bucks. I am going to go broker because of that friggin place. I finally decided on "There's A Riot Going On" by Sly and the Family Stone for six bucks. Good CD. My walkin' CDs for the day were "Today" by Galaxie 500, the aforementioned Sly CD, and "Candy Apple Grey" by Husker Du. I really like that one. Grant Hart has a wonderful voice, too bad he's such a pretentious, pompus son of a bitch. Bob Mould is also a better singer than a screamer. I love the ballad, "Hardly Getting Over It". Oh, and I made some awkward conversation with a girl in my Journalism class. Why am I so bad at trivial conversation, yet I can talk for hours to people I know? And if anyone can tell me what the above title line is from, I will buy them a SKUF of their choice someday down the line

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Seven, Seven-Eleven, Seven-Eleven, Seven Even Back-doored Little Joe

Schule hat beginnt. I fell asleep in my Biology lecture for the enitre 75 minutes, and got out of class only to run into the Jamacian Sensation. Never saw anyone last year, see Steele after five seconds. Interesting. German was fun because I got to speak the non-mother tounge for the first time for a long time, and it came back nicely. The teacher is brilliant, not because of the German speak. He looks exactly like Peter Harold Quist, except for the red hair. He rocked the gray Dickies and the work shirt also. I also got to walk around the campus and listen to music, which I always love doing. The fine ass little freshman girls and the slowly changing trees were breathtaking. The CDs I listened to were "Midnite Marauders" by A Tribe Called Quest, "Psychocandy" by Jesus and Mary Chain, and "Upsy-Daisy Assortment" by XTC. I also found a pizza place in the DinkyDome that serves gourmet by-the-slice for cheap, and they have gyros and fries for $3.50. Delicious. I also enjoyed riding the bus home today after my experience with public transportation in Chicago. Watching the LRT Trains made me think that Minneapolis was getting a bit more big city and a bit more cosmopolitan. It was nice not having to drive down there at all today, as Jody drove this morning. Jody drove her OWN CAR! I can't believe it. And today at the gym some little high school chick with "dance" written across the back of her shorts kept checking me out. Kind of a boost for my self worth, as I usually don't get checked out. Buy usually, I mean never. It was a good day indeed.

Monday, September 06, 2004

I've Got One, Two, Three, Four Five...Senses Working Overtime

Too much to think about lately. Probably will have to quit the farm because Starbucks won't give me leeway on the weekends. Oh well, its been a fucked up five years. Time Marches On, T-Law. School starts tomorrow at 8:15 AM and I am so not pumped. I almost didn't go, but I did some soul searching and realized that if I don't, then I will just end up sitting around playing videogames and doing nothing, and I will lose the modivation to get more work, etc etc etc. Jeff and I had an amazing talk the other night about life and religion and women and it made me realize a few things. I always felt that a woman is the key to my happiness, and I now realize that this isn't so. If something happens, it happens. The talk didn't change my view on religion though. I also have to stop dwelling on my failures with women. Some I can look back on as funny misunderstandings, but others I make too much out of. Move on, dammit, and quit moping. I still can't help but think about what might have beens in all my life situations. Sometimes its kind of funny to think about what would have been different if I didn't buy a Focus and would have went to UMD instead. Or had I stayed at Taco Bell, what would have become of me? Strange to think about.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

I Am A Redneck Woman

I went to the fair today, and it was pretty fun because it was the first time that I could drink there. The Reuben on a Stick was pretty tasty, but the highlight was the Chorizo Sausage Breakfast Burrito that was in the Beer Garden. That was an epiphany. So many tens, it seemed like second grade multiplication all over again. But now I am alone on a Friday night with no one to hold and I am feeling down down down. I feel gross, I look pretty scrubby and worst of all, I feel like not doing anything. I don't want to go to school, I don't want to work for eight hours just so I can buy more CDs and be broke, and I don't want to call most of my friends. I gotta get out of this Terry Funk pretty quick. I guess that I just take things to hard and need to get over being without lady interest, but it is really hard. Eventually, I will get over it, I hope.
Power of positive thinking, I am told.

Friday, September 03, 2004

Mr.Narrator, This Is Bob Dylan To Me

Work has sucked ass the last few days. All of our regulars who bitch and don't tip have been testy lately, but other tips have been good. It always seems the only people who care about how light their fucking cappuchino is are the damn people who come in every day. Anyways, not looking forward to school next Tuesday. I want to take a semester off so bad, but I know I won't go back if I do. Excited about buying the new Libertines album tomorrow. I love the first one, and I bought the new single in Chicago, so I am pumped. We are in the sunset of the summer, and it is not as glorious as I would have hoped for.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Via Chicago

The Chicago trip was fantastic. Wrigley Field was to die for, and I cannot wait to go back next year. The pizza at Giordano's and the Chicago dogs at Portillo's were the best tasting things that I have ever had the pleasure of eating. The Subway and the Train System was fantastic and Minneapolis needs to do something similar to that so I don't have to drive to the U every day or ride the slow ass bus. My only complaint was the bums, who hounded us constantly. There was one bum, who shall be known as "Sire" who called us the "Four Horsemen of yore" and asked for money so he could have "food in his belly and shit in his drawers." It was classic. One bum was really pushy and asked me and Jeff for nine dollars and two of our Old Styles. Seeing the Married With Children fountain on the way in was brilliant, and the fact that we stayed right next to Millennium Park (which is really cool) made the trip. The walking around the city was really tough but cool. We were all too tired to party late at night, buy I did get to see the buildings that are on the cover of Wilco's "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot". The drive wasn't all that bad either. Madison is the biggest piece of crap city that I have ever set foot in, and the same goes for the whole state of Wisconsin. Overall, a great trip that I didn't think was ever going to happen. When it did happen, the cramming of everything into 48 hours made me very eager to go back next year.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

It's Got To Be...Perfect, It's Got To Be...Worth It, Yeah

Some dude on VH1 dressed up like Eliot from ET and cried when he thought of flying like they did in the movie. Then some guys drove by in a Delta 88 and yelled "ET sucks dick". Classic. I hate that fucking movie. As a kid, I always got really grossed out when ET gets horny and so does Eliot. I thought that it was kinda gay like Eliot and ET were lovers or something. All I know, it gave me a nauseating feeling. Not that theres anything wrong with being homosexual lovers. It was, as Bowie says, "A love they could not obey." So unwholesome.

The episode of Futurama with Sarah Silverman as Frys girlfriend is probably the second best episode next to the one with the four leaf clover. TV is always way better after midnight. I always wondered why they didn't just put the late night stuff on instead of Cosby Show reruns and numerous airings of Steve Harvey. And its the only time MTV shows friggin videos. Too bad shit like "Culo" and Slow Motion Fa Mae are on repeatedly. That Fat Joe/Terror Squad "Lean Back" song is the funniest shit on TV. Give that man a sitcom. I don't think it is supposed to be funny at all, but the sight of a 500 pound man calling dances "The Rock-A-Way" and the "Lean Back" by shifting 3 inches back are really pathetically funny.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

We Are The Bears, Shufflin' Crew

Angie called me around 1 AM and told me that Josh was not coming along for the Chicago trip, ending all the car drama. Thank God. I am pumped that it is over. Done, next topic. For some reason when I turned on my computer, the Toast webpage was up. So I read Ted's journal. What a piece of shit, talking about his adoring fans and how one particular made him think differently about life. I wonder what 16 year old girl that was, and how many times he told her that he wasn't down for relationships. Check out the smug self indulgent prattle of all Toast members at . Funny shit. Bought the new Butch Walker (which I didn't know came out yet) and it is kinda mellow compared to Marvelous 3 or his first solo. It's pretty good on the first listen though. Oh, and last night, some drunk hot 17 year old came through the drive-thru yelling and offering passerby her fine little ass. I thought I left the trash behind at Taco Bell but I guess I was wrong. Night, y'all.

Monday, August 23, 2004

It Takes A Strong Man, Baby. But I'm Showing You The Door

Forgot to mention that Quade ended the NFL 2K5 streak at seven with a last second stand against my Pats with the "vaunted" Oakland D. Still beat Baller4Now with an interception with 20 seconds left. Rygar-Ninja 31-0 still sticks in my craw, and I will have my revenge

Close Your Eyes And It's Past, Story Of My Life

Today was hell at work, as the rush of idiots ordering Frapps never stopped. Fortunately, Ken Speake of KARE 11 came in and ordered a Mocha Frapp. That man is a mountain, intimidating for a 60-something.

Tonight I was just thinking about fate and whatnot. I believe in fate, although most of you out there tell me you don't. Some I know believe that God plays a role in who we meet and what we do, and I beg to differ. It seems that everyone who comes into our lives and touches some basic nerve is meant to do that for some reason. Sure, many say that the idea of soul mates is absurd and that the only way we find friendships is based on proximity, but I do not like this explanation. Proximity to kids in my neighborhood allowed for me to play some fun games as a kid, but I don't talk to anyone from those days. Strangely, I met most of my good friends in junior high, although at the time I was not close to them.

I think that you meet people for a reason. It always seems that I meet new people right around the time that I am most low. Except for women, who I meet at the wrong time almost exclusively. All the women that I meet that I want to date have boyfriends, have man drama or are interested in someone else. Quite honestly, I think that I have met only two or three girls that I have ever found attractive on a physical and mental level. Most of the time its either friends or just some hot girl. Of course, I never say anything to the girl that I am attracted to, with the exception of Jody, and that was almost too late. I always think of the most poetic, great things to say but cannot voice them because they would sound corny. It is something I have to work on so I don't let what could be not be due to cowardice. I also need to stop looking and then maybe my dream woman will come. Fate brought me to this point, and I can't wait to see where fate brings me.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

You Picked A Fine Time To Leave Me Lucille

I am watching Kenny Rogers and his wife hold their newborn twins with his wifes twin sister on MSNBC as I write this. It is the most surreal thing that I have ever seen, and it shows how far American news has fallen since the days of Cronkite and Brinkley. Fuck Cable News, hard.

If There's Somebody Calling Me On, She's The One

Have to work tomorrow at 9:45 until 6:15 which is going to kill me. I am so pissed that I can't buy all the CDs that I want due to Chicago. This is a huge shame, seeing how I had to put back about five quality babies last night at Cheapo Uptown. Still managed to buy some $2.95 SKUFs though. Millencollin's "Life On A Plate" got me so damn pumped that I am only now getting over it. It has to be the stupidest shit ever, but its pop punk rhythms get me going. The songs of the weekend are definelty "History Lesson Part II" by the Minutemen, "Birdhouse In Your Soul" by They Might Be Giants, and "Mayor Of Simpleton" by XTC. I would also like to take this opportunity to challenge all who dare to play me in NFL 2K5 to bring it and name the place and time. I went undefeated last night over fierce competition, which is a first for moi seeing as how I blow dick at any football game without Tecmo and Bowl in the title (and that one too 70% of the time). The Pats are a force of nature and videogame Corey Dillon and Vinetiari are the truth. Oh, and the Twins are as hot as Carlie Stevens right now. Night everyone.

Friday, August 20, 2004

Look Into My Tired Eyes, See Someone You Don't Recognize

Went to Angie's apartment last night and played drinking games until 3 in the morning. After all that fun, went to Dennys with JA Hill and Christian to eat some delicious Chicken Fried Steak. The apartment drinking games turned out to be more fun than I thought could be possible. The hand on the head rule was a little hard to comprehend, though. I was supposed to go eat some Broadway buffet, but it looks as if that is not going to happen, which is too bad. All in all, I am really enjoying my three days off (even though I worked at the farm yesterday, it doesn't count).

It was weird seeing Cody leave the farm fold. You never think that one of your kids will leave the nest so quickly.

Christian and Jeff's Modest Mouse duet was the funniest thing that I have ever heard. I never knew someone could hate a band with so much passion. Although I disagree, I still respect that they hate them so much.

Chicago is less than a week away, and the lineup is not totally finalized. What the hell. And why is no one talking about the damn trip? It is like the only people discussing anything about the trip are me Jeff and Quade. And Angie and I are the only ones planning. I have not heard shit from anyone else. Whatever, everything will work out.