Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I May Not Always Love You, As Long As There Are Stars Above You

Today was gayer than the final scene in Return Of The King where they jump on the bed and Gandalf watches. Holy shit, I woke up this morning and went to play pool at Eddie's with Nick. I haven't done that since senior year I think. Nice to see that the place is still trashy and desolate in the afternoon. I got home around two and set to type my long long long paper on how the 45 and the transistor radio had an impact on teen culture. I hope my history of tech professor, or TA, or whoever reads it finds it acceptable because it took me until 10 PM to finish. EIGHT FUCKING HOURS!!!! Twelve pages, 3600 words. With only a small break to eat dinner. Best yet, I open tomorrow at 5 AM. I haven't worked out for like four days because I have had to type two ass papers. FINALLY, I AM DONE WITH MY PAPERS! One week of school left, then finals. I think that Friday, May 13th, 2005 is going to be celebrated by me by going out, something I haven't really done since I quit the Farm. God, this semester has been one long shitty trip. Anyone who is down, let me know.

Like Nell Carter vs Karen Carpenter. Topless

The new Lyrics Born remix CD is fucking great! The remixes are about as good as the original songs, and the "I Changed My Mind" remixes are fantastic. How can you fuck up a song as good as that, though? I love the KRS-One appearance, and the Dan The Automator song is the best rap boast track in some time. Sample Stewart Smalley? Hot, hot hot! Thanks Jeff for introducing me, once again.

The new Ben Folds is a little melancholy for me on the first listen, especially after the three EPs were all pretty upbeat. And I adore "Rockin The Suburbs." That album gave me bad memories for the longest time. It came out during a weird time in my life, when I really had a crush on Jody but she didn't see it because of Ted. That bastard Ted loved that album, so I couldn't get into it. After Jody and I had dated for about a year, I could actually take it out and listen to it. The music on the new one is good, though. I guess I am more used to his smart ass side more than his reflective side. I have a feeling that this CD will be one of those ones that grows on me over time.

Today, I heard and saw these two idiot trucker hat shaggy hair cutted fucks sitting in the bathroom in Coffman talking about how they presented in front of their Bio class-drunk. They laughed about it and said, hheh, we are 19, water is good, so good. In that order. I have partied quite a bit and have gone to school hungover, but never drunk. And I wouldn't find it cool if I did. Excpet at North Hennepin. That school would be enhanced by a Captain Coke.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Those Were The Best Days Of My Life

I was sick as a dog today and still don't feel good. Of course I mustered up the strenf to go to Cheapo tonight when Jeff called though. I bought some good stuff, but Jeff for once one upped me. He found the N.E.R.D album where Spymob doesn't play and it is only loops. It has a different track listing and is also equally kick ass. I was so pumped. Then we saw this really really (I mean a 10 plus) hot chick standing on the corner, and I offhandedly said, "Look at that ass" to Jeff, forgetting that his window was down. Oh, well. She was hot and I am sure that she knew that she had a wonderful ass.

MIX 104 is dead. Boo fucking hoo. They played the same ten songs over and over. I hate "Wild Thing" by Tone Loc and so should everyone else. Jack 104 sounds really promising. I heard (in a row) "The Glamorous Life" by Sheila E, "Show Me The Way" by Peter Frampton, and "Friday I'm In Love" by The Cure. The last one made me roll down the windows, turn the volume up to 40 and sing at the top of my lungs. Who would have thought that a song by the gloomy Cure could be so life-affirming? I felt the fresh cool Spring air on my face and reminisced.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Unless The Pumpkin Holds Your Destiny

I just saw the American version of The Office. It was really funny. The office boss (Brick from Anchorman) was saying the most racist shit and no one did anything about it because of his stature. They were playing basketball and he told the Latino office worker that he couldn't play because he was saving him for either baseball season or if they boxed. And the receptionist chick is cute in a sort of dorky cute way. There are various levels of cute, much like the Terror Alert system. I would put her at an orange level. I have never seen the British show, but I heard that it was good. This was not as funny as Arrested Development, but it was good.

Why is it that the Inferno is way better than the new Real Worlds? It probably is because of the Miz, but I am not sure. I liked Johnny Mosely better than Dave Mirra, though. Mosely was always high as fuck. Brah, who's gonna get the Satrun, brah? He was good on SNL too, that Co-Brah Commander skit killed.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Terror Twilight

I saw some movie on AMC the other day where Charles Bronson was walking down the street gunning people down with a Gatling Gun that was being fed by some random guy. Then he was sitting in a house and randomly fired a bazooka into a street gang. I think it was like Death Wish 5, and it was the assiest thing ever. Now there is some movie on where he has a wolf and features Apollo Creede. What the hell?

I love twilight. It truly is the bewitching hour, as everything is bathed in such a glow that you cannot see bad, only the perfect in everything. I love everything about this time. It harkens back to days of hanging out under streetlights waiting for dark to play Ghost In The Graveyard or Flashlight Tag. And the smell is unbelievable. That fresh, cool air brings about buried memories. Most good, except for the time that Marc Yonkovic was paid by Jeremy Tovsen and Brian Starkovich to pee on me and then I went home, showered and watched Studs. Anyways, tonight at twilight staring across the Mississippi into downtown, I was at total peace with myself.

Big thanks to Quade for indirectly introducing me to The Decemberists. The best way to describe them is Death Cab for Homosexual Shins. One of the best CDs of 2005 so far. Nothing tops the mighty Kings of Leon, though.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Let's Get Physical, Physical

There was a new Simpsons where, in the future, Millhouse went from being a dorky 4th grader to a muscle bound teen who only wore sleeveless shirts. I'm just saying...

Another funny site gag was a monument in Tienamen Square that said "On This Site in 1989, Nothing Happened."

Saturday, April 16, 2005

You're So Square (Baby I Don't Care)

I worked all day, 10:45 to 7:15, then I went to the gym. So 9 1/2 hours on a Saturday, doing nothing fun. Lame. Anyways, I am pissed that Warrant has a new lead singer. Jeff woke me up out of a deep sleep to tell me Warrant was in town, then I find out that Jani Lane is 300 lbs. and they have a new singer. I am not going to Pov's unless there is a beer bust or the real Warrant, the bastards who rocked me with "Heaven" and "Down Boys" when I was a tyke. In order to combat my frustration, I downloaded the whole "Dr. Feelgood" album by Motley Crue to my I Pod. Same Ol' Situation, same ol' ball and chain.

My dad was listening to my I Pod today and he had a funny brain block. He referred to "Norweigan Wood" by the Beatles as "Danish Wood." I guess that any old Scandanavian country will do for a song about John's infidelity.

Thanks to Jeff (for the whole CD) and Christian (for the single "Fall In Love") for turning me on to the Slum Village album "Fantastic Volume 2." This is one hell of a chill out album. All Music Guide says that the album is mysoginistic, but they also praise Eminem and 50 Cent, and those two are fucking worthless pricks when it comes to women. I love that site for the reviews usually, but how come you give this album 4 stars and yet rip it to shreds?

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Trackjackets Of The World, Unite And Take Over

The Shins concert was an amazing showcase. The openers (The Brunettes) were entertaining and kind of interesting, some kind of weird cross between a high school marching band, a 60s girl group and an alt-rock band. And the lead singer was hot, and she played a Moog/Xylaphone combo thing. The crowd was my only gripe. Yes, I went alone, which was rather fun. I just sat in the corner and read the City Pages between bands, and I also played some 1945 and almost got onto the high score list. But the crowd was a bunch of high school kids. It was so weird. And they weren't seniors, either. They were young as hell. And many appeared to be drunk. Also, the dudes all wore trackjackets and either Milla style old man hats or Justin Timberlake knit caps. Too many indie fucktard poseurs. I did see some moms and a guy with a kid on his shoulders, which was the oddest thing that I have ever seen at a show. I also heard a young ass kid say he bought Del Tha Funkee Homosapiens first album when it came out when he was a freshmen. I am not sure, but that album came out in 1991 I think. He would have been like 6 at the time by my calculations.

It's sad that there were so many poseurs there, because the Shins really can play some fantastic pop songs. The band ripped through most of their first two albums and the bassist/keyboardist started rapping "Hypmotize" when there was a break in the action, calling it come side project shit that he wasn't ready to drop yet. They also turned "Kissing The Lipless" into a faster, upbeat rock song instead of the plaintive ballad that it is on "Chutes Too Narrow." The little girls understood though. The concert was a straight up Beatles moment, with the girls screaming constantly. I read that the Shins can party like Motley Crue, and after seeing the way that they commanded the audience, I wouldn't doubt it.

Fly Higher, Higher, Just Spread Your Wings

OK, this is a little long, but it may be the weirdest dream I have ever had. Jeff, Milla, Cody, Nate and I take a bus to Millas cabin. We get there and have to walk about a mile through downtown Minneapolis. When we get there, Justin Timberlake is cooking burgers and is really mean to Cody. So we leave. We go to a sports bar in Blaine where Front Row Sports is to watch the New Jersey Devils-Philadelphia Flyers playoff game. Then Jeff gets a ring on his Blackberry from Marylin Manson. I know this because it says "Marilyn" when he calls. He tells him "just quit fucking Menards, get down here and eat some burgers with us." At this point, I then have to go back in time to prevent a terrorist attack on the bus that we rode on, so my shift leader from Starbucks and I can travel through time by throwing a billiard ball into the hole on a pool table, unless it was made of "stainless steel." Instead of saving the bus, I went back into time to 1985 and told a co-worker to buy a Chevy Cavalier so she wouldn't waste gas.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Pat O'Brien Sex Tapes (Makes Too Short Look Like Will Smith)

First I find out that an eyewitness saw Jacko with his hand down Macaully's pants, then I read about this. My life just keeps becoming more complete by the minute. I personally wouldn't mind licking Nancy O'Dell, that hot little giraffe.

From NY Daily News Tales of excess at 'Access' Pat O'Brien
It keeps getting messier for "The Insider" host Pat O'Brien. The celeb chronicler checked into rehab Sunday, just as an embarrassing string of dirty voice-mail messages, which expressed a taste for hookers, cocaine and adventurous (if possibly unhygienic) sex, became public. His reps do not deny that O'Brien made the calls.

Now sources say O'Brien was reprimanded several times for sexual harassment during his time as co-host of rival show "Access Hollywood." A witness says O'Brien actually licked co-host Nancy O'Dell's face at an "Access Hollywood" Christmas party. At the same event, he was seen groping reporter Shaun Robinson's behind.

A gay male producer told our source O'Brien once said to him, "I have a gift for you." When asked what, O'Brien allegedly answered, "Bend over." On another occasion, he allegedly stretched out on the producer's sofa and asked, "What would you do if I masturbated in front of you?"

He also allegedly offended two African-American employees when he walked into a makeup room and greeted them with, "What's up, my n——s!" Could it be O'Brien feels that he's down with the bruthas because he once appeared in a P. Diddy video? O'Brien's lawyer, Abel Lezcano, said: "As far as being able to verify or deny this stuff, I can't do it." "NBC does not comment on personnel issues regarding our current or former employees," said a spokeswoman for NBC Universal, which produces "Access Hollywood." "NBC has a strong policy against harassment in the workplace, and takes corrective action when appropriate." A rep for "The Insider" declined comment.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

In The Fade

Friggin Josh Homme. I know yo are sick, but bring the rock. QOTSA cancelled, I dont get to reunite with The Quist Brothers, and I end up sitting in "Meet The Fockers." Movie wasn't all that bad. I also bought some CDs, and ate some Luce. I also heard Jeff marvel when we were in Uptown, "Look at all the ugly fucking people," and when I brought up Nate Doggs G-Funk Classics CD, "Who the fuck cares. I don't give a fuck." I laughed for at least five minutes on both of those little bon mots.

The best Aqua Teen Hunger Force I have ever seen was on tonight. Meatwad saw through the future, but it was a fake future because he ate Frylock's Caulk. Good shit, and it always brightens my spirits a little.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Advantage, Jigga

99 Problems but a bitch ain't one. He only names like five problems in the song. And I don't think I would have any problems with Beyonce either, except for the problem of adequately sexually pleasing her. I would have no clue. Anyways...

My freaking I Pod only plays the same thing over and over again. I have heard "Solaris" by Failure and "Faithfully" by Journey five times each in the last two days. And then it won't shuffle onto certain songs ever. I waited over a month to hear "Kissing The Lipless" by the Shins. Minor quibbles, I guess.

God, I am so fucking sick of school. Thats all I got. I feel worthless because all I do is work and go to class. I am doing ok in class, just bored and eager for summer.

Softball started on Saturday. I didn't attend practice, but I was informed that I will be playing first base and batting in the middle somewhere. I also found out we do not have to pay for uniforms, but alas, we do not have a team name yet. Soon, hopefully.

Friday, April 01, 2005

More Sweet Than Bitter, Bitter Than Sweet

Went to Champps tonight expecting the greatest fries ever and ended up seeing some local band called Catchpenny. They were decent. They played a bunch of seventies rock songs and said that Big Head Todd and the Monsters were their idols. I'd put them below Hookers N'Blow and way above Toast and Stiffen. They weren't the Omega Men, though. Those guys opened for Stiffen and had a song about the lead singers dad dying of AIDS. You figure it would be a soft sad song, but it was a song with the hook, "Give A Shit/Take A Hit." Of course, it sucked Ass with a capital A.

I heard that Dominique Willkins will not make the Hall Of Fame. What a load of shit. That man was the truth. I remember when I was a little (like five) kid and I had Sports Illustrated posters on my wall. I got them from either Jenos or Tonys pizza. I had Michael Jordan doing an awesome dunk, Mark Price dribbling and Dominique doing a tomahawk. The man is #9 all time in scoring. What the hell?

Oh, also nice to see Bush comment right away on the death of Terry Schiavo today. You fucking asshole cowboy, you don't give any love to the Indians when they have a Columbine, yet a woman dies who has no effect outside of her own household and you jump all over it. I'm sorry to say that, but Terry Schiavo doesn't matter in the long run to anyone besides her immediate friends and family. Political whoring at its best. I hope for that family that her husband can finally go on with his life, and her parents get some closure and can actually deal with said closure instead of bickering.

One more thing. I think that the Pope is indestructable. Give the man his last rights and then he comes back yet again. Its a little scary to think though, the Pope has Parkinsons disease and so does my father. I hope to God that he never gets to that state where he cannot function, such as John Paul is in today.