Wednesday, June 29, 2005

We're Gonna Make Our Dreams Come True

Me Lee Wauk ee, Algonquin for the good land. And about to be ripped to shit by Jacob Donald Eickholt.

Cody Stevens finally decided to call and tell us that all the campsites in the area are booked for the weekend. Nice timing, as we are going next Thursday. So I talked it over and booked the hotel today for two nights for only $150 total. Nice. Also, the trip will only take about five hours to get there. I am so pumped to see the Pixies and Weezer together. It will be like some crazy dream. And I am definently getting myself a Miller Lite T-Shirt at the brewery. Its gonna be sweet as all hell.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Peanuts, Cracker Jack

The Twins put on quite a show tonight. So did some hot little piece of ass that sat in front of Quade and I. She was whipping her hair around and rubbing her ugly boyfriends hair. Then I accidentally spilled nacho cheese on the boyfriend. Then, in a hurry to get some napkins, I stepped on some other girls foot. This was all after some little girl told me to be quiet even though she wasn't talking at all before the game. I hope she gets knocked up at 14 or sooner, little bitch. Little bitch.

Pizza Luce Baked Potato pizza kicks more ass than any other Meatball/Dago food product (Lagsana, Manacotti, et al.) I have said this before, and I will shout it from the mountain top!

Saturday, June 25, 2005

It's A Family Affair

Interesting weekend. Last night I saw Hookers N Blow at the Fine Line and it was a good time. I did hear the bouncer talking about "shrooming" with some guy named Danny. Then we ate Luce and lost Jeff at the Lone Tree. When I entered the Lone Tree I saw Peter Harold Quist sitting there all beautiful and such. Then we made gay love. It was sensual. Afterwards Christian invited some hobags to a pool party and when they refused I referred to them as Bobby Brown Whitney Houston ass divas. Good times. And I do agree with the early statement that the Lone Tree is a "Brett Bar." Fucking "Hollaback Girl" and "1,2 Step" a hundred times in a row.

Then today I went to the Jeff's sisters grad party. Jeffs sisters boyfriend referred to me as a pussy ass bitch because I didn't want another beer, then he said it was ok because I had to drive. Then he proceded to tell me that he wanted to get me drunk and take advantage of me. Funny stuff.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

A German Sense Of Humour

Why doesn't frozen yogurt get as much play as ice cream? I think its way better, yet the nearest TCBY is in New Hope. Quade brought it up the other day and I had to go because I hadn't been there for a year or two. There was one by my house a couple of years ago, but then it turned into some shitty restruant called "Mandarin."

Yesterday was another softball ass whalloping. One game we lost 30-11. It was still fun, and I realized that we are the only team of misfits in the league. All the other teams are in multiple leagues, and we are out there having fun. Anyways, I am super pumped because I got a triple. Big slow me legged out an actual triple.

Monday, June 20, 2005

I'm A Pepper, He's A Pepper, She's A Pepper

I swear to God, I am going to have nightmares for at least a week after seeing this dude:

This shit, as far as I know, is real.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Let The Rain Come Down

Is Hillary Duff legal yet? I was debating this the other day. The only reason that I wonder this is because I just saw an Icebreakers commercial with the Duff sisters and I have to say that the elder Duff is waaaaaaay hotter than Hillary. Shit, why does she have to ride coattails when she is much better looking and probably more talented. Who the fuck cares how talented she is? Why do I care? I have turned into Teen People.

Up All Night, Sleep All Day

The last week has been boring as all getup. It went a little something like this. Work, gym, work, gym, softball ass pounding, work, gym. My life has become so routine since school let out. And now, after a nine hour work day, I am watching some movie on USA called "The Guru" featuring an Indian guy, Marissa Tomei and Heather Graham where the Indian guy fucks Tomei and she thinks that he is a guru. I am not sure if it is a romantic comedy or what. I wish Rhonda Sheere was here, like 10-12 years ago. USA UP! All night. The best shit ever for sleepovers. License To Drive, Ski School, Dinosuar Island, The Warriors and Friday the 13th on Friday the 13th. Heaven for a 11 year old was a Bigfoot pizza, USA Up All Night, a case of Mello Yello and Street Fighter II for SNES. God, do I miss those days.

Monday, June 13, 2005

My Love, Do You Ever Dream Of Candy Coated Raindrops?

I played tennis in the rain today and it was a disheartening feeling to have more sweat on you than rain. Anyways, I lost. I took one set to 7-5, but I still lost all four sets I played. I guess I just suck ass.

I did something on Saturday that I thought I would never do. I bought Kiss Greatest Hits. I hate Kiss and especially Gene Simmons, but "I Was Made For Loving You," "Shout It Out Loud" and "Calling Doctor Love." I feel really really dirty for buying it, but I have purchased worse in the past. The "Kiss Me" single? Or ABBA Gold?

Mr and Mrs Smith was a good film, but the ghettoness that is Regal Cinnema really pissed me off. I went on Saturday afternoon and there were still single moms with their obnoxious kids running around. Then some woman answered her cell twice during the movie, talking for two minutes straight both times. She was like "Where you parked, no, I'm at a show." Who turns on their phone in a movie? Oh yeah, the trash that goes to Regal.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Johnnys The Human Torch

The new Fantastic Four movie got me thinking. What was the whole theme song for the cartoon that was on FOX in the early 90's? All I can remember is "Johnnys the human torch." Does anyone else remember it? I hope one of the lyrics was "The Thing is made of rock."

Good game Quade and Jeff, by the way. I have never been so wiped out from a game of 2 on 2 ever. At least this time we took you to seven games. The overall series stands at like 56-22 or something like that I bet.

Let's Do It Like They Do On The Discovery Channel

The Discovery Channel has the best comedy miniseries airing right now. Its called "The 100 Greatest Americans" and it is supposed to be all realistic, but its just too damn funny. Here are some of the luminaries who graced the top 100
-Dr Phil
-Condolezza Rice
-Arnold Schwarzenegger
The last one is kind of funny, seeing as how Ahnuld is an Austrian. Anyways, the list is fucking retarted. Dubbya and Lance Armstrong made the top 25. What a crock of shit.
I propose that Dave Thomas get on there for popularizing the dollar menu at fast food establishments, and also that George Lucas also make the list, for obvious reasons that I should never have to state.

I start doing Sunday nights at Lifetime Fitness this week. Quade needed a guy to close and I needed a free membership, so what the hell? Should be good times, and I could always use the extra cash. God knows making drinks for the high school girlies isn't making the bills. Heee, I want a carmel cooler. Well, then go to Caribou. At least that would be my response if I were an asshole.

Oh, and the Bloodhound Gang haven't released an album since 1999. How hard is it to come up with 45 minutes worth of gay bashing and shit jokes?

Sunday, June 05, 2005

I Drink A Lot Of Soda So They Call Me Dr.Pepper

I hate the Spurs. The Spurs are the James Taylor of pro sports. Boring yet very technically good and popular.

Had a boring week, pretty much. Well, I did find an ORIGINAL Han Solo in Hoth Gear action figure at work yesterday. What the hell? I am sure that there is some sad little kid out there without his Han, yet there is a much happier manchild here with Han looking over him at night from his headboard.

The umps tonight really killed us. I love the Twins-Yankees series more than any other, but the umps really didn't want that losing streak to reach 7. We will see who makes the postseason.

Some douche bags at the Dome were celebrating a bachelor party by yelling "steroids" at Giambi and asking some fag tree about the best "titty bar" in the Twin Cities. Said fag tree replied with "the Vu" where he had, and I quote, "um, uh never be--been there once." According to Mr. Tree, you can also drop "like twenty bucks there." Then the douche bag with no sleeves who was getting married talked about how much better Milwaukee was than here because they draw fewer people and they don't have ads for "Verizon, Dairy Queen and Hormel" at Miller Park. Then he talked about fighting Cubs fans. Why would you come here to celebrate when Chicago is closer and bigger? Stay the fuck home next time. I was so tempted to talk about how the Brewers have had one winning season in 20 years, but I thought I would let him have his glory. Best of all, some girl was eating it up. I thought to myself, "If I ever go gay, this will be the point that I mark as the time I lost all faith in women."

Friday, June 03, 2005

Whatever You Do, Don't Tell Anyone

So Queens Of The Stone Age isn't coming back here, at all. Fucking bitches. This is why I have only listened to their new CD once. I think that I liked it, but this is really really shitty and I am going to put that one on the rack and not listen for a long time. I pay 30 bucks for a fucking ticket and you cant even do one show in a city that you always sell out in? That shit fucking pisses me off. What the hell? And good job publicizing the cancellation, guys. This is bullshit of the highest degree.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

No Love Is Random As God's Love

Softball sucked ass tonight. Lets just say we got worked by like a total of 44-5. Worked harder than that slut that grabbed Fred Dursts balls and ass. Except she didnt get worked that hard, mainly because Fred doesn't have a big unit. Yes I have seen this film. It is a classic. He did it all for the nookie, that Pilsbury bastard.

With the existance of the Durst porn, one wonders if there is any other ugly celeb porn that I can laugh at out there. Maybe Fat Joe and Missy bangin on a yacht in Saint Tropez? I would kill to see that. Or Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley? I bet that one is out there. About as likely as a tape with me and Kate Beckinsdale existing.

Do yourself a favor and go out and buy the new Oasis. And while you are at it, buy their first three albums because they all kick ass. The first two are two of the best discs of the 1990's. "Live Forever". "Don't Look Back In Anger". "Wonderwall". "Supersonic" and the mighty "Champange Supernova" are all classics.

Wilco is the most underrated band ever. Their last three albums have all been nearly flawless. Where is the radio airplay? I remember sleeping over at my friends house back in 8th grade and hearing "Outtasite (Outta Mind)" on the EDGE and nearly crying because it was so good. I love that feeling. Then I felt it again with "I Can't Stand It" on ZONE 105 in high school. Wilco moves me. What else is there to say?