Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Fighting Men, Brave and True

Memorial Day is kind of a quasi holiday these days. Everything is open and nothing is really celebrated. Until now, I thought of nothing involving my grandfather (who was in the Marines at Midway in WW II) or any other military personnel or fallen heroes. I don't know. Holidays have lost their punch for me as I get older. I don't really have a care for them, quite honestly. I have worked every national holiday for the last two years, and I think that has killed my spirit somewhat. So instead of celebrating with fireworks, I played Mortal Kombat for SNES and listened to "The Smiths" and "The Joshua Tree." I guess I should have listened to "The Ballad Of The Green Berets" or Cheap Trick or something more All-American.

Oh, and I fucking hate My Chemical Romance. Not the music (which is nothing more than emo-Queen). I hate the fucking image. The whole Nightmare Before Christmas meets Kabuki bullshit just screams gimmick. Where are the fucking artists who don't give a fuck? You know that DLR was nuts and that shone through. DLR didn't need facepaint. All that motherfucker needed was a cocaine carrying midget and a pint of Jack for a good show.

I'm jonesin for more Episode III. I haven't seen it for like a week, and I need it again. I NEED IT! And I think that Mr and Mrs Smith doesn't look all that bad. I thought that the whole Angelina/Brad thing might piss me off, but damn. I didn't used to think she looked fantastic like in this movie. Holy fuck. Vince Vaughn is the truth. And one more shout out to Brad Pitt. Shit, I would like to trade in the Bentley for a Rolls too man. How long can he keep doing that?

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis

Yesterday was a weird day but elegant in its eccentricities. Quade and I decided long ago to drink and play video games. Then I got really sick. Anyways, we did go through with it and started out with a little Madden 2005 (which I obviously lost) and have a few bumps.

Then Jeff called. I challenged his already drunk ass to Tecmo Bowl and he somehow shows up after some shit talking. And the sonofabitch beats me (only 17-13, but still he was really drunk). I redeemed myself with a fantastic victory at Ken Griffey Jr baseball over Quade. Then Jeff downloaded every Easy E song ever and then ate something he called "Bob Villas Motel 8 Pizza." At some point the documentary "Dogtown and Z-Boys" got thrown in and we talked about how much ass the skaters got. Strange strange evening.

To a certain Mr. Johnson: I am the prince of OG Tecmo Bowl Jeff is the king. The NES version is way better because you cannot use Jerry Ball, the 1992 Detroit Lions or the dive play.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

What Women Do

I was so fucking bored today that I watched Pretty Woman after my daily siesta. That movie is better the 12th time.

The new Common album is really good. I mean, I was skeptical because I didn't go head over heels for Electric Circus. I mean, I liked Electric Circus (The New Age with the chick from Stereolab and Come Close are the shit) but I loved Like Water For Chocolate. I would work out to that album and get really pumped when The 6th Sense would come on. The Light is one of my favorite singles EVER so I had really high expectations for Electric Circus that were not met.

Its sad though that Be probably won't get much airplay or sell well, even though Kanye is on it. The Food could be a huge hit (even if it is "live"). I think that it is a matter of marketing. Hell, anything Kanye touches turns to gold. We sell the John Legend CD at Starbucks, and housewives come in and buy that shit. If the Common CD was marketed better, then I think that he could be the next big thing. But we all know that good shit doesn't mean sales. Look at Kings Of Leon for that. Or the fact that Plastic Ono Band by Lennon is only certified gold. That shit should be taught in schools it's so powerful.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Love On The Loose, Heart On The Run

Im up way to late due to my nearly five hour nap this afternoon. I was uber sick and went home from work really early and slept. Now, I feel like ten times better. Anyways, I saw a preview for Herbie Fully Loaded on E! and it looks like the biggest piece of shit ever. I feel bad for Michael Keaton who was Batman only 15 years ago. My, how the mighty have fallen. I used to love this one Michael Keaton movie called "Gung Ho" where he has to work with a bunch of Japaneese guys at an auto plant. Norm from Cheers was in it also. That was back in the day when Channel 9 was an indie and used to play old movies every night and on weekends. I saw The Hustler one night when the Twins were rained out, the old black and white one, and I thought it was the most boring thing ever. I would watch everything on 9 because we didn't get cable until 1994. But yeah, KMSP Receptive Channel 9 was the shit, especially on Saturdays and Sundays when you would get both AWA and WWF wrestling on. Then some Grizzly Adams, then a Doris Day movie. I miss those days.

Monday, May 23, 2005

I Wanna Go Where The Down Boys Go, Baby

While watching the Twins game, I saw a commercial for The Lookout in Maple Grove. It looked like quite possibly the shittiest food ever. Anyways, it got me to thinking. What is the worst restruant in the Twin Cities? My vote goes to J.Couseneaus. We went there for a Wolves game after Bob's closed, and half the TV was on the Wolves game and the other half was on a...GOPHERS MENS PRESEASON GAME! Who the fuck cares about preseason men's basketball? Fuck, the Gophers played SCSU last year and only beat them by 10, and they are D-II. And the food was trash, and we saw a table full of Champlin Park teachers including Mr. Iverson (aka Howie Mandel mullet guy), Ms. Varga and Sanders. For gods sake, they gave us burgers in baskets and charged nearly 10 bucks a plate. Overall worst atmosphere and food of any place that I have ever been to.

I'm So Obsessed That I'm Becoming A Bore

I have now seen Star Wars THREE times, and it doesn't get old. Not for one minute. I have always loved the Star Wars movies and games, but I am afraid that I have become obsessed. I went to Target today to look for action figures. We all know I love toys (my Simpsons figures mint in package have been the ridicule of every woman who has laid eyes on them) but I have taken it too far. I have been looking on Ebay for Millennium Falcon ships and Slave 1's in the package. And I think that I was going to kick my own ass if I actually found (and bought) the Viceroy Nute Gunray and General Grevious with 4 light saber figures that I was looking for. I even want to go find my toys from the OG Star Wars and "display" them. Oh, Boba, Luke in pilot gear, Yoda, Darth Vader and Hammerhead Face, where are you when I need you the most?

Saturday, May 21, 2005

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday

What happened to Boyz II Men? They were the ugliest pop stars ever. There was the guy who looked like an alien, the dude with the weird mouth, and Alex Vanderpool. Alex Vanderpool was the guy with the glasses and the sweater vests. Quite possibly the gayest name in music history. Yet they have the top three longest charting singles ever. I remember actually going out and buying the first two Boyz II Men CDs and playing Nerf basketball in my room to the second one. What the fuck was wrong with me? I also owned All 4 One, the one with "I Swear" and "Shes Got Skillz" on them. I sold them all to Jason Weaver in 7th Grade, and I think I got $15 for them. The CDs may be gone, but the shame remains.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Buh. Buh. BuhBuhBuh. Baaaaaaaaa Baaaaaaaaaaa

Well, I am complete. I think that Episode III was better than I ever thought it could be, and then some. I saw it twice today, and I think that it is up there with Empire. It was easily Lucases best written script, and the ending scenes with Obi-Wan and Anakin were some of the darkest stuff that I have ever seen in a Star Wars film. God, that movie was wonderful.

I think that, seeing as how much ass Episode III kicked, Lucas should do a Star Wars Episode III.5. The plot could follow Vaders rise to power, how he became more evil. Then it could show the formation of the Rebel Alliance and how Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan communicated. And finally, how Han Solo and Chewbacca became the best smugglers in the galaxy. There is probably one of those Star Wars books written on this, but I don't think that Lucas penned it. I want more. I have had these films since I was five years old, and I don't want them to end anytime soon. Granted, I have the videogames and the new TV series that are being developed, but I need my story filled in.

Oh, and two fag trees decided to get up and have a light saber duel before the movie. Quade asked them if they were virgins, and one replied, "You are mean, I am just a padawan." Short answer: Yup, and no sex anytime soon.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Dreeeeeam, Dream Dream Dream, Dreeeeeeam

I'm on a roll with the weird dreams these days. Last night I dreamed that I was hiding out as a woman at a house in the 80s. I had "the relations" with the hot chick who lived there after she found out I was a guy, then I went to play a game called "Galaxian II" on the Atari 5200. The game consisted of killing space aliens then flying into a soccer net to beat the level. I rarely have sex dreams, and never have dreams about playing 80s video games that don't exist. This one gets an A in my book. It still doesn't match the dream where Bill Cosby played catcher for the Twins in a Cosby Sweater, or the one where my Uncle Danny killed Pope John Paul II with a shotgun because he spoke of the "three diamonds" that symbolized the antichrist.

I think the dream has something to do with the fact that I read an article about Jon "Duckie" Cryer where it brought up his 1987 classic "Hiding Out". The theme song was the shit, "Catch me I'm fallin/Fallin Fallin Fallin/Fallin In LOVE!!"

I bought the new System Of A Down today, and I felt it. That group is probably the only metal group around today that doesn't suck. I also watched Jedi and Episode I. T-Minus 28 hours till I am complete.

In The Old Man's Ford

So I was closing Starbucks around 11:15 tonight and I saw a pair of headlights flicker on and off a couple of times. I thought "oh shit, we are being cased." Then I look into the car and I see a head and shoulders going back and forth under the glow of a dome light. Yep, I witnessed two teenagers fucking in the Starbucks parking lot. In the front seat. Then the dude calmly went to his car and they drove off into the Spring eve. The funny part was that the dude didn't even buy his girlfriend a drink earlier. He only got himself a tall white mocha. Congrats to that guy. Got boffed and didn't even have to pay for anything. Maybe he bought her dinner. Who said dating was a form of prostituion? Its so damn true. Even in a relationship my chances for getting laid went up tenfold if I sprung for at least dinner.

I was supposed to find random love in a strange place today, according to my horroscope (yes, I do read them. Reason #779 to give up my manhood). I guess seeing random love counts, as I have been in a bit of a dry spell these days. Akward teenage love in a Honda Accord counts as at least second base on my book.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Off To Nevah Nevah Land

I had the most fucked up of dreams last night. I was driving to someone's cabin in Steve Millers old Chevy Celebrity with Cody and he went to change the CD. Then we crashed into a lake. I lost all of Millas clothes and my cell phone and a bunch of other stuff. So we swam to the shore and partied at the cabin with like 50 people and Governor Pawlenty. Pawlenty decided to try this kid for wearing "too many St.Louis Blues" jerseys and his defense was a racist arguement, even though he was white. Then I heard my cell phone ring, and Grace Jones (in a beekeepers suit) went to the bottom of the lake to find it. She found my old cell and some other phone, but not mine. Then everyone went midnight fishing.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Night Drive

I have been in one hell of a funk for the last week, and today was a great snap out of it day. First, I got my 12 page paper back and I got 97 out of 100 and a good job from the TA. Then, I had a burrito at Qdoba which put the pretender Chipotle to same. Then I saw "Kingdom Of Heaven" a movie that had it's moments but overall wasn't a brilliant film. Then I slept for a spell and listened to They Might Be Giants greatest hits. After all this, I drove out to Plymouth to have a few beers with co-workers at Old Chicago. It was a good time, and then the best part of my day happened. I got lost. I wound up in Hamel, then Medina. I usually freak out when I do this, but I put on a CD mix I made a while back and decided to, as Supertramp would say, take the long way home. I passed through Corcrahn and what I assume was Rush Creek golf course, then Dayton and then finally I found out where I was. I was pumped to just drive. I thought about just going all night because it felt so good. I recommend this for anyone who needs to do some thinking or whatnot. This was the first time I night drove out of wonder and not anger or frustration. It was magical.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Star Wars Theme/Cantina Band by Meco Hit #1 In 1977

I just got off the Star Wars website after reading the profiles for Grand Moff Tarkin and Yak Face (that weird alien in Jabbas Palace who looks like a yak). I then started to weep over the fact that Star Wars will all be over next Thursday. Then my brother Zach told me that Lucas is making a TV show based on the Star Wars universe that is centered around...Grand Moff Tarkin! I now have a reason to live. And by posting this, I officially have relenquished the right to ever see a naked lady ever again.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

The Bitch Is Back

I am not even sure that the last post got published, but it was like 1100 words. Blogger sure can suck. Anyways, I just bitched about how my final got moved up and how the new Weezer was good like all albums that they do and that bands like SR-71 released one good album then blew ass on their second one. Then I callled that whole summer of Jake idea from last year bullshit because I always plan way too far ahead.

Then I whined about how I was jealous of Quade and his lady going to Target and the Olive Garden because thats what couples do and I don't have that right now. I hated it when I was a couple, but now I would love to do something like that.

Summerfest is gonna be the shit, I reckon. I am so there, and then I realized that Milwaukee is the only city that has had three socialist mayors. Hopefully I can get my red rope licorice despenser up and working in the Myrth Mobile before the trip. Maybe Hall and Oates can play "Feed My Frankenstein"

Monday, May 09, 2005

I Was Happy In The Haze Of A Drunken Hour, But Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

The "Sexy Party 3" was a bit of a blur. Jeff showed me a pic of three old chicks and said "look at those Jews" and that pretty much summed up the absuridness of the eve. Met some dudes with the same music tastes as me (Velvets, Pearl Jam, STP) who really knew their shit. They hated "A Crow Left Of The Murder" though, which is better than "Fungus Amongus" and "S.C.I.E.N.C.E". I also think that I kissed Alex Steele's shoes and called him the godfather. Oh, and Jeff and I had a wrestling test of strength to determine who is funnier. Then he kicked me in the nuts.

I found out that Caribou is owned by a bank in Baharain. I guess that the company wants to keep that hush hush because it clashes with their folksy north woods image. I know that I am biased, and some may call Starbucks a heartless whore of a company, but at least they are a public owned company.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Is There Life On Mars?

The pre-sexy party was a strange affair. I talked about 1990 UNLV basketball with one of Cody's co-workers, then we bumped every Prince album known to man. Around 1, I passed out. I then woke up at 2 and saw that everyone else had passed out too and David Bowie was playing, which no one remembers putting in. So I drove home because I was cold. What's funny is that there was a hot chick on the side of the road with her car broken down but I didn't stop to help because I was tired. Oh well. Today I ate some New King and heard the new album by Bloc Party. It is fucking fantastic, and I have to purchase it when I get paid and actually get some cash.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

You're My Summer Babe

Went to Nates for an old-fashioned bonfire, and it was good shit. Then I came home and turned on FOX Sports Net and saw that The Sports List was on. I love that show for one reason, and it is Summer Sanders. I have had a thing for her since the Barcelona Olympics (1992) when they did a piece on her and played "Somebody's Baby" when they showed the clip. I also used to watch Inside Stuff for her also. It's kind of a weird thing, but hey, she can talk her sports and also is easy on the eyes. But then again, so is Nick Bakay. Oh wait, I meant Robin Bakay. She was way too hot for a guy who played Salem the Cat on Sabrina The Teenage Witch. Nevermind, disregard the entire above entry. I have said too much.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

You Are An Obsession, You're My Obsession

I found myself going to 4 different Holiday/SuperAmerica Stationstores today to find my new passion. The Star Tribune is offering these little medallions of Twins players for three bucks a day, and I have been collecting them. I always loved buying baseball cards (and still do buy a pack every once in a while). These things are a whole different beast. They are damn cool. I saw the Sun Times in Chicago was doing them for Bears players while I was there last summer, and I thought it would be a good idea for the Twins or the Vikings. And now they did it. Hopefully, they will do some Vikings ones too. I love that our sports teams don't suck like they did in the mid 90's when all they had were over the hill vets like Warren Moon and Paul Molitor.

The Nic Armstrong and the Thieves album "The Greatest White Liar" is the shit. Scuzzy 60s garage pop in the Nuggets vein. Fucking classic. I have been spinning it nonstop for the last two days straight.

Oh, and Limp Bizkit released another album. Get this, a concept album about terrorism and child molestation. Can't wait to hear Fred Durst talk about issues. And, no single either. TANK!
I think that we are all in agreeance that this one is gonna suck.