Sunday, April 29, 2007

Groovin On A Sunday Afternoon

I have myself somewhat of a Sunday night ritual. I go to my parents for dinner, then I come home and listen to the last hour of the American Top 40 flashback show on KOOL 108. This week was particularly interesting. It was the last week in April 1977, and, seeing how this was five years before I was born one would figure that I would only know a handful of songs. Well, with the exception of a Barbara Streisand song from "A Star Is Born," I knew all of them. I cannot believe how diverse top 40 radio was thirty years ago. Heres what I can remember:

#13- Fly Like an Eagle
12-"I'm So Into You" Alanta Rhythm Section
11-"Carry On My Wayward Son" Kansas
10-"Maybe I'm Amazed" Wings
9-"I've Got Love On My Mind" Natalie Cole
8-"The Things We Do For Love" 10CC
6"Southern Nights" Glen Campbell
5-"Don't Give Up On Us"-David Soul
4-"Don't Leave Me This Way" Thelma Houston
3-"Hotel California"
2-"Dancing Queen"-ABBA

So there you go. If you read this blog, you probably also know all these songs. Out of the thirteen I heard, we've got one of the greatest pop songs ever at number one, probably the best solo McCarthy song at #10, two kick ass rock songs at 12 and 11, one of the only really passable disco songs at #4, an underrated pop jem at #8 and some assorted guilty pleasures along the way. The only ones I cant stand are "Hotel" and the Natalie Cole song. Now lets look at this weeks top 10:

#10- "Cupids Chokehold" Gym Class Heroes
9-"U and UR Hand" Pink
8-"I Tried" Bone T&H/Akon
7-"This Is Why I'm Hot" MIMS
6-"The Sweet Escape"Gwen Stefani
5-"Buy You A Drink" T-Pain/Yung Joc
4-"Glamorous" Fergie
3-"Don't Matter" Akon
2-"Give It To Me" Timbaland/Nelly Furtado/Justin Timberlake
1-"Girlfriend" Avril Lavigne

Out of this top ten, which ones will ANYONE remember? I'm going with the Stefani song, maybe Glamorous, probably Cupid's Chokehold and Don't Matter. That Timbaland song went to #1, and I already forgot it. Girlfriend is a catchy little piece of bubblegum. "This Is Why I'm Hot" is easily the worst song to ever hit #1, I think I've heard the Pink song once, and I know I heard the T-Pain song only once, and it was 30 seconds if that. Oh, and BONE THUGS N HARMONY HAS A TOP TEN SINGLE! Did anyone fucking know this? When was their last hit, the Batman song or "Ghetto Cowboy" if you count side projects. That was about ten years ago. What we see on TV is obviously out of whack with what everyone is buying, at least according to Billboard.

In conclusion, music was better 30 years ago.

Oh, and KOOL 108 just played a string of "Christine Sixteen" by KISS, "Are You Experienced?" by Jimi and then "1969" by the Stooges. This further proves my point.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

The Boy In The Magical Bubble

This ain't about Senifeld or that Travolta movie where he talks about jerkin off. This isn't even Jake Gyllenhall's first star turn. This is about a band going into a biosphere like The Wheez, Fine Ass Kylie Minouge and the dumb Baldwin. I guess the band Cartel is going to record their new album in some sort of David Blane-esqe enclosure in New York. My question is this: how in the hell is this going to make the music good?

I will be the first to admit, I haven't heard one second of this band. I really have been slacking on new music that isn't by established artists. All I know is that Alt Press covers them frequently, and they were getting pushed around the same time that the Quietdrive album came out. And I think their album cover is white.

But this isn't going to make me listen to them. I hate stunts. I hate people to have to pander to the lowest common denominator to make me give two shits about them. This is no different to me than any reality TV star. Watch, this will turn out to be a reality show of some sort. Could you see Springsteen, The Beatles, fuck, even a hip hop group/artist from the golden age doing this? Slick Rick live from inside an atomic sub, doing "The Ruler's Back?" Maybe PE doing "Fear Of A Black Planet" live from Siberia? This just smacks of desperation.

Monday, April 16, 2007

And You Know That My Name Is Not Susan

It happened again tonight. I got called something other than Jake. I got called Zach in my German class by my TA. It was weird, because my former manager at Maple Grove always called me Zach also. I don't look anything like my brother. He's tall and skinny, and I'm built like a bowling ball. This has happened to me my whole life. I used to get called Josh all the time in elementary school and in middle school. I think I'm pretty "Jake" looking. Maybe not, I guess.

The Cuts!
-"Death Or Glory" The Clash
-"Don't Let's Start" They Might Be Giants
-"I Left My Wallet In El Segundo" A Tribe Called Quest
-"Christine Sixteen" KISS

Monday, April 09, 2007

Gonna (Un)Dress You Up In My Love, All Over, All Over

Holy crap! I was flipping through the channels tonight and I came across "Undressed" on MTV! I forgot that this show existed in any way, shape or form. Many nights in high school were spent watching Tommy from the Power Rangers have an affair involving a cock ring, and Seth Cohen trying real hard to get laid. The only thing I need to complete my Jake circa `99 experience would be Pearl Jam "Yield" playing in the background and a crapload of Taco Bell induced acne. Then I could get in my Cutlass Calais and drive to Video Update to rent PSX games!

I just remembered that I wrote an article in my high school paper about this show. I may go to my parents house sometime and get copies of my "Rebel Times" columns and post the highlights. Then again, maybe not.

I went to my best friend Wikipedia to find out why exactly "Undressed" was on. It didn't help. According to Wiki, the show ended in 2002. What the hell? I guess that I will chalk it up to good luck at a time I didn't really have anything else to watch. "Undressed" is like the sexy chicks in underwear equivalent of the McRib. I don't know why it showed up or when it will leave. I only know that it is really tasty when its here.

Monday, April 02, 2007

I'm On Call

First off, Joakim Noah is the fucking ugliest human being ever. He's not only an ugly human being, he looks more like an ugly woman than an ugly man. But, his mother is really hot. I guess she was Miss Sweden or something. Quit chewing on your mouthgard!

Greg Oden looks like he's 25.

New Kings Of Leon tomorrow. I didn't get to listen to this one beforehand like the other one, but "On Call" is the ish and seem to be a nice departure from the older stuff. Kind of grown up.

The Twins took the O's to the woodshed tonight. I see more than the 4th place S.I. gave them. When the hell has that magazine ever been right, anyways. I think for the last three years they have picked the Angels to win it all.

The Cuts!
"Fashion" David Bowie
"Funny Funny" The Sweet
"Kingdom Come" Tom Verlaine
"Never Be The Same Again" Ghostface Killah