Monday, December 19, 2011

Xmas Song of the Day - 'Wonderful Christmastime' by Sir Paul

Let's kick off the week of Christmas with some "cheer". By cheer I mean "the Christmas song I hate the fucking most". I have always loved the Beatles and have come to love Paul McCartney's songcraft as an adult. Wingspan maybe has been bumped more than any other greatest hits I own. Yet all that love cannot make up for this lovely little ditty that was dropped on us:

Thank god the only place I have heard this song this year was a liquor store. Being surrounded by all that sexy ass beer made me forget about what was aurally raping me for a minute.

I used to have a coworker at Starbucks who would sing this song in July just to piss me off. So even when I am getting a latte I now harken back to that random whaa-whaa noise in the song. Thanks Paul, first you ruined coffee with this:

and then you got all up in my cup with your horseshit carol.

My only saving grace for years was that, according to Wikipedia back in the day, 'Wonderful Christmastime' caused tens of Japanese to kill themselves. Now suicide is a sad thing (and IS NOT a solution, no matter what Ozzy said) but the thought of people killing themselves because of this song gave me a sort of righteous feeling. "I was right! It is that bad," I told myself. But then it disappeared off the wiki page around 2007, and I was stuck with the cold reality that 'Wonderful Christmastime' was just a pax on my eardrums for two months a year. Nothing more, nothing less.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Song of the Day - 'Bad Boy' by Gloria Estefan & Miami Sound Machine

I found this 45 for 50 cents (with the picture sleeve!) today. I don't know if there is a single 80s song that encapsulates the awesomeness of the pop music of that decade better...

Strangely this is not the version of the video I remember as a kid. I remember the Machine and Gloria (GLOR-IA!) partying on some beach in Miami, wearing very 80s bathing suits. You know, the ladies in bikinis that looked like a bow tie and the dudes in little Speedo joints. I sort of like the weird vibe of this one more though.

I think it's pretty damn tubular, or rad, or gnarly that Gloria is partying with the cast of Cats. You really can't get much more 80s than that can you?

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Song of the Day - 'Don't Cry No Tears' by Neil Young

It's winter time, a time for seasonal depression, hot toddies (not the Usher and Jay-Z version) and more seasonal depression. So ladies and gents, I give you the best breakup song by old Uncle Neil to wallow in your winter blues:

Somehow it took me until October to buy the album "Zuma". Wow, was I missing out. I'm pretty sure this joint trumps about half of the other Neil Young albums I own (espcially "American Stars N Bars"). And 'Don't Cry No Tears' is the best opener on a Neil Young record. For the historical record, 'Cinnamon Girl' of "Everybody Knows This is Nowhere" is second.

Bonus points to this song for sounding like it was recorded in about 1994 by some really good Seattle band. It's true, Uncle Neil was the "Godfather of Grunge", even though that title is pretty icky. DOUBLE bonus points for the song 'Cortez the Killer' on this album birthing Built To Spill. Because I wouldn't be a complete human being if "There's Nothing Wrong With Love" didn't come into my life in college.

So thanks again, Neil Young. Your supernatural abilities to create well rounded emotional dainty weirdoes like me are greatly appreciated.

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Song of the Day - 'Nightcrusing' by the Bar-Kays

Work has beat me like Ike on Tina lately, so tonight I was coolin' in my mansion bumping Motown Christmas and hating Diana Ross (due to what Nas said she did at Florence Ballard's funeral). For some reason Christmas music makes me sad and happy at the same time, so after that record I threw on this 50 cent cutout bin jam:

Oh damn, is this one some early 80s monster funk. God how I love the whining synths of this era. I never tire of the blend of synthetic and natural that makes early 80s soul so unique. It was baby making music made by a robot/loverman hybrid, and it totally gets me going.

Just for shits, I will throw another track from this album into the mix:

Now THIS is the truth! "I'm your Freaky Behavior/Your funky New Waver". All of us in the know know that New Wavers were fon-kay, especially the black ones that previously recorded 'Soul Finger'. Gotta give it up to these cuts, they don't make ANYTHING that sounds like this anymore (like I said, a robot/loverman mated with a Pac Man machine). And that truly is a damn shame.