Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Check Out The Hook

VH1 was running the Best Songs of the 1990s countdown tonight, and it felt like Super Nintendo, Crystal Pepsi and Tato Skins. Ah, memories. What was shocking was the huge differences in the songs from 1990 and 1999. Hearing songs like "Ice Ice Baby" and "Vision Of Love" makes one think of the 80s and not the 90s at all. It doesn't seem like there is such a disconnect today. Songs from the early part of this decade (lets say "Shake Ya Ass" by Mystikal and "Independent Women Part I" by Destinys Child for example) don't sound all that different from whats currently topping the charts. Has pop music stalled?

Oh, and for your laughing pleasure...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


Oh Paul, how you got more Japanese to harikari than Hirohito with your inane ditty I will never know...

Its Christmas, but it feels like January. Except for the fact that the Purp still have a chance at winning the Super Bowl.

Seeing as how it is time for Jolly Saint Nick, there has been a lot of Christmas songs floating around in the ether. I heard "Fairytale of New York" by the Pouges at Jaros on Friday, and when I said it was the best Christmas song ever, I was roundly shot down. Also heard "All I Want For Christmas Is You" at the record store yesterday and got shot down for saying it gets me amped. Am I the only one who doesn't get grabbed by the shorthairs when I hear drivel like "White Christmas" and "Come All Ye Faithful"? Those old boring songs just get me depressed. Give me George Michael singing about how hes gonna give his heart to a special dude any day!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I Often Drift When I Drive

For those not in the know, my work day is usually a 60/40 split between the warehouse doing QA on POS systems and doing paperwork, answering emails and whatnot at my desk. That 40 percent is usually a glorious time because I can bump whole albums without too much distraction. That allows me to think about said album intensely in between making work orders.

While playing "12 Golden Country Greats" by Ween today, I got to thinking about the one. No, not a girl. The one is the one bad track that can almost ruin a good or great disc. In Weens case, its the song "Fluffy". It is fucking terrible, so bad that it nearly ruins the perfect joke country of the rest of the jams. (Side note, Ween had a perfectly awesome song called "Booze Me Up and Get Me High" recorded for this album, but went with the Corkey on downers "Fluffy". Damn)

"Fluffy" did get me to thinking...what other albums are nearly ruined by one bad song? Here are a few I thought of off the top of my head:

-"Something/Anything" by Todd Rundgren
Almost Ruined by: That part where he talks about recording hiss. What kind of self indulgent shit is this? Seriously.

-"Dookie" by Green Day
Almost Ruined by: "Emenius Sleepus". I remember getting this CD in 1994 and bumping it hardcore while playing NBA Jam TE. I also remember hating this song because of the title alone. Listening to it now I still hate it (even though it is kinda catchy) just because of the title.

-"Born In The USA" by Bruce Springsteen
Almost Ruined by: "Working on the Highway". Why would you put this on an album full of fire? Just cheesy, nonsense rockabilly with the worst organ line since Dave "Baby" Cortez.

-"On A Wire" by The Get Up Kids
Almost Ruined by: "Campfire Kansas." Any song that starts off "Woke up at 8, started a fire" is bound to fucking blow. I remember these guys playing this in concert back in the day and hating the band for about 6 months for boring me with this drivel.

-"The Great Adventures of Slick Rick" by Slick Rick
Almost Ruined by: "Indian Girl (An Adult Story)." If I want stupid stories about crabs banging on drums and shit, I will throw in a Too Short album good sir. Almost negates the impact of "Children's Story" and "Hey Young World".

And don't get me started on songs that actually RUINED an album. Case 1: I haven't listened to the second Eagles Of Death Metal album in two years because of that Baby Duck song. Honest.