Thursday, December 29, 2005

Turned On What's Happenin?!

That last post was wayyyy too angry, so I decided to lighten the mood. I was watching Whats Happening? and realized that Rerun reminds me of Steve Miller. If Milla were black and fat and born in 1959, he would have dressed like Rerun.

I also have concluded that country girl singers are my second favorite place to find hot chicks. Number one, waitresses. You know that they can't be ugly; otherwise I wouldn't tip them as well.

Ice Baby, I Saw Your Girlfriend. She Was Eating Her Fingers Like They Were Just Another Meal

I saw at least 12 people in Starter jackets at work today. I swear that the Spring Lake Park/Blaine/Coon Rapids/triangle is where white trash goes to die. My dad said that all the hicks used to move out there in the 70s because they knew that no other races would go out there. I bet it's true. Little known fact: Champlin was called West Coon Rapids until the 1960s, or at least the part near Dayton. What a coincidence. Throw that into the pot and make it a white trash square.

I remember in high school hearing all the hick bastards talk shit about black people and how no "N------ drove snowmobiles or Chevy S-10s" every day at lunch from this fat ass named Rolly. I still hold a grudge against huge parts of Champlin and Dayton for the bullshit that I got for being from "Brooklyn Dark." Granted, some areas of my city are shit (Century Courts area, over by 63rd near New Hope, Osseo) but I still feel safer than I do at work. Especially now that I found out that there is a transient motel like two blocks from work. That shit is scary. One time at 2 AM two homeless fucks came banging on the window demanding to come in (after we closed) because they missed the last MTC. Fuck them. Also, some drunk dude came in last week and talked to us for two hours because his "old lady" left him. She caught him at some bar with a new lady I guess. Shit is scary. Where is the common sense switch in some people?

I have been innundated with white trash stupidity in the last two weeks. Seriously, where is the common sense? Or the general grooming habits of respectable society? Every day I see people with ratty hair, dirty hands and crooked brown teeth come in. I wouldn't usually write about this, but most of these people are rude as hell, obnoxious to a fault, and demanding. One actually slammed the door and yelled Jesus Christ when he found out we only had a half pound of the coffee he wanted. What the hell?

Those Endless Summer Nights

Ah, Richard Fucking Marx. I forgot how much I secretly loved "Endless Summer Nights", "Satisfied", "Don't Mean Nothing", and "Right Here Waiting." The reason for this revelation is that I got the 80s boxset for Christmas. It is the shit. I love most of the Rhino boxsets (the 90s one is kinda weak) but this one brings back fine memories. I also got super fucking pumped about "Sailing" by Christopher Cross, "Everytime You Go Away" by Paul Young and "White Horse" by Laid Back.

Christmas otherwise kind of sucked. I worked both days, and it once again didn't feel like Christmas. I just kept humming the Lennon song "Happy Xmas (War is Over)" in my head, coming back to the "so this is Christmas?" line over and over. Hopefully New Years will be better. But I did recieve the Dylan Documentary on DVD (like Jesus telling his life story) and "Cash" by Johnny Cash (he gives fishing tips and tells how he wrote Folsom Prison!).

Heres my grades for Fall Semester. C, C-, C+, D. I worked way too much, went out on nights I should have studied (or read British music magazines) and also didn't really give two shits about my classes. Better luck next time.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

We Can Crown Kings In Adidas

I was putting stuff on my little bastard IPod last night, and I grabbed "The Headphone Masterpiece" by Cody ChesnuTT. What the hell happened to him? I just Googled his name and the only things that came up were old articles and older reviews for the album. No concerts in the last two or three years, or anything. The most current reference I could find was a comparison between John Legend and him. He and the Sleepy Brown album "For The Young and Sexy" are in some sort of soul Bermuda Triangle I guess. If anyone can find anything, let me know.

The Way She Plays There Are No Words To Describe The Way I Feel

The Stone Roses are the most underrated group ever. I get super pumped whenever I hear "She Bangs The Drums." And they stole the "Funky Drummer" beat for "Fools Gold." Too bad I am the only person that I know who likes them. I know that this post was uber-random, but I had to say it. Its been bugging me for a few weeks now.

So Come And Dance With Me, Come And Dance With Me Michael

I hate finals week. Lord, I can't take it! Anyways, Christian's birthday was a weird old time. These Pittsburgh fans from Omaha were jacking the dancefloor and one tried to start shit with me because Christian was dancing with his wife. Sorry dude, turtlenecks and guido chains aren't cool. Then a (possibly) gay dude sat next to me and wanted me to go dance. I felt a little odd, but flattered in a weird way. He probably viewed me in the same way all the ladies do, as a big teddy bear. Oh, and there was a bachelorette party of very large women that no one was dancing with. Nate kept pushing me into them, and one kept grabbing mine and Christians respective asses. I would have rather been harassed by the gay dude.

I was in the Coffman bookstore a few minutes ago, deciding which periodical I would like to purchase for the day. It was down to Sports Illustrated and Rolling Stone. I went with SI when I looked in Rolling Stone and they had nearly the exact same top 50 list for albums of the year as Blender. Rolling Stone has become a piece of shit in the last five years. I am so sick of seeing pictures of Federline and Paris Hilton in there. Too bad I didn't want to spend the nine bucks on Mojo or Q. British music mags are hype driven trash sometimes, but at least they do stories on actual bands and some obscure older stuff also.

Christmas is gonna really suck this year. I haven't done any shopping, and I can wait to see my extended family. My uncle Danny actually walked away from me in mid-sentence on Thanksgiving because I wasn't talking about him. Everyone gets drunk as shit and theres a bunch of unsupervised little kids running around interrupting my TV watching. Thats what happens when you have six aunts and uncles and thirteen cousins.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Cause I'm Paid In Full

I friggin got back $170 for four of my books. ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY DOLLARS!!! I was expecting like 50 bucks. So I bought "Beatles For Sale" (cause I love "I'll Follow the Sun") and...The Best Of The Spinners. Yep, I wanted to hear "Cupid" that bad. I mean, it was only ten bucks, and "I'll Be Around" and "It's A Shame" are also on there. But that shit wormed itself into my brain hard.

I realized today that my five favorite songwriters of all time, in order, are as follows:
1.John Lennon/Paul McCartney
2.Bob Dylan
3.Elvis Costello
5.Eddie Vedder

Vedder is the only one who doesn't have songs covered on a regular basis. And Lennon/McCartney count as one, seeing as how they were all co-credited. Prince was the most varied of the five, seeing as how he could write kickass songs about God, sex and from the womans perspective. Same with Vedder (from the woman's perspective). He definently is the most consistently personal of the writers. Dylan is the most covered, and the most obscure with his lyrics. Costello is the most cynical and if I were a songwriter, I would probably write like him. He is one emotionally f'd up guy. Just listen to "Indoor Fireworks", "I Want You", and "Allison".

I also have decided that my favorite album of all time is "Plastic Ono Band" by John Lennon. I actually put this album up there in impotance with anything written in the last 100 years. There is not a bad song on there (except for "Do The Oz" which is only on the later CD versions). The fact that the most popular artist of his time had the balls to question the basic belief structure of the world is stunning. Every word on the album rings true. Why can't this album be taught in schools? Oh yeah, because Lennon says "cock" and "fuck". And because he dismisses organized religion and tells the masses that they are "fucking peasants." This album would never get made today. Can you imagine any popular artist releasing something like this now? Or, comparably, Usher releasing something like "What's Going On"? "American Idiot" was the closest thing for a statement that we could get, and it really isn't half as incendiary as either of the above two.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Out Of The Blue Clear Sky

The guitarist from the Doobie Brothers and Steely Dan is now a counterterrorist expert? What the hell? I guess playing on "Reelin In The Years" and "What A Fool Believes" was really a way to train for the war on terr(George W. Bush Trademarked).

I had the best sandwich at Granite City ever today. It had ranch, guacamole and cheese on top of a fried chicken breast. I swear to Yahweh, this sandwich was the best ever. The hostess was also maybe the hottest girl I have ever seen also. Oh, and they have seasoned sour cream with waffle fries. Yep, one of the best meals of my 23 years.

I went and saw King Kong last night. It was a little long, but it had its moments. I also felt that Naomi Watts was the hottest 30s chick ever. I have a little quirk with women. I like a nice little overbite smile. Ms. Watts has a tremendous little overbite in King Kong. And Jack Black was good playing the same asshole Jack Black plays in everything. For Jeff, they have six foot long scorpions, three foot long centipedes, and these slugs that pop out of the ground and eat some dude.

For the last month, I have had the Spinners cover of "Cupid" stuck in my head.

Why does Marissa always hang out with douche bags on "The O.C.?" I think that she gives off some sort of creepy douche bag vibe or something. I haven't watched any of the shows this season, so I am a little out of the loop. But isn't Johnny a bit like Oliver with a nicer side?

I was watching Reunion (a piece, but I cannot stop watching). They played "Come Undone" by Duran Duran in the 1994 episode. Come on guys, "Come Undone" was SOOOOO 1993. Its still the shit, though.

ESPN Classic had a eight man hypothetical tournament that featured the best one on one NBA players of all time. KG made it to the finals, but got beat by MJ. The dudes who were doing the picks (Scoop Jackson and some white guy who looked straight "Queer Eye") said that KG was the best all around NBA player of all time. I think that KG beat Kobe and LeBron to get to the last round. It was sweet. They showed old school highlights where Garnett was rockin the "Wolves" jersey at home and in the blue in the Alamodome dunkin on Sean Eliott and The Admiral.

Finally, "Last Christmas" by Wham! gets me fucking PUMPED. I mean, super pumped like when I hear "Switchin To Glide" by the Kings or "Get Over You" by the Undertones. Ha Ha, not about a laday.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Where Have All The Bloggers Gone?

What the hell is with the hiatus of Future Rhythm?

Don't remember Saturday night. I puked all over, and I hear that Jeff ran from the cabbie. I thought that everyone ran, but I guess Nate and I stayed back to fight the good fight. One of my belt loops on my pants is ripped from behind, I lost my drivers license, and I somehow spent $60 bucks. Good birthday, though. First one that I don't remember.

I have three finals this next week, plus I work 33 hours at Starbucks and 15 at LTF, so I am going to be dead as hell. I guess I need the cash, seeing as how I haven't bought any Christmas presents yet. Nor do I have any ideas on what to buy my brothers.

I started an albums of 2005 list when I was bored in class a couple of weeks ago, so that should be up pretty soon. Just don't look for Coldplay's "X&Y" on there. Mediocre should have been the title

Wednesday, December 07, 2005


I was thinking about all the crazy shit that happened to me when I was a little kid today at work over some Extra Crispy KFC. Like one time, we were playing mini golf in my friends backyard. All of the sudden, the neighbor kid came out naked. He looked at all of us, and happily said "lets play bare butt." He the proceded to take a crap on a metal slide and then slid down said slide.

Another time, I was trick or treating with some friends. Some drunk ass young couple lured us into her house by telling us to "come see mama." We agreed for some reason. Mama was an 80 year old lady smoking cigarettes and drinking Pig's Eye beer. She was also hooked up to an oxygen tank. The only thing Mama said to us was aimed at my friend Marc. He was dressed as a sausage. Mama said, "what are you, some fucking carrot or something?" We then lied and said our parents were calling us and we ran out of the house.

Another great time was when I called this kid named Pat Weinerman (I think) cocktail weenie dick. He proceded to punch me in the face and give me a shiner. I was eight or nine, and he was like 16. His dad used to come yell at us for playing in the trees at Sunkist Park and claimed that he planted them. One time, one of my friends took a leak from the tree, and the guy actually yelled out "I see you peeing." He had binoculars on. What a creep.

All this stuff happened because our parents didn't really give a fuck. They would send us out to play at like 10 AM and not care when we came home or anything. You just don't have that kind of freedom as kids today. Hell, we had an awesome tree fort where we kept baseball cards and old issues of Penthouse. What kid would have that today? We would bike to Brookdale and all over Brooklyn Park. We would ride our bikes like five miles to Central Park in Brooklyn Park so we could buy 49 cent Mello Yellos in the glass bottle and then jump off the big robot tower. Kids today will have no stories like this. They will be like, "I played so much freaking Pokemon, holy shit." I boo that.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Looking For Girls Who Like Boys Who Do Boys Like They're Girls

Always should be someone you really love. Thanks, Damon Albarn. I always get superfreakinpumped when I hear "Girls and Boys" by Blur. I have been on a huge Britpop kick the last week, since I bought this magazine at school that is about the history of Britpop. I bumped "I Should Coco" by Supergrass, "Dog Man Star" by (London) Suede and "Best Of" by Blur. These are all essential albums to own if you like pop music. Although "Coming Up" by Suede may be more accessible, and all the Supergrass albums are worth owning. And Blur's "Parklife" is a classic.

I had to present a diagram of the consumer purchasing process tonight, and it was funny as hell. My partners and I slacked our way through it, and I think we got an A. I also saw some Carlson School dorkass grope his girlfriends fat, gross ass. He didn't even care, he just palmed, squeezed and slapped for the world to see. What a douche.

I also concluded that my A+, #1 candy bar of all time is the Whatchamacallit. It is so damn good. Number two would probably be the Cadbury Fruit and Nut bar. English candy is better than any other foodstuff. I may have to import or get some from Canada. Why in the hell can't they come here? The Hershey Symphony bar is really good too.

Jordan hooked up the ColecoVision last night. I am eager to play some Montezuma's Revenge and some Donkey Kong Junior. River Raid and Keystone Kapers are gonna be played for effin sure also. I can't believe games can't be this fun today. Make something worth playing.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Work Sucks, I Know

I hate opening three days in a row. God, even three cups of coffee couldn't keep me awake today, as I read Rolling Stone and listened to the new Darkness album. I am also a bit pissed that there was no "My Name Is Earl" or "The Office" tonight due to the "Biggest Loser." I have a good friend who said once that he would like to give it to Caroline Rea (the host of said show). I won't name names, I swear. And I missed the new "Nip/Tuck" where Christian screws some fat chick with a paper bag on her head and the third partner in the clinic gets ass loved by a Marine. What an abusrd, great show.

School sucks, too. I need a beer, really bad. Too bad no Old Chicago this Thursday due to my working. I cannot wait until school is out for Holiday. I'm finna go apeshit, take the returning C.B.S. out for a belated birthday downtown and watch him do the retarded chicken dance all over the place.

Xbox 360=Overrated hype. I played King Kong and it was graphically beautiful, but it seemed like different song, same dance. Nothing like when the N64 and PSX came out back in the day. Moving to 3-D was an actual markable improvement over the SNES and the Genesis. I would kill for a game experience like Final Fantasy VII or Mario 64 from when I was 14. The lack of "Holy Shit, I can't believe that" is why I don't game like I used to. Shit, I would rather play Donkley Kong Jr. on ColecoVision or HERO on the Atari 2600 than some of the junk the next gen systems turn out. I like fun, not graphics.

And NHL 91 and Tecmo Bowl still kick most current sports games asses. Bo and Madano have dominated me far too much for me to not call them classics.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Where Have All The Rude Boys Gone?

Walk The Line is a fantastic movie. I finally saw it today, and I think that I need to pick up some Sun Records Johnny Cash. That was the best music in the film.

I was reading Okay Player last night and there was a thread about the songs that scared people as a kid. Most people were scared by the song "Carribean Queen" and by "Somebody's Watchin Me." Some dudes were even freaked out by the Paramount TV ending theme. I admit, I was too. I was also scared by the song "Hey Tonight" by CCR and the song "Silent Running" by Mike and The Mechanics. It was the one with the chorus "Can you hear me running? Can you hear me callin you?" The song "Hazzard" by Richard Marx, about a retard killing a girl by the river, also made me want to cry and cuddle up under my Lazer Tag sheets.

Its funny how weird things freak you out. I can't watch old black and white movies. They make me not sleep for weeks. Not classics like Citizen Kane or Casablanca, but B Movies. I have no idea why. Maybe because everyone who was in them is dead? Oh, and I also get freaked out by old commercials with really creepy jingles. Mainly with lady singers. There was a commercial for a pro choice orginization a few years ago called Birth Right. The jingle was "Birth Right Cares About You." I swear to god, every time it came on while I was listening to my clock radio, I would have to sleep with all the lights on.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

I Need A Dime, Thats Toppa Tha Line

The last week was an interesting time. Thursday consisted of me getting run off the stage trying to sing "What You Give" by Tesla, downloading pics of Rowdy Roddy Piper to the Old Chicago computer, and doing the Double J strut as Jeff sang. Friday was a bore, but I bought stuff, so it was ok. I also had shift class in Bloomington where some crazy old shift talked about how she was adopted by Clarance Thomas at 17. Saturday was Millas 23, which was celebrated Northeast with $1.50 Old Styles and crazy cabbies that almost got whupped. Some Indian kid called our crew whack, but whatever. He had coke nails that scratched Jeff.

Oh, and I worked a bunch. I also bought Neil Diamonds new album, which is good, and the Playgroup mix, which is every good 80s song continously mixed. The best party album ever. I also attended my first record show, where I found the Moby Grape album for six bucks, and some Bowie and Dylan records. I also bought "Fresh" by Sly Stone, and a kick ass Bowie button from the cover of "David Live."

WW(F)E Raw was super depressing tonight. I was thinking about it, and why is it wrestling that kills so many? Steroids are just as prevalent in baseball it seems, and none have died officially from them. Still, I don't watch wrestiling as much as I did in my heyday, but I did follow enough to know what is going on. I was shocked that Flair is the Intercontinental Champ. That is slumming for the 16 time champ. Whoooooooo!

Enough dork stuff, except that I want that Warriors PS2 game...bad. Thats all.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves

No updates lately cause I have been super busy with work and whatnot. The Halloween parties were a good time, especially when Nate and I took over the dancefloor. That was the shit. The last weekend blew ass, cause I have overdrafted a shitload in my checking account and don't get paid all week.

I got pumped in the car today when KOOL 108 quit playing shitty Christmas music. There really haven't been many good Christmas songs...ever. How can you fill a whole playlist with that shit?

Who is Mark Chumura? I really need to know. Whoever it is, has to be a true believer. No one can reference Dan Devine without either being a huge Packer fan (which would be lame) or a Packer hater, like myself. 1-7 makes me warm and fuzzy. I loved when that fat guy stole the ball from Brett Favre. I am sure the announcers were really pumped, calling him the old gunslinger and saying he always makes a play. Um, no. He throws more picks than Razor Ramon.

Speaking of wrestling, the Ric Flair book is a friggin must read. That man knows how to party. He caused riots in Puerto Rico and banged his way through the US countless times over. Old school wrestiling was the shit. And now what do we get? A fake retard winning belts? Good writing.

Been doing a lot of karaoke at the Old Chicago downtown. I sang "Faith" and "Banditos" and it was very liberating. I was also drunk, but I would do it sober also. Hell, I sang the country classic "Dust On The Bottle" stone sober.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Oh, Lovers Need Lawyers

I heard "Lust For Life" by Iggy Pop, "You Don't Know How It Feels" by Tom Petty, and "Life In One Day" by Howard Jones tonight on JACK 104. I believe Christian now. That station does play some hot shit late at night.

I closed for the first time tonight at work, and it went really smoothly. Got out two minutes early, even. Its weird having to delegate to people, though. I haven't been in charge since the days of Taco Bell. It is kind of fun I have to admit.

The weekend was crazy. Kicked it off Thursday by singing Karaoke at Old Chicago. Rocked the hell out of "Kiss" by Prince and got love from some guy at the bar. I prefaced it with "I bet you never seen a motherfucker who looked like me sing this." Nice. Then I sang "Banditos" by The Refreshments and "I Got You" by Split Endz. I also saw Jeff give a Timberland to a bum and nearly take a bite out of a street pepper.

Then I saw the Decemberists on Friday. I was the only non-theatre major there, but the show was fantastic. I never thought that a band with a chellist and a violinist could rock so hard. The opener was friggin shit, two dudes with acoustic guitars. Lame as hell.

Saturday was a good time. I enjoyed sitting on Nates porch and shooting the shit, having some sort of deep talk (I don't remember much) and smoking cigarettes for the first time in ages.

Thats all for now. I cannot believe the White Sox are about to go up 3-0. I fucking hate those assholes.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Cancer...My Name Is Larry

My I Pod is dead, and it has to be resurrected for the second time in eight months. Seven thousand songs, down the drain. Screw Best Buy, those assholes can't help anyone even though it is their job. Some dude who looked like he just crawled out of the primordial ooze looked at me three times and didn't offer to help once. The troglodyte also had shaggy blonde hair. Thankfully, an older gent helped me. And also, Steve Jobs is a prick. Your state of the art tech breaks down constantly. Anyone looking into a MP3 player should buy a Walkman or a Creative Zen. Screw Apple and it's dork ass granola lovin fanboys. Oooh, I am good for graphic design...and nothing else.

Good for KOOL 108 for playing their entire music library without repeats this week. I heard "Nothing From Nothing"(Billy Preston), "Float On" (The Floaters), and "Knock Three Times"(Tony Orlando) in a row. Can't wait to hear "Ride Like The Wind" and "Life Is A Rock(But The Radio Rolled Me)".

Friday, October 14, 2005

Up, Down, Turnaround, Please Don't Let Me Hit The Ground

I went and saw "Waiting" last night and found it to be hilarious. Most definently a movie that my nonexistent kids will enjoy watching on TBS in 20 years. Best part was when some douche in the audience felt the need to scream out at Andy Millanakus when he said "I am the walrus." Dude screamed "Thats a fucking Beatles line!! Fuck this, I'm fucking leaving. " I saw him in the lobby two minutes later being comforted by his girlfriend. It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen at a theatre. And all this was at Arbor Lakes, because I am sick of the ghetto trash at Regal. Freaks be everywhere, I guess.

I am feeling the shit out of the "Danger Doom" CD. I have only heard a few MF Doom cuts before I purchased, and I have to be honest, I bought this one because of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force cameos. But Doom is the shit, the cameos are not lame like I thought they might be, and Danger Mouse has some kick ass beats. I probably will have to go out and get that Doom album about food next. I also have been in somewhat of a mellow mood lately. I picked up "After the Gold Rush" by Neil Young on vinyl about a week ago and I have been bumping that quite a bit. I love "Southern Man" and "Only Love Can Break Your Heart." It's been a bit of a weird musical journey lately. I felt the overwhelming need (not want) to hear "Brilliant Disguise" by Springsteen on the way to school. So overwhelming, in fact, that I almost ran into CD Warehouse and bought it.

If you don't own the "Arrested Development" season two box set, you are shamed. This is the truth, and the best sitcom on TV. Random lines like," I, uh, went out to my shit hole trailer and smoked the weed like a cigarette" crack me up every time.

Oh, and one other thing. I finally friggin got promoted! I guess the DM was impressed with how I helped open the store that I am going to be a shift at Northtown in a couple of weeks. The extra bank is going to allow me to move out of the parents house and into a crap place with a few roomies. Its time for the baby bird to fly the coop. Actually, its probably been time for five years, but whatever.

Monday, October 10, 2005

I Need Bullets, Hurry Up, RUN!!!

God, I hate pretentious know it all college students. We had a discussion in my Media Ethics class last hour on whether or not it was wrong for the Star Tribune to not publish the names Indians, Redskins, or Fighting Sioux. Most of the people in class agreed that it was OK because the team names were part of society and actual names. Some weird beard in the front woke me from my nap by saying that he was all super offended and that no one would stand for the Texas N******. Well, bitch offended me with that one. I then noticed that there was not a black person in the class. I bet the miniscule contents of my bank account that he would not have said that one if there was a black person in class. Fucking hippie. Little wool sweater and whatnot. I wanted to say, I actaully want a team named the Pittsburgh Krauts or the New Jersey Meatballs. I would be first in line to buy a jersey. I almost brought Nate Heck into this one. I'm pretty sure Nates got some Indian in this one, and that kid had at least two Indians hats by my count. So, to sum up, fuck sensitive intellectuals. I bet he said that just so he could get into some tree hugger chicks pants.

Oh, and Guided By Voices song "Game Of Pricks" is the shit...

Sunday, September 25, 2005

It's The Freakin Weekend

My "Internets" is back on, thank god. Too bad some are still without power. What a awful storm. I was stuck out in the storm in Champlin, which is double bad, because it is Champlin.

The last three days have been the shit. Thursday I went out to TGI Fridays and downtown with some of my Starbucks co-workers as a sort of "goodbye to Jake at Maple Grove" party. I drank three Ultimate Long Islands and got really really tipsy. Then on Friday, I went down to the U and kicked it at Nates for like 30 minutes before we went to some random kegger which was a mile away. Saw Peter Harolds new digs, and saw Jeff grab a rake from a frat house and say "I'm Rake-kwon." Then we walked to meet a friend of Jeffs, only to find the address given was that of an industrial park. The walk was definently a walk to remember.

Saturday was the best of the nights. Christian had his "leaving the EBHC" party and rocked cowboy boots like the Gap Band. We started out at Nye's. I guess that Frank Vascelerio was in the house, so Pete, Jeff and Milla went to go buy him a shot. Too bad he left. I ate the best pierogi ever, and drank many a cheap beer. Then we went to Gastoffs for Oktoberfest, where I consumed a Tied To The Bedpost and got pumped when "Jump Around" came on. The ride was the funniest. Peter had to straddle my lap because there were 8 people in a Mercury Sable. I felt really gay. I never had a 200 pound man on my lap before. Hopefully that will be the last time.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

There She Goes Again, The Dopest Ethopian

Jeff finally made me the "Wanksta" mix of Underground Hip-Hop and Indie Rock. I am so pumped! Two discs, both the shit, introducing me to stuff that I had never heard. Fantastic. I also was introduced to this band called Diamond Nights, who kick more ass than any band recently. They sound like Thin Lizzy, Kiss and Van Halen thrown into some sort of music blender. I'd do coke with them if they asked me.

Quade killed his blog. Maybe someday he will bring it back with new material. Or maybe a return of The Plays? I kind of doubt it.

Cuts of the week:
"Catch My Disease" Ben Lee
"Cracklin' Rosie" Neil Diamond
"Black Book" Stephen Malkmus
"April Skies" Jesus and Mary Chain (Can't stop listening to the "Darklands" CD)
"Night On Fire" VHS or Beta

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Tonight It's Very Clear, As We're Both Lying Here

PUMPED!!! Got let out of work two hours early, and all I had to do was train one of the new girls how to make drinks. Mainly we just shot the shit about the U and how it would be sweet to live down there. Not much else new, started class this week. I have a bunch of case study and strategic bullshit that I have to do in order to get my degree, so my social life may suffer soon. Yeah, right. I am the only person who doesn't study for finals and end up with B's on everything. Got a good parking contract this semester right next to the commuter bus stop, so its better than walking all over campus. I don't have class til 1:25 either. Sweetness like Walter Payton.

Jeff informed me that The Hold Steady and The New Pornographers are both coming in concert in October. I am there. Those bands released two of the best CDs of the year. I cannot stop listening to the New Pornographers CD "Twin Cinema." God it's so damn good. Off for some night tennis where I'm gonna dominate like Agassi.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

You Sexy MF

After putting "Emancipation" by Prince on my I Pod yesterday, I had a dream that he performed at the Grammys in the Champlin Park auditorium. He also had Angelina Jolie on stage in a metal bikini flamenco dancing to his "new" song. Then we all went to the gift store and bought commerative T-Shirts from the event that said "Bilzzard '91" and were sponsored by Tommy Hilfiger and "Cigarettes." Then I roamed the halls of CPHS and went into my old 12th grade English class, where I did not acknowlege anyone, I just took a cup of coffee with cream. The lesson in all of this: Don't listen to Prince and eat Buffalo Wild Wings before going to bed on the first day of school.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Blaze It Up/Fortuante Son

Been quite an interesting week. In the spirit of "I will try anything once" I went salsa dancing with some of my female co-workers on Wednesday night. Seeing as how I have danced like twice in my life, I still had fun. That was probably due to the large amount of mixed drinks that I consumed over the course of the evening. Oh, and I did actually dance, just not well. And I was finally let in on the mystery of the "black man handshake" (as Quade and Jeff have dubbed it). I failed, but the bouncer said that my white ass would get it someday.

Today I enjoyed some Broadway buffet, and then went blazer shopping. I feel the need for something in a pinstripe, I think black. The shitty thing is that all the places that I went had that bullshit "vintage cut" style that looks like a chick should wear it. I don't have the body of a male model, so I don't look good in a vintage cut. Gay. Anyways, I think that some more clothes shopping is in order next Friday. I have class, but fuck it. College is for skipping, idn't it?

I find the New Orleans situation much worse than 9/11, personally. The pictures coming out of that city are damn sad. The worst part is that the media is not handling it like 9/11. I think that it is the media bias toward minorities. The reason that 9/11 got so much coverage was, yes, due to the fact that it was done by evil. But most of the people killed were white and proffessional. Hurricane Katrina hit the poor parts of New Orleans worst, and the low-income people were the most affected. Plus, Cocksucker Bush doesn't have a "terr" to fight. My brother Jordan said that Bush will probably propose a war on storms next. He is so fucking stupid. I swear to god, open your fucking oil-filled wallet and donate, say, $10 million to relief efforts. I know that you have it, you can afford it. Instead of telling people to "hang in there" actually fucking do something, you ignorant son of a bitch.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

It's In The Way That You Use It

The V.M. Gays are on tonight, and they are really fucking stupid. Friggin Hillary Duff came out with her statutory buddy and said that he introduced her to AFI, Rancid and...MORRISSEY!! How fucking gay! I bet that she has never heard a Morrissey song, and either has that douche fuck from Good Charlotte. Lame. Fucking lame. And Nelly is wearing a Batman shirt?

I heard, on JACK tonight, "It's In The Way That You Use It" by Eric Clapton. I got super pumped. I don't like a whole lot of Clapton, but that song brings me back to my childhood, and my parents big tan Delta 88 that had a spring that stuck into your butt in the back seat. Also, I heard "My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit, which brought me back to Junior year in high school when all I did was sit in my room and play Ape Escape and Civilization II. I was cool as shit.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Where Are You Now?

Cody's last supper was an interesting time. There were a bunch of people that I rather would not have seen, but it was good. I guess a frisbee with pics of the kid who laughed at Yoda on it are ok, but not that kids balls. Watching Peter hump Cody one last time was amusing, and now I have it as my wallpaper on my phone.

In other news, I am transferring to the Northtown Starbucks starting in mid-September. It is a new store, and it will not be as busy as the Maple Grove one, which is a nice change. Also, it will be nice to be in a different area. The Northtown store will be about ten minutes quicker to get to, and the customers may not be as high maintenence. I am so sick of people demanding there only be one half shot of espresso in their latte or mocha. Come the fuck on! Don't come to a coffee shop and order a $4 drink if you don't want coffee flavor. Or order a Frappuccino or something.

The Cuts:
"I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend" The Rubinoos
"Shelter From The Storm" Bob Dylan
"Sing Me Spanish Techno" The New Pornographers
"Do You Want To?" Franz Ferdinand
"Soul Meets Body" Death Cab For Cuite

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

The Bloodhound Gang have released the worst song in the history of recorded music. It is called Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo. Hey, look guys, they said FUCK in the title! The whole song is them inventing new euphamisms for sex. One involves pudding or something. I would rather eat at Old Country Buffet for the rest of my life than ever hear this shit again. I actually find the dumb shit that the Bloodhound Gang usually puts out funny, but this is just fucking painful. Oh, and this song took SIX years to put out. They were "working on" the song in 2001. Holy shit, this is bad.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

She's My Tender Roni

Cody's going away party provided for some interesting moments. Christian decided to play Bobby Brown's greatest hits, which caused most of the other non-former-Farmers to clear the lane. His parents had an excpetional taco bar, which had about seven different kinds of salsa. Most of the night, Cody sauntered around to different people while this couple groped each other in the corner. It did kind of suck because I was the only person at the whole party not drinking, but it was interesting none the less.

Otherwise, it has been nothing but work, which sucks ass. I worked almost 40 hours at Starbucks this week. I got a huge ass paycheck though, which I haven't had a chance to spend.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Don't Want No Sugar Cereal, Cause It Makes My Teeth Bacterial

What happened to toys in cereal? Back in the day, there was always a sweet toy even in the lamest of cereals. Except for King Vitamin, which they gave to the welfare kids and featured a lame-ass mask on the back. The last toy I remember was that Halloween disc that Nate would play at the Farm that featured the song "Boo, I'm Gonna Scare You." The best toys ever were the Soggies and Cap'n figures that came in Cap'n Crunch back in like '85 or '86. The soggies glowed in the dark. Also, the bowls that came with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cereal were cool as hell, but the cereal tasted like stale ass. Those little nets cut the roof of your mouth worse than anything. Oh, and the Post Cereals giving out the baseball cards every Spring was really sweet also. They always had their team logos blocked out, but they were still kickass.

The Cuts:
"Where You Get Love" Matthew Sweet
"The Bitterest Pill" The Jam"
"You're Dead" Alkaline Trio
"Thunder Island" Jay Fergusson (The gayest 70s song...EVER?)

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Can't Knock The Hustle For Real

WE FUCKING WON!!! A game won, without a forefit. We took the first game 14-12, with some stellar play by Nick Miller at second and a bunch of dingers by this ringer named Bill. Then we lost the second game 26-16. I tried to leg out a triple, but my visions of grandeur were quashed when the Allman Brothers looking third baseman tagged me out on my ass. So gay, but I got a few Ribbies and made a few decent plays at first. God, a win feels good. Kind of like sub-par sex.

The Cuts:
"Up On Cripple Creek" The Band
"If I Can't Change Your Mind" Sugar
"Dracula's Wedding" Andre 3000
"Step Into My Office" Belle and Sebastian

Oh, and tomorrow I have an interview with my district manager about a promotion. I am told it is merely a formality, so soon I will be getting a raise. More CDs, more food.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Indian Outlaw, Part Cherokee and Choctaw

We won the second game of the tournament (over the CPHS jocks Bomb Squad) because they didn't show up. Then we got killed by a team of 40 year old Indian dudes. Oh well, Fall League starts tomorrow. Work today was really lame. I had to work the front desk for 2 1/2 hours because no one showed up. Working front desk is the equivalent of getting it in the tailpipe by Shaq, Tommy Lee and Milton Berle one after the other. Then, my lunch was interrupted by a page telling me to check the sauna because the Hmong family that bathes each other was sitting in there naked, according to some member. After asking the patriarch if they were indeed clothed, I went back to eating my sandwich. Alas, my appetite was ruined.

Songs of the day:
"Tears Of A Clown" The English Beat
"See A Little Light" Bob Mould
"So Here We Are" Bloc Party
"Little Sister" Queens Of The Stone Age

Saturday, August 13, 2005

I'm Dick Butkis

We lost the first game of our softball tourney today, 16-4. The team was made up of a bunch of fucking ex-jocks and was sponsored by some shit bar Nordeast. And when one popped up, he yelled "Fritzy." I guess you can't escape high school no matter how hard you try. And their catcher was Dustin Wagner. What the hell? CPHS has too much pull in the Brooklyn Center "D" softball league.

Quote of the game: "So, are all the other teams in your league fags too?" Jeff Hill

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Givin' You The Business All Night Long

Sorry about the lack of update, but I have been busy with work and sleep and the whatnot. Lately I have been playing a lot of tennis (or 'nis as Jesse "Red" Lind called it) and some basketball. I also have been watching the "Arrested Development" Season 1 set my brother Zach bought. Fantastic purchase. Also decided to load up the ol' Ipod with some old favorites, and now I am up to over 5000 songs. Oh, and I bought Ted Leo and the Pharmacists (friggin excellent) The Dirtbombs B Sides and Rarities disc (also friggin excellent) and Spiritualized "Ladies and Gentleman, We Are Floating In Space"(haven't listened to it yet). All in all, not too interesting of a week.

Whats on it? The Cuts (for week ending 8/14/05):
"I'm Mad"-EPMD
"Raw Power"-Iggy and The Stooges
"First Day Of My Life"-Bright Eyes
"Mayonaise"-Smashing Pumpkins
"Fell On Black Days"-Soundgarden

I told you I was going old school, especially on the last two. Oh, and last night I had a dream that I was put into a jungle outpost to study nature. Then my dad yelled at my brother Aaron for buying some crappy album. He told him not to make the same mistakes that he did because he bought a Parliment album that sucked where "Bootsy was undoing George Clinton's bowtie" on the back cover.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Surrender, Surrender, But Don't Give Yourself Away

Today was a good day. I got off work an hour early and I proceded to get a Crunch Wrap Supreme from Taco Bell. The Crunch Wrap Supreme is the greatest invention known to man. There is like 50 things folded over inside a tortilla and grilled to perfection. The best T-Bell item since the invent of the Chalupa in 1999. Anyways, I also heard "Surrender" by Cheap Trick on JACK as I was driving down the parkway and, lo and behold, a golfer was in the middle of his back swing. So I laid on the horn and floored it. I got so pumped that I had to take a three hour nap.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Daddy Was A Cop On The East Side Of Chicago

My weekend was tiring. I worked 15 hours between the two jobs yesterday, eight on Saturday, and six on Friday. Still, I found some time to chill at Jeffs and have a few beers on Saturday night. It was kind of cool seeing the whole gang there. I cannot remember the last time Mok, Quade and Cody all were together. It was a good time, with many mixes bumped.

I've been broke as a joke and as corrupt as a senator, so I have been listening to a lot of weird shit due to the fact that I can't buy CDs like usual. I have been bumping mad 70s AM Gold CDs, playing shit like "The Night Chicago Died," "Billy Don't Be A Hero," and "Fooled Around and Fell In Love." This got me thinking about the current state of radio.

Back in the 70s, KDWB played everything. I found a site that has their old playlists, and Black Sabbath would be followed by Sly and the Family Stone, which would be followed by Sammy Davis Jr. Now, its all shitty rap and pop metal. Where is the variety? Another thing is that most of the bands that got radio airplay back in the day were pre-fab studio bands. They would just have the same five dudes record songs under different names. Like "Beach Baby" was by First Class, and "Hitchin A Ride" was by Vanity Fare. But it was the same band. This shit could fly today, because MTV doesn't air videos and only older bands draw good numbers touring. I wonder why no one works that angle? Oh well, stations like JACK and XM will kill terrestrial radio as we know it in the next five years.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Da Da Da Duh...The Reflex, Flex, Flex Flex Flex

The Kings of Leon are the hick rock dandy kings. The concert last night put hair in places I have never seen, if you know what I mean. Never before have I seen three men strut onstage in womens clothing and sing songs about impotence and gang rumbles with so much abandon. And the girls understood. There was a strange mix of preps, old rockers, new New Wave chicks and scuzzballs in Dikembe Mutombo jerseys. Every song was sung along with like it was some sort of Dashboard Confessional show crossed with a tent revival, which, given the Kings Baptist roots, seems apt. Highlights included the band shaking their asses as they played towards the drummer, and the lead singer getting so excited at the end of "Tranni" that he had to toss the mic stand at the ground. And everyone was smoking cigs on the stage, which seemed eternally cool for some reason. Sure, they didn't sing "Day Old Blues" (as like three dudes behind me cried out for) but they did play every other song off their two albums.

The openers, The Shout Out Louds, were no slouches themselves. I kept thinking, as they ripped through their set, "Shit, these guys (and girl) are going to be fucking huge." They sounded even better live then on their excellent CD "Howl Howl Gaff Gaff." A Swedish Cars or Weezer would sum them up, but their lyrics were more emo than either band. The enterance was met with indifference, but the crowd booed the lead singer when he said it would be the end of their set. Even cooler was the fact that the band went into the crowd to watch the other bands and even played pool. Jeff Hill said that he saw the lead singer checking out some hottie while she was bent over. And we think we smelled the bassist by the merch booth, and he smelled pretty bad. Who can blame him, he was rocking out in a full suit.

The Secret Machines sounded like a primordial Pink Floyd. They were good, good enough to make me buy their EP, but eight minute long jams are not usually my bag at concerts. Still, their cover of Dylan's "Girl From The North Country" made me nearly cry, it was so beautiful. The drummer was amazing, and he looked like a stoned caveman. He never once looked up from his kit, he was so into beating the shit out.
(I listened to the EP today, and the songs play much better on disc than live. Still, not as much drum. Which isn't a good thing)

Monday, July 25, 2005

Your Little Hood Rat Friend

I played mad tennis today, and I lost to Quade and Nick pretty bad. I kept blowing huge leads, and it sucked. But I did win a few games from Nick, and after one I posed like Shawn Michaels over my racket. It was fucking hot.

I bought five new CDs this weekend, and I am feeling them all. The best of the bunch is by this group called The Hold Steady. The lead singer was from Minneapolis, and he wrote a bunch of confessional songs about doing drugs in Osseo and how no one hangs out at City Center. It sounds kind of like a punk rock Bruce Springsteen. Also enjoying the Jamie Lidell, the Shout Out Louds and the Belle and Sebastian CD. I heard about all but the Belle and Sebastian from Jeff and Christian, so it looks like I have lost my title as the go to guy for new music. And I also feel the shit out of the new Gwen Stefani song "Cool." I love 80s sounding shit.

Oh, and I also got tickets to the Kings Of Leon concert on Thursday. It is going to be the shit, for sure. I bet the Kings kick ass so hard live, those coked-out ponces. I swear, confidence or extreme sadness make the best music. No in between. Either you are a suicidal nutjob like Nick Drake or Morrissey, or you swagger like you got the biggest cock like Mick and Keith or Liam and Noel. Guys who lead normal lives make albums like Ben Folds. Granted, I love Ben Folds more than most other stuff, but he doesn't make the most exciting music out there. His best songs were when he was sad and bored on "Whatever and Ever Amen." Also, the Stones have sucked since they kicked the drugs and whores. Complacency leads to shit.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Jennine, I Can Be Him

I bought Fall Out Boys pussy-punk opus "From Under The Cork Tree" today. The re-virginization of Jacob Donald Eickholt is now complete. I have been listening to a bootyload of pop punk lately, and its 2001 all over again. Lame, but brilliant. And another waitress laughed at me at Broadway today. Quade felt the need to yell, "You don't have a real job," and then the chick laughed. Hahahahaha LOL.

Then Best Buy provided me with plentiful hot chicks. It doesn't matter where, the workers, the customers, whatever. There is hot ladies aplenty at the Maple Grove Best Buy. Every time I walk in I am greeted by a hot security guard. Its much better than the guy everyone called "Stoolio" at the Brooklyn Center because he was too lazy to stand up. One time he told Jeff Hill that "Everyone and they moms was buying Training Day." God, that Best Buy was lame. Oh well, it kicked the BC Circuit Citys ass. They had more CDs and they were cheaper, but it was like a ghost town up there.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

The Wise Man Has The Power To Reason Away

Wedding Crashers is the funniest movie I have seen in a long time. I swear, Vince Vaughn is giving Ferrell a run for his money as the man who makes me laugh the most. "The girl in the hat just eye fucked the shit out of me" is just so damn out there.

I have been bumping mad 70s tunes for the last few days. All the heavyweights. Billy, Elton, Sir Paul, Rod. They all get equal play. The best 70s song that I have uncovered recently is "Couldn't I Just Tell You?" by Todd Rundgren. God, this song is amazing. And to think, the bastard went on to write bullshit like "Bang on the Drum All Day." Truly a wasted talent.

Oh, and Bush is even more of a puppet whore than I previously thought. Now, he won't fire his daddy Karl Rove because he didn't officially commit a crime. What the hell is this? And John Kerry is a flip-flopper? Stick to your guns, Mr. Mission Accomplished. I fucking hate that shit eating son of a bitch more than anyone. Just turning over the fold on the Star Tribune today made me want to puke. I can't wait to see who he nominates to the Supreme Court tonight. Probably another religious right puppet, like himself. The only way I can hold back the tears is to tell myself, three more years. That, and bump some more "What A Fool Believes" or some T.Rex.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Stay All Day, If You Want To

I heard "Gouge Away" by the Pixies twice in a row today on 89.3 The Current. I got pumped both times to the point that my fellow motorists were watching me.

Fantastic Four is suprisingly good. I went into it pretty worried that it would suck like The Hulk, which I defended because I went to the midnight showing and paid $8. But the movie had a nice sense of humor, even though some parts were really slow.

I was bored the other day, and I came to the conclusion that Bo Jackson was my favorite athlete of all time, at his peak. Had he stuck to one sport, we would be talking about the greatest running back or greatest center fielder of all time. I went to a Twins game in 1990 and I actually wrote in my scorecard that Bo was a showboat. He was catching the ball behind his back and between his legs while warming up and I was in awe that someone could do that without any effort, and it kind of made me mad. Oh, and that Score card/poster with him in the shoulder pads/bat was the pimpest shit at back in the day.

Other random sports thoughts:
My favorite baseball player of all time is Ken Griffey Jr. I have loved Griffey since 1991, and sometimes my Mariners obsession got out of hand in the mid-1990s. It's still nice to see him hit one out, even with all the other injures. Easily the best player I have ever seen live, and I watched Puckett, Molitor and others for years. In 1997, I saw him hit one out at the Dome, with about 3,000 other people.

Favortie basketball player of all time: Jordan. Need I say more? I fucking loved everything that MJ did when I was a kid. I also was a huge Grant Hill fan, but I remember having Jordan posters on my wall when I was 6 0r 7. I watched every minute of every Finals game the Bulls ever played, and I can tell you where I was when he scored 35 in the first half against the Blazers in 1992 (my Aunt Jenny's house eating bar-b-que) and when he scored 63 against the Celtics in 1986 (the Holiday Inn in Brooklyn Center). The Babe Ruth of basketball. The 1993 Finals were tough to watch, as I loved the Suns with Sir Charles and the Bulls. I rooted for the Suns, but when Paxon hit that three, I didn't exactly cry.

Muhammad Ali is the most important athlete ever. Hands down. He held the title off and on from 1964 to 1978, which is forever in boxing. He also stood up for what he believed to the point that prison was an option. That takes some cojones, to give up your career because you "ain't got no quarrel with the Vietcong." He also was such a bad motherfucker there was a top 40 song about him being a black superman, and he felt the need to tell the announcers (after he won his first title) that he was a bad man and so pretty. He talked jive like a pimp, fought with his hands at his sides, and advanced black rights by being the best and loudest. Thats some cool shit.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Is There Life Out There?

I went to my uncles wedding reception last night, and it confirmed my stance on marriage for the time being. If you want to do it, good for you, but it ain't my bag. I just saw all the people there who didn't look happy, and it outweighed the ones who did. Weird atmosphere. But they had a free keg for a couple of hours, so that was fun.

What was also weird was the fact that I actually had a conversation with my grandfather. My grandpa and I have some major differences both politically and religiously. He also likes to collect weaponry, something for which I really don't care about. So I would put our relationship at about a 2 or 3 on the 1-10 scale. Anyways, we talked mainly about my future, which was expected. But the surprise came when I told him about where I wanted to move after graduation. I said Chicago was on a short list, and he encouraged my idea. The man shoots down quite a bit of what I say, and to hear that was a nice change. Also, I realized that someone who worked for a multinational company for 25 years probably knows a thing or two about good places to live. I have probably been to 1% of where he has been (Communist Russia, all of Europe, Japan, etc.) . But he has only lived in North Minneapolis his entire life, within a 10 block radius pretty much, and is also very family oriented. It was just interesting to hear someone give me feedback on this idea. I do not want to live here my whole life. Granted, I have quite a bit of state pride, but I want to see what else is out there.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Let Me Hold You, Come Caress My Body, You Got Me Going Crazy,You Turn Me Up, Turn Me On

Thank you, Kevin Little, for proving that one hit wonders (or oneders) do still exist.

Man, I fucking hate golfers. I live off the 13 or 14th tee of Edinburgh, so every day from March to November I see dudes in khaki slacks and some sort of Lauren couture teeing off when I go to work. They expect me to stop so they can drive their little fucking carts instead of walking across a pretty busy parkway. I decided to get a little revenge. Every day that someone is golfing by my house and I pass, I lay on the horn. I mean, this isn't a love tap, it's a full on honk. Sometimes I yell "fuckers" really loud, also. That's what they get for being lazy and wearing khaki way too friggin tight for their fat asses. The best is when they dress like Payne Stewart, with the tam-o-shanter and the knickers. That makes them even look gayer.

Boone debut tonight for the Twinks. I don't know about them catching The Sux, but a wild card looks pretty good right about now. Then they can work those fags in the ALCS.

Songs of the day:
-"Billy Jack Bitch" Prince
-"Mercy Mercy Me" Marvin Gaye
-"Tears Of A Clown" Smokey Robinson and the Miracles
-That lame ass Antigone Rising song I hear every day at work that goes "She's not, She's not Innocent" (Cause I hear it all the time and it blows)
Also, Starbucks is selling a Sly Stone remix CD with Big Boi, Maroon 5, D'Angelo and a whole bunch of other decent artists on it. I may have to check it out, if it kicks ass like the Motown one.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Feelin Allright, Uh-Huh

Feelin better, still have a sore throat though. Listened to a lot of tunes and watched the All Star festivities. Also dug out my tape of the 1996 All Star game. It had a bunch of playoff highlights on it, and a news report from KARE 11 where someone threw a paint gernade over the balcony at Champlin Park! There was an interview with Mr Bohthius and everything. Pretty weird.

Gonna try to play softball tonight, and get the Gamers an elusive win. So elusive.

Heres a few of the current listens
-World Leader Pretend-Punches (Fantastic. Sounds like Radiohead/REM. Thanks Quade)
-Morrissey- Your Arsenal
-Fountains of Wayne- Out Of State Plates
-Stephen Malkmus- Self Titled
-All American Rejects- Move Along (Yeah, I know its pop punk bullshit. I dont care)
-Sonic Youth-Daydream Nation

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Come On, Come On

I have the bronchitis or some kind of infection, and I have been sleeping way too much. Here is the laundry list of my sick dream I had last night.

-Transvestite hooker forcing herself on me at gunpoint
-Anthony Anderson shooting said hooker five times (and her not dying)
-Christian, Jeff and myself going to the Glastonbury Festival
-Me watching Rilo Kiley and Jenny Lewis singing directly to me
-Me preforming with Ben Folds and William Shatner on a "40s duet"
-Christian losing my wallet forcing me to stay in England longer than anyone else

I think that there was more, but thats all I can remember. What the hell?

Monday, July 11, 2005

Jakies Back, Tell A Friend

The trip to Milwaukee was epic. So much fun was had that I don't think that it can be expressed in words. The first night was the night of the show. We took the city bus to Summerfest after having a few of Milwaukees finest and arrived at a combo of the State Fair, the Taste of Minnesota and a beer fest. We stopped at a Shakey's pizza stand then headed into the concert.

The Pixies made me cry. It was the most amazing show that I have ever seen, and the whole band looked so excited to be playing together again. The only downside was that some guy felt the need to start shit with me. I was jumping around, singing, and I guess I threw an elbow at his girlfriend (inadvertently). He bumped into me, and I said sorry. To which he replied, "Fuck you motherfucker. I paid for this seat. You made my girlfriend leave, motherfucker." Jeff gave him an "I want to kill you" look and he sat down for the rest of the show. Then, his girlfriend came back and HE yelled at HER. So, it worked out. Yet, the fucker ruined "Monkey Gone To Heaven" and "Where Is My Mind" for me.

Weezer delivered another odd show. Rivers Cuomo has the worst stage presence of any lead singer I have ever seen. He stands motionless and unenthused throughout the show. Except for when I saw them at Roy Willkins, where he was a cock rock god for one night. Nevertheless, the band still delivered. They played most of their new album, and it sounded fantastic. "We Are All On Drugs" had this really cool background that swirlled around. And they played a totally different version of "Buddy Holly" with a Moog. And Rivers even started to get into the show towards the end and thanked the audience profusely at the end. Too bad they didn't play more from Pinkerton. Probably the best concert I have ever attended.

At the end of the night, we heard Death Cab For Cutie play a few songs. We couldn't see them because there were 5,000 people in front of us, but "The Sound Of Settling" sounded damn good.

The second day we just went back to hang out and maybe watch Whitesnake. The lineup was really weak, with Alter Bridge, Issac Hayes and Cowboy Mouth being the free shows. So we just drank and walked around. The bus ride home was nuts. Milwaukee County buses have TVs in them, and they have these "Who am I?" guessing games to play. Cody sat in the back and was playing the game with the entire bus, and leading them in a chant of "Teddy Teddy" when Roosevelt came on. Great day. Earlier, we went to the dirtiest beach on Lake Michigan and ate Popeyes from the most ghetto Popeyes ever.

And we toured the Miller Brewery. It was really cool seeing how the beer gets shipped and packaged. And it was really cool drinking free beer samples. The Miller Cafe had the best burgers and the worst waitress ever, and a sign that said "The Only Bud We Serve Here is Selig." Gay.

Then we went up to Millas cabin, which was fun as all hell. We partied until seven in the morining, and Millas crazy neighbor took us for a random pontoon ride at 3:30 in the morning. Overall, one of the best weeks of my life, hands down.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

We're Gonna Make Our Dreams Come True

Me Lee Wauk ee, Algonquin for the good land. And about to be ripped to shit by Jacob Donald Eickholt.

Cody Stevens finally decided to call and tell us that all the campsites in the area are booked for the weekend. Nice timing, as we are going next Thursday. So I talked it over and booked the hotel today for two nights for only $150 total. Nice. Also, the trip will only take about five hours to get there. I am so pumped to see the Pixies and Weezer together. It will be like some crazy dream. And I am definently getting myself a Miller Lite T-Shirt at the brewery. Its gonna be sweet as all hell.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Peanuts, Cracker Jack

The Twins put on quite a show tonight. So did some hot little piece of ass that sat in front of Quade and I. She was whipping her hair around and rubbing her ugly boyfriends hair. Then I accidentally spilled nacho cheese on the boyfriend. Then, in a hurry to get some napkins, I stepped on some other girls foot. This was all after some little girl told me to be quiet even though she wasn't talking at all before the game. I hope she gets knocked up at 14 or sooner, little bitch. Little bitch.

Pizza Luce Baked Potato pizza kicks more ass than any other Meatball/Dago food product (Lagsana, Manacotti, et al.) I have said this before, and I will shout it from the mountain top!

Saturday, June 25, 2005

It's A Family Affair

Interesting weekend. Last night I saw Hookers N Blow at the Fine Line and it was a good time. I did hear the bouncer talking about "shrooming" with some guy named Danny. Then we ate Luce and lost Jeff at the Lone Tree. When I entered the Lone Tree I saw Peter Harold Quist sitting there all beautiful and such. Then we made gay love. It was sensual. Afterwards Christian invited some hobags to a pool party and when they refused I referred to them as Bobby Brown Whitney Houston ass divas. Good times. And I do agree with the early statement that the Lone Tree is a "Brett Bar." Fucking "Hollaback Girl" and "1,2 Step" a hundred times in a row.

Then today I went to the Jeff's sisters grad party. Jeffs sisters boyfriend referred to me as a pussy ass bitch because I didn't want another beer, then he said it was ok because I had to drive. Then he proceded to tell me that he wanted to get me drunk and take advantage of me. Funny stuff.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

A German Sense Of Humour

Why doesn't frozen yogurt get as much play as ice cream? I think its way better, yet the nearest TCBY is in New Hope. Quade brought it up the other day and I had to go because I hadn't been there for a year or two. There was one by my house a couple of years ago, but then it turned into some shitty restruant called "Mandarin."

Yesterday was another softball ass whalloping. One game we lost 30-11. It was still fun, and I realized that we are the only team of misfits in the league. All the other teams are in multiple leagues, and we are out there having fun. Anyways, I am super pumped because I got a triple. Big slow me legged out an actual triple.

Monday, June 20, 2005

I'm A Pepper, He's A Pepper, She's A Pepper

I swear to God, I am going to have nightmares for at least a week after seeing this dude:

This shit, as far as I know, is real.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Let The Rain Come Down

Is Hillary Duff legal yet? I was debating this the other day. The only reason that I wonder this is because I just saw an Icebreakers commercial with the Duff sisters and I have to say that the elder Duff is waaaaaaay hotter than Hillary. Shit, why does she have to ride coattails when she is much better looking and probably more talented. Who the fuck cares how talented she is? Why do I care? I have turned into Teen People.

Up All Night, Sleep All Day

The last week has been boring as all getup. It went a little something like this. Work, gym, work, gym, softball ass pounding, work, gym. My life has become so routine since school let out. And now, after a nine hour work day, I am watching some movie on USA called "The Guru" featuring an Indian guy, Marissa Tomei and Heather Graham where the Indian guy fucks Tomei and she thinks that he is a guru. I am not sure if it is a romantic comedy or what. I wish Rhonda Sheere was here, like 10-12 years ago. USA UP! All night. The best shit ever for sleepovers. License To Drive, Ski School, Dinosuar Island, The Warriors and Friday the 13th on Friday the 13th. Heaven for a 11 year old was a Bigfoot pizza, USA Up All Night, a case of Mello Yello and Street Fighter II for SNES. God, do I miss those days.

Monday, June 13, 2005

My Love, Do You Ever Dream Of Candy Coated Raindrops?

I played tennis in the rain today and it was a disheartening feeling to have more sweat on you than rain. Anyways, I lost. I took one set to 7-5, but I still lost all four sets I played. I guess I just suck ass.

I did something on Saturday that I thought I would never do. I bought Kiss Greatest Hits. I hate Kiss and especially Gene Simmons, but "I Was Made For Loving You," "Shout It Out Loud" and "Calling Doctor Love." I feel really really dirty for buying it, but I have purchased worse in the past. The "Kiss Me" single? Or ABBA Gold?

Mr and Mrs Smith was a good film, but the ghettoness that is Regal Cinnema really pissed me off. I went on Saturday afternoon and there were still single moms with their obnoxious kids running around. Then some woman answered her cell twice during the movie, talking for two minutes straight both times. She was like "Where you parked, no, I'm at a show." Who turns on their phone in a movie? Oh yeah, the trash that goes to Regal.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Johnnys The Human Torch

The new Fantastic Four movie got me thinking. What was the whole theme song for the cartoon that was on FOX in the early 90's? All I can remember is "Johnnys the human torch." Does anyone else remember it? I hope one of the lyrics was "The Thing is made of rock."

Good game Quade and Jeff, by the way. I have never been so wiped out from a game of 2 on 2 ever. At least this time we took you to seven games. The overall series stands at like 56-22 or something like that I bet.

Let's Do It Like They Do On The Discovery Channel

The Discovery Channel has the best comedy miniseries airing right now. Its called "The 100 Greatest Americans" and it is supposed to be all realistic, but its just too damn funny. Here are some of the luminaries who graced the top 100
-Dr Phil
-Condolezza Rice
-Arnold Schwarzenegger
The last one is kind of funny, seeing as how Ahnuld is an Austrian. Anyways, the list is fucking retarted. Dubbya and Lance Armstrong made the top 25. What a crock of shit.
I propose that Dave Thomas get on there for popularizing the dollar menu at fast food establishments, and also that George Lucas also make the list, for obvious reasons that I should never have to state.

I start doing Sunday nights at Lifetime Fitness this week. Quade needed a guy to close and I needed a free membership, so what the hell? Should be good times, and I could always use the extra cash. God knows making drinks for the high school girlies isn't making the bills. Heee, I want a carmel cooler. Well, then go to Caribou. At least that would be my response if I were an asshole.

Oh, and the Bloodhound Gang haven't released an album since 1999. How hard is it to come up with 45 minutes worth of gay bashing and shit jokes?

Sunday, June 05, 2005

I Drink A Lot Of Soda So They Call Me Dr.Pepper

I hate the Spurs. The Spurs are the James Taylor of pro sports. Boring yet very technically good and popular.

Had a boring week, pretty much. Well, I did find an ORIGINAL Han Solo in Hoth Gear action figure at work yesterday. What the hell? I am sure that there is some sad little kid out there without his Han, yet there is a much happier manchild here with Han looking over him at night from his headboard.

The umps tonight really killed us. I love the Twins-Yankees series more than any other, but the umps really didn't want that losing streak to reach 7. We will see who makes the postseason.

Some douche bags at the Dome were celebrating a bachelor party by yelling "steroids" at Giambi and asking some fag tree about the best "titty bar" in the Twin Cities. Said fag tree replied with "the Vu" where he had, and I quote, "um, uh never be--been there once." According to Mr. Tree, you can also drop "like twenty bucks there." Then the douche bag with no sleeves who was getting married talked about how much better Milwaukee was than here because they draw fewer people and they don't have ads for "Verizon, Dairy Queen and Hormel" at Miller Park. Then he talked about fighting Cubs fans. Why would you come here to celebrate when Chicago is closer and bigger? Stay the fuck home next time. I was so tempted to talk about how the Brewers have had one winning season in 20 years, but I thought I would let him have his glory. Best of all, some girl was eating it up. I thought to myself, "If I ever go gay, this will be the point that I mark as the time I lost all faith in women."

Friday, June 03, 2005

Whatever You Do, Don't Tell Anyone

So Queens Of The Stone Age isn't coming back here, at all. Fucking bitches. This is why I have only listened to their new CD once. I think that I liked it, but this is really really shitty and I am going to put that one on the rack and not listen for a long time. I pay 30 bucks for a fucking ticket and you cant even do one show in a city that you always sell out in? That shit fucking pisses me off. What the hell? And good job publicizing the cancellation, guys. This is bullshit of the highest degree.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

No Love Is Random As God's Love

Softball sucked ass tonight. Lets just say we got worked by like a total of 44-5. Worked harder than that slut that grabbed Fred Dursts balls and ass. Except she didnt get worked that hard, mainly because Fred doesn't have a big unit. Yes I have seen this film. It is a classic. He did it all for the nookie, that Pilsbury bastard.

With the existance of the Durst porn, one wonders if there is any other ugly celeb porn that I can laugh at out there. Maybe Fat Joe and Missy bangin on a yacht in Saint Tropez? I would kill to see that. Or Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley? I bet that one is out there. About as likely as a tape with me and Kate Beckinsdale existing.

Do yourself a favor and go out and buy the new Oasis. And while you are at it, buy their first three albums because they all kick ass. The first two are two of the best discs of the 1990's. "Live Forever". "Don't Look Back In Anger". "Wonderwall". "Supersonic" and the mighty "Champange Supernova" are all classics.

Wilco is the most underrated band ever. Their last three albums have all been nearly flawless. Where is the radio airplay? I remember sleeping over at my friends house back in 8th grade and hearing "Outtasite (Outta Mind)" on the EDGE and nearly crying because it was so good. I love that feeling. Then I felt it again with "I Can't Stand It" on ZONE 105 in high school. Wilco moves me. What else is there to say?

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Fighting Men, Brave and True

Memorial Day is kind of a quasi holiday these days. Everything is open and nothing is really celebrated. Until now, I thought of nothing involving my grandfather (who was in the Marines at Midway in WW II) or any other military personnel or fallen heroes. I don't know. Holidays have lost their punch for me as I get older. I don't really have a care for them, quite honestly. I have worked every national holiday for the last two years, and I think that has killed my spirit somewhat. So instead of celebrating with fireworks, I played Mortal Kombat for SNES and listened to "The Smiths" and "The Joshua Tree." I guess I should have listened to "The Ballad Of The Green Berets" or Cheap Trick or something more All-American.

Oh, and I fucking hate My Chemical Romance. Not the music (which is nothing more than emo-Queen). I hate the fucking image. The whole Nightmare Before Christmas meets Kabuki bullshit just screams gimmick. Where are the fucking artists who don't give a fuck? You know that DLR was nuts and that shone through. DLR didn't need facepaint. All that motherfucker needed was a cocaine carrying midget and a pint of Jack for a good show.

I'm jonesin for more Episode III. I haven't seen it for like a week, and I need it again. I NEED IT! And I think that Mr and Mrs Smith doesn't look all that bad. I thought that the whole Angelina/Brad thing might piss me off, but damn. I didn't used to think she looked fantastic like in this movie. Holy fuck. Vince Vaughn is the truth. And one more shout out to Brad Pitt. Shit, I would like to trade in the Bentley for a Rolls too man. How long can he keep doing that?

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis

Yesterday was a weird day but elegant in its eccentricities. Quade and I decided long ago to drink and play video games. Then I got really sick. Anyways, we did go through with it and started out with a little Madden 2005 (which I obviously lost) and have a few bumps.

Then Jeff called. I challenged his already drunk ass to Tecmo Bowl and he somehow shows up after some shit talking. And the sonofabitch beats me (only 17-13, but still he was really drunk). I redeemed myself with a fantastic victory at Ken Griffey Jr baseball over Quade. Then Jeff downloaded every Easy E song ever and then ate something he called "Bob Villas Motel 8 Pizza." At some point the documentary "Dogtown and Z-Boys" got thrown in and we talked about how much ass the skaters got. Strange strange evening.

To a certain Mr. Johnson: I am the prince of OG Tecmo Bowl Jeff is the king. The NES version is way better because you cannot use Jerry Ball, the 1992 Detroit Lions or the dive play.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

What Women Do

I was so fucking bored today that I watched Pretty Woman after my daily siesta. That movie is better the 12th time.

The new Common album is really good. I mean, I was skeptical because I didn't go head over heels for Electric Circus. I mean, I liked Electric Circus (The New Age with the chick from Stereolab and Come Close are the shit) but I loved Like Water For Chocolate. I would work out to that album and get really pumped when The 6th Sense would come on. The Light is one of my favorite singles EVER so I had really high expectations for Electric Circus that were not met.

Its sad though that Be probably won't get much airplay or sell well, even though Kanye is on it. The Food could be a huge hit (even if it is "live"). I think that it is a matter of marketing. Hell, anything Kanye touches turns to gold. We sell the John Legend CD at Starbucks, and housewives come in and buy that shit. If the Common CD was marketed better, then I think that he could be the next big thing. But we all know that good shit doesn't mean sales. Look at Kings Of Leon for that. Or the fact that Plastic Ono Band by Lennon is only certified gold. That shit should be taught in schools it's so powerful.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Love On The Loose, Heart On The Run

Im up way to late due to my nearly five hour nap this afternoon. I was uber sick and went home from work really early and slept. Now, I feel like ten times better. Anyways, I saw a preview for Herbie Fully Loaded on E! and it looks like the biggest piece of shit ever. I feel bad for Michael Keaton who was Batman only 15 years ago. My, how the mighty have fallen. I used to love this one Michael Keaton movie called "Gung Ho" where he has to work with a bunch of Japaneese guys at an auto plant. Norm from Cheers was in it also. That was back in the day when Channel 9 was an indie and used to play old movies every night and on weekends. I saw The Hustler one night when the Twins were rained out, the old black and white one, and I thought it was the most boring thing ever. I would watch everything on 9 because we didn't get cable until 1994. But yeah, KMSP Receptive Channel 9 was the shit, especially on Saturdays and Sundays when you would get both AWA and WWF wrestling on. Then some Grizzly Adams, then a Doris Day movie. I miss those days.

Monday, May 23, 2005

I Wanna Go Where The Down Boys Go, Baby

While watching the Twins game, I saw a commercial for The Lookout in Maple Grove. It looked like quite possibly the shittiest food ever. Anyways, it got me to thinking. What is the worst restruant in the Twin Cities? My vote goes to J.Couseneaus. We went there for a Wolves game after Bob's closed, and half the TV was on the Wolves game and the other half was on a...GOPHERS MENS PRESEASON GAME! Who the fuck cares about preseason men's basketball? Fuck, the Gophers played SCSU last year and only beat them by 10, and they are D-II. And the food was trash, and we saw a table full of Champlin Park teachers including Mr. Iverson (aka Howie Mandel mullet guy), Ms. Varga and Sanders. For gods sake, they gave us burgers in baskets and charged nearly 10 bucks a plate. Overall worst atmosphere and food of any place that I have ever been to.

I'm So Obsessed That I'm Becoming A Bore

I have now seen Star Wars THREE times, and it doesn't get old. Not for one minute. I have always loved the Star Wars movies and games, but I am afraid that I have become obsessed. I went to Target today to look for action figures. We all know I love toys (my Simpsons figures mint in package have been the ridicule of every woman who has laid eyes on them) but I have taken it too far. I have been looking on Ebay for Millennium Falcon ships and Slave 1's in the package. And I think that I was going to kick my own ass if I actually found (and bought) the Viceroy Nute Gunray and General Grevious with 4 light saber figures that I was looking for. I even want to go find my toys from the OG Star Wars and "display" them. Oh, Boba, Luke in pilot gear, Yoda, Darth Vader and Hammerhead Face, where are you when I need you the most?

Saturday, May 21, 2005

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday

What happened to Boyz II Men? They were the ugliest pop stars ever. There was the guy who looked like an alien, the dude with the weird mouth, and Alex Vanderpool. Alex Vanderpool was the guy with the glasses and the sweater vests. Quite possibly the gayest name in music history. Yet they have the top three longest charting singles ever. I remember actually going out and buying the first two Boyz II Men CDs and playing Nerf basketball in my room to the second one. What the fuck was wrong with me? I also owned All 4 One, the one with "I Swear" and "Shes Got Skillz" on them. I sold them all to Jason Weaver in 7th Grade, and I think I got $15 for them. The CDs may be gone, but the shame remains.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Buh. Buh. BuhBuhBuh. Baaaaaaaaa Baaaaaaaaaaa

Well, I am complete. I think that Episode III was better than I ever thought it could be, and then some. I saw it twice today, and I think that it is up there with Empire. It was easily Lucases best written script, and the ending scenes with Obi-Wan and Anakin were some of the darkest stuff that I have ever seen in a Star Wars film. God, that movie was wonderful.

I think that, seeing as how much ass Episode III kicked, Lucas should do a Star Wars Episode III.5. The plot could follow Vaders rise to power, how he became more evil. Then it could show the formation of the Rebel Alliance and how Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan communicated. And finally, how Han Solo and Chewbacca became the best smugglers in the galaxy. There is probably one of those Star Wars books written on this, but I don't think that Lucas penned it. I want more. I have had these films since I was five years old, and I don't want them to end anytime soon. Granted, I have the videogames and the new TV series that are being developed, but I need my story filled in.

Oh, and two fag trees decided to get up and have a light saber duel before the movie. Quade asked them if they were virgins, and one replied, "You are mean, I am just a padawan." Short answer: Yup, and no sex anytime soon.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Dreeeeeam, Dream Dream Dream, Dreeeeeeam

I'm on a roll with the weird dreams these days. Last night I dreamed that I was hiding out as a woman at a house in the 80s. I had "the relations" with the hot chick who lived there after she found out I was a guy, then I went to play a game called "Galaxian II" on the Atari 5200. The game consisted of killing space aliens then flying into a soccer net to beat the level. I rarely have sex dreams, and never have dreams about playing 80s video games that don't exist. This one gets an A in my book. It still doesn't match the dream where Bill Cosby played catcher for the Twins in a Cosby Sweater, or the one where my Uncle Danny killed Pope John Paul II with a shotgun because he spoke of the "three diamonds" that symbolized the antichrist.

I think the dream has something to do with the fact that I read an article about Jon "Duckie" Cryer where it brought up his 1987 classic "Hiding Out". The theme song was the shit, "Catch me I'm fallin/Fallin Fallin Fallin/Fallin In LOVE!!"

I bought the new System Of A Down today, and I felt it. That group is probably the only metal group around today that doesn't suck. I also watched Jedi and Episode I. T-Minus 28 hours till I am complete.

In The Old Man's Ford

So I was closing Starbucks around 11:15 tonight and I saw a pair of headlights flicker on and off a couple of times. I thought "oh shit, we are being cased." Then I look into the car and I see a head and shoulders going back and forth under the glow of a dome light. Yep, I witnessed two teenagers fucking in the Starbucks parking lot. In the front seat. Then the dude calmly went to his car and they drove off into the Spring eve. The funny part was that the dude didn't even buy his girlfriend a drink earlier. He only got himself a tall white mocha. Congrats to that guy. Got boffed and didn't even have to pay for anything. Maybe he bought her dinner. Who said dating was a form of prostituion? Its so damn true. Even in a relationship my chances for getting laid went up tenfold if I sprung for at least dinner.

I was supposed to find random love in a strange place today, according to my horroscope (yes, I do read them. Reason #779 to give up my manhood). I guess seeing random love counts, as I have been in a bit of a dry spell these days. Akward teenage love in a Honda Accord counts as at least second base on my book.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Off To Nevah Nevah Land

I had the most fucked up of dreams last night. I was driving to someone's cabin in Steve Millers old Chevy Celebrity with Cody and he went to change the CD. Then we crashed into a lake. I lost all of Millas clothes and my cell phone and a bunch of other stuff. So we swam to the shore and partied at the cabin with like 50 people and Governor Pawlenty. Pawlenty decided to try this kid for wearing "too many St.Louis Blues" jerseys and his defense was a racist arguement, even though he was white. Then I heard my cell phone ring, and Grace Jones (in a beekeepers suit) went to the bottom of the lake to find it. She found my old cell and some other phone, but not mine. Then everyone went midnight fishing.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Night Drive

I have been in one hell of a funk for the last week, and today was a great snap out of it day. First, I got my 12 page paper back and I got 97 out of 100 and a good job from the TA. Then, I had a burrito at Qdoba which put the pretender Chipotle to same. Then I saw "Kingdom Of Heaven" a movie that had it's moments but overall wasn't a brilliant film. Then I slept for a spell and listened to They Might Be Giants greatest hits. After all this, I drove out to Plymouth to have a few beers with co-workers at Old Chicago. It was a good time, and then the best part of my day happened. I got lost. I wound up in Hamel, then Medina. I usually freak out when I do this, but I put on a CD mix I made a while back and decided to, as Supertramp would say, take the long way home. I passed through Corcrahn and what I assume was Rush Creek golf course, then Dayton and then finally I found out where I was. I was pumped to just drive. I thought about just going all night because it felt so good. I recommend this for anyone who needs to do some thinking or whatnot. This was the first time I night drove out of wonder and not anger or frustration. It was magical.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Star Wars Theme/Cantina Band by Meco Hit #1 In 1977

I just got off the Star Wars website after reading the profiles for Grand Moff Tarkin and Yak Face (that weird alien in Jabbas Palace who looks like a yak). I then started to weep over the fact that Star Wars will all be over next Thursday. Then my brother Zach told me that Lucas is making a TV show based on the Star Wars universe that is centered around...Grand Moff Tarkin! I now have a reason to live. And by posting this, I officially have relenquished the right to ever see a naked lady ever again.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

The Bitch Is Back

I am not even sure that the last post got published, but it was like 1100 words. Blogger sure can suck. Anyways, I just bitched about how my final got moved up and how the new Weezer was good like all albums that they do and that bands like SR-71 released one good album then blew ass on their second one. Then I callled that whole summer of Jake idea from last year bullshit because I always plan way too far ahead.

Then I whined about how I was jealous of Quade and his lady going to Target and the Olive Garden because thats what couples do and I don't have that right now. I hated it when I was a couple, but now I would love to do something like that.

Summerfest is gonna be the shit, I reckon. I am so there, and then I realized that Milwaukee is the only city that has had three socialist mayors. Hopefully I can get my red rope licorice despenser up and working in the Myrth Mobile before the trip. Maybe Hall and Oates can play "Feed My Frankenstein"

Monday, May 09, 2005

I Was Happy In The Haze Of A Drunken Hour, But Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

The "Sexy Party 3" was a bit of a blur. Jeff showed me a pic of three old chicks and said "look at those Jews" and that pretty much summed up the absuridness of the eve. Met some dudes with the same music tastes as me (Velvets, Pearl Jam, STP) who really knew their shit. They hated "A Crow Left Of The Murder" though, which is better than "Fungus Amongus" and "S.C.I.E.N.C.E". I also think that I kissed Alex Steele's shoes and called him the godfather. Oh, and Jeff and I had a wrestling test of strength to determine who is funnier. Then he kicked me in the nuts.

I found out that Caribou is owned by a bank in Baharain. I guess that the company wants to keep that hush hush because it clashes with their folksy north woods image. I know that I am biased, and some may call Starbucks a heartless whore of a company, but at least they are a public owned company.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Is There Life On Mars?

The pre-sexy party was a strange affair. I talked about 1990 UNLV basketball with one of Cody's co-workers, then we bumped every Prince album known to man. Around 1, I passed out. I then woke up at 2 and saw that everyone else had passed out too and David Bowie was playing, which no one remembers putting in. So I drove home because I was cold. What's funny is that there was a hot chick on the side of the road with her car broken down but I didn't stop to help because I was tired. Oh well. Today I ate some New King and heard the new album by Bloc Party. It is fucking fantastic, and I have to purchase it when I get paid and actually get some cash.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

You're My Summer Babe

Went to Nates for an old-fashioned bonfire, and it was good shit. Then I came home and turned on FOX Sports Net and saw that The Sports List was on. I love that show for one reason, and it is Summer Sanders. I have had a thing for her since the Barcelona Olympics (1992) when they did a piece on her and played "Somebody's Baby" when they showed the clip. I also used to watch Inside Stuff for her also. It's kind of a weird thing, but hey, she can talk her sports and also is easy on the eyes. But then again, so is Nick Bakay. Oh wait, I meant Robin Bakay. She was way too hot for a guy who played Salem the Cat on Sabrina The Teenage Witch. Nevermind, disregard the entire above entry. I have said too much.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

You Are An Obsession, You're My Obsession

I found myself going to 4 different Holiday/SuperAmerica Stationstores today to find my new passion. The Star Tribune is offering these little medallions of Twins players for three bucks a day, and I have been collecting them. I always loved buying baseball cards (and still do buy a pack every once in a while). These things are a whole different beast. They are damn cool. I saw the Sun Times in Chicago was doing them for Bears players while I was there last summer, and I thought it would be a good idea for the Twins or the Vikings. And now they did it. Hopefully, they will do some Vikings ones too. I love that our sports teams don't suck like they did in the mid 90's when all they had were over the hill vets like Warren Moon and Paul Molitor.

The Nic Armstrong and the Thieves album "The Greatest White Liar" is the shit. Scuzzy 60s garage pop in the Nuggets vein. Fucking classic. I have been spinning it nonstop for the last two days straight.

Oh, and Limp Bizkit released another album. Get this, a concept album about terrorism and child molestation. Can't wait to hear Fred Durst talk about issues. And, no single either. TANK!
I think that we are all in agreeance that this one is gonna suck.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I May Not Always Love You, As Long As There Are Stars Above You

Today was gayer than the final scene in Return Of The King where they jump on the bed and Gandalf watches. Holy shit, I woke up this morning and went to play pool at Eddie's with Nick. I haven't done that since senior year I think. Nice to see that the place is still trashy and desolate in the afternoon. I got home around two and set to type my long long long paper on how the 45 and the transistor radio had an impact on teen culture. I hope my history of tech professor, or TA, or whoever reads it finds it acceptable because it took me until 10 PM to finish. EIGHT FUCKING HOURS!!!! Twelve pages, 3600 words. With only a small break to eat dinner. Best yet, I open tomorrow at 5 AM. I haven't worked out for like four days because I have had to type two ass papers. FINALLY, I AM DONE WITH MY PAPERS! One week of school left, then finals. I think that Friday, May 13th, 2005 is going to be celebrated by me by going out, something I haven't really done since I quit the Farm. God, this semester has been one long shitty trip. Anyone who is down, let me know.

Like Nell Carter vs Karen Carpenter. Topless

The new Lyrics Born remix CD is fucking great! The remixes are about as good as the original songs, and the "I Changed My Mind" remixes are fantastic. How can you fuck up a song as good as that, though? I love the KRS-One appearance, and the Dan The Automator song is the best rap boast track in some time. Sample Stewart Smalley? Hot, hot hot! Thanks Jeff for introducing me, once again.

The new Ben Folds is a little melancholy for me on the first listen, especially after the three EPs were all pretty upbeat. And I adore "Rockin The Suburbs." That album gave me bad memories for the longest time. It came out during a weird time in my life, when I really had a crush on Jody but she didn't see it because of Ted. That bastard Ted loved that album, so I couldn't get into it. After Jody and I had dated for about a year, I could actually take it out and listen to it. The music on the new one is good, though. I guess I am more used to his smart ass side more than his reflective side. I have a feeling that this CD will be one of those ones that grows on me over time.

Today, I heard and saw these two idiot trucker hat shaggy hair cutted fucks sitting in the bathroom in Coffman talking about how they presented in front of their Bio class-drunk. They laughed about it and said, hheh, we are 19, water is good, so good. In that order. I have partied quite a bit and have gone to school hungover, but never drunk. And I wouldn't find it cool if I did. Excpet at North Hennepin. That school would be enhanced by a Captain Coke.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Those Were The Best Days Of My Life

I was sick as a dog today and still don't feel good. Of course I mustered up the strenf to go to Cheapo tonight when Jeff called though. I bought some good stuff, but Jeff for once one upped me. He found the N.E.R.D album where Spymob doesn't play and it is only loops. It has a different track listing and is also equally kick ass. I was so pumped. Then we saw this really really (I mean a 10 plus) hot chick standing on the corner, and I offhandedly said, "Look at that ass" to Jeff, forgetting that his window was down. Oh, well. She was hot and I am sure that she knew that she had a wonderful ass.

MIX 104 is dead. Boo fucking hoo. They played the same ten songs over and over. I hate "Wild Thing" by Tone Loc and so should everyone else. Jack 104 sounds really promising. I heard (in a row) "The Glamorous Life" by Sheila E, "Show Me The Way" by Peter Frampton, and "Friday I'm In Love" by The Cure. The last one made me roll down the windows, turn the volume up to 40 and sing at the top of my lungs. Who would have thought that a song by the gloomy Cure could be so life-affirming? I felt the fresh cool Spring air on my face and reminisced.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Unless The Pumpkin Holds Your Destiny

I just saw the American version of The Office. It was really funny. The office boss (Brick from Anchorman) was saying the most racist shit and no one did anything about it because of his stature. They were playing basketball and he told the Latino office worker that he couldn't play because he was saving him for either baseball season or if they boxed. And the receptionist chick is cute in a sort of dorky cute way. There are various levels of cute, much like the Terror Alert system. I would put her at an orange level. I have never seen the British show, but I heard that it was good. This was not as funny as Arrested Development, but it was good.

Why is it that the Inferno is way better than the new Real Worlds? It probably is because of the Miz, but I am not sure. I liked Johnny Mosely better than Dave Mirra, though. Mosely was always high as fuck. Brah, who's gonna get the Satrun, brah? He was good on SNL too, that Co-Brah Commander skit killed.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Terror Twilight

I saw some movie on AMC the other day where Charles Bronson was walking down the street gunning people down with a Gatling Gun that was being fed by some random guy. Then he was sitting in a house and randomly fired a bazooka into a street gang. I think it was like Death Wish 5, and it was the assiest thing ever. Now there is some movie on where he has a wolf and features Apollo Creede. What the hell?

I love twilight. It truly is the bewitching hour, as everything is bathed in such a glow that you cannot see bad, only the perfect in everything. I love everything about this time. It harkens back to days of hanging out under streetlights waiting for dark to play Ghost In The Graveyard or Flashlight Tag. And the smell is unbelievable. That fresh, cool air brings about buried memories. Most good, except for the time that Marc Yonkovic was paid by Jeremy Tovsen and Brian Starkovich to pee on me and then I went home, showered and watched Studs. Anyways, tonight at twilight staring across the Mississippi into downtown, I was at total peace with myself.

Big thanks to Quade for indirectly introducing me to The Decemberists. The best way to describe them is Death Cab for Homosexual Shins. One of the best CDs of 2005 so far. Nothing tops the mighty Kings of Leon, though.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Let's Get Physical, Physical

There was a new Simpsons where, in the future, Millhouse went from being a dorky 4th grader to a muscle bound teen who only wore sleeveless shirts. I'm just saying...

Another funny site gag was a monument in Tienamen Square that said "On This Site in 1989, Nothing Happened."

Saturday, April 16, 2005

You're So Square (Baby I Don't Care)

I worked all day, 10:45 to 7:15, then I went to the gym. So 9 1/2 hours on a Saturday, doing nothing fun. Lame. Anyways, I am pissed that Warrant has a new lead singer. Jeff woke me up out of a deep sleep to tell me Warrant was in town, then I find out that Jani Lane is 300 lbs. and they have a new singer. I am not going to Pov's unless there is a beer bust or the real Warrant, the bastards who rocked me with "Heaven" and "Down Boys" when I was a tyke. In order to combat my frustration, I downloaded the whole "Dr. Feelgood" album by Motley Crue to my I Pod. Same Ol' Situation, same ol' ball and chain.

My dad was listening to my I Pod today and he had a funny brain block. He referred to "Norweigan Wood" by the Beatles as "Danish Wood." I guess that any old Scandanavian country will do for a song about John's infidelity.

Thanks to Jeff (for the whole CD) and Christian (for the single "Fall In Love") for turning me on to the Slum Village album "Fantastic Volume 2." This is one hell of a chill out album. All Music Guide says that the album is mysoginistic, but they also praise Eminem and 50 Cent, and those two are fucking worthless pricks when it comes to women. I love that site for the reviews usually, but how come you give this album 4 stars and yet rip it to shreds?

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Trackjackets Of The World, Unite And Take Over

The Shins concert was an amazing showcase. The openers (The Brunettes) were entertaining and kind of interesting, some kind of weird cross between a high school marching band, a 60s girl group and an alt-rock band. And the lead singer was hot, and she played a Moog/Xylaphone combo thing. The crowd was my only gripe. Yes, I went alone, which was rather fun. I just sat in the corner and read the City Pages between bands, and I also played some 1945 and almost got onto the high score list. But the crowd was a bunch of high school kids. It was so weird. And they weren't seniors, either. They were young as hell. And many appeared to be drunk. Also, the dudes all wore trackjackets and either Milla style old man hats or Justin Timberlake knit caps. Too many indie fucktard poseurs. I did see some moms and a guy with a kid on his shoulders, which was the oddest thing that I have ever seen at a show. I also heard a young ass kid say he bought Del Tha Funkee Homosapiens first album when it came out when he was a freshmen. I am not sure, but that album came out in 1991 I think. He would have been like 6 at the time by my calculations.

It's sad that there were so many poseurs there, because the Shins really can play some fantastic pop songs. The band ripped through most of their first two albums and the bassist/keyboardist started rapping "Hypmotize" when there was a break in the action, calling it come side project shit that he wasn't ready to drop yet. They also turned "Kissing The Lipless" into a faster, upbeat rock song instead of the plaintive ballad that it is on "Chutes Too Narrow." The little girls understood though. The concert was a straight up Beatles moment, with the girls screaming constantly. I read that the Shins can party like Motley Crue, and after seeing the way that they commanded the audience, I wouldn't doubt it.

Fly Higher, Higher, Just Spread Your Wings

OK, this is a little long, but it may be the weirdest dream I have ever had. Jeff, Milla, Cody, Nate and I take a bus to Millas cabin. We get there and have to walk about a mile through downtown Minneapolis. When we get there, Justin Timberlake is cooking burgers and is really mean to Cody. So we leave. We go to a sports bar in Blaine where Front Row Sports is to watch the New Jersey Devils-Philadelphia Flyers playoff game. Then Jeff gets a ring on his Blackberry from Marylin Manson. I know this because it says "Marilyn" when he calls. He tells him "just quit fucking Menards, get down here and eat some burgers with us." At this point, I then have to go back in time to prevent a terrorist attack on the bus that we rode on, so my shift leader from Starbucks and I can travel through time by throwing a billiard ball into the hole on a pool table, unless it was made of "stainless steel." Instead of saving the bus, I went back into time to 1985 and told a co-worker to buy a Chevy Cavalier so she wouldn't waste gas.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Pat O'Brien Sex Tapes (Makes Too Short Look Like Will Smith)

First I find out that an eyewitness saw Jacko with his hand down Macaully's pants, then I read about this. My life just keeps becoming more complete by the minute. I personally wouldn't mind licking Nancy O'Dell, that hot little giraffe.

From NY Daily News Tales of excess at 'Access' Pat O'Brien
It keeps getting messier for "The Insider" host Pat O'Brien. The celeb chronicler checked into rehab Sunday, just as an embarrassing string of dirty voice-mail messages, which expressed a taste for hookers, cocaine and adventurous (if possibly unhygienic) sex, became public. His reps do not deny that O'Brien made the calls.

Now sources say O'Brien was reprimanded several times for sexual harassment during his time as co-host of rival show "Access Hollywood." A witness says O'Brien actually licked co-host Nancy O'Dell's face at an "Access Hollywood" Christmas party. At the same event, he was seen groping reporter Shaun Robinson's behind.

A gay male producer told our source O'Brien once said to him, "I have a gift for you." When asked what, O'Brien allegedly answered, "Bend over." On another occasion, he allegedly stretched out on the producer's sofa and asked, "What would you do if I masturbated in front of you?"

He also allegedly offended two African-American employees when he walked into a makeup room and greeted them with, "What's up, my n——s!" Could it be O'Brien feels that he's down with the bruthas because he once appeared in a P. Diddy video? O'Brien's lawyer, Abel Lezcano, said: "As far as being able to verify or deny this stuff, I can't do it." "NBC does not comment on personnel issues regarding our current or former employees," said a spokeswoman for NBC Universal, which produces "Access Hollywood." "NBC has a strong policy against harassment in the workplace, and takes corrective action when appropriate." A rep for "The Insider" declined comment.