Sunday, September 23, 2007

Stop Tellin' The Rumours, Stop Tellin' The Lies

Wow. Tonight at work, one of my fellow baristas told me that Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong were lovers. I thought that it was one of those rumours that only Starbucks partners like to tell (like that it was a known fact that the first mom on the Fresh Prince got fired for heroin abuse). So I went to my own gay lover (Wikipedia) and checked it out. I guess that Ol' Lance and Wooderson really DID have a gay love affair. Matty said that they tried it and it wasn't for them in an issue of Details magazine last year.

I wonder how many weird things that you thought were never true actually were. Like, for example, my dad told me that the big rumor when he was a kid was that Gomer Pyle and Rock Hudson or Darrin from Bewitched were lovers. Well, I think that they all came out later in life. My favorite rumor as a kid was the one where Zach Morris and Stephanie Tanner died in a car crash together. I guess it wasn't them who died, only their careers.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I Was Looking For A Job And Then I Found A Job

As of October 8th, 2007, I will no longer working for Starbucks Coffee Company. I was offered a job with the Wand Corporation in Eden Prairie as an operations coordinator for POS screen installation. I took it, as how it pays much better than the Bucks and I also will have weekends off.

It's been a good run, but its time to pack up the kids and move on.

Monday, September 17, 2007

It's Cold Gin Time Again

Has there ever been a cooler sports mascot than Mr.Met? Just a dude in a Mets uniform with a ginormous baseball head. And he always looks so happy...every time I see Mr. Met, I get all giddy like I did when I was six and got the complete set of Tiger Force G.I Joes from Grandma Weber.

I went to the monthly record show today where I obtained Kiss "Alive" and Magazine's "The Proper Use Of Soap" on LP and "Boogie Nights" on DVD. Record shows are about the most fun you can have outside of intercourse, and not because of the records. The people watching at record shows is unparalleled. For one, I have never seen a woman outside of the vendors(and that total is maybe two or three). Second, every dude looks kind of like that dude in the Dave Matthews Band video who goes around hugging everybody. And third, everyone acts like they are the absolute be-all and end-all for having kick ass records. Yeah, I'm going to give you three bucks for Hall and Oates "Rock and Soul".

The best part is the conversations that you are bound to overhear. The conversations usually consists of grease balls talking about their favorite obscure 60s garage bassist or how cool a UK pressing of some bizarre Frank Zappa album is. Sometimes, the conversation is about other vendors. I heard one about some vendor named Tom today. From my one minute of eavesdropping, I learned that Tom:
  1. Was fucking cheap
  2. Had been collecting since 1960
  3. Does not let other vendors in on his vast knowledge of Elvis, even when asked

Therefore, I will never buy Elvis records from a guy named Tom. Oh, and I'm pissed at myself for not picking up "Sandanista!" by The Clash for five bucks.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Well, It's You And Me In The Summertime, Holding Hands Down In The Park

Today was a boring day off. I cleaned my apartment, read "Killing Yourself To Live" for the 3rd time, went to work for 45 minutes to do some coffee seminar prep, and I ate Hardees. Pretty sure that Hardees was the highlight. Has anything come from so far down as Hardees to be the best in its field? You all remember going to Hardees, ordering something like the fried chicken, and being ignored or spit on or sworn at. It's nothing like that now, nothing like that at all. It's like the period between 1990 and 2005 didn't happen. Hardees comeback is like if the Arizona Cardinals were to win the next five Super Bowls or if Britney Spears released her next album, and somehow, it was better than anything the Beatles had ever done.

I mean, Hardees fucking kills it EVERY TIME! You go for breakfast, you get some of the best biscuits and gravy known to man. When the B'n'G is killer, you really don't need much else. But then you eat some of the burgers (the mushroom and Swiss is amazing) and you realize that you're actually getting a better meal then you would at any sitdown out there. Throw some seriously bad ass fries and you really can't eat better for under 5 bucks.

The Cuts! (MonsterBurger Edition)
"I Feel Like A Bullet In The Gun Of Robert Ford"- Sir Elton
"Summertime"-The Sundays
"Kate"-Ben Folds Five
"Looking For Today"-Black Sabbath
"Running Up That Hill"-Kate Bush

Sunday, September 09, 2007

It's Britney, Bitch

Today was a good day. Got to see the Purp beat the shit out of ATL(formerly Team Bad Newz Kennels) 24-3. THE DEFENSE WENT OFF!! It was also very nice to heckle Joey Harrington, along with everyone in my section. Oh, and Adrian Peterson is a friggin stud.

MTV VMAs were also tonight. Didn't watch the whole thing(its not 1995 anymore and "Peaches" by the Presidents of the United States of America wasn't nominated for the Video Vanguard award) but I saw the Britney Spears performance. Here's my thoughts:

Chick straight up sucks at singing AND dancing now. She's entered that rareified air of "women that I legitimately think I could fuck if they and I were drunk enough." I mean, she has baggage, she kind of looks like the REAL slutty sorority sister who the others make fun of, and her special place looks like steak tartare. If I saw her at, say, TGI Friday's on Electric Lemonade night and maybe bought her some motzies...there's a good chance I'm taking her back to Springbrook for 45 seconds of pleasure.

Also, Jamie Foxx was drunk and Kid Rock decked King Of All Brahs Tommy Lee. I think this was like when my uncle punched my aunt at Thanksgiving. I was kind of shocked due to the setting, but we all saw it coming. Oh, and Sarah Silverman is funny and hot. Too bad none of the Hollywood Freaks could laugh at her comedy.

Final note: during the Cowboys-Giants game tonight, Jared Lorenzen came in at QB. I loved it! A 300-lb quaterback! It was like watching the Big Boy statue take snaps. Boy has a cannon for an arm.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

True Romance In Joy Opposites

Why did McDonalds pick the Cha Cha Slide for a commercial promoting their Happy Meals? And, it's a minute long! Couldn't they have picked something a little more current-like "This Is Why I'm Hot?"

Sign #1000 that I feel old-I have never heard the #1 song on the Billboard charts. Its some song called "Crank That(Soulja Boy)" by a guy named Soulja Boy. There sure is a lot of Souljas, Lils and Shawtys on radio today. I think I am going to totally give up on radio. I mean, I haven't been a regular listener for years, but except for KOOL 108, they're all done, son.

I'm moving to a townhouse off of County Road E and Silver Lake Road at the end of the month. The word finally came down today, so its all over for Springbrook. Thank god. I hate having no air and ending up being covered in sweat at night. Its really icky, like evolution.

Oh, and I'm re-reading "Kitchen Confidential" by Anthony Bourdain. I found it at my parents while doing laundry, and I am sodamnexcited to be hearing tales of the seedy underworld of cooking again. The only pain in the ass is that reading the book makes me hungry, real hungry.

Anyone know of a place that serves some kickass waffle fries? I enjoy Granite City and Champps, but there's got to be some place out there that out does those two. Oh, and seasoned sour cream is a necessity.

To Peter- Have you purchased any "import" CDs yet? Also, have you eaten any of those crazy egg pizza things that they fry in front of you and cover in mayo? Those look delicious!

I'm Higher Than A Kite, I Know I'm Gettin Hooked On Your Love

NFL Season starts today! Although, there is something slightly unwholesome about starting the NFL season on a Thursday. It seems to me that Thursday has become the new Friday. I remember when I actually went out to the bars on Thursday (the old school Old Chicago days...God, what fun. I'm gonna have to post about those one day) they were almost as packed as Friday night. It always seemed a little like naughty fun to be out on a night when you weren't supposed to also. And the drink specials were cool. Maybe it actually makes perfect sense to start NFL 2K7 on Thursday after all.

In other NFL news, my fantasy team looks like pure shit. I have Donovan F. McNabb as my starting QB, and Kellen "I'm a soldier, a fucking soldier" Winslow Jr. as my TE. I think I have Earl Campbell or Marcus Allen as my running back, and Donald Igwebekie as my kicker. Looks like Ron Mexico's Fightin' Pups are gonna be a last place team.

Also, I have given up my dream of a lifetime of wedded bliss with Carrie Underwood for a lifetime of pining for Jenna Fischer. This ones gonna be tough, seeing how she's married and all, but a boy can dream, can't he?

Falling-Ben Kweller
This Is The One- Stone Roses
This Is For Real-Motion City Soundtrack
Walk Of Life-Dire Straits
No Myth-Michael Penn

Monday, September 03, 2007

Mr.Wendal, Looooord, Mr.Wendal

Has there ever been a group in music history more over hyped for one album than Arrested Development? Discuss.

So, the Labor Day weekend came and went (I have to go to work in about an hour). It was pretty good. Jeff, Christian and I were feeling good about our liquor run into Huddy yesterday, until we realized it was in Wisconsin. As most of you know, I would rather look at pics of Brittney Spearses vajayjay than set foot in cheeseland. So that sucked. And all the shit in Hudson advertised the Brewers and their football team. Whats the deal with that? Did someone not tell them they live 20 minutes from the Dome AND they are a suburb of Saint Paul? I guess all the years of inbreeding in Sconnie made those who live there a titch slow.

The movie "Enemy Of The State" is the shit.

The first "Batman" with Michael Keaton isn't.

The Cuts(Superfly Edition)
"Romeo and Juliet" Dire Straits
"Feel Your Love Tonight" Van Halen
"Shandi" KISS
"Freedom Of Choice" DEVO
"Baba O'Riley" either the OG by The Who or the Pearl Jam cover