Monday, August 31, 2009

Pruple Reign, Purple Reign

God, Adrian Peterson is amazing. Watching Peterson run is like watching a fighter jet take off, except I've never seen a jet take off in person and I think Peterson may be more powerful. The 70-something yard run AP busted off tonight (first play from scrimmage no less) looked so effortless and powerful that I really have nothing I have seen in sports to compare it to. Maybe, just maybe, it matches MJ gliding to the hoop or Ken Griffey Jr's swing.

Oh, and Favre looked okay. Seeing the Ol' Gunslinger (whom I have wished more than my share of harm on in my day) in Purple is still like seeing your enemy snuggle with the love of your life, but I think I can take that kind of nausea if the Lombardi Trophy is paraded down Hennepin in February.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Ken Griffey's Grotesquely Swollen Jaw

Tonight was the biggest cumulative ass whipping I have ever been a part of in softball. I think the other teams scored a combined 75 runs to our 20 or so. It sucks, I'm sore, kinda heartbroken, and sweaty.

But on my way home I stopped at Holiday and witnessed someone buying only a Hawaiian Punch and a Blunt paying in change being rung up by a cashier with the sides of his head shaved and a gel shell on top, and it made everything all better.

Oh, and R.I.P Teddy Kennedy. I'm not exactly sure what you did (or, for that matter, what ANY of the fucking Kennedy's did beside possibly Eiffel Tower Marylin Monroe) to improve American society. But you did love the broads and you loved scotch and you once DD'ed and killed some party slut, so I guess your more than okay in this guys book...

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Stuff Kids Go For

The last year has been absolutely abominable for least I thought so until recently. Today, both Pearl Jam and Weezer released new singles (Pearl Jam going with "The Fixer" and The Weeze going with the succinctly titled "(If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To"). Both songs rock my socks, going in a very poppy direction for two bands not known for slinging pop candy. The Weezer song is up on some 70s bubblegum nonsense and was produced by my favorite purveyor of nonsense (Butch Walker) while "The Fixer" sounds like the Pearl Jam that kicked our asses on the last disc, except happy.

The other song/group I am totally gay for recently is Passion Pit, whose "Manners" disc has really not left the iPod/CD player in the last couple of weeks. The key track is "Little Secrets" which is the happiest song ever and makes me want to white boy dance.

Oh, and the new Brendan Benson is grand also...but that was to be expected after "The Alternative To Love." Anything else would have been a letdown.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Clearance Rack Cavalcade 8/22/09

Since I haven't actually updated this thang in two weeks, I'm gonna give you two for one on the CD reviews...

Big Black "Songs About Fucking"
This albums title may mislead those who are looking to spice up the bedroom. When I think of songs that may be about fucking, I think of things like "The Lemon Song" or anything by Prince before he turned Jay-Hov. God only knows what kind of fucking Big Black was going off about, but I assume it involved fishhooking, choking, and in all likelihood, an appearance by TT Boy. Overall though, the CD wasn't a terrible purchase. Their cover of "The Model" sounded like Kraftwerk backed by Nine Inch Nails, and the song "Colombian Necktie" has a pretty kickass drum going for it. I guess a more apt title would have been "Songs to Do Speed To".

PJ Harvey "To Bring You My Love"
I was always a little leery of diving into the PJ Harvey pool, mainly because her videos always scared me when I was a youngun. But then I bought "Stories From The City, Stories From The Sea" on clearance and liked the fuck out of it. So I delved into "To Bring You My Love" head-on. TBYML already had a familiar song in it with "Down By The Water"(which reminds me of middle school and the fact that the local alternative station seemed to have a constant battle between "Down By The Water" and "Lighting Crashes" by Live as to who could have more airplay in the Spring of 1995). The deeper cuts, like "C'mon Billy" and "Send His Love To Me" aren't as "radio friendly" as "Down By The Water" (which, if were released today, would never sniff the top 40 at any format) but are just as effective, and dare I say, sort of sexy in a creepy way. Worth my Jefferson, and then some.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

For The Movies...

God, there were a lot of ugly people at Target tonight. And they weren't your standard unattractive types. They were the ones wearing dirty white Looney Tunes T-Shirts and had rolls spilling out of tank tops. Made me almost think twice about buying that sack of Pizza Rolls...

Anyways, I heard that some sexy celeb chick from Gossip Girl had a homemade porn floating around on the internet. So, like any good meaning American citizen, I searched for it. All I got was some stills...a huge disappointment. It was the same bullshit I dealt with trying to get me some naked Erin Andrews.

Amazingly, I think I like looking at naked celebs fucking more than I actually like trying to find willing women for myself. I have no clue why. I mean, I actually watched the Tonya Harding porn just to see what it was all about. I ended up laughing, mainly because her hubby kind of looked like an old supervisor I had named Mike T. But the point is, I still watched. I would probably watch a Kirstie Alley/John Goodman porn if one ever gets leaked. Because they are naked and famous.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Random Discs 8/4/09

So on the way to work today, I had the ol iPod on random. A Manic Street Preachers song called "Ifwhiteamericatoldthetruthforonedayit'sworldwouldfallapart" came on, and I thought to myself, "I am the only fucking person I know who owns this CD." Mind you, that doesn't make the music earth shattering or myself some special music savant, it just means that I enjoy some random shit. So here's a short list of CDs I own that I guarantee none of my inner and outer circles (around 50 people owns):

Manic Street Preachers-The Holy Bible
Kind of a cross between Oasis and a hardcore punk band, they later on became a watered down Oasis/Britpop styled band. But this CD was pure fire.

Suede-Dog Man Star
Another Britpop group, this kind of sounds like slow-Bowie fronted by a tranny who has great shoes.

Robbie Williams-Sing When You're Winning
Too bad this dude got no shine in the U.S. besides a few low charting singles ("Millenium" and "Angels") because this CD rules. Witty, sensitive, glammy and pensive all in one package. Note: I also own the Robbie Williams standards album "SWING When You're Winning" which is absolute shit.

Rockpile-Seconds of Pleasure
On which Nick Lowe and Dave Edmunds team up to sing rockabilly. Incredible power pop.

The Magnetic Fields-69 Love Songs
69 songs about love, being in love, hating love, all sung in different styles, but having a very chamber pop vibe.

XTC-Oranges and Lemons-
Not the best album ever, but it has the two best XTC songs ("King For a Day" and "The Mayor of Simpleton"). As if there is anyone who reads this actively judging XTC songs....