Clearance Rack Cavalcade 4/30/09

There is a scene in the movie Vanilla Sky where Tom Cruise's character asks Penelope Cruz if she would like to listen to Jeff Buckley or something else. She replies (and I am paraphrasing) "I want to listen to both at the same time."

This perfectly sums up how I feel about music. It sucks that I cannot listen to four or five songs at a time. I think this is why I frequent the cutout bin at HPB. I mean, I will buy ANYTHING in that CD bin. Once a week, I'm going to pick one of the cream of the crop (or the crap) and give a little write up of my impressions. And the first one I've chose is a doozy....

Jim Rome "Welcome To The Jungle"
You know the old saying about not turning away from a car crash? That was me when I purchased this. Jim Rome is one of the most annoying human beings walking today, and if there is any justice in this world, he, Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith will be locked in a cage for a deathmatch someday. But I digress.

From what I could glean from this atrocity, Rome (ever the egomaniac) took dialogue from his radio show and put songs by G n R, Kurtis Blow and the Crystal Method behind the rants. There is also a song about the 1996 Colorado Avalanche on the CD for some reason, and "Do You Remember Rock and Roll Radio?" without Rome talking about Ramon Martinez over it. Honestly, I could only take about 30 seconds of each "song" before it was yanked out of the Focus. I mean, this thing was dated 20 seconds after it was released (I even heard a Tom Candiotti reference!).Who greenlit this shit?

I should give fair warning. If I ever make you a mix, there probably will be something from this CD on it.

Rating: -10/10

A Sunday, None More Lazy

Ahhh...absolutely nothing to do today. Accomplishing nothing, except listening to music and going to McDonald's for a snack wrap.

While eating one of those snack wraps, I flipped on MTV Hits. In between Lily Allen buying stuff and J-Timbo getting his ear licked by Ciara, I saw probably the most disjointed video ever. Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" confused me and left me with a strange, empty feeling (like if you saw your cousins making out in a closet on Christmas). Here is what I gleaned from the video:

-Lady Gaga may be into bestiality (she raises from a pool in a unitard with a disco ball on her face and cuddles with two huge fucking Great Danes)
-L.G. (as I will now refer to her) really likes gay guys. That is all that is chillin at her really creepy house party. She also enjoys kissing them
-Judging from her gay guy onscreen kiss, L.G. looks like she may be the best kisser ever

I don't know what any of this means, but it makes me wish for the days of Madonna fucking the ground in a wedding dress and the surrounding controversy from it. Because if L.G. passes for the status quo today, then we are all quite possibly fucked.

UPDATE: I just saw the "Just Dance" video. Much more of the same, except Akon is in an orgy, there is a hipster in a blazer and Charlotte Hornets Starter hat (and L.G. hooks up with him) and L.G. fucks a plastic Shamu in a kiddie pool. If someone can tell me what this all means, please do.

What A Pity, You Don't Understand

Today, while mindlessly surfing those internets, I came across a website that has complete Billboard charts from the past. Curious, I typed in my birthday...here is what came out:

http://www.umdmusic.com/default.asp?Lang=English&Chart=D&ChDay=11&ChMonth=12&ChYear=1982&ChBand=&ChSong=

I always knew Mickey was #1 the day I was born, but whats really interesting is the songs below the top 40. Zapp, Vanity 6, "Its Raining Men". Some really strange stuff down there.

Bordersline, Feel Like I'm Going To Lose My Mind

National Record Store Day, ah, what a funny little holiday that will be redundant in 10 years when all we have is Wal-Mart for the hicks to purchase their Kenny Chesney CDs and the latest web downloadable portal to purchase the new Britt-Britt comeback single.

But anyways, I went to my local Down In The Valley to purchase some of the vinyl that was being shilled as "today only." I didn't cop the My Morning Jacket and Black Kids 10" (didn't have em') but I did get the Flaming Lips/Black Keys split on aqua seafoam green. The Lips cover of Borderline is good in the way that most Lips covers is, it doesn't really play by the rules of the OG song but you can still recognize the good parts. And the Beefheart cover by the Black Keys just sounds like a Black Keys song, before Danger Mouse effed that all up.

After that, I got worked in tennis.

After THAT, I went on a Borders mini tour because they are selling off all their CDs for 50% off. Here's what I scored:
"Diana and Marvin"-Diana Ross and Marvin Gaye
"RAM"-Paul McCartney
"Rocket To Russia"-Ramones
"Changing Horses"-Ben Kweller
"Stink"-The Replacements
"Truth"-Jeff Beck (with Rod Stewart singing lead)
Total spent: $32.

And there was plenty of stuff I had to put back. Probably shouldn't have dropped 32 bucks, but eating mac n'cheese for the next week will be worth it with all the new music I can listen to.

I Want To Soak Up The Sunkist

Great Easter weekend...I almost puked on my shoes Friday night after one to many Tied To The Bedposts (and a heady mix of allergy medication). Thankfully I only hit a random tree somewhere off of Emerson and 27th.

Saturday led to some hungover as hell practice and more drinking at night. One sweet side effect of the TTTBs and puking the night before was that I could down a 12 banger of Molson Canadian without repercussion this morning. Then, I went over to mommy and daddys to get my Easter basket. Thank you Zombie Jesus.

One thing I did notice this weekend that kind of pissed me off was that Sunkist changed their can style. I was rummaging through my friends fridge at 6 am trying to find anything to erase a serious case of cottonmouth, and I came across a Diet Sunkist. The can wasn't the familiar one I have known and loved since the 80s. To me, the Sunkist can represents all the fun and excitement of summers of my youth. I know its weird and corny, but its true. The new can killed a little bit of my childhood.

Think I'll Have Another Glass of Mexican Wine

I just spent the last five days down in Cancun, in the nicest resort I will ever set foot in (mainly because that shit was $800 bucks a night, and I will never be able to afford that ever). Gotta give a big thanks to Jeff for taking me down there.

Cancun overall was pretty much what I expected. Lots of hawkers, chain restaurants, and guys that all looked like George Lopez. The Cancun flea market absolutely sucked. I hate being pressured into doing anything, and tons of dudes getting in my face trying to sell me frat boy Corona shirts is not my scene. But I did manage to get two Cohibas, which will be enjoyed at a later date.

The resort, on the other hand, was not at all what I expected. In fact, it was much more amazing than I could have ever hoped for. All inclusive is fucking amazing. Nothing but top shelf booze, free room service and "infinity pools". First night there, I got shit faced on Jack Daniels, and preceded to eat my self stupid on sushi. Honestly, for someone who likes the hooch as much as me, having a FUCKING DISPENSER in your room that spits out Johnny Walker Black, Absolut, Bacardi and some sort of tequila is about as close to heaven as I ever hope to get. I regret that I didn't drain that sumbitch of its contents (I was too busy having the swim up bartender make me crazy tequila drinks).

The only real downside to the trip was the sunburn. And that I didn't get to eat a tripe burrito from some dude selling out of a Home Depot bucket.