Friday, April 25, 2008

Road Trippin Day 4

Like Motley Crue said, on with the show baby on with the show...

Yesterday started off with a breakfast buffet at a Big Boy by our hotel. The buffet was pretty damn sub par, but they had good biscuits and gravy, so I was in a good mood.

We then ventured out and went to the Great American Ballpark really early (like 10 AM early) to see the Reds play the Astros. Great American Ballpark is pretty nice. It is the newest ballpark that I have been in, and I hope that the one that they are building downtown will be as nice as this one. But I digress. The morning started out with a couple of beers at the only bar within walking distance of the stadium. Downtown Cincy is the most boring place on Earth, so boring in fact that Saint Paul looks like Vegas in comparison. Oh, and our waitress was a huge bitch.

The game was fun though. This random guy talked my ear off the whole fucking game about baseball. He knew his stuff, but it was really annoying while trying to watch the game. I guess I also talked Southern to him, saying "I can't wait until they tear that Dome down, I tell you what." I also had a chili dog topped with Cincinnati chili, which was interesting. They make their chili with nutmeg and cinnamon and it was like spaghetti sauce. I bought a can later so I could let my brothers in on the odd chili dog sensation.

After the game, we drove all the way to Racine. Today, maybe the brewery tour, maybe Harold and Kunar 2, for sure the Brewers game. All is still up in the air.

Trophies:Starbucks City Mugs-2 (Memphis, Indianapolis)
Slurpees Enjoyed-2 (Full Throttle, Coffee)
Bizarre QSR Restaurants-6 (Waffle House, Sonic, Jack In The Box,Steak N Shake, Big Boy, Skyline Chili)
Newspapers-7 (Chicago Sun-Times, Memphis Commercial Appeal, The Tennessean, New York Post, Murfeesboro Daily News Journal, Louisville Courier-Journal, Cincinnati Enquirer)

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Road Trippin Day 3

Where were we? Oh yeah, I was staying in Memphis overnight so I could go to the Stax Museum in the morning...

Which I did, and it was fantastic. First off though, we went to the Sun Recording Studio, which was a little ho-hum. It was really really small, and all the tour focused on was Elvis (no Johnny Cash, Jerry Lee Lewis, and the like). But our tour guide was really cute, which made the tour a little more palatable.

Now back to the Stax Museum. Instead of focusing on JUST Stax, it took in the whole history of soul music. There was tons of cool displays, like Issac Hayeses Caddy with a TV and fur lined interior, and a room with all the 45s released on Stax and Volt records. There was also an exhibit on Otis Redding with huge black and white photos and copies of paperwork from his final days (his Holiday Inn bill was around $7, Gulf charged him $70 to fuel his plane). Really cool place.

We got back to Nashville around 6 and then decided to go hit up the bars along Broadway for the night. Nashville has a bar close of 3AM, so we were going to do it right. Every bar along Broadway had a live pop/rock or pop/country band playing, so we spent the evening drinking long necks and listening to bar bands. It was fun. At three of the five or six bars we went to, the house band played "Mary Jane's Last Dance". One bar had a fine ass chick on rollerskates singing with the band. The only downside was that the street was pretty dead due to it being a Tuesday. Oh, and there were tons of creeper homeless fucks begging for money. And one old guy kept rubbing his nip like he was high on ecstasy or something(well, that was more funny than shitty...).

Today we ventured out to the Jack Daniel's distillery to see how whiskey is made. Funny that the #1 selling whiskey in the world is made pretty old timey in the bumfuck hills of Tennessee. Interesting tour though. After the tour we stopped at a store that sold "Dixie Wear" which consisted of Confeddies and hick bumper stickers. Next door was a CD store which had tons of out of print classic rock discs...two of which I purchased. Funny thing is, the hillbilly woman working behind the counter knew that they were OOP. According to her phone conversation we all heard, she also knew that she didn't want a "n-word president" but that "it was gonna happen anyway." She also hated "that bitch Hillary" and didn't want McCain. This was all said while chain smoking by the cash register. Only in the fucking South.

When that was all said and done, we left Codes behind and drove to Cincy for the Reds afternoon game tomorrow. Dammit, I want to see Junior in person again!

Starbucks City Mugs-2 (Memphis, Indianapolis)
Slurpees Enjoyed-2 (Full Throttle, Coffee)
Bizarre QSR Restaurants-3 (Waffle House, Sonic, Jack In The Box)
Newspapers-6 (Chicago Sun-Times, Memphis Commercial Appeal, The Tennessean, New York Post, Murfeesboro Daily News Journal, Louisville Courier-Journal)

Monday, April 21, 2008

Road Trippin Day 2

To Josh Benesh Ramsey: I'M BAAAACK!

Chi-city was left behind around 9AM on Sunday. Up next was a long long long drive to Nashville (well, technically, Murfeesboro) where we would meet up with Codes. Along the way, we stopped at a Sonic in southern Indiana, and we knew we were in the South because a biker told us in a Southern accent "Deys mo of ewe in da bathroom dan deys in da restaurant!" Sonic, by the way, is pretty fucking good. It is between Burger King and Hardee's on the taste scale. I still am pretty amped that one is opening in Savage.

We arrived at the Stevens residence around 7PM. Right away, we went to Kroger to get some grillin supplies and some beers. Cody said that we weren't good enough for Publix (I guess it is high class) so Kroger had to do. Two big differences that I noticed were that no place in the south sells Michelob Golden Draft (only Mich classic, which I haven't seen in MPLS in like 10 years) and there are no brats to be found. Instead, there is some sort of hot pink hot dog labeled "southern style" which I nearly bought, but realized that I might die if I ate it.

After Kroger we grilled out and reminisced over the old days. After getting nice and drunk, we went to the bowling alley in some small suburb of Nashville. I honestly do not remember how I bowled, but I have a feeling that it was good.

Feeling a little hung over this morning, we went to a Waffle House (which was amazing) and then looked for a record store in downtown Nashville. We found a FYE, where I purchased a used copy of "Dandy In The Underworld" by T. Rex. Not finding much to our liking in Nashville, we decided to go all the way to Memphis like Mott The Hoople.

Memphis is one hell of a town. We spent the day on Beale Street, looking at all the monuments to old R&B and soul stars (Rufus Thomas, Issac Hayes, Al Green, etc) and we toured a Smithsonian exhibit on Memphis music history. The bars here are fantastic, the women are all gorgeous, and there is a perfect mix of old people and young hotties to make me at ease. Plus, there is a bar called The Flying Saucer that has over 200 beers on tap and collectors plates of The Gambler on the walls. Oh, and there was live music everywhere. Unfortunately, we didn't get to experience everything, so tomorrow we are going to tour the Stax and Sun Records museums. Until then, keep it real.

Trophy Count:
Starbucks City Mugs-2 (Memphis, Indianapolis)
Slurpees Enjoyed-2 (Full Throttle, Coffee)
Bizarre QSR Restaurants-2 (Waffle House, Sonic)
Newspapers-4 (Chicago Sun-Times, Memphis Commercial Appeal, The Tennessean, New York Post)

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Road Trippin Day 1

For those not in the know, my roomies and I are road tripping down to the Nashville area to see one Cody Bruce Stevens and also to do all sorts of crazy shit in between. Whenever I have net access, I am going to give a little rundown of the occurrences. Here goes day one.

We left the MPLS metroplex at 10 PM Friday night. I have never driven through Wisconsin late at night, and let me tell you, it is just as boring as driving it during the day (with the added danger of no street lights). After driving nearly straight through, we stopped outside of Rockford to sleep at one of those over the highway mall/rest stops they call Oasis's. Slept for about three hours, and headed out for the Chi-City.

We finally arrived in Chicago around 9 and parked at a Red Line Park and Ride to take the train to Wrigley. When we got to Wrigley, we found the first scalper we could and bought some tickets. This resulted in an awesome scalper fight, which went something like this:

Brah Scapler(Whom we didn't buy tix from): Hey, always buy the first fucking car you see?
Me: Yep, always.
Scalper #1(Whom we DID buy from):Hey, fuck you you fucking prick.
Brah Scalper:Naw man, fuck YOU!

At this point when people stopped being polite and started being real, I realized it was beer time. We went to the Cubby Bear and somehow ran into Grabski's sister and brother-in-law. After having one too many, I bought a Cubs hat and sauntered into Wrigley. Our seats were about 20 rows up on the third base line, and it was awesome. And the Cubs beat the shit out of the Pirates to the point where we left in the 8th because it was really cold and misty.

So we drove around for about an hour trying to find a Girodano's. When we did find one, we were all so fucking exhausted we couldn't enjoy the za as much as one would hope. After that, we found a Comfort INN in Des Planes and slept from 6PM to 7AM due to having been up nearly two days in a row.

Next: All The Way To Nashville(And Memphis, and Atlanta?)

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Vampire Weekday

Jake Eickholt is having THE WORST WEEK EVER! For example:

-I got bitched out at work for a myriad of things I couldn't control. This is normal, but this week it seemed even more so.

-My breaks went out.

-When trying to fix my breaks, the stupid fucking bolt didn't fit in the stupid fucking break, causing me to spend 85 motherfucking dollars on retard ass equipment I have to return.

-I have to drive my brothers 1985 Fleetwood Brougham 30 cocksucking miles to goddamn cake eating Eden Prairie tomorrow so my pops can take my car to the mechanic, where I can blow for fucking cheddah on getting the buttfucking breaks repaired.

-I'm still fat

-The Twins are making the fucking reject Tigers look like a bastard child of the 1927 Yankees and those A's teams from the 70's that Reggie played on.

-The Wild cannot, I repeat, cannot score a goal in the first two periods of a hockey game(even if they dug up the corpse of Wayne Gretzky).

-I HAD TO CLEAN SHIT UP TWO NIGHTS AGO! I cannot stress how fucking unpleasant this was. I would rather watch Jack, Man Of The Year, and Bicentennial Man for 8 hours straight than do this ever again.

-My mom made turkey tenderloin when I came over for dinner tonight. I hate tenderloin, be it pork or turkey. Just say it, tenderloin. It sounds really gay, and it has the consistency of a sponge.

-My credit card came in the mail (after 10 days) WITH THE PIN ATTACHED. Seeing as how I live across the street from the Saint Anthony/New Brighton police home (aka the Welfare Palace Appartments) I am not surprised my card wasn't stolen and then some Wilin Ass Gangsta withdrew all the money in my savings.

-The Southwestern Chicken Sammich from McDonalds I ordered today came out wet. I mean, like they steamed the whole fucking box then presented it to me.

-The only new CD I saw this week was the new Mariah Carey CD. I'm sorry, but I gave up jerking off to CD covers in the 1-9-9-9.

-Jason Kubel plays for the Twins. He looks like some dude from my uncles Northside posse circa 1997 who wore a wifebeater and may have nailed high school chicks.

There's probably more, but I got to get in my BroHam and mosey on down the road.

Monday, April 14, 2008

We Chocolate Crossover

Ah, yes, Spring. Or was we like to call it in Minnesota, the three weeks before Summer...

For some reason, Spring has fucking sucked this year. Sucked more than Larry Craig in a bathhouse in 1976. The weather has felt like what I picture London being like, the Twins are inconsistent, and yesterday, my utility closet filled with my neighbors dookie.

Yep, what I thought was a burst pipe was somehow my neighbors shite. This is quite possibly the grossest fucking thing that I have ever experienced. Trust me, you never feel as humble as when you are cleaning up someone else's doodoo feces and toilet paper. From now on, the U.C. is going to be called the "Michael Jackson Memorial Utility Closet." All will be better if the Wild somehow score a motherfucking goal and beat the Avs. Oh, and I will be at Wrigley Field in six days. That fact is so sexual it makes me want to cry real big boy tears.

The Cuts(DooDoo Wap Is Strong In Here Edition):
X-Ray Spex-Germ Free Adolescents
AC/DC-Highway To Hell
KISS-Ladies Room
Arcade Fire-Keep The Car Running.

Monday, April 07, 2008

I Slapbox with Jesus

Reggaeton is one of those musical abnormalities that had about 13 seconds in the sun (for a similar run, see Techno is 1997 or Power Pop in 1991) then faded back comfortably into its niche. The only reggaeton song I can name is "Gasolina" by Daddy Yankee, and I am pretty sure that is because a girl I had a crush on played it one night before we went group salsa dancing. Maybe that guy Pitbull is considered reggaeton, I don't really know. But I digress...

The reason that I bring this up is that my roomie Nathan A. Heck was reading a Mexican Telanueva magazine at work the other day and came across an ad for this gentleman:

According to a chart in the Mexican Soap Opera Digest, our boy has the #4 hit in Mexico. Wow. I really don't know if this guy is black, white, Latino or something else, but calling yourself Nigga probably requires the biggest cojones I have ever encountered. Shit, I would never call myself Kraut, or Pollack if I was Polish. Or MC Wap if I was Italian. I'm just amazed by the name. And that reggaeton still has an audience.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

We Will Rise From The Ashes

Fridley Cheapo has re-opened! It closed down on 3/29, re-opened sometime last week. Very confusing. When I asked the clerk about the situation, all I got was a "yes, we're open at least for today." I'm not sure that there has ever been a precedent for a retail establishment closing for a week and then reopening randomly like nothing happened. Seriously, they even had the new R.E.M and Black Keys CDs on the new release wall. All I do know is that I am incredibly pleased that I have a CD store less than five miles from my house once again. The thought of having to drive to Uptown for one CD kind of scared me.

In other news, I cannot stand that gas is $3.30 a gallon. Wasn't the liberation of Iraq supposed to drive down oil costs? Oh, and it's spring. Gas us supposed to go down in cost due to there being not as much need for heat. What exactly is happening here? And is there anyway to change it?

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Jake Eickholt Wishes He Ran On Dunkin'

It's 9:30, the Twins look like shit, and I want a cup of coffee.

Not just any coffee. I want coffee with so much sugar and coffee blended into one unholy mess that my teeth feel like they are going to fall out. No simple Starbucks, McDonalds or god forbid, a Caribou will do. I want something from Dunkin Donuts.

But there are none anywhere near me. The closest Dunkin is in Milwaukee. And to think, just three years ago there was a Dunkin Donuts less than five miles from my house. What the fuck is with Minnesotans and their adverse reaction to chain stores? We don't get 7 Eleven, we get Super America. We didn't get Exxon or Shell until like five years ago. Instead, we got bullshit like People's Plus and Fina. I always feel like we are the bastard stepchild of the corporate world. "Oh they don't need a Sonic Drive Inn. They have A&W Hot Dogs and More!"

But back to the lecture at hand. Dunkin Donuts has some really overly caffeinated, overly sugared coffee. And right now, that would be just what the doctor ordered. Either that, or a croissant from Tim Horton's. When the hell are we gonna get one of those?