Friday, December 31, 2004

Another Year Over, A New One Just Begun

End of 2004. Where has the time gone? It is already the mid 00's. Anyways, fitting for a strange year to end with a Spring shower. I love spring showers. The rain smells so fresh, and the cleansing seems like it not only cleans the grime off the ground, but from your soul also. That said, the year was a decent one. I got a new job and worked less at the Farm, which was good for my self concept. Met a lot of new people, went to a lot of parties, and bought about 400 CDs by my estimate. I'm super out of it due to the fact that I slept for like three hours last night due to my opening shift and then took a nap right now. Sorry. Funny that the old gang has splintered to the point that everyone is going to Grabskis and I am going downtown. And I was the one who wanted to find a party. Oh wait. I'm banned from Grabskis. Not saying that I am looking forward to 2005 all that much. I have decided that the new year isn't one of those "slate cleaning" things that everyone else needs. Hell, I think my slates clean enough, thank you very much.

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Linger On, Your Pale Blue Eyes

Where have you gone, Peter Harold? A Jacob turns his lonely eyes to you, whoo whoo whoo.

Treatise On "Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm"

Once, there was this kid who told me on the bus that the song "Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm" was about three kids who got into "shitters." The kid who got the spots, the kid whose hair changed colors from black to bright white, and the accident kid. The kid (I remember it very vividly, his name was Cody Mix and he was two grades below me) ranted on about how these predicaments were "shitters" for the whole bus ride from Brookdale Drive to the corner of 81st and Dupont. I wonder what the hell happened to the group Crash Test Dummies and the kid?

A Simple Twist Of Fate

Really like the Bob Dylan "Blood On The Tracks" album I got for Christmas. The songs are so painful, so personal. It is like looking into someone's soul. I only own four Dylan albums, but all are fantastic affairs. Need to be a completist like I am with The Beatles, Bowie, and Elvis Costello from 1977-83. Also, "The Holy Bible" by Manic Street Preachers is really really fucking great. If you could imagine rock guitar soloing crossed with British hardcore style rants, you'd have this band. And they have a hook that says, "Tipper Gore was a friend of mine." Funny, and sorta punk, in a Joan Jett-producing-her-own-albums kinda way.

Worked sucked and blew today. I was scheduled 7:30 to 11:30 but ended up staying until 2:40 because everyone was sick. Dammit. Fortunately, it was slow.

Worst news ever is that Benchwarmer Bobs closed. I have probably eaten there 100 times in the 15 years it was open. The best bar food I have ever eaten in my life, period. The worst part is that my parents have a gift certificate to the place for $25 bucks. Dammit!! The Buffalo Chicken sandwich will be sorely missed. Jeff and I are in mourning. It must be hard for Jeff. First, his break with Cheapo, and now this. Hasn't he suffered enough?

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

He Came From Somewhere Back In Her Long Ago...

"What A Fool Believes" is the greatest song ever. Next to "Rich Girl," which may or may not be about Bryan Ferry from Roxy Music.

So This Is Christmas?

XMas 2K4 was great!!! Got Simpsons season 5, Seinfeld 1 and 2, Futurama 1,2, and 3, Bob Dylans "Blood On The Tracks" and an assload of gift certificates. Good times. My uncle Jason got all shitty at the Vikings game and we talked shit about how my family puts too much spectacle into present opening. I went shit crazy at Cheapo yesterday and bought The Kinks "Village Green Preservation Society," Manic Street Preachers "The Holy Bible," Razorlights new CD, Year Of The Rabbit and some other stuff. I love that store. The only shitty part of XMas was the fact that I worked all day on both Eve and Day. The tips were great, but all the people were in a shitty mood. It's so funny that the people who come in feel the need to belittle us on THEIR DAYS OFF!!! You think that they would be happy that we were working on a national holiday, but nooooooooooooooooo. It was all about them being pissy towards us. Sadly, I didn't feel the Christmas spirit. It felt all weird and unwholy. I also found out that Jody got engaged to her boyfriend Christmas morning. That was not totally unexpected, but it is rather weird that my ex girlfriend is getting married soon and I haven't been in a relationship yet in the year that we have been broken up. I thought that I would have taken the engagement worse, but I didn't care. If it were eight months ago, I may have been upset. But now it's like nothing. Strange.

The Valley Of Malls

Brandon John Quade brought up the word "tilt" and it immeaditely reminded me of the old arcade at Brookdale. TILT took over when Picadilly Circus left in the early 1990's. All I remember about the arcade was a retarded chick ran the place and called everyone "G" and that I stepped on some gangstas shell toe Adidas next to the Street Fighter machine and he threatened to kill me. Great memories. Brookdale was the place when the food court was in the middle and it was Taco Bell. Also, Musicland was the place where I bought many of my first discs, so it will always have a special nook in my heart.

Friday, December 24, 2004

The Best (Of 2004) I Ever Was, I Was With You

Here are a few of my favorite albums from 2004. If I think of any more, I will post them.

Franz Ferdinand- Franz Ferdinand: This album was so refreshing to hear in a year where Ursher dominated everything. I love quasi-gay lyrics, and the fey posing of "Michael" and "Jacquline" fufilled my wildest desires. This is the album Bowie wishes he would've made after "Scary Monsters".

Rilo Kiley- More Adventuerous: The best alt country album written by ex child stars ever! The lead singer, Jenny Lewis, needs to be held. And Pinski from Salute Your Shorts plays instruments! Connor Oberst sings backups! The songs deal with pain and matters of the heart. "Portions For Foxes" is the best song ever about being resigned to fuck buddy status. Beautiful.

De La Soul- The Grind Date: A tight, lean album from a group that has been known to meander a bit. Sounds very contempoary, with "Shopping Bags" and "Church" needing to be played on the radio. Oh wait, Lil' John isn't on it. Nevermind. One of the many "underground" albums that should have been bigger than it was.

Beastie Boys- To The 5 Buroughs: Thanks guys for having a #1 ballsy enough to name drop the Kyoto treaty and Modells sporting goods on the same album. A classic, political, funny and beautiful album all the way through. Best since "Paul's Boutique," and that is one of my favorite albums of all time.

Green Day- American Idiot: I have come to the conclusion that this is better than "Dookie." Anything that has a nine minute song suite about disillusioned teens is epic and classic. It sounds like a baby made by The Kinks and The Clash. "Wake Me Up When September Ends" is my anthem for the next 4 years.

The Roots- The Tripping Point: On which the Roots quit jamming and started to write concise, rocking songs. "Stay Cool" was the #1 hit of the summer in an alternate universe in which Fat Joe died instead of Big Pun and Ashley Simpson did not have a career due to her sister. Yes, you are tighter than the Bushes with the Saudis, which is pretty damn tight.

Wilco- A Ghost Is Born: First off, I loved "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot." Then this came out, and it kicked that albums ass. Every album that these guys release is better than the last. "Spiders (Kidsmoke)" and "I'm A Wheel" take music in a scary new direction that I am prepared to venture to.

Mos Def - The New Danger: A fucking spooky album for a scary time. The cover is just plain frightening, and the music inside is uncompromising. I love the sloppy, loose rocking vibe. Having purchased this before "Black On Both Sides," I can see why more people felt that than this. This is not a pop friendly album, but it is incredibly important. I fear the Boogeyman. And who exactly are the quasi-homosexuals from "The Rape Over?"

Interpol- Antics: The first Interpol album should have been called, "Ian Curtis, We Love You!!" because it was a direct Joy Division homage. This takes the best parts of the first and adds feeling and warmth to it. "Slow Hands" and "Take You On A Crusie" are nearly perfect songs.

Prince- Musicology: I was worried to shit that Prince would deliver another "Rainbow Children." Thankfully, this wasn't the case. This is his best work since "The Gold Experience." All the songs are either sexy and/or funky, with "Cinnamon Girl" a should have been hit if payola wasn't in full effect. "Illuison, Coma Pimp and Circumstance" is the best funk since "Pussy Control." The shit, without a trace of Kanye anywhere.

The Killers- Hot Fuss: These kids think that they are Morrissey. They also like Duran Duran. So do I. We have a bond. Unfortunately, I have never had a fight on the promenade in the rain (my favorite lyric of the year) like Brendan Flowers did in "Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine." I wish I did. Hopefully, I can someday. Always aspire, Jake.

Morrissey- You Are The Quarry: This is his best work since "Viva Hate." Actually, its probably one of the only listenable Morrissey solo joints, due to the fact that the production doesn't sound like the warmed over Smiths. Moz even sounds happy on, "I Like You." He also goes back to his old ways of shitting on the monarchy on "Irish Blood, English Heart." Never change, sweet Tommy Gunning prince of pain.


But Give The Man A Taste And He's Gone

For Nathan Andrew Heck:
Chicago style pizza is much better than anything that you can find here in the Twin Cities. The pizza at Luce or Davannis is best described as either Sicilian or New York Style, due to the flatness of the crust. The Chicago pizza is thick and has a flaky, almost pie-like crust. The cheese is thicker than most deep dish here, and the sauce is a bit darker (at least in my opinion). The pizza at Giordanos may have been the best thing that I have ever eaten, and other deep dish that I have had since tasted like shit in comparison. Davannis is too dry in their deep dish. The only thing I have ever had here that is comparable is probably the old school Green Mill (from the late 80s, not now.) The stuff at Old Chicago isn't even close. There are your differences.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Have You Ever Seen A Woman Taken By The Wind?

Went out for Christians B-day last night and, to my and Quades surprise, CHRISTIAN WASN"T THERE!!!!! Turns out he and his friend left early, like even before Hookers N' Blow started playing early. Has to be the strangest thing ever. He even left the parents there, I am told. So we watched the band for a bit and went to Pizza Luce for a few slices during intermission. Some ugly lesbian reached for her purse under Nates chair and told him to "not get his hopes up." To which Nate replied, "I usually only date straight chicks." Nate danced the night away at the bar though. We watched him and "J-Bird" dance from our balcony seats. It was very decadent.

Last night I had a dream that Brian Anderson was working at Starbucks with me and he was rocking his white fedora. Then Quade texted me from Ohio State and told me about his roommate Chris Carter. He said hi to me I guess.

Friday, December 17, 2004

R-O-C-K In The USA

There was some more new gossip on Buddyhead's gossip page It said that the "What's cooler than being cool?" line in "Hey Ya!" was a dis on Kool Keith, because, well, they have been hating each other for some time now. Keith said that Andre stole his style and his penchant for wearing platnium wigs. They also had this little bit of info:

The Alarm recently played a pretty amazing joke on the UK music industry by releasing a single under the guise of a “hip new young band” called The Poppyfields. The band had a group of teenagers perform in the video to make their story believable. Well it worked cuz the single went Top 30 and tons of labels asked to sign the “hip new young band”. The band has now agreed to let Sara Sugarman direct a film about how the band duped the UK press.

The Alarm was kind of like U2 back in the day. The only song that I remember was "Sold Me Down The River." Pretty funny to expose how shitty the music industry is. Fucking Ashlee Simpson-style.

Phil Is My Dad, Phil Is My Dad

My brother claims that Shaq said that he had sex with Cindy Crawford. Can someone tell me if this true, or if he is talking mad rumors? Also, Kobe is a tattle tale bitch. What a fucking loser. I don't blame Karl though. I would crawl naked through a field of burning nails to have sex with Kobes wife. Sweet, sweet lady doesn't deserve what she is getting.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

College Dropout 2K5? (REMIX)

I ain't going out like that, oh hells naw. I laid down the law to those ma'fuckers at the U of M One Stop and they was all like, "You can register." Fuck g-yeah! So I am still a studentin bei der Uni. Ausgeseitnet!

What Your Mamma Saw, It Was Against The Law

Had lunch at Bob's today with Quade and he invented a new way to eat fries. First, you dip them in mayonaise. Then, you dip them in cajun sauce. Double the gluttony! I did this once when bombed. Instead of the above, I dipped in ranch and ketchup. I then proceded to tell everyone, "Ranch is the new ketchup." And if I have my way, goddammit, it will be.

My mother was defending my aunts career choices today by saying, "Well, Peggy always wanted to be a country singer, so she was chasing her dream." To which I replied, "I always wanted to be a fucking astronaut, but you don't see me hanging round NASA." I'm pretty sure my aunt ain't giving me even a Christmas card this year, so whatever. Thats gonna be fun, Christmas. All my extended family does is get hammered and yell, "DOOOO!! and HEYYYYYYYY!!" at each other in this tard voice they do. Then they talk about snowmobiles and "muddin." Then my cabinet maker uncle Donnie asks me if I "fucked a bitch yet?" It's pretty crazy.

I Want To Dance With Somebody Who Loves Me

I have been gorging on CDs lately. I bought 5 for 12 bucks yesterday. Then I got pumped because I got $70 back for my textbooks and proceded to buy two more CDs. Then I bought Taco Johns and I got sick as a motherfucker. The CD finds are very sublime. I am in love with the Cheapo 95 cent CDs. I have now found two Fishbone CDs for that price and they were both great finds. Quade found "Fair Warning" by Van Halen for 95 cents and now I own every Van Halen CD that counts (the ones by DLR). I also found a Whitney Houston CD that was so old that the Cheapo sticker on it said SCUF instead of the normal SKUF. Haha, no one likes Whitney. Who would have thunk it? Bobby Brown turned her into a coke slut. No way.

Farm Xmas2K4 is gonna be hoppin. Two downsides. One, Mok is still afraid to bring his lady around the crew. We are not going to embarass you or steal her, dooder. Don't worry. Two, Peter Harold Quist is a bitch and feels it necessary to go to his friends "graduation." How many graduation parties does someone have in their lives, Peter? At least three. How many Farm Xmas2K4's are there? ONE, UNO, EINS, ICHI!!! Come for some of it. Kwaamer is coming, and his lady is going to Europe. Come home, Pete. Come home. You were the man behind "One Farm."

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Reject All Sin And Vice

I'm not dropping out, I am just pissed. The sched was breathtaking. I would have not had class until 12:45 and only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I would have had to re-jigger my Starbucks schedule, but more open days may have allowed me to finally get promoted. Oh, and I would have had to quit the Farm. Less money, but more time for Jake. I cannot stand these long ass days where I work and have three classes. I am going shithouse. Some flamboyant bitch on VH1 just said "We take it to where we can legally take it before we get busted by vice." I am not sure if vice is the cops or vice is a deadly sin, but his Swedish accent intrigued me. That makes it better. Farm sexual harrassment meeting tomorrow. Wonder if Dave will toss off more bon mots like, "What if she wanted it?" when referring to a sexual harassment suit? Wonder if we will get brownies? Or soda? Or better yet, Za? And I wonder who will show up to Farm Xmas 2K4? Will it be the reunion Nate claims? Or is it going to be the new blood where Jeff will be forced to break out his F.U.N.B. vest and claim that the Brians are not fit to be flea circus champs? The questions, the questions.

The College Dropout 2K5?

The son-of-a-bitch bastards at the U won't let me register because I haven't paid in full. Who in the fuck do they think I am, Rakim?

Monday, December 13, 2004

Man, I Feel Like A Woman

Peter yesterday said that I was listening to a lot of femmie music lately. I agree. What's the deal? Back in the day I used to be Mr. Masculine when it came to my choices. Lately, its been Morrissey with his pocket full of gladiolas and Bright Eyes and his whole femme pose. Have I become in touch with my feminine side? Probably not. I just enjoy ambiguous men. I know that sounds a little gay, but hell, Bowie was ambiguous and his music is so damn brilliant. It's probably due to the lack of a strong female presence in my life currently. But I really doubt I will be listening to Korn and shit like that ever again. Even Deftones are very girly when it comes to metal, and they are the best thing out of the whole Nu-Metal genre. Maybe it's not such a bad thing. Like Steve Winwood says, I gotta roll with it baby.

Baby, I'm Bad News, Bad News, Bad News

The B-day was a success. Pizza Luce was the best ever, and I even got a slice of the Baked Potato from Milla. I love that pizza so much, so very much. But, I digress. The parents bought me the Nirvana boxset, Trivial Pursuit 90s Edition, Castlevania (NES) for the Game Boy, and some Simpsons enamel figurines. So dorky but awesome. And Jody bought me Rilo Kiley and Brandon gave me "Help!" by the Beatles. The 90s Edition would have been perfect for the Farm about a year ago. I played it with my bro Jordan and my mom the other night, and it was awesome. The Nirvana boxset gave me goosebumps. It was so good. I cannot believe what a whore Courtney Love is for taking Kurt from us (by her overbearing nature or actual pulling of the trigger). I believe that there was so much more music in that man. Anyways, great birthday. Except I cant find my GBA, so I cant play Castlevania. Dammit!

The overnighter was fucking weird. Pete and Kraemer got into it, and Real Brian Pettingil called me a "fat faggot" for having a reaction to the onions on my pizza. Crazy night. Todays shift was easy job McGee because we only worked for an hour and a half. Now I have to type a paper on The Beach Boys, The Beatles and Early Pink Floyd.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

My Girl Wants To Party All The Time, Party ALLLLLLLL The Time

When I was a little Jake, I thought that Eddie Murphy was singing "Potty". How stupid. Also, for some reason, that song and "All She Wants To Do Is Dance" by Don Henley are stuck together for me. My mom listened to a lot of KDWB and WLOL when I was a kid. I still remember Steve Cochran saying "Rock Steady" by the Whispers was #1 on the "Black Singles" chart. I always remember the song because of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles character. I always have weird memories about old 80s songs. I remember hearing "Don't Want To Fall In Love" by Jane Child on the way to a North Stars game in our Delta 88 and then writing the title down on a Transformers box because I hated it so much. That song is still so awful to this day.

But back to the party theme. This will probably be the last post before I turn 22 tomorrow night at midnight. Holy shit. Twenty-Two. Spelled out, it is long and scary. But I will face it head on, and I hope to graduate college by the time I am 24. Looks to be a reasonable goal. I will be celebrating my birthday with a dinner at Pizza Luce in either Uptown or Downtown. I haven't been in a while, and it is kind of a tradition. Call me for details. I am thinking around 6 or 7 because of the overnight on Saturday. Oh, and I am looking forward to the Farm meeting on Tuesday. I wonder what it is about? Possibly the stolen calcs? Or is it about some of our limited availabilities? We shall soon see.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

The Hardest Walk You Take Is From A To B To C

Last few days have sucked. Worked 12-8:30 yesterday and went crazy by the end of the shift. There was no reprieve. Well, I should say that only work has sucked. Everything else has been good. Bought Robert Johnson "King Of The Delta Blues Singers" and have been playing it nonstop. The original "Stop Breaking Down" is harder than the White Stripes version. Unfortunately, I stayed up watching some show on VH1 about being a dork in high school with a bunch of celebs on it. Funny enough, I still consider most of them dorks, such as Ben Stein and TESH! I fucking love TESH! The man wrote the NBC Basketball theme. TESH 4 LIFE!!!

On a non-TESH note, I actually agree with some of the Grammy nominations. Except that whole Ray Charles CD thing. Working at a Starbucks, I hear that crap all the time. I honestly believe that the majority of the people who bought that CD at my store had never ever heard "Hit The Road Jack" or "What I Say?" It's just like the coffee, its a status symbol. As my manager said the other day, all our coffee is is a status symbol and people are paying extra to have a cup with the siren logo on it. Oh well, it gets me real paid. But not paid enough to pay my Verizon bill on time. Dammit!!!

Here would be my nominees for album of the year, by the way:

Franz Ferdinand "Franz Ferdinand"
Green Day "American Idiot"
Prince "Musicology"
Mos Def "The New Danger"
Beastie Boys "To The 5 Burroughs"

Very disappointing to see that the Beasite Boys didn't get more love for releasing a politically charged classic this year. It wasn't their biggest seller, but come on. That is probably their second or third best CD.

Monday, December 06, 2004

If It's Izzy, Slash or Axl Rose...

Oh good god, the trip to the Cloud was legendary. I quite possilby have never been that "Tom Zenked" in my life. All I remember was Milla beating the shit out of me for some innapropriate comments, and Christian bumping the Prince Christmas album. "Raspberry Candy Cane" is the jam! I guess that I admitted some hidden crush to Jeff right around the same time that we discussed Rolos and Kit Kats. The MPLS Pro Wrestling league was in full effect as the hardcore title changed hands in the street no less than five times that night. I think Milla won it the last time when he Hogan legged dropped Jeff in front of Coburns. Truth be told, we partied like fucking rock stars that eve. I can't wait for the next trip to the Cloud. Now off to class, as I am updating this from the basement of Coffman Union. Later.

Friday, December 03, 2004

What Did The Clouds Look Like When You Were Young?

THE CLOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Going to be the hottest time ever. The suite is going to be hoppin'. And Coburns is not going to know what hit it. Hoping for Bonanza buffet that Christian rumored to exist in the city. And I will not be dining at the SCSU cafeteria like was suggested. Unless they have tri-tators and hot ham and cheese wrapped in foil with a shitload of ketchup. THE CLOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Nothing Else Can Save Me, S.O.S

Cheapo'ed it up tonight. Bought 6 CD's for $23 dollars. Finally actually bought the Depeche Mode Tribute and Fishbone's first album for 95 cents. Also found the new Paul Westerberg and The Faces Greatest Hits for six bucks each. And yes, I bought ABBA. I fucking went as gay as possible and bought ABBA. The shit is a guilty pleasure, and it is good. Even my pops looked at it and was like, yes, nice. Come on, everyone likes at least one ABBA song. Don't they?

I'd also like to plug Erbert and Gerbert's subs, which I have an obsession with now. Fucking great subs. A soda, a huge bowl of chili and a great sub for seven bucks. It keeps you full the whole day. I have to go tomorrow. Hell, I want one now. I recommend if you are on the East Bank to eat there. Sorry about the rant, but I'm so hungry.