Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I'm Having a Breakdown, I'm Going Insane

Holy shit I'm mentally beat. Let's list why, shall we?

  • I had a ten page case study due Monday that I spent all weekend working on
  • I have to present that case study (via PowerPoint) today. Twelve minutes of material my ass
  • I had a seven page paper in Comm Studies due this morning, which I was up until 2:30 last night writing
  • I had a German test yesterday, and a German Essay due Monday
  • All THREE of my finals are on Monday, December 18th stacked on top of each other
  • My computer sucks
  • I work 34 hours this week, mainly closing shifts
  • I think my beloved grey hoodie shrunk up in my shithole dryer
  • I have a lingering feeling that there are more mice in my basememt
  • I don't have enough cash to go Christmas shopping
  • My phone bill is due. When you say $49.99 the motherfucker should be that, CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW ASSHOLES!!!!
  • The refrigerator at work froze all the sammiches and overpriced sparkling fruit juice
  • The Pamela/Kid Rock heps fairytale is over
  • The Vikings still look shitty even though they won on Sunday
  • Against my better judgement, I like the new My Chemical Romance album
  • The Albert Hammond Jr. solo disc is import only
  • It's like 30 below outside and it was 60 yesterday
  • T.O ain't dead
  • I cannot have a stiff drink until midnight Friday
  • Because of work Friday, I cannot see the Burden Brothers
  • I have no ass
  • I'm not in bed right now
  • My Veggie Burrito from Baja Sol was subpar at best
  • I haven't seen boobies since the beginning of the Iraq War
  • My hair always mullets out in back, no matter what I do to tame it
  • I'm not at pro level in Wii Sports Bowling
  • I'm not playing Wii Bowling
  • The Twins did not make a good free agent signing yet
  • I need another T.H., but all the shitty Gopher Express has is sugar free
  • No one has texted me all day

There you have it, folks. Like they used to say in the old beer commercials, "Head for the mountains of Busch....Beer."

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Stank You Very Much

The Cowboys-Bucs game was a rout, but it wasn't the football that got me amped. No, it was the dual performances of Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood. I wonder if they maybe hugged afterward and talked about American Idol. Then they preceded to get closer, and before you know it, a full blown makeout session. Yep, I bet that's what happened.

Oh, and the sweet potatoes my mommy made were tops. Along with the biscuits that Pillsbury made.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Lilac Wine Is Heady

I think that I am one of the few who do this, but I actively observe random people when I'm out in public. I do not view this as perverted or weird, it's just something that I do to pass the time. Well, I was on the commuter bus and I couldn't get a seat, mainly because of this random punk chick (who looked like Darlene from "Roseanne" except way more ugly). When Sarah Gilbert actually scooted her ass over, I saw a couple across from me.

The girl was cutesy and under made up (the type that doesn't know she is actually good looking) and the guy was really dopey looking and dressed rather schleppily (the type who looks like he's played a little too much Halo in his dorm with a dude named Jeremy). Both had the look of total unhappiness that one only gets when they are totally uncomfortable with their current situation. At one point, the guy kissed the girl on the cheek and then looked around as if to say, "I have a girlfriend. Does anyone care?" The guy kept yanking at his T-Shirt to cover up his stomach, and they both just looked off into space for the whole bus ride, save for a few awkward head-on-the-shoulder moments.

God, I felt sorry for them. What I saw, at least, was two people who were either way uncomfortable with each others company or so comfortable with each other they were bored. Both looked trapped. As someone who has been in a relationship that probably went on too long, I know the signs. Shit, I wanted to yell at both of them "you're fucking 19 (couldn't be older than that). Life is way too short to be doing this to yourselves."

Funny part about all this was I was listening to my iPod, as I usually do when I am riding public transport. After "Picnic By The Motorway" by Suede got done (as I was about to leave the bus) "Teenage Love" by Slick Rick came on. I found this too apt, so I decided to skip it and play "Eternal Life" by Jeff Buckley. The only rocking song on "Grace." The direction he should have went, so hipsters and fake sensitive types wouldn't have claimed him for their own. I wonder if Jeff was trapped in a meaningless relationship in college? Probably not. I bet he did OK with the ladies, though.

Kyrie Elasion Down The Road That I Must Travel

I just drank three Diet Cokes and a tall coffee and I am AMPED!! I figure that this is what taking some really cheap speed feels like.

The song "Kyrie" by Mr. Mister is my new "makes me feel impervious to damage" anthem. I heard this like five minutes ago and I felt like kickin a whole bunch of white folks asses then jumping off the Washington Avenue bridge. I wouldn't get hurt at all, cause this song was playing. Then "Photograph" by Def Lep came on right after that, and I felt even more pumped. Damn, what 80s cheese can do to a soul.

Okayplayer had a post on its "Lesson" message board about the greatest Prince guitar solo, and everyone got super pissed that "I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man" wasn't included in the official poll. I concur. This is, far and away, my favorite Prince guitar solo. And I'm pretty sure that either this or "When You Were Mine" is my favorite Prince song. It's kind of like naming a favorite Beatles or Dylan or Stones song, though. There's just so damn many to choose from.

Final note: I saw some douchecock in Subway pouring his fountain soda like it was a keg beer. I hope he avoided all that head on his Diet Coke.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

I Live For The WEEKends, I Live For The WEEKends

Sorry about a lack of update. As Jesse "Red" Lind would say, "lack Cub, laaaack". But, I digress.

Quades wedding was really fun. Mark and my brothers had a wrestling match, and I gambled with some old creeps at the VFW. The priest was a creep, though. He made us line up all weird, and then when we didn't do it to his liking, he asked "don't you even know how to make a V?" What a child molester.

I also saw Borat last weekend. Funniest movie ever. Thats all I got. I have never laughed so hard at anything in my life. The whole point of the movie was to show peoples racist thinking and make fun of stereotypes. Its funny that some people think that the movie is racist against the Jews when the creator/star is an orthodox Jew. It just goes to show that people cannot take a joke.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

You Can Make It If You Try

Ya know what really grinds my gears? Those dudes who look like Hyde from That 70s Show. And those dudes who act like they are too cool to give a shit. I had the best combo of these two when I went to purchase my music mags today. Some Danny Masterson wannabe actually shrugged at me and didn't even say a word while he rung me up. And he was wearing some 60s shades. What a tool. You are really fucking cool, brah. I hope I didn't harsh your mellow. And I wish you the best of luck with the date rape at the soap party on Saturday.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog

There is this crazy ass show on KARE at 1:30 every night where this guy hawks a book about how herbs can cure disease. I was initially intrigued, I guess, because it was either that or Access Hollywood. But then the great crazy shit starts flying. Some of the "facts" that Herb throw out:

-The U.S . Government will not allow the sale of herbs for medicinal purpose due to the fact that they aren't pharmaceutical.
-The dudes book sold 60 million! Copies and spent "a long time" on the NYT best seller list.
-There is an herb that cures AIDS in South America that the government won't publicize.
-Herbs can cure not only AIDS, but the Herps and the Heps

After seeing this tard douche and his metrosexual co-host go on about this stuff for about ten minutes, I shut my TV off (which was hard to do due to the ghost that lives in our basement.) Best part was that I saw it on KARE at 11AM on Saturday at the gym. I guess everyone has a price. I cant help but wonder what the kids who stayed tuned after "Saved By The Bell: Holy Shit Screech is the Principal" thought about this one.

Unrelated note: How did I go 400 posts without using Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog as a title? I'm saying it here, I'm probably using it again. It's WAY too good.

Cinderfella Jake A Jake

Not too much going on these days. I wake up and teardrops they fall down like rain. Oh wait, that's a shitty Rascal Flats song. I'm b.a.f. in the basement of Coffman sitting on a Mac (how I hate their keyboard, mouse and everything about them. Everything). I'm psyched cause I'm going to see Lyrics Born tomorrow night. Then on Friday, I'm dining at B'Way buffet and seeing Borat before Quades grooms dinner/reception. I still can't believe that I'm in a wedding, or that someone I've been close with for nearly a decade is getting married. Odd. And I have no plans for marriage (mainly because I'm a jaded/lonely curmudgeon) or kids (mainly because the idea of a diaper is gross-a-roo) so it will be interesting to see how this whole thing works. I have only had two friends of mine get married. I guess as I get older, more will. I don't know where I'm going with this so I will end it on this note: