Thursday, December 29, 2005

Turned On What's Happenin?!

That last post was wayyyy too angry, so I decided to lighten the mood. I was watching Whats Happening? and realized that Rerun reminds me of Steve Miller. If Milla were black and fat and born in 1959, he would have dressed like Rerun.

I also have concluded that country girl singers are my second favorite place to find hot chicks. Number one, waitresses. You know that they can't be ugly; otherwise I wouldn't tip them as well.

Ice Baby, I Saw Your Girlfriend. She Was Eating Her Fingers Like They Were Just Another Meal

I saw at least 12 people in Starter jackets at work today. I swear that the Spring Lake Park/Blaine/Coon Rapids/triangle is where white trash goes to die. My dad said that all the hicks used to move out there in the 70s because they knew that no other races would go out there. I bet it's true. Little known fact: Champlin was called West Coon Rapids until the 1960s, or at least the part near Dayton. What a coincidence. Throw that into the pot and make it a white trash square.

I remember in high school hearing all the hick bastards talk shit about black people and how no "N------ drove snowmobiles or Chevy S-10s" every day at lunch from this fat ass named Rolly. I still hold a grudge against huge parts of Champlin and Dayton for the bullshit that I got for being from "Brooklyn Dark." Granted, some areas of my city are shit (Century Courts area, over by 63rd near New Hope, Osseo) but I still feel safer than I do at work. Especially now that I found out that there is a transient motel like two blocks from work. That shit is scary. One time at 2 AM two homeless fucks came banging on the window demanding to come in (after we closed) because they missed the last MTC. Fuck them. Also, some drunk dude came in last week and talked to us for two hours because his "old lady" left him. She caught him at some bar with a new lady I guess. Shit is scary. Where is the common sense switch in some people?

I have been innundated with white trash stupidity in the last two weeks. Seriously, where is the common sense? Or the general grooming habits of respectable society? Every day I see people with ratty hair, dirty hands and crooked brown teeth come in. I wouldn't usually write about this, but most of these people are rude as hell, obnoxious to a fault, and demanding. One actually slammed the door and yelled Jesus Christ when he found out we only had a half pound of the coffee he wanted. What the hell?

Those Endless Summer Nights

Ah, Richard Fucking Marx. I forgot how much I secretly loved "Endless Summer Nights", "Satisfied", "Don't Mean Nothing", and "Right Here Waiting." The reason for this revelation is that I got the 80s boxset for Christmas. It is the shit. I love most of the Rhino boxsets (the 90s one is kinda weak) but this one brings back fine memories. I also got super fucking pumped about "Sailing" by Christopher Cross, "Everytime You Go Away" by Paul Young and "White Horse" by Laid Back.

Christmas otherwise kind of sucked. I worked both days, and it once again didn't feel like Christmas. I just kept humming the Lennon song "Happy Xmas (War is Over)" in my head, coming back to the "so this is Christmas?" line over and over. Hopefully New Years will be better. But I did recieve the Dylan Documentary on DVD (like Jesus telling his life story) and "Cash" by Johnny Cash (he gives fishing tips and tells how he wrote Folsom Prison!).

Heres my grades for Fall Semester. C, C-, C+, D. I worked way too much, went out on nights I should have studied (or read British music magazines) and also didn't really give two shits about my classes. Better luck next time.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

We Can Crown Kings In Adidas

I was putting stuff on my little bastard IPod last night, and I grabbed "The Headphone Masterpiece" by Cody ChesnuTT. What the hell happened to him? I just Googled his name and the only things that came up were old articles and older reviews for the album. No concerts in the last two or three years, or anything. The most current reference I could find was a comparison between John Legend and him. He and the Sleepy Brown album "For The Young and Sexy" are in some sort of soul Bermuda Triangle I guess. If anyone can find anything, let me know.

The Way She Plays There Are No Words To Describe The Way I Feel

The Stone Roses are the most underrated group ever. I get super pumped whenever I hear "She Bangs The Drums." And they stole the "Funky Drummer" beat for "Fools Gold." Too bad I am the only person that I know who likes them. I know that this post was uber-random, but I had to say it. Its been bugging me for a few weeks now.

So Come And Dance With Me, Come And Dance With Me Michael

I hate finals week. Lord, I can't take it! Anyways, Christian's birthday was a weird old time. These Pittsburgh fans from Omaha were jacking the dancefloor and one tried to start shit with me because Christian was dancing with his wife. Sorry dude, turtlenecks and guido chains aren't cool. Then a (possibly) gay dude sat next to me and wanted me to go dance. I felt a little odd, but flattered in a weird way. He probably viewed me in the same way all the ladies do, as a big teddy bear. Oh, and there was a bachelorette party of very large women that no one was dancing with. Nate kept pushing me into them, and one kept grabbing mine and Christians respective asses. I would have rather been harassed by the gay dude.

I was in the Coffman bookstore a few minutes ago, deciding which periodical I would like to purchase for the day. It was down to Sports Illustrated and Rolling Stone. I went with SI when I looked in Rolling Stone and they had nearly the exact same top 50 list for albums of the year as Blender. Rolling Stone has become a piece of shit in the last five years. I am so sick of seeing pictures of Federline and Paris Hilton in there. Too bad I didn't want to spend the nine bucks on Mojo or Q. British music mags are hype driven trash sometimes, but at least they do stories on actual bands and some obscure older stuff also.

Christmas is gonna really suck this year. I haven't done any shopping, and I can wait to see my extended family. My uncle Danny actually walked away from me in mid-sentence on Thanksgiving because I wasn't talking about him. Everyone gets drunk as shit and theres a bunch of unsupervised little kids running around interrupting my TV watching. Thats what happens when you have six aunts and uncles and thirteen cousins.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Cause I'm Paid In Full

I friggin got back $170 for four of my books. ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY DOLLARS!!! I was expecting like 50 bucks. So I bought "Beatles For Sale" (cause I love "I'll Follow the Sun") and...The Best Of The Spinners. Yep, I wanted to hear "Cupid" that bad. I mean, it was only ten bucks, and "I'll Be Around" and "It's A Shame" are also on there. But that shit wormed itself into my brain hard.

I realized today that my five favorite songwriters of all time, in order, are as follows:
1.John Lennon/Paul McCartney
2.Bob Dylan
3.Elvis Costello
5.Eddie Vedder

Vedder is the only one who doesn't have songs covered on a regular basis. And Lennon/McCartney count as one, seeing as how they were all co-credited. Prince was the most varied of the five, seeing as how he could write kickass songs about God, sex and from the womans perspective. Same with Vedder (from the woman's perspective). He definently is the most consistently personal of the writers. Dylan is the most covered, and the most obscure with his lyrics. Costello is the most cynical and if I were a songwriter, I would probably write like him. He is one emotionally f'd up guy. Just listen to "Indoor Fireworks", "I Want You", and "Allison".

I also have decided that my favorite album of all time is "Plastic Ono Band" by John Lennon. I actually put this album up there in impotance with anything written in the last 100 years. There is not a bad song on there (except for "Do The Oz" which is only on the later CD versions). The fact that the most popular artist of his time had the balls to question the basic belief structure of the world is stunning. Every word on the album rings true. Why can't this album be taught in schools? Oh yeah, because Lennon says "cock" and "fuck". And because he dismisses organized religion and tells the masses that they are "fucking peasants." This album would never get made today. Can you imagine any popular artist releasing something like this now? Or, comparably, Usher releasing something like "What's Going On"? "American Idiot" was the closest thing for a statement that we could get, and it really isn't half as incendiary as either of the above two.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Out Of The Blue Clear Sky

The guitarist from the Doobie Brothers and Steely Dan is now a counterterrorist expert? What the hell? I guess playing on "Reelin In The Years" and "What A Fool Believes" was really a way to train for the war on terr(George W. Bush Trademarked).

I had the best sandwich at Granite City ever today. It had ranch, guacamole and cheese on top of a fried chicken breast. I swear to Yahweh, this sandwich was the best ever. The hostess was also maybe the hottest girl I have ever seen also. Oh, and they have seasoned sour cream with waffle fries. Yep, one of the best meals of my 23 years.

I went and saw King Kong last night. It was a little long, but it had its moments. I also felt that Naomi Watts was the hottest 30s chick ever. I have a little quirk with women. I like a nice little overbite smile. Ms. Watts has a tremendous little overbite in King Kong. And Jack Black was good playing the same asshole Jack Black plays in everything. For Jeff, they have six foot long scorpions, three foot long centipedes, and these slugs that pop out of the ground and eat some dude.

For the last month, I have had the Spinners cover of "Cupid" stuck in my head.

Why does Marissa always hang out with douche bags on "The O.C.?" I think that she gives off some sort of creepy douche bag vibe or something. I haven't watched any of the shows this season, so I am a little out of the loop. But isn't Johnny a bit like Oliver with a nicer side?

I was watching Reunion (a piece, but I cannot stop watching). They played "Come Undone" by Duran Duran in the 1994 episode. Come on guys, "Come Undone" was SOOOOO 1993. Its still the shit, though.

ESPN Classic had a eight man hypothetical tournament that featured the best one on one NBA players of all time. KG made it to the finals, but got beat by MJ. The dudes who were doing the picks (Scoop Jackson and some white guy who looked straight "Queer Eye") said that KG was the best all around NBA player of all time. I think that KG beat Kobe and LeBron to get to the last round. It was sweet. They showed old school highlights where Garnett was rockin the "Wolves" jersey at home and in the blue in the Alamodome dunkin on Sean Eliott and The Admiral.

Finally, "Last Christmas" by Wham! gets me fucking PUMPED. I mean, super pumped like when I hear "Switchin To Glide" by the Kings or "Get Over You" by the Undertones. Ha Ha, not about a laday.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Where Have All The Bloggers Gone?

What the hell is with the hiatus of Future Rhythm?

Don't remember Saturday night. I puked all over, and I hear that Jeff ran from the cabbie. I thought that everyone ran, but I guess Nate and I stayed back to fight the good fight. One of my belt loops on my pants is ripped from behind, I lost my drivers license, and I somehow spent $60 bucks. Good birthday, though. First one that I don't remember.

I have three finals this next week, plus I work 33 hours at Starbucks and 15 at LTF, so I am going to be dead as hell. I guess I need the cash, seeing as how I haven't bought any Christmas presents yet. Nor do I have any ideas on what to buy my brothers.

I started an albums of 2005 list when I was bored in class a couple of weeks ago, so that should be up pretty soon. Just don't look for Coldplay's "X&Y" on there. Mediocre should have been the title

Wednesday, December 07, 2005


I was thinking about all the crazy shit that happened to me when I was a little kid today at work over some Extra Crispy KFC. Like one time, we were playing mini golf in my friends backyard. All of the sudden, the neighbor kid came out naked. He looked at all of us, and happily said "lets play bare butt." He the proceded to take a crap on a metal slide and then slid down said slide.

Another time, I was trick or treating with some friends. Some drunk ass young couple lured us into her house by telling us to "come see mama." We agreed for some reason. Mama was an 80 year old lady smoking cigarettes and drinking Pig's Eye beer. She was also hooked up to an oxygen tank. The only thing Mama said to us was aimed at my friend Marc. He was dressed as a sausage. Mama said, "what are you, some fucking carrot or something?" We then lied and said our parents were calling us and we ran out of the house.

Another great time was when I called this kid named Pat Weinerman (I think) cocktail weenie dick. He proceded to punch me in the face and give me a shiner. I was eight or nine, and he was like 16. His dad used to come yell at us for playing in the trees at Sunkist Park and claimed that he planted them. One time, one of my friends took a leak from the tree, and the guy actually yelled out "I see you peeing." He had binoculars on. What a creep.

All this stuff happened because our parents didn't really give a fuck. They would send us out to play at like 10 AM and not care when we came home or anything. You just don't have that kind of freedom as kids today. Hell, we had an awesome tree fort where we kept baseball cards and old issues of Penthouse. What kid would have that today? We would bike to Brookdale and all over Brooklyn Park. We would ride our bikes like five miles to Central Park in Brooklyn Park so we could buy 49 cent Mello Yellos in the glass bottle and then jump off the big robot tower. Kids today will have no stories like this. They will be like, "I played so much freaking Pokemon, holy shit." I boo that.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Looking For Girls Who Like Boys Who Do Boys Like They're Girls

Always should be someone you really love. Thanks, Damon Albarn. I always get superfreakinpumped when I hear "Girls and Boys" by Blur. I have been on a huge Britpop kick the last week, since I bought this magazine at school that is about the history of Britpop. I bumped "I Should Coco" by Supergrass, "Dog Man Star" by (London) Suede and "Best Of" by Blur. These are all essential albums to own if you like pop music. Although "Coming Up" by Suede may be more accessible, and all the Supergrass albums are worth owning. And Blur's "Parklife" is a classic.

I had to present a diagram of the consumer purchasing process tonight, and it was funny as hell. My partners and I slacked our way through it, and I think we got an A. I also saw some Carlson School dorkass grope his girlfriends fat, gross ass. He didn't even care, he just palmed, squeezed and slapped for the world to see. What a douche.

I also concluded that my A+, #1 candy bar of all time is the Whatchamacallit. It is so damn good. Number two would probably be the Cadbury Fruit and Nut bar. English candy is better than any other foodstuff. I may have to import or get some from Canada. Why in the hell can't they come here? The Hershey Symphony bar is really good too.

Jordan hooked up the ColecoVision last night. I am eager to play some Montezuma's Revenge and some Donkey Kong Junior. River Raid and Keystone Kapers are gonna be played for effin sure also. I can't believe games can't be this fun today. Make something worth playing.