Since I haven't actually updated this thang in two weeks, I'm gonna give you two for one on the CD reviews...
Big Black "Songs About Fucking"
This albums title may mislead those who are looking to spice up the bedroom. When I think of songs that may be about fucking, I think of things like "The Lemon Song" or anything by Prince before he turned Jay-Hov. God only knows what kind of fucking Big Black was going off about, but I assume it involved fishhooking, choking, and in all likelihood, an appearance by TT Boy. Overall though, the CD wasn't a terrible purchase. Their cover of "The Model" sounded like Kraftwerk backed by Nine Inch Nails, and the song "Colombian Necktie" has a pretty kickass drum going for it. I guess a more apt title would have been "Songs to Do Speed To".
PJ Harvey "To Bring You My Love"
I was always a little leery of diving into the PJ Harvey pool, mainly because her videos always scared me when I was a youngun. But then I bought "Stories From The City, Stories From The Sea" on clearance and liked the fuck out of it. So I delved into "To Bring You My Love" head-on. TBYML already had a familiar song in it with "Down By The Water"(which reminds me of middle school and the fact that the local alternative station seemed to have a constant battle between "Down By The Water" and "Lighting Crashes" by Live as to who could have more airplay in the Spring of 1995). The deeper cuts, like "C'mon Billy" and "Send His Love To Me" aren't as "radio friendly" as "Down By The Water" (which, if were released today, would never sniff the top 40 at any format) but are just as effective, and dare I say, sort of sexy in a creepy way. Worth my Jefferson, and then some.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
For The Movies...
God, there were a lot of ugly people at Target tonight. And they weren't your standard unattractive types. They were the ones wearing dirty white Looney Tunes T-Shirts and had rolls spilling out of tank tops. Made me almost think twice about buying that sack of Pizza Rolls...
Anyways, I heard that some sexy celeb chick from Gossip Girl had a homemade porn floating around on the internet. So, like any good meaning American citizen, I searched for it. All I got was some stills...a huge disappointment. It was the same bullshit I dealt with trying to get me some naked Erin Andrews.
Amazingly, I think I like looking at naked celebs fucking more than I actually like trying to find willing women for myself. I have no clue why. I mean, I actually watched the Tonya Harding porn just to see what it was all about. I ended up laughing, mainly because her hubby kind of looked like an old supervisor I had named Mike T. But the point is, I still watched. I would probably watch a Kirstie Alley/John Goodman porn if one ever gets leaked. Because they are naked and famous.
Anyways, I heard that some sexy celeb chick from Gossip Girl had a homemade porn floating around on the internet. So, like any good meaning American citizen, I searched for it. All I got was some stills...a huge disappointment. It was the same bullshit I dealt with trying to get me some naked Erin Andrews.
Amazingly, I think I like looking at naked celebs fucking more than I actually like trying to find willing women for myself. I have no clue why. I mean, I actually watched the Tonya Harding porn just to see what it was all about. I ended up laughing, mainly because her hubby kind of looked like an old supervisor I had named Mike T. But the point is, I still watched. I would probably watch a Kirstie Alley/John Goodman porn if one ever gets leaked. Because they are naked and famous.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Random Discs 8/4/09
So on the way to work today, I had the ol iPod on random. A Manic Street Preachers song called "Ifwhiteamericatoldthetruthforonedayit'sworldwouldfallapart" came on, and I thought to myself, "I am the only fucking person I know who owns this CD." Mind you, that doesn't make the music earth shattering or myself some special music savant, it just means that I enjoy some random shit. So here's a short list of CDs I own that I guarantee none of my inner and outer circles (around 50 people owns):
Manic Street Preachers-The Holy Bible
Kind of a cross between Oasis and a hardcore punk band, they later on became a watered down Oasis/Britpop styled band. But this CD was pure fire.
Suede-Dog Man Star
Another Britpop group, this kind of sounds like slow-Bowie fronted by a tranny who has great shoes.
Robbie Williams-Sing When You're Winning
Too bad this dude got no shine in the U.S. besides a few low charting singles ("Millenium" and "Angels") because this CD rules. Witty, sensitive, glammy and pensive all in one package. Note: I also own the Robbie Williams standards album "SWING When You're Winning" which is absolute shit.
Rockpile-Seconds of Pleasure
On which Nick Lowe and Dave Edmunds team up to sing rockabilly. Incredible power pop.
The Magnetic Fields-69 Love Songs
69 songs about love, being in love, hating love, all sung in different styles, but having a very chamber pop vibe.
XTC-Oranges and Lemons-
Not the best album ever, but it has the two best XTC songs ("King For a Day" and "The Mayor of Simpleton"). As if there is anyone who reads this actively judging XTC songs....
Manic Street Preachers-The Holy Bible
Kind of a cross between Oasis and a hardcore punk band, they later on became a watered down Oasis/Britpop styled band. But this CD was pure fire.
Suede-Dog Man Star
Another Britpop group, this kind of sounds like slow-Bowie fronted by a tranny who has great shoes.
Robbie Williams-Sing When You're Winning
Too bad this dude got no shine in the U.S. besides a few low charting singles ("Millenium" and "Angels") because this CD rules. Witty, sensitive, glammy and pensive all in one package. Note: I also own the Robbie Williams standards album "SWING When You're Winning" which is absolute shit.
Rockpile-Seconds of Pleasure
On which Nick Lowe and Dave Edmunds team up to sing rockabilly. Incredible power pop.
The Magnetic Fields-69 Love Songs
69 songs about love, being in love, hating love, all sung in different styles, but having a very chamber pop vibe.
XTC-Oranges and Lemons-
Not the best album ever, but it has the two best XTC songs ("King For a Day" and "The Mayor of Simpleton"). As if there is anyone who reads this actively judging XTC songs....
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Street Dancing In The Dark
Holy shit, I need to quit drinking...this weekend was even more drunken and strange than the last.
Friday started with a trip to the Southhaven Muni On/Off Sale bar, where Kammies were done and cheap beer drank. DJ Funky Monkey was rockin her set (which consisted of David Allan Coe, Buckcherry and Union Underground) and Heggie's pizza was taken from the Annandale Fire Department's banquet table.
I think the Kamikaze put the crew over the top, because on the way home, the whip was ghost rode down a dirt road to A Tribe Called Quest. Having never ghost rode the whip before, I can say it was quite the thrill.
Saturday started with a trip to the Wright County Swap Meet, where magic always happens. A wedding photo of Sonny and Cher was purchased (not by me), along with a Richard Marx CD (by me). The real fun started when we all started drinking around noon, which led to the longest Polish golf game ever ( I think around two hours) which I lost after leading 20-2.
Then, onto the street dance. The scenery at the street dance wasn't all I hoped for, but there was a woman who had a Diane Lane quality that all the young dudes found endearing. There were also jalapeno poppers and more kammies. After getting really really drunk, we went to an after bar at some dude named Bear's house out in the woods.
Bear's bar was a little overwhelming. It was lit with red light bulbs and had dollar bills, panties, and Bears and Cardinals memorabilia all over the fucking place. It also seemed that Bear didn't want any dudes in his house. When his kid started yelling "I'm in the fucking Navy" drunken me decided it was probably time to go.
Great times though...'cept I might not go back to the Bear Cave next time.
Friday started with a trip to the Southhaven Muni On/Off Sale bar, where Kammies were done and cheap beer drank. DJ Funky Monkey was rockin her set (which consisted of David Allan Coe, Buckcherry and Union Underground) and Heggie's pizza was taken from the Annandale Fire Department's banquet table.
I think the Kamikaze put the crew over the top, because on the way home, the whip was ghost rode down a dirt road to A Tribe Called Quest. Having never ghost rode the whip before, I can say it was quite the thrill.
Saturday started with a trip to the Wright County Swap Meet, where magic always happens. A wedding photo of Sonny and Cher was purchased (not by me), along with a Richard Marx CD (by me). The real fun started when we all started drinking around noon, which led to the longest Polish golf game ever ( I think around two hours) which I lost after leading 20-2.
Then, onto the street dance. The scenery at the street dance wasn't all I hoped for, but there was a woman who had a Diane Lane quality that all the young dudes found endearing. There were also jalapeno poppers and more kammies. After getting really really drunk, we went to an after bar at some dude named Bear's house out in the woods.
Bear's bar was a little overwhelming. It was lit with red light bulbs and had dollar bills, panties, and Bears and Cardinals memorabilia all over the fucking place. It also seemed that Bear didn't want any dudes in his house. When his kid started yelling "I'm in the fucking Navy" drunken me decided it was probably time to go.
Great times though...'cept I might not go back to the Bear Cave next time.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Embarrassing Albums 7/20/09
This blog begins with a disclaimer: I fucking hate Don Henley. He is a curmudgeonly old man who won't let chunky housewives sing his songs at karaoke. The songs he sang with the Eagles pale in comparison to anything Glen Frey or Joe Walsh did. Oh, and there is something vaguely creepy about his political agenda.
That being said, I love Don Henley's 1989 album "The End of the Innocence." This is probably the first time I have confessed that little tidbit, but it needs to be said. Not only do I own TEOTI on CD, I also have it on vinyl...and I am damn proud of it.
Enough with the "how?" though. More on the "why?"
Part of my love for this disc may because it was one of only four CDs my parents owned from 1989 to 1992 (along with Vanilla Ice, Wilson Philips and The Best of Kansas). Needless to say, the only CDs that actually got play were Don Henley and the Kansas best of. So familiarity may have bread my love.
Another part of the love may be the world weary view the album takes. Ol' Don just sounds beat down, kinda pissed off about it, but RESIGNED to his failures. Even in a song called "I Will Not Go Quietly" Henley doesn't really sound like he's going to bring the motherfuckin' ruckus. And really, what is better than being resigned that life isn't roses and wine?
The best three songs on TEOTI are the three top 40 hits ("The Heart of the Matter", "The Last Worthless Evening" and the title track). They are also the most earnest. Much of what Henley did with the Eagles seemed plastic and bitter (see "Life In The Fast Lane") and none of the three I listed have that quality. So, in "the long run" that is why "The End of the Innocence" remains an embarrassing album that I hold dear to me.
Plus, W. Axl Rose sings backups on the album. How fucking weird is that?
That being said, I love Don Henley's 1989 album "The End of the Innocence." This is probably the first time I have confessed that little tidbit, but it needs to be said. Not only do I own TEOTI on CD, I also have it on vinyl...and I am damn proud of it.
Enough with the "how?" though. More on the "why?"
Part of my love for this disc may because it was one of only four CDs my parents owned from 1989 to 1992 (along with Vanilla Ice, Wilson Philips and The Best of Kansas). Needless to say, the only CDs that actually got play were Don Henley and the Kansas best of. So familiarity may have bread my love.
Another part of the love may be the world weary view the album takes. Ol' Don just sounds beat down, kinda pissed off about it, but RESIGNED to his failures. Even in a song called "I Will Not Go Quietly" Henley doesn't really sound like he's going to bring the motherfuckin' ruckus. And really, what is better than being resigned that life isn't roses and wine?
The best three songs on TEOTI are the three top 40 hits ("The Heart of the Matter", "The Last Worthless Evening" and the title track). They are also the most earnest. Much of what Henley did with the Eagles seemed plastic and bitter (see "Life In The Fast Lane") and none of the three I listed have that quality. So, in "the long run" that is why "The End of the Innocence" remains an embarrassing album that I hold dear to me.
Plus, W. Axl Rose sings backups on the album. How fucking weird is that?
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Lake Michigan 09: Own It!
Holy shit I am drained...long long weekend spent in Wisconsin. Lots of drinking, lots of cheese, lots of strangeness that will probably never be matched in the annals of my bar going (and there has been plenty of that).
Friday night we arrived in Manitowoc after a 5 hour drive and hit up a hotel bar that had karaoke. Many dollar taps were consumed, in a setting that could be described as "biker friendly." There was also a ferry boat enthusiast who dressed like Bernie from "Weekend at Bernies" and a chubby dude named Tommy Lee who sang "Amish Paradise" by Weird Al Yankovic. At bar close, we stumbled home while singing "Kiss From a Rose" and also fighting rocks and flower beds.
Saturday can be summed up by the following sequence: Cheese shop, townie acoustic festival, cheese curds, drunken croquet, homemade gourmet pizza, dive bar. The dive bar was called Kenny B's, and 90% of the crowd were either A)raging lesbians or B)pre-op transsexuals. It was insane to see, especially in a town of only 30,000 people. The karaoke there was also insane, lots of Alice Cooper. The highlight for me was when Nate did "A Lapdance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying" by the Bloodhound Gang(which will probably never be in a karaoke book again). Anyways, it was an insane weekend, but very fun.
Friday night we arrived in Manitowoc after a 5 hour drive and hit up a hotel bar that had karaoke. Many dollar taps were consumed, in a setting that could be described as "biker friendly." There was also a ferry boat enthusiast who dressed like Bernie from "Weekend at Bernies" and a chubby dude named Tommy Lee who sang "Amish Paradise" by Weird Al Yankovic. At bar close, we stumbled home while singing "Kiss From a Rose" and also fighting rocks and flower beds.
Saturday can be summed up by the following sequence: Cheese shop, townie acoustic festival, cheese curds, drunken croquet, homemade gourmet pizza, dive bar. The dive bar was called Kenny B's, and 90% of the crowd were either A)raging lesbians or B)pre-op transsexuals. It was insane to see, especially in a town of only 30,000 people. The karaoke there was also insane, lots of Alice Cooper. The highlight for me was when Nate did "A Lapdance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying" by the Bloodhound Gang(which will probably never be in a karaoke book again). Anyways, it was an insane weekend, but very fun.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Denver Day 2
Sorry about the lateness of this post, hectic ass beginning of the week with return to work and softball and such...
Denver day two started out with a cheap ass breakfast at a cafe downtown. I had a Chorizo Hash and a Bloody Mary, and my bill ran 10 bucks. After that, I hit up some bowling at Lucky Strike Lanes (an uber trendy 3rd floor bowling alley with loungers and a Bloody Mary Bar). I bowled a 163 the first game, and around an 80 the second game (in which I got absolutely worked by Nikki, who hadn't bowled in like 10 years).
After bowling, it was a walk to Coors Field in the pouring rain. Once in the field though, the rain stopped, and I took in the scenery. Awesome stadium, laid back fans. We stood right on the bullpen rail in center, where we saw D-Backs pitcher Clay Zavada's amazing waxed moustache (aka "Face Salad"). Even though I wasn't too in to the game in the beginning (I HATE NL baseball unless its the Cubs) it got exciting later on when the D-Backs put up 11 runs in three innings.
And, that's about it. The ride home sucked, but it was well worth it, and I will be going going back back to Denver Denver sometime in the future.
FOR TOM KLICK: How much shit should we give Nick tomorrow for Sakic retiring?
Denver day two started out with a cheap ass breakfast at a cafe downtown. I had a Chorizo Hash and a Bloody Mary, and my bill ran 10 bucks. After that, I hit up some bowling at Lucky Strike Lanes (an uber trendy 3rd floor bowling alley with loungers and a Bloody Mary Bar). I bowled a 163 the first game, and around an 80 the second game (in which I got absolutely worked by Nikki, who hadn't bowled in like 10 years).
After bowling, it was a walk to Coors Field in the pouring rain. Once in the field though, the rain stopped, and I took in the scenery. Awesome stadium, laid back fans. We stood right on the bullpen rail in center, where we saw D-Backs pitcher Clay Zavada's amazing waxed moustache (aka "Face Salad"). Even though I wasn't too in to the game in the beginning (I HATE NL baseball unless its the Cubs) it got exciting later on when the D-Backs put up 11 runs in three innings.
And, that's about it. The ride home sucked, but it was well worth it, and I will be going going back back to Denver Denver sometime in the future.
FOR TOM KLICK: How much shit should we give Nick tomorrow for Sakic retiring?
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Denver Day 1.5
Operation Get In To Denver began at 7 PM Thursday with a planned rendezvous point of Omaha around 1 AM. Driving through Iowa was going to be a bitch, and it was, but for unexpected reasons. The entire state smelled like a cross between youth football equipment and pig shit. Probably the most horrendous smell that one could smell, AND IT LASTED THE LENGTH OF THE STATE!
Anyways, we arrived in Omaha around 12:30 AM. A hotel was booked downtown for 50 bucks, which gives you an idea of how hoppin Omaha is. There was absolutely no one on the streets. It was like St.Paul on a Wednesday, except more boring. Really strange.
After sleeping a few hours and loading up on caffeine, we continued our journey west. I ate lunch at a place called Runza, which is a Nebraska only fast food chain that serves meat pies. It was the most awful food stuff I have ever consumed. Instead of the luscious meat pie I was expecting, I got something the same taste and consistency as a Hot Pockets Sub. Plus, the place smelled like a nursing home and was loaded with a bunch of ugly corn fed Nebraskans. Such a disappointment...
Finally, we arrived in Denver around 5. Denver is much larger and cleaner than I expected. The downtown area has a strip that is what Block Eshould be. Very vibrant, a nice mix of chain stores and local restaurants and bars, and a free bus that runs the length of the mall.
One of the bars had a drink called Rastafarian Punch, which was like a Tied To The Bedpost at Gasthof's, except bigger and cheaper. The bar also had lamb burgers and numerous other cheap drinks. Needless to say, I partook. And I ended up passing out at 11:30 due to the "altitude."
Anyways, we arrived in Omaha around 12:30 AM. A hotel was booked downtown for 50 bucks, which gives you an idea of how hoppin Omaha is. There was absolutely no one on the streets. It was like St.Paul on a Wednesday, except more boring. Really strange.
After sleeping a few hours and loading up on caffeine, we continued our journey west. I ate lunch at a place called Runza, which is a Nebraska only fast food chain that serves meat pies. It was the most awful food stuff I have ever consumed. Instead of the luscious meat pie I was expecting, I got something the same taste and consistency as a Hot Pockets Sub. Plus, the place smelled like a nursing home and was loaded with a bunch of ugly corn fed Nebraskans. Such a disappointment...
Finally, we arrived in Denver around 5. Denver is much larger and cleaner than I expected. The downtown area has a strip that is what Block Eshould be. Very vibrant, a nice mix of chain stores and local restaurants and bars, and a free bus that runs the length of the mall.
One of the bars had a drink called Rastafarian Punch, which was like a Tied To The Bedpost at Gasthof's, except bigger and cheaper. The bar also had lamb burgers and numerous other cheap drinks. Needless to say, I partook. And I ended up passing out at 11:30 due to the "altitude."
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Michael Jackson
This has got to be the strangest celeb death ever...which is fitting, because it happened to the most off the wall celeb of them all.
Michael Jackson dying is like Disneyland or McDonalds dying. This may sound crass, but its not meant to be. Michael Jackson was a cultural institution, for both good and bad reasons. Good because he produced some of the greatest R&B tracks of all time, and bad because he allegedly abused children and could not get his personal house in order (and the news media ate that up). And, truthfully, so did I. One of my favorite memories is getting absolutely hammered in Cody Stevens basement and watching "Living With Michael Jackson" on VHS to see the shit show that his life had become.
I think the real reason people are reacting to this so fervently is because it is a sort of sendoff of childhood for people in my age group. He was THE dominant pop culture force during the 80s and early 90s, a touchstone for my generation. Also, I think the music took a back seat to the creepier aspects of his personality over the last 15 or so years, and people are realizing how innovative some of those songs were. Even the drivel from the early days ("The Girl Is Mine", "Girlfriend", "Dirty Diana") kicks a lot of the other pop music of the times ass.
So in honor of the musical side of the biggest pop star of my lifetime, I'm going to do a rundown of my top 10 MJ songs, both solo and with the Jackson 5 (whom people tend to forget when discussing his career, but were really one of the best bands of the early 70s. Their first three albums...fire):
10."The Way You Make Me Feel"
9."The Love You Save"
8."Girlfriend"
7. "One More Chance"
6."Rock With You"
5."The Girl Is Mine"
4."I Want You Back"
3. "PYT (Pretty Young Thing)"
2."Don't Stop Til You Get Enough"
1."Billie Jean"
And there are so many others from that time period...the original version of "State of Shock" with Freddie Mercury instead of Mick Jagger springs to mind. Too bad his last good music came out in 1991...still, I always felt he had one great song left in him. I guess the world will never know now.
Michael Jackson dying is like Disneyland or McDonalds dying. This may sound crass, but its not meant to be. Michael Jackson was a cultural institution, for both good and bad reasons. Good because he produced some of the greatest R&B tracks of all time, and bad because he allegedly abused children and could not get his personal house in order (and the news media ate that up). And, truthfully, so did I. One of my favorite memories is getting absolutely hammered in Cody Stevens basement and watching "Living With Michael Jackson" on VHS to see the shit show that his life had become.
I think the real reason people are reacting to this so fervently is because it is a sort of sendoff of childhood for people in my age group. He was THE dominant pop culture force during the 80s and early 90s, a touchstone for my generation. Also, I think the music took a back seat to the creepier aspects of his personality over the last 15 or so years, and people are realizing how innovative some of those songs were. Even the drivel from the early days ("The Girl Is Mine", "Girlfriend", "Dirty Diana") kicks a lot of the other pop music of the times ass.
So in honor of the musical side of the biggest pop star of my lifetime, I'm going to do a rundown of my top 10 MJ songs, both solo and with the Jackson 5 (whom people tend to forget when discussing his career, but were really one of the best bands of the early 70s. Their first three albums...fire):
10."The Way You Make Me Feel"
9."The Love You Save"
8."Girlfriend"
7. "One More Chance"
6."Rock With You"
5."The Girl Is Mine"
4."I Want You Back"
3. "PYT (Pretty Young Thing)"
2."Don't Stop Til You Get Enough"
1."Billie Jean"
And there are so many others from that time period...the original version of "State of Shock" with Freddie Mercury instead of Mick Jagger springs to mind. Too bad his last good music came out in 1991...still, I always felt he had one great song left in him. I guess the world will never know now.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Fox-y Lady? aka A Treatise on Megan Fox
So I got called "a gay" today for not finding Megan Fox attractive. This isn't the first time either.
I don't know what it is, this chick just doesn't do it for me. I think there are a few factors that lead to my un-attraction to what seems to be the Hollywood "I'd fuck that" it girl of the last year and a half. I will detail those factors for you now.
1) Her face - Ol' Foxy Fox's mug just doesn't do it for me. She has a permanent scowl in most pictures I have seen, and there is some weird Joan Crawford shit going on with those eyebrows of hers. And, to top it all off, her eyes are oddly spaced.
2) Her brain - Once, I heard that she likes to fart. Then, I read that her Transformers clothes smelled "like farts". Clearly, something is wrong with this broad. Nothing disgusts me more than women talking about bodily functions. NOTHING! Don't get me wrong, I love a chick who thinks like a man in certain aspects, but not about farting. God, no.
3)Her "talent" - What has she been in? Transformers? Thats it, right? Oh, and Maxim. Seeing as how I never saw the first Transformers(but, admittedly, thought it LOOKED cool) maybe I missed out on the sex appeal. But still, show me something else. Maybe a cute little romantic comedy I watch on the sly without my boys knowing, or a drama where you go to Africa like DSL Angelina Jolie.
Maybe its me, I don't know. I mean, I find certain celebs attractive (I won the "you just don't like her because we all like her" argument at work because I detailed what I would do to Jessica Biel) but just not this little cookie of love.
I don't know what it is, this chick just doesn't do it for me. I think there are a few factors that lead to my un-attraction to what seems to be the Hollywood "I'd fuck that" it girl of the last year and a half. I will detail those factors for you now.
1) Her face - Ol' Foxy Fox's mug just doesn't do it for me. She has a permanent scowl in most pictures I have seen, and there is some weird Joan Crawford shit going on with those eyebrows of hers. And, to top it all off, her eyes are oddly spaced.
2) Her brain - Once, I heard that she likes to fart. Then, I read that her Transformers clothes smelled "like farts". Clearly, something is wrong with this broad. Nothing disgusts me more than women talking about bodily functions. NOTHING! Don't get me wrong, I love a chick who thinks like a man in certain aspects, but not about farting. God, no.
3)Her "talent" - What has she been in? Transformers? Thats it, right? Oh, and Maxim. Seeing as how I never saw the first Transformers(but, admittedly, thought it LOOKED cool) maybe I missed out on the sex appeal. But still, show me something else. Maybe a cute little romantic comedy I watch on the sly without my boys knowing, or a drama where you go to Africa like DSL Angelina Jolie.
Maybe its me, I don't know. I mean, I find certain celebs attractive (I won the "you just don't like her because we all like her" argument at work because I detailed what I would do to Jessica Biel) but just not this little cookie of love.
Monday, June 22, 2009
I'll Be Your Natural Selection
So whilst watching Sports Center tonight (its come down to Sports Center and more Sports Center as the only thing I can watch on TV) I saw a commercial for Natural Light. Ah yes, Natty Light...the beer every poor kid drank in college. Except for my crew, who was more discerning, and drank Old Style, Grain Belt, and Pabst if we wanted to do it on the cheap.
The thing that struck me about seeing a Natural Light ad was that I had never seen one before. Without any advertising, one of the shittiest beers brewed by the shittiest brewery (Anheuser-Busch) is the #6 selling beer in the U.S.A. Natty Light is the equavalent of Nickelback...no one admits to liking it, girls go "whooo" in its presence, and its really popular with frat boys.
Personally, I never have even considered buying that shit...except for the time I saw a 30 banger of it in Chicago for $8.99. That would come out to 30 cents a can! Actually, I think the only time I actively consumed the Natty was when I played flippy cup at a house party in Bloomington where I knew nobody. That one time was enough for me, 30 cents per 12 oz or no 30 cents per 12 oz.
The thing that struck me about seeing a Natural Light ad was that I had never seen one before. Without any advertising, one of the shittiest beers brewed by the shittiest brewery (Anheuser-Busch) is the #6 selling beer in the U.S.A. Natty Light is the equavalent of Nickelback...no one admits to liking it, girls go "whooo" in its presence, and its really popular with frat boys.
Personally, I never have even considered buying that shit...except for the time I saw a 30 banger of it in Chicago for $8.99. That would come out to 30 cents a can! Actually, I think the only time I actively consumed the Natty was when I played flippy cup at a house party in Bloomington where I knew nobody. That one time was enough for me, 30 cents per 12 oz or no 30 cents per 12 oz.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Chicago Day 2
Day two started off with a train ride down to Wrigleyville. We didn't have tickets to the game, so a group decision was made to go bar hopping. The area was PACKED with Twins fans, Saturday being better than Friday by probably about 70/30. Cubs fans weren't as jovial as the previous day, giving us a lot of shit about coming into their territory and giving off a overall kind of defeated vibe (not that the defeated vibe is anything new for a Cubbies fan).
After the Twins sealed the deal, we went to a newish bar that had $2 Old Styles. That's when the fun began. A group of about 15 Minnesotans, mainly dudes,were having a dance off in the corner We stayed there for about 2 hours, and stumbled out into the streets to drunkenly take pictures and rabble rouse with other Twins fans (and strangely enough, one really depressed Washington Nationals fan). Then we hopped a train downtown.
The train was nothing but drunk Twins fans chanting some awesome nonsense. A few chant examples were "Frank The Tank" and "KFC." The dude who was presumably Frank The Tank tried to use my brothers girlfriends rack as a hand rail, and also missed his stop. Yet, no one seemed too annoyed with the Tank's shenanigans.
Drunk as all getup, we ambled about downtown, where a man's car from Ontario had broke down. Instead of thinking that (the logical choice), we all assumed that he was Ghostriding the Whip down State Street. So we chanted "Ghostride the Whip" at him instead of making any effort to help. I stand firm that this was the right decision...
After we sort of kind of sobered up, we had a less than good meal at Rock Bottom Brewery. Then, it was time for home, where some of the party tried to keep the hotel pool open past 10PM, to no avail.
After the Twins sealed the deal, we went to a newish bar that had $2 Old Styles. That's when the fun began. A group of about 15 Minnesotans, mainly dudes,were having a dance off in the corner We stayed there for about 2 hours, and stumbled out into the streets to drunkenly take pictures and rabble rouse with other Twins fans (and strangely enough, one really depressed Washington Nationals fan). Then we hopped a train downtown.
The train was nothing but drunk Twins fans chanting some awesome nonsense. A few chant examples were "Frank The Tank" and "KFC." The dude who was presumably Frank The Tank tried to use my brothers girlfriends rack as a hand rail, and also missed his stop. Yet, no one seemed too annoyed with the Tank's shenanigans.
Drunk as all getup, we ambled about downtown, where a man's car from Ontario had broke down. Instead of thinking that (the logical choice), we all assumed that he was Ghostriding the Whip down State Street. So we chanted "Ghostride the Whip" at him instead of making any effort to help. I stand firm that this was the right decision...
After we sort of kind of sobered up, we had a less than good meal at Rock Bottom Brewery. Then, it was time for home, where some of the party tried to keep the hotel pool open past 10PM, to no avail.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Chicago Day 1
So the day started off at 2am, with the drive down. Fortunately, no one fell asleep at the wheel and we arrived in the Windy City around 10am.
Immediaiately after checking in, we hopped on a train to Wrigley. It was my third time in the Friendly Confines so I kind of knew what to expect...lots of well behaved Cubs fans and a relaxed atmosphere. What I didn't expect was the swarm of Twins fans. I would say probably 60 percent of the crowd was pro-Twin. And when Joe Mauer went yard, the place got loud. Like Dome loud.
After the game, Wrigleyville was so packed with Twins supporters it was hard to move. So we took a train back to the suburbs and went for some Giordanos. As always, the combonation of cheese, tomatos and flaky pie crust put me in heaven.
Because no one had slept in nearly 36 hours, we decided to just go pick up some beer at 7-Eleven and call it a night. Saving all our downtown energies for tonight was the plan
Immediaiately after checking in, we hopped on a train to Wrigley. It was my third time in the Friendly Confines so I kind of knew what to expect...lots of well behaved Cubs fans and a relaxed atmosphere. What I didn't expect was the swarm of Twins fans. I would say probably 60 percent of the crowd was pro-Twin. And when Joe Mauer went yard, the place got loud. Like Dome loud.
After the game, Wrigleyville was so packed with Twins supporters it was hard to move. So we took a train back to the suburbs and went for some Giordanos. As always, the combonation of cheese, tomatos and flaky pie crust put me in heaven.
Because no one had slept in nearly 36 hours, we decided to just go pick up some beer at 7-Eleven and call it a night. Saving all our downtown energies for tonight was the plan
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Take A Letter, Maria
Sorry about the lack of posts lately, I just haven't really been in the mood to write. My grandmother passed away last Friday morning and I haven't really been up to the challenge of slinging together a good rant, a music review, or a softball story.
I'm going to start fresh this weekend...I'm going to Chi-City for Cubs-Twins at Wrigley and I will be dragging along the Laptop for another running Chicago daily journal. So get prepared for stories involving Old Style, pizza, and brahskis...not in that order hopefully.
I'm going to start fresh this weekend...I'm going to Chi-City for Cubs-Twins at Wrigley and I will be dragging along the Laptop for another running Chicago daily journal. So get prepared for stories involving Old Style, pizza, and brahskis...not in that order hopefully.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Top 6 Cover Songs by Pussy Sounding Bands
Any cock rocking stud with a mullet can rock the house with a cover...but it takes a special breed of emo sounding twerp to make something as good as the following six reworkings. In no particular order, here are the six best cover songs done by bands whose ass you could probably kick.
Want-Lagwagon (originally by Jawbreaker)
The quintessential emo jam, with a chorus of “I want you, I want you” sung ad infinum. The original is a bit garbled due to poor recording and Jawbreaker’s lead singer sounding like he gargled glass. Lagwagon sweetens the deal a bit, and the result is sublime romantic longing.
On With The Show-Get Up Kids (originally by Motley Crue)
A cautionary tale about being bad, never good and getting murdered with a switchblade…but still having to go on with the show. Not only was this covered by the Get Up Kids, it was also covered by the even pussier MXPX on their covers album in the late 1990s. Strangely, Vince Neil’s vocals and the Get Up Kids vocals are almost the same.
Game Of Pricks-Jimmy Eat World(originally by Guided by Voices)
One of the best rock songs of the 1990s gets re-did by Jim Adkins and company. Clocking in at around two minutes, its dark lyrics are lost all in the bounce of the music.
Somebody’s Baby-Phantom Planet (originally by Jackson Browne)
Here’s the deal with covers (at least for me): I like em almost the same as the original (probably one of the reasons I think Cat Power kind of sucks). “Somebody’s Baby” is a stellar chunk of American cheese by a guy who did much better work (see his self titled disc or “Running on Empty”). The chamelions in the Planet don’t try to re-invent the wheel, and that is why this cover clicks.
Boyz In The Hood-Dynamite Hack (originally by Easy-E)
Where the fuck did these guys go? This slice of white boy prep via Compton candy is why we all bought the album. Then, after finding out these guys sounded kind of like Weezer on both downers AND speed at various points, it was love. Then, nothing else. Sure they were a novelty band, but they coulda been contenders
A Little Respect-Wheatus (originally by Erasure)
Either you hate this song or love it (if you have ever even heard it). A man with the whiniest, most nasal voice ever in pop music covers a song by one of the most gay friendly pop groups of the 80s (Erasure released an ABBA EP, for chrissakes). Personally, I love it. And so did the UK (where it hit top 5 in 2000).
Want-Lagwagon (originally by Jawbreaker)
The quintessential emo jam, with a chorus of “I want you, I want you” sung ad infinum. The original is a bit garbled due to poor recording and Jawbreaker’s lead singer sounding like he gargled glass. Lagwagon sweetens the deal a bit, and the result is sublime romantic longing.
On With The Show-Get Up Kids (originally by Motley Crue)
A cautionary tale about being bad, never good and getting murdered with a switchblade…but still having to go on with the show. Not only was this covered by the Get Up Kids, it was also covered by the even pussier MXPX on their covers album in the late 1990s. Strangely, Vince Neil’s vocals and the Get Up Kids vocals are almost the same.
Game Of Pricks-Jimmy Eat World(originally by Guided by Voices)
One of the best rock songs of the 1990s gets re-did by Jim Adkins and company. Clocking in at around two minutes, its dark lyrics are lost all in the bounce of the music.
Somebody’s Baby-Phantom Planet (originally by Jackson Browne)
Here’s the deal with covers (at least for me): I like em almost the same as the original (probably one of the reasons I think Cat Power kind of sucks). “Somebody’s Baby” is a stellar chunk of American cheese by a guy who did much better work (see his self titled disc or “Running on Empty”). The chamelions in the Planet don’t try to re-invent the wheel, and that is why this cover clicks.
Boyz In The Hood-Dynamite Hack (originally by Easy-E)
Where the fuck did these guys go? This slice of white boy prep via Compton candy is why we all bought the album. Then, after finding out these guys sounded kind of like Weezer on both downers AND speed at various points, it was love. Then, nothing else. Sure they were a novelty band, but they coulda been contenders
A Little Respect-Wheatus (originally by Erasure)
Either you hate this song or love it (if you have ever even heard it). A man with the whiniest, most nasal voice ever in pop music covers a song by one of the most gay friendly pop groups of the 80s (Erasure released an ABBA EP, for chrissakes). Personally, I love it. And so did the UK (where it hit top 5 in 2000).
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Cabin Parade II: Still Cabinin'
Memorial Day 2K9 was quite the festivius. Some of the highlights:
-Playing Scruples with a bunch of 15 year olds
-Buying 9 LPs (including one autographed by Eddie Money!) for 33 cents each at the Wright County Swap Meet
-Going into a townie bar in Kimball with 200 bikers on their way to a memorial ride. THEN being told by our waitress "I'm gonna give you a minute, and hopefully you'll be ready by the time I get back" in a very unfriendly tone
-Playing lawn darts in the dark and somehow hitting a bulls eye
-Getting my head shaved
But now I am snapped back to reality with work and such. And I will probably never find an Eddie Money album for 33 cents (let alone an autographed album) ever again.
-Playing Scruples with a bunch of 15 year olds
-Buying 9 LPs (including one autographed by Eddie Money!) for 33 cents each at the Wright County Swap Meet
-Going into a townie bar in Kimball with 200 bikers on their way to a memorial ride. THEN being told by our waitress "I'm gonna give you a minute, and hopefully you'll be ready by the time I get back" in a very unfriendly tone
-Playing lawn darts in the dark and somehow hitting a bulls eye
-Getting my head shaved
But now I am snapped back to reality with work and such. And I will probably never find an Eddie Money album for 33 cents (let alone an autographed album) ever again.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Ben Utecht...Really?
So I was browsing what was new on iTunes because I don't want to tempt my bank account with sexy CD shopping at a brick and mortar...and I came across former U of M great Ben Utecht's new self titled CD. This has got to be the most out of left field (or maybe out of left end?) CD released by a pro athlete ever. We are all accustomed to NBA player releasing discs (remember K.O.B.E I L.O.V.E U and Ron "Bitches don't give a shit about my wifey" Artest almost came to blows last night in the playoffs!) but this has got to be the first CD by a tight end ever.
The only other NFL player that pops to mind is Mike Reid, an all pro lineman with the Bengals in the 70s who wrote "I Can't Make You Love Me." And, of course, Samurai Mike, The Punky QB Known as McMahon, and Sweetness...
The only other NFL player that pops to mind is Mike Reid, an all pro lineman with the Bengals in the 70s who wrote "I Can't Make You Love Me." And, of course, Samurai Mike, The Punky QB Known as McMahon, and Sweetness...
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Clearance Rack Cavalcade 5/5/09
This time for the CRC, I think I will actually speak on a CD I purchased because I wanted to hear it...
"Stubbs The Zombie: The Soundtrack"
The great thing about the clearance rack at ANY record store is that you can find that elusive CD you were going to pick up on Amazon a few weeks prior, but just didn't because you spent too much money at the Palace or on truffle fries. Anyways, this happened to me with this soundtrack to an XBOX game I have never even heard of.
"Stubbs The Zombie" features the creme de la creme of indie music covering 50s and early 60s songs. You get Ben Kweller doing "Lollipop," The Ravonettes doing "My Boyfriends Back" and The Walkmen doing "There Goes My Baby." Very good stuff, especially Death Cab For Cutie's "Earth Angel" (the most earnest song ever sung by the most earnest group ever) and Cake covering "Strangers in the Night" (John McCrea would kill his mom to be a lounge singer and they even sang a song called "Frank Sinatra"). The only song that drags is Flaming Lips doing "If I Only Had A Brain," which feels sort of out of place. Anyways, a great little 2 dollar treasure that I would have paid at least 7 dollars for.
Verdict: 8/10
"Stubbs The Zombie: The Soundtrack"
The great thing about the clearance rack at ANY record store is that you can find that elusive CD you were going to pick up on Amazon a few weeks prior, but just didn't because you spent too much money at the Palace or on truffle fries. Anyways, this happened to me with this soundtrack to an XBOX game I have never even heard of.
"Stubbs The Zombie" features the creme de la creme of indie music covering 50s and early 60s songs. You get Ben Kweller doing "Lollipop," The Ravonettes doing "My Boyfriends Back" and The Walkmen doing "There Goes My Baby." Very good stuff, especially Death Cab For Cutie's "Earth Angel" (the most earnest song ever sung by the most earnest group ever) and Cake covering "Strangers in the Night" (John McCrea would kill his mom to be a lounge singer and they even sang a song called "Frank Sinatra"). The only song that drags is Flaming Lips doing "If I Only Had A Brain," which feels sort of out of place. Anyways, a great little 2 dollar treasure that I would have paid at least 7 dollars for.
Verdict: 8/10
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Clearance Rack Cavalcade 4/30/09
There is a scene in the movie Vanilla Sky where Tom Cruise's character asks Penelope Cruz if she would like to listen to Jeff Buckley or something else. She replies (and I am paraphrasing) "I want to listen to both at the same time."
This perfectly sums up how I feel about music. It sucks that I cannot listen to four or five songs at a time. I think this is why I frequent the cutout bin at HPB. I mean, I will buy ANYTHING in that CD bin. Once a week, I'm going to pick one of the cream of the crop (or the crap) and give a little write up of my impressions. And the first one I've chose is a doozy....
Jim Rome "Welcome To The Jungle"
You know the old saying about not turning away from a car crash? That was me when I purchased this. Jim Rome is one of the most annoying human beings walking today, and if there is any justice in this world, he, Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith will be locked in a cage for a deathmatch someday. But I digress.
From what I could glean from this atrocity, Rome (ever the egomaniac) took dialogue from his radio show and put songs by G n R, Kurtis Blow and the Crystal Method behind the rants. There is also a song about the 1996 Colorado Avalanche on the CD for some reason, and "Do You Remember Rock and Roll Radio?" without Rome talking about Ramon Martinez over it. Honestly, I could only take about 30 seconds of each "song" before it was yanked out of the Focus. I mean, this thing was dated 20 seconds after it was released (I even heard a Tom Candiotti reference!).Who greenlit this shit?
I should give fair warning. If I ever make you a mix, there probably will be something from this CD on it.
Rating: -10/10
This perfectly sums up how I feel about music. It sucks that I cannot listen to four or five songs at a time. I think this is why I frequent the cutout bin at HPB. I mean, I will buy ANYTHING in that CD bin. Once a week, I'm going to pick one of the cream of the crop (or the crap) and give a little write up of my impressions. And the first one I've chose is a doozy....
Jim Rome "Welcome To The Jungle"
You know the old saying about not turning away from a car crash? That was me when I purchased this. Jim Rome is one of the most annoying human beings walking today, and if there is any justice in this world, he, Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith will be locked in a cage for a deathmatch someday. But I digress.
From what I could glean from this atrocity, Rome (ever the egomaniac) took dialogue from his radio show and put songs by G n R, Kurtis Blow and the Crystal Method behind the rants. There is also a song about the 1996 Colorado Avalanche on the CD for some reason, and "Do You Remember Rock and Roll Radio?" without Rome talking about Ramon Martinez over it. Honestly, I could only take about 30 seconds of each "song" before it was yanked out of the Focus. I mean, this thing was dated 20 seconds after it was released (I even heard a Tom Candiotti reference!).Who greenlit this shit?
I should give fair warning. If I ever make you a mix, there probably will be something from this CD on it.
Rating: -10/10
Sunday, April 26, 2009
A Sunday, None More Lazy
Ahhh...absolutely nothing to do today. Accomplishing nothing, except listening to music and going to McDonald's for a snack wrap.
While eating one of those snack wraps, I flipped on MTV Hits. In between Lily Allen buying stuff and J-Timbo getting his ear licked by Ciara, I saw probably the most disjointed video ever. Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" confused me and left me with a strange, empty feeling (like if you saw your cousins making out in a closet on Christmas). Here is what I gleaned from the video:
-Lady Gaga may be into bestiality (she raises from a pool in a unitard with a disco ball on her face and cuddles with two huge fucking Great Danes)
-L.G. (as I will now refer to her) really likes gay guys. That is all that is chillin at her really creepy house party. She also enjoys kissing them
-Judging from her gay guy onscreen kiss, L.G. looks like she may be the best kisser ever
I don't know what any of this means, but it makes me wish for the days of Madonna fucking the ground in a wedding dress and the surrounding controversy from it. Because if L.G. passes for the status quo today, then we are all quite possibly fucked.
UPDATE: I just saw the "Just Dance" video. Much more of the same, except Akon is in an orgy, there is a hipster in a blazer and Charlotte Hornets Starter hat (and L.G. hooks up with him) and L.G. fucks a plastic Shamu in a kiddie pool. If someone can tell me what this all means, please do.
While eating one of those snack wraps, I flipped on MTV Hits. In between Lily Allen buying stuff and J-Timbo getting his ear licked by Ciara, I saw probably the most disjointed video ever. Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" confused me and left me with a strange, empty feeling (like if you saw your cousins making out in a closet on Christmas). Here is what I gleaned from the video:
-Lady Gaga may be into bestiality (she raises from a pool in a unitard with a disco ball on her face and cuddles with two huge fucking Great Danes)
-L.G. (as I will now refer to her) really likes gay guys. That is all that is chillin at her really creepy house party. She also enjoys kissing them
-Judging from her gay guy onscreen kiss, L.G. looks like she may be the best kisser ever
I don't know what any of this means, but it makes me wish for the days of Madonna fucking the ground in a wedding dress and the surrounding controversy from it. Because if L.G. passes for the status quo today, then we are all quite possibly fucked.
UPDATE: I just saw the "Just Dance" video. Much more of the same, except Akon is in an orgy, there is a hipster in a blazer and Charlotte Hornets Starter hat (and L.G. hooks up with him) and L.G. fucks a plastic Shamu in a kiddie pool. If someone can tell me what this all means, please do.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
What A Pity, You Don't Understand
Today, while mindlessly surfing those internets, I came across a website that has complete Billboard charts from the past. Curious, I typed in my birthday...here is what came out:
http://www.umdmusic.com/default.asp?Lang=English&Chart=D&ChDay=11&ChMonth=12&ChYear=1982&ChBand=&ChSong=
I always knew Mickey was #1 the day I was born, but whats really interesting is the songs below the top 40. Zapp, Vanity 6, "Its Raining Men". Some really strange stuff down there.
http://www.umdmusic.com/default.asp?Lang=English&Chart=D&ChDay=11&ChMonth=12&ChYear=1982&ChBand=&ChSong=
I always knew Mickey was #1 the day I was born, but whats really interesting is the songs below the top 40. Zapp, Vanity 6, "Its Raining Men". Some really strange stuff down there.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Bordersline, Feel Like I'm Going To Lose My Mind
National Record Store Day, ah, what a funny little holiday that will be redundant in 10 years when all we have is Wal-Mart for the hicks to purchase their Kenny Chesney CDs and the latest web downloadable portal to purchase the new Britt-Britt comeback single.
But anyways, I went to my local Down In The Valley to purchase some of the vinyl that was being shilled as "today only." I didn't cop the My Morning Jacket and Black Kids 10" (didn't have em') but I did get the Flaming Lips/Black Keys split on aqua seafoam green. The Lips cover of Borderline is good in the way that most Lips covers is, it doesn't really play by the rules of the OG song but you can still recognize the good parts. And the Beefheart cover by the Black Keys just sounds like a Black Keys song, before Danger Mouse effed that all up.
After that, I got worked in tennis.
After THAT, I went on a Borders mini tour because they are selling off all their CDs for 50% off. Here's what I scored:
"Diana and Marvin"-Diana Ross and Marvin Gaye
"RAM"-Paul McCartney
"Rocket To Russia"-Ramones
"Changing Horses"-Ben Kweller
"Stink"-The Replacements
"Truth"-Jeff Beck (with Rod Stewart singing lead)
Total spent: $32.
And there was plenty of stuff I had to put back. Probably shouldn't have dropped 32 bucks, but eating mac n'cheese for the next week will be worth it with all the new music I can listen to.
But anyways, I went to my local Down In The Valley to purchase some of the vinyl that was being shilled as "today only." I didn't cop the My Morning Jacket and Black Kids 10" (didn't have em') but I did get the Flaming Lips/Black Keys split on aqua seafoam green. The Lips cover of Borderline is good in the way that most Lips covers is, it doesn't really play by the rules of the OG song but you can still recognize the good parts. And the Beefheart cover by the Black Keys just sounds like a Black Keys song, before Danger Mouse effed that all up.
After that, I got worked in tennis.
After THAT, I went on a Borders mini tour because they are selling off all their CDs for 50% off. Here's what I scored:
"Diana and Marvin"-Diana Ross and Marvin Gaye
"RAM"-Paul McCartney
"Rocket To Russia"-Ramones
"Changing Horses"-Ben Kweller
"Stink"-The Replacements
"Truth"-Jeff Beck (with Rod Stewart singing lead)
Total spent: $32.
And there was plenty of stuff I had to put back. Probably shouldn't have dropped 32 bucks, but eating mac n'cheese for the next week will be worth it with all the new music I can listen to.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
I Want To Soak Up The Sunkist
Great Easter weekend...I almost puked on my shoes Friday night after one to many Tied To The Bedposts (and a heady mix of allergy medication). Thankfully I only hit a random tree somewhere off of Emerson and 27th.
Saturday led to some hungover as hell practice and more drinking at night. One sweet side effect of the TTTBs and puking the night before was that I could down a 12 banger of Molson Canadian without repercussion this morning. Then, I went over to mommy and daddys to get my Easter basket. Thank you Zombie Jesus.
One thing I did notice this weekend that kind of pissed me off was that Sunkist changed their can style. I was rummaging through my friends fridge at 6 am trying to find anything to erase a serious case of cottonmouth, and I came across a Diet Sunkist. The can wasn't the familiar one I have known and loved since the 80s. To me, the Sunkist can represents all the fun and excitement of summers of my youth. I know its weird and corny, but its true. The new can killed a little bit of my childhood.
Saturday led to some hungover as hell practice and more drinking at night. One sweet side effect of the TTTBs and puking the night before was that I could down a 12 banger of Molson Canadian without repercussion this morning. Then, I went over to mommy and daddys to get my Easter basket. Thank you Zombie Jesus.
One thing I did notice this weekend that kind of pissed me off was that Sunkist changed their can style. I was rummaging through my friends fridge at 6 am trying to find anything to erase a serious case of cottonmouth, and I came across a Diet Sunkist. The can wasn't the familiar one I have known and loved since the 80s. To me, the Sunkist can represents all the fun and excitement of summers of my youth. I know its weird and corny, but its true. The new can killed a little bit of my childhood.
Monday, April 06, 2009
Think I'll Have Another Glass of Mexican Wine
I just spent the last five days down in Cancun, in the nicest resort I will ever set foot in (mainly because that shit was $800 bucks a night, and I will never be able to afford that ever). Gotta give a big thanks to Jeff for taking me down there.
Cancun overall was pretty much what I expected. Lots of hawkers, chain restaurants, and guys that all looked like George Lopez. The Cancun flea market absolutely sucked. I hate being pressured into doing anything, and tons of dudes getting in my face trying to sell me frat boy Corona shirts is not my scene. But I did manage to get two Cohibas, which will be enjoyed at a later date.
The resort, on the other hand, was not at all what I expected. In fact, it was much more amazing than I could have ever hoped for. All inclusive is fucking amazing. Nothing but top shelf booze, free room service and "infinity pools". First night there, I got shit faced on Jack Daniels, and preceded to eat my self stupid on sushi. Honestly, for someone who likes the hooch as much as me, having a FUCKING DISPENSER in your room that spits out Johnny Walker Black, Absolut, Bacardi and some sort of tequila is about as close to heaven as I ever hope to get. I regret that I didn't drain that sumbitch of its contents (I was too busy having the swim up bartender make me crazy tequila drinks).
The only real downside to the trip was the sunburn. And that I didn't get to eat a tripe burrito from some dude selling out of a Home Depot bucket.
Cancun overall was pretty much what I expected. Lots of hawkers, chain restaurants, and guys that all looked like George Lopez. The Cancun flea market absolutely sucked. I hate being pressured into doing anything, and tons of dudes getting in my face trying to sell me frat boy Corona shirts is not my scene. But I did manage to get two Cohibas, which will be enjoyed at a later date.
The resort, on the other hand, was not at all what I expected. In fact, it was much more amazing than I could have ever hoped for. All inclusive is fucking amazing. Nothing but top shelf booze, free room service and "infinity pools". First night there, I got shit faced on Jack Daniels, and preceded to eat my self stupid on sushi. Honestly, for someone who likes the hooch as much as me, having a FUCKING DISPENSER in your room that spits out Johnny Walker Black, Absolut, Bacardi and some sort of tequila is about as close to heaven as I ever hope to get. I regret that I didn't drain that sumbitch of its contents (I was too busy having the swim up bartender make me crazy tequila drinks).
The only real downside to the trip was the sunburn. And that I didn't get to eat a tripe burrito from some dude selling out of a Home Depot bucket.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Konvict, GAGA!
This is the realest thing I have said in a long time...
11:47pm Jake
GaGa reminds me of what a gay guy would find hot if he actually liked to fuck women
Don't ask me why I was discussing Lady GaGa on Facebook, only know the quote for its truth.
Oh, and MTV will be playing videos from 3AM to 9AM again starting Monday I guess. Hmmm...reality TV not so hot anymore?
Anyways, off to Cancun in a day. Still scared shitless about flying in a plane, but oh well. The things that we sacrifice for fun.
11:47pm Jake
GaGa reminds me of what a gay guy would find hot if he actually liked to fuck women
Don't ask me why I was discussing Lady GaGa on Facebook, only know the quote for its truth.
Oh, and MTV will be playing videos from 3AM to 9AM again starting Monday I guess. Hmmm...reality TV not so hot anymore?
Anyways, off to Cancun in a day. Still scared shitless about flying in a plane, but oh well. The things that we sacrifice for fun.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Day 'N" Nite
Spring means baseball/softball. I celebrated the first day of real Spring today by going out and smacking the ball around a bit. And I hit really well, I think it was the Jeff Bagwell knee bends between pitches that did it. Or it could have been the fact that I didn't jerk my head around like an epileptic when the ball came towards the plate. Anyways, good day, except I feel like I have sunburn on the back of my neck and facial region.
In other news, while I was on my marathon 21 hour workday Tuesday to Wednesday, I had to drive the company van to Wal-Mart at 4:30 in the morning. When I am up at such an ungodly hour, I like to tune into the radio, because the DJs don't have to play the playlist and usually just throw random shit on. That's when I heard "Day 'n' Nite" by Kid Cudi.
The song sounds like something that should have been on the "Party Zone" in 1992. All Acid House synth, a sorta siren, and some lyrics about a lonely stoner who frees his mind at night. And I enjoy it immensely. After researching this guy a little, it turns out hes a Kanye disciple., which figures, because this is the gayest gay club sounding song to get played on pop radio since "Move This" by Technotronic. Not that there's anything wrong with that...
In other news, while I was on my marathon 21 hour workday Tuesday to Wednesday, I had to drive the company van to Wal-Mart at 4:30 in the morning. When I am up at such an ungodly hour, I like to tune into the radio, because the DJs don't have to play the playlist and usually just throw random shit on. That's when I heard "Day 'n' Nite" by Kid Cudi.
The song sounds like something that should have been on the "Party Zone" in 1992. All Acid House synth, a sorta siren, and some lyrics about a lonely stoner who frees his mind at night. And I enjoy it immensely. After researching this guy a little, it turns out hes a Kanye disciple., which figures, because this is the gayest gay club sounding song to get played on pop radio since "Move This" by Technotronic. Not that there's anything wrong with that...
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Pea-Tear, Griffin
Family Guy just had a three minute Conway Twitty performance spliced into the middle of tonight's episode (with no reasoning whatsoever). Wow, how lazy can one writing staff be?
To think, I used to look forward to Family Guy. But in the last two seasons, the show has gone to such absolute shit that it is impossible to watch.
To think, I used to look forward to Family Guy. But in the last two seasons, the show has gone to such absolute shit that it is impossible to watch.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Fashion Shoots With Beck and Hanson
So me and a co-worker got to talking about "Midnite Vultures" today, and I realized I haven't listened to that album all the way through in like three years (this is what happens when you own 2000 discs). So I got to listening, and I forgot about how much it kicks ass. I also forgot that "Beautiful Way" was on there (I thought for sure it was on "Mutations"). Listening also made me realize that Beck was probably listening to A LOT of Kool Keith at the time, because "Hollywood Freaks" sounds like a PG rated cut off of "Dr. Octagonecologyst".
"Midnite Vultures" makes me long for the days of yore, where Beck may have been the biggest pop star in the land. I mean, when "Odelay" came out, everyone had to own it, all four of the singles ("Where It's At", "Devils Haircut", "The New Pollution" and "Jack-Ass") were on MTV and alt rock radio (which was the top 40 of the day) constantly. The "Where Its At" video was for sure the what the fuck moment from the album, the moment you knew it was going to be huge. For me, the cuts were "The New Pollution" and "Lord Only Knows". It was like listening to the radio in 1966 if the aliens had invaded. Hopefully, some day there will be an artist to come out of nowhere and shake up the game like that again.
"Midnite Vultures" makes me long for the days of yore, where Beck may have been the biggest pop star in the land. I mean, when "Odelay" came out, everyone had to own it, all four of the singles ("Where It's At", "Devils Haircut", "The New Pollution" and "Jack-Ass") were on MTV and alt rock radio (which was the top 40 of the day) constantly. The "Where Its At" video was for sure the what the fuck moment from the album, the moment you knew it was going to be huge. For me, the cuts were "The New Pollution" and "Lord Only Knows". It was like listening to the radio in 1966 if the aliens had invaded. Hopefully, some day there will be an artist to come out of nowhere and shake up the game like that again.
Monday, March 09, 2009
An Ode To A Dorito
Snack chips are like women. Some stay around for years and you don't appreciate them (Nacho Cheese Doritos), some you have when you are young, but then they disappear (those Pizza chips that Keebler made), and leave you wistful and longing. And some knock you on your ass, take control of your being and make you want them worse than anything else.
I had a chip tonight that knocked my socks off. Doritos released a "Midnight" line of chips that come in two flavors: Jalapeno Popper and Late Night Taco. I chose the Jalapeno Popper ones, and I am glad I did. Just the right amount of spice, just the right amount of tang. A great lingering flavor. Too bad they probably won't be around for very long.
I had a chip tonight that knocked my socks off. Doritos released a "Midnight" line of chips that come in two flavors: Jalapeno Popper and Late Night Taco. I chose the Jalapeno Popper ones, and I am glad I did. Just the right amount of spice, just the right amount of tang. A great lingering flavor. Too bad they probably won't be around for very long.
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Crunchy Granola Suite
The Atomic Punks are dead, long live the Atomic Punks.
Maybe it was the venue that caused my disdain for the Atomic Punks show on Saturday (Pickle Park is like an Applebees with a stage, I almost got into a fight in the Men's room with a hilljack who looked like he had AIDS) but I think it was the new lead singer. Cover bands are supposed to rock and be a rollicking good time. Especially VH cover bands. Last nights show was workmanlike and boring.
E.L.nO, on the other hand, owned Lees Liquor Lounge on Friday night with their between song banter, their Jeff Lynne wigs, and of course, their dead on Electric Light Orchestra covers. The crowd was feeling it, I was feeling it, and the band was feeling it above all else. The Jeff Lynnes know that the audience is in on the joke, unlike the Punks, who played it like they WERE Van Halen.
In other news, after coming home drunk as all getup off of shitty Miller Light and Raspberry Commies, I had a dream that I visited "the granola capital of the U.S" which was located in the region between Buffalo and Toronto. Why the US capital of granola was partly in Canada, I will never know. What the dream means, I will never know. All I know is I need to have more insane dreams like this after seeing once great cover bands. They are sort of life-affirming.
Maybe it was the venue that caused my disdain for the Atomic Punks show on Saturday (Pickle Park is like an Applebees with a stage, I almost got into a fight in the Men's room with a hilljack who looked like he had AIDS) but I think it was the new lead singer. Cover bands are supposed to rock and be a rollicking good time. Especially VH cover bands. Last nights show was workmanlike and boring.
E.L.nO, on the other hand, owned Lees Liquor Lounge on Friday night with their between song banter, their Jeff Lynne wigs, and of course, their dead on Electric Light Orchestra covers. The crowd was feeling it, I was feeling it, and the band was feeling it above all else. The Jeff Lynnes know that the audience is in on the joke, unlike the Punks, who played it like they WERE Van Halen.
In other news, after coming home drunk as all getup off of shitty Miller Light and Raspberry Commies, I had a dream that I visited "the granola capital of the U.S" which was located in the region between Buffalo and Toronto. Why the US capital of granola was partly in Canada, I will never know. What the dream means, I will never know. All I know is I need to have more insane dreams like this after seeing once great cover bands. They are sort of life-affirming.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Crime of the Century
I took a shot at recorded music this evening. It only winged the LP and the CD in the arm (merely a flesh wound!) but still a wound nonetheless.
I bought a whole album off iTunes.
I justify the attack by stating that I only paid $7.99 for the music, and it costs almost $50 online from Amazon or Half. I also justify it by saying its the first Stevie Wonder album before his GOAT run of Music of My Mind, Innervisions, Talking Book, Fufillingness First Finale and Songs In The Key of Life. And Where I'm coming from delivers. Its less experimental than any of the above, and it is more "pop" than the others. Lots of orchestra, and one of my top 5 Stevie songs (If You Really Love Me).
Still, I may keep this practice to a minimum because there is nothing physical about it. Its like having sex with a drum machine, to quote Beck. All fun while its happening, but somehow cold and not cool afterwards.
I bought a whole album off iTunes.
I justify the attack by stating that I only paid $7.99 for the music, and it costs almost $50 online from Amazon or Half. I also justify it by saying its the first Stevie Wonder album before his GOAT run of Music of My Mind, Innervisions, Talking Book, Fufillingness First Finale and Songs In The Key of Life. And Where I'm coming from delivers. Its less experimental than any of the above, and it is more "pop" than the others. Lots of orchestra, and one of my top 5 Stevie songs (If You Really Love Me).
Still, I may keep this practice to a minimum because there is nothing physical about it. Its like having sex with a drum machine, to quote Beck. All fun while its happening, but somehow cold and not cool afterwards.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
News of the World
The world has been turned upside down...just today we get the news that Vern Gagne got into a fight at an assisted living home with another old timer and the guy eventually died and that some scraggly woman in Connecticut used to get her killer chimp drunk on wine before cuddling him.
And the economy is in the crapper, we have only one Senator, and almost a trillion dollars in funding was committed to the economy. But we can't cover that, because there's killer ex-wrestlers and killer Anthropomorphic Chimps on the loose. Oh, and Flo Rida has another #1 song, which samples a big hit from a transvestite pirate that was big a quarter century ago. You spin me right round indeed.
And the economy is in the crapper, we have only one Senator, and almost a trillion dollars in funding was committed to the economy. But we can't cover that, because there's killer ex-wrestlers and killer Anthropomorphic Chimps on the loose. Oh, and Flo Rida has another #1 song, which samples a big hit from a transvestite pirate that was big a quarter century ago. You spin me right round indeed.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Life Is The Rock, But The Radio Rolled Me
God damn, I am sick of this seasonal purgatory that is February. The weather around here is what I imagine living in London or Seattle is like, without the good music.
So in honor of this Lazy Sunday (not the SNL short, the Small Faces song) I am doing fuck-all. I dropped 60 bucks at Cub on nonsense, and now I'm contemplating going to the gym while watching The Rock (which is one of the most underrated action movies of the 1990s).
There is a line in the DVD version of the movie where Sean Connery says something like "Losers always say they can do, and winners go home and fuck the prom queen". On basic cable, the line becomes DATE the prom queen. That just sounds ridiculous. I mean, how hard would have it been to say something like "screw" or "lay" the prom queen. I think I found myself a new career, writing more realistic censored lines for re-broadcasts of movies.
So in honor of this Lazy Sunday (not the SNL short, the Small Faces song) I am doing fuck-all. I dropped 60 bucks at Cub on nonsense, and now I'm contemplating going to the gym while watching The Rock (which is one of the most underrated action movies of the 1990s).
There is a line in the DVD version of the movie where Sean Connery says something like "Losers always say they can do, and winners go home and fuck the prom queen". On basic cable, the line becomes DATE the prom queen. That just sounds ridiculous. I mean, how hard would have it been to say something like "screw" or "lay" the prom queen. I think I found myself a new career, writing more realistic censored lines for re-broadcasts of movies.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Inside Out, Oh Whoa, Inside Out
POST 501! Holy shit, I'm good like Kanye (without the gay overtones...well, with less of them anyways).
In non self congratulatory news, I bought a bunch of CDs today. Actually, I bought seven CDs today. I paid a whopping seven dollars for them because I am willing to dig through a bunch of crap to buy a bunch of mediocre gems. Here is the breakdown (and my justification for buying the discs, because of my goddamn Catholic guilt).
Billy Corgan- The Future Embrace
I bought this because the Smashing Pumpkins kicked ass from 1992-1997. Then, they were....eh. But I love the whine of Mista Corgan, and I actually didn't mind the Zwan disc. (Note: I actually listened to this one tonight. Not bad, not good, a horrendous cover of "To Love Somebody". Worth about 94 cents).
Phil Collins- Face Value
I bought this disc because it fucking rules! Mainly for "Inside Out" but all the songs are kick ass. I love chillin out to soulful white brothas when I chill in my rambler with a bottle of Becks. Phil fits the bill.
Bruce Springsteen- Devils and Dust
Bought this because its the Boss. And I guarantee there is at least five good songs on it that I will want on my iPod. Twenty cents a song ain't bad at all, even though its on that lame ass DualDisc format that failed miserably.
The Afghan Whigs- What Jail Is Like (EP)
Eight song EP for a band I always wanted more music from
Carolina Liar- Coming To Terms
For those who remember, "I'm Not Over" made my songs of 2008. If the CD only has a cheesy alt pop gem other than that song, then I will be justified like my main man Timberlake.
R.E.M.-Murmur
I only had this on vinyl, and it completes my R.E.M. CD collection (with the exception of "Dead Letter Office" which I also have on LP). Great fucking album and a steal for a buck.
Afghan Whigs-Black Love
"Gentlemen" was a great song and a pretty good album, so I figured the follow up would be an equal blend of soul and grunge.(Note: I listened to this in the car on the way to Old Chi tonight. It is a pretty good CD, but it meanders a bit on the first listen. Worth about 88 cents so far).
In non self congratulatory news, I bought a bunch of CDs today. Actually, I bought seven CDs today. I paid a whopping seven dollars for them because I am willing to dig through a bunch of crap to buy a bunch of mediocre gems. Here is the breakdown (and my justification for buying the discs, because of my goddamn Catholic guilt).
Billy Corgan- The Future Embrace
I bought this because the Smashing Pumpkins kicked ass from 1992-1997. Then, they were....eh. But I love the whine of Mista Corgan, and I actually didn't mind the Zwan disc. (Note: I actually listened to this one tonight. Not bad, not good, a horrendous cover of "To Love Somebody". Worth about 94 cents).
Phil Collins- Face Value
I bought this disc because it fucking rules! Mainly for "Inside Out" but all the songs are kick ass. I love chillin out to soulful white brothas when I chill in my rambler with a bottle of Becks. Phil fits the bill.
Bruce Springsteen- Devils and Dust
Bought this because its the Boss. And I guarantee there is at least five good songs on it that I will want on my iPod. Twenty cents a song ain't bad at all, even though its on that lame ass DualDisc format that failed miserably.
The Afghan Whigs- What Jail Is Like (EP)
Eight song EP for a band I always wanted more music from
Carolina Liar- Coming To Terms
For those who remember, "I'm Not Over" made my songs of 2008. If the CD only has a cheesy alt pop gem other than that song, then I will be justified like my main man Timberlake.
R.E.M.-Murmur
I only had this on vinyl, and it completes my R.E.M. CD collection (with the exception of "Dead Letter Office" which I also have on LP). Great fucking album and a steal for a buck.
Afghan Whigs-Black Love
"Gentlemen" was a great song and a pretty good album, so I figured the follow up would be an equal blend of soul and grunge.(Note: I listened to this in the car on the way to Old Chi tonight. It is a pretty good CD, but it meanders a bit on the first listen. Worth about 88 cents so far).
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Jesus Of Cool
Over the last ten minutes I have come to a few realizations...
Realization #1-Depressants are 100 times better than stimulants. This realization was brought on by the fact that I pounded out two 24 oz coffees at Dunn Bros and I feel like I could fight a bear. If coffee does this kind of shit to me, I can't even imagine what I would be like if I chose to experiment with coke or meth.
Realization #2-The Bay City Rollers are the most underrated band of all time. I just bought the re-release of Nick Lowes "Jesus Of Cool" and it includes his song "Rollers Show" (which could be tongue in cheek, but I'm not sure). Plus, The Ramones thought they were going to be the second coming of the Rollers, but couldn't pull it off. Anyways, this could be the 48 oz of coffee talking, but now it feels so right.
Realization #3-The NE Palace may be the best bar in Nordeast. I have been there a handful of times now, and every time has been better than the last. Friday featured the gang killing karaoke left and right, me getting zanked out of my skull on NE Punch and PBRs, and people handing me random drinks while I did the running man. Seriously, the Palace is competing with the Pub circa 2003 as the best bar ever.
Realization #1-Depressants are 100 times better than stimulants. This realization was brought on by the fact that I pounded out two 24 oz coffees at Dunn Bros and I feel like I could fight a bear. If coffee does this kind of shit to me, I can't even imagine what I would be like if I chose to experiment with coke or meth.
Realization #2-The Bay City Rollers are the most underrated band of all time. I just bought the re-release of Nick Lowes "Jesus Of Cool" and it includes his song "Rollers Show" (which could be tongue in cheek, but I'm not sure). Plus, The Ramones thought they were going to be the second coming of the Rollers, but couldn't pull it off. Anyways, this could be the 48 oz of coffee talking, but now it feels so right.
Realization #3-The NE Palace may be the best bar in Nordeast. I have been there a handful of times now, and every time has been better than the last. Friday featured the gang killing karaoke left and right, me getting zanked out of my skull on NE Punch and PBRs, and people handing me random drinks while I did the running man. Seriously, the Palace is competing with the Pub circa 2003 as the best bar ever.
Monday, February 02, 2009
Super Stoopid
The game yesterday was quite fantastic. Didn't go in rooting for anyone, but had a slight bent towards the Cardinals half way through (I like Larry Fitz, local boy and all). L. Fitz Jr didn't disappoint, but his team did in the long run. By the end, I was looking for some fresh meat, and of course, the meat was familiar.
Feeling slightly amiss with a Steelers victory, I looked up what teams had won a single Super Bowl. There aren't many. In fact, they can almost fit on one hand.
In order...Jets, Chiefs, Bears, Rams, Ravens, Bucaneers.
All the other teams that have won the big dance have taken the game multiple times. Still, the parity in the NFL is better than MLB, where the following one and dones happened:
Royals, D-Backs, Angels
Granted, baseball has a longer history, but even throwing in drought riddled teams like the 2005 White Sox and the 1995 Braves doesn't match the distribution of wealth in football. So, what it boils down to is that hope truly doesn't spring eternal in baseball, but on (almost) any given Sunday, one team of 60 men can beat another team of 60 men for a trophy named Lombardi.
Feeling slightly amiss with a Steelers victory, I looked up what teams had won a single Super Bowl. There aren't many. In fact, they can almost fit on one hand.
In order...Jets, Chiefs, Bears, Rams, Ravens, Bucaneers.
All the other teams that have won the big dance have taken the game multiple times. Still, the parity in the NFL is better than MLB, where the following one and dones happened:
Royals, D-Backs, Angels
Granted, baseball has a longer history, but even throwing in drought riddled teams like the 2005 White Sox and the 1995 Braves doesn't match the distribution of wealth in football. So, what it boils down to is that hope truly doesn't spring eternal in baseball, but on (almost) any given Sunday, one team of 60 men can beat another team of 60 men for a trophy named Lombardi.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Best of 2009 (WAY Better Late Than Never Edition)
It took a long time to write this, mainly because I was busy, but also because 2008 was one of the worst years in popular music ever. Seriously, would anyone even give a shit about Britney Spears 15 years ago? She would have been Paula Abdul, big on the radio but no one else would give a fuck. Anyways, heres hoping for a better 2009.
Vampire Weekend- Vampire Weekend
I hate hype as much as the next guy, so I went into this disc more scared than that chick in “The Blair Witch Project“. The cover of Spin before an album even comes out…come on! I guess Chuck D was wrong thing time, and the album delivers. VW somehow succeeds in mashing up the best parts of New Wave energy with an African beat and making pure pop like “A-Punk” and “The Kids Don’t Stand a Chance.”
Kings Of Leon- “Only By The Night”
We continue our story where the four kinsman set out to claim their homeland with epics about sex on fire girls who rock R&B tunes and like to be used. Would it shock you if I told you that the boys DID actually conquer (album hits #4, “Sex On Fire” hits #1 Modern Rock)? KOL always had the skuzzy rock thing down, but by making an album full of slow burning rockers, they morph into the monster rock band that was always lurking.
The Roots-”Rising Down”
Dark, political, questioning pretty much everything that has happened from 9/11 on, “Rising Down” is also catchy as hell at points. Jams like “Get Busy”, “I Can’t Help It” and “I Will Not Apologize” deserved to be bigger hits, but the pop audience doesn’t want to hear about African Genocide even if it is rapped in a funky little sonic wrapper. Overhyped Weezy has to declare “Motherfucker I’m ill” but this is an unspoken truth for Black Thought and the rest of the crew.
The Gaslight Anthem- “The ‘59 Sound”
Sometimes wearing your influences on your sleeve is a good thing. These gutter rats from Bruce’s neighborhood made the best Jersey album (and maybe the only Jersey album) since “Born To Run” by telling stories about young friends passing on and rough boys with sailor tattoos. Some may claim rip off, but it feels authentic and life affirming at once.
Little Joy- Little Joy
A summertime mashup of 60s pop, garage rock and Brazil that had the misfortune of coming out in the fall, when all that was cold and the grills weren’t cooking. Who would have thought songs so light and catchy as “Brand New Start” would have come from a dude who used to date Drew Barrymore?
The Hold Steady-”Stay Positive”
In which our hero, a hometown lad from Cakeeaterville, decides to quit writing about Gideon, Charlemagne, and Holly and starts writing about other nameless characters. Everything meshes oh so well, and “Lord I’m Discouraged” stings harder than any power ballad has in years. But then, the lad tells us to “Stay Positive” and dammit, I will.
Singles:
“Electric Feel” MGMT
This song takes some of the best things from the past 25 years (“Running Up That Hill” by Kate Bush, day-glo, the term “baby girl”, falsetto vocals sung by fey boys) and puts that shit in a blender set to Frappe. The result is as awesome as an Orange Julius when they could still throw the raw egg in.
“My Drive Thru” Santogold, Julian Casablancas and Pharrell
One should turn off the radio when they hear that a song was commissioned for shoes (Chucks in this case). But one washed up artist (Pharrell) one MIA (Mr Stroke) and one hype princess (Santogold) make a mash up jam that sounds like summer and could make a dead man shake it like Ben Stiller.
“I’m Not Over” Carolina Liar
To paraphrase Goat Boy, “Hey, remember the 90s?” That was a magical era in rock radio when one trick ponies could throw out that one big radio song and then disappear (see Possum Dixon “Watch The Girl Destroy Me“, The Nixons “Sister” and Tripping Daisy “I’ve Got A Girl” for examples). Well, Carolina Liar did just that this year, putting out a glimmering pop song about a girl they aren’t over “just yet.”
“Sex On Fire” Kings Of Leon
All churning and wanting and fiery fucking, this is finally the radio hit the true believers knew that KOL would write.
“Highly Suspicious” My Morning Jacket
Where the hell did this come from? Hairy southern rockers get all Symbolina on our collective ass, and drop the choicest funk since god knows when. Peanut butter pudding surprise, indeed.
Reissue of the Year:
“Pacific Ocean Blue (Legacy Edition)” Dennis Wilson
When one thinks of music in California in the 70s, one tends to dwell on the excesses of Fleetwood Mac and the Eagles. Dennis Wilson was all about excesses in life, but his music was tender and pure and not full of those demons. Dreamlike at times, always beautiful, it puts the former Beach Boy in the same category as his brother Brian: genius.
Video of the Year:
Erykah Badu “Honey”
Previous Badu videos don’t really stick out in my mental video library. “On and On” may have been a Levis commercial. “Tyrone” was live. And there may have been one with Common where he wore a crocheted sweater. But the “Honey” video rocks, with the setting being a local record store and Badu taking the place on such classic album sleeves as “Maggot Brain” “Three Feet High and Rising” and “Let It Be.” And the song grew on me too.
Vampire Weekend- Vampire Weekend
I hate hype as much as the next guy, so I went into this disc more scared than that chick in “The Blair Witch Project“. The cover of Spin before an album even comes out…come on! I guess Chuck D was wrong thing time, and the album delivers. VW somehow succeeds in mashing up the best parts of New Wave energy with an African beat and making pure pop like “A-Punk” and “The Kids Don’t Stand a Chance.”
Kings Of Leon- “Only By The Night”
We continue our story where the four kinsman set out to claim their homeland with epics about sex on fire girls who rock R&B tunes and like to be used. Would it shock you if I told you that the boys DID actually conquer (album hits #4, “Sex On Fire” hits #1 Modern Rock)? KOL always had the skuzzy rock thing down, but by making an album full of slow burning rockers, they morph into the monster rock band that was always lurking.
The Roots-”Rising Down”
Dark, political, questioning pretty much everything that has happened from 9/11 on, “Rising Down” is also catchy as hell at points. Jams like “Get Busy”, “I Can’t Help It” and “I Will Not Apologize” deserved to be bigger hits, but the pop audience doesn’t want to hear about African Genocide even if it is rapped in a funky little sonic wrapper. Overhyped Weezy has to declare “Motherfucker I’m ill” but this is an unspoken truth for Black Thought and the rest of the crew.
The Gaslight Anthem- “The ‘59 Sound”
Sometimes wearing your influences on your sleeve is a good thing. These gutter rats from Bruce’s neighborhood made the best Jersey album (and maybe the only Jersey album) since “Born To Run” by telling stories about young friends passing on and rough boys with sailor tattoos. Some may claim rip off, but it feels authentic and life affirming at once.
Little Joy- Little Joy
A summertime mashup of 60s pop, garage rock and Brazil that had the misfortune of coming out in the fall, when all that was cold and the grills weren’t cooking. Who would have thought songs so light and catchy as “Brand New Start” would have come from a dude who used to date Drew Barrymore?
The Hold Steady-”Stay Positive”
In which our hero, a hometown lad from Cakeeaterville, decides to quit writing about Gideon, Charlemagne, and Holly and starts writing about other nameless characters. Everything meshes oh so well, and “Lord I’m Discouraged” stings harder than any power ballad has in years. But then, the lad tells us to “Stay Positive” and dammit, I will.
Singles:
“Electric Feel” MGMT
This song takes some of the best things from the past 25 years (“Running Up That Hill” by Kate Bush, day-glo, the term “baby girl”, falsetto vocals sung by fey boys) and puts that shit in a blender set to Frappe. The result is as awesome as an Orange Julius when they could still throw the raw egg in.
“My Drive Thru” Santogold, Julian Casablancas and Pharrell
One should turn off the radio when they hear that a song was commissioned for shoes (Chucks in this case). But one washed up artist (Pharrell) one MIA (Mr Stroke) and one hype princess (Santogold) make a mash up jam that sounds like summer and could make a dead man shake it like Ben Stiller.
“I’m Not Over” Carolina Liar
To paraphrase Goat Boy, “Hey, remember the 90s?” That was a magical era in rock radio when one trick ponies could throw out that one big radio song and then disappear (see Possum Dixon “Watch The Girl Destroy Me“, The Nixons “Sister” and Tripping Daisy “I’ve Got A Girl” for examples). Well, Carolina Liar did just that this year, putting out a glimmering pop song about a girl they aren’t over “just yet.”
“Sex On Fire” Kings Of Leon
All churning and wanting and fiery fucking, this is finally the radio hit the true believers knew that KOL would write.
“Highly Suspicious” My Morning Jacket
Where the hell did this come from? Hairy southern rockers get all Symbolina on our collective ass, and drop the choicest funk since god knows when. Peanut butter pudding surprise, indeed.
Reissue of the Year:
“Pacific Ocean Blue (Legacy Edition)” Dennis Wilson
When one thinks of music in California in the 70s, one tends to dwell on the excesses of Fleetwood Mac and the Eagles. Dennis Wilson was all about excesses in life, but his music was tender and pure and not full of those demons. Dreamlike at times, always beautiful, it puts the former Beach Boy in the same category as his brother Brian: genius.
Video of the Year:
Erykah Badu “Honey”
Previous Badu videos don’t really stick out in my mental video library. “On and On” may have been a Levis commercial. “Tyrone” was live. And there may have been one with Common where he wore a crocheted sweater. But the “Honey” video rocks, with the setting being a local record store and Badu taking the place on such classic album sleeves as “Maggot Brain” “Three Feet High and Rising” and “Let It Be.” And the song grew on me too.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Little BHO
I managed to sneak watching the swearing in today at work. I got a little choked up knowing that my boy won't be in office ever again. I mean, what will he do without a country to ruin? Sit on his ranch in Crawford and watch the Rangers I assume. Too bad daddy is an Astros fan, could spend some quality time with the old man before he croaks. How old is Ol' 1,000-Points-of-Light anyway?
In other, non world changing once in a lifetime news, today I got cut off in line at Target by some bitch who forgot shampoo. Her son was waiting by her goods and I was next in line. The stupid broad cut me off, and in the process, appalled her son. "There's people in line!" the kid said with embarrassment. To which his walking birth canal said "People my ass." Made me feel pretty fucking shitty...
But, I cheered up immediately when I overheard an older guy at the gym, in the middle of a conversation about glow in the dark golf balls, say the following:
"Oh yah, ya know my son-in-law Tyrone is playing in da Super Bowl in ah coupla weeks. He plays for da Pittsburgh Steelers. Tyrone Carter, went to da U."
For as much shit as I talk about this state, its things like that that keep me here. How fucking unassuming can you be to just off hand mention that your relative IS PLAYING IN THE FUCKING SUPER BOWL!!!!! If one of my relatives ever accomplished something like, oh, say PLAYING IN THE SUPER BOWL I would be wearing a shirt screaming about it. Ah, good old fashioned Minn-E-SOH-Tans.
In other, non world changing once in a lifetime news, today I got cut off in line at Target by some bitch who forgot shampoo. Her son was waiting by her goods and I was next in line. The stupid broad cut me off, and in the process, appalled her son. "There's people in line!" the kid said with embarrassment. To which his walking birth canal said "People my ass." Made me feel pretty fucking shitty...
But, I cheered up immediately when I overheard an older guy at the gym, in the middle of a conversation about glow in the dark golf balls, say the following:
"Oh yah, ya know my son-in-law Tyrone is playing in da Super Bowl in ah coupla weeks. He plays for da Pittsburgh Steelers. Tyrone Carter, went to da U."
For as much shit as I talk about this state, its things like that that keep me here. How fucking unassuming can you be to just off hand mention that your relative IS PLAYING IN THE FUCKING SUPER BOWL!!!!! If one of my relatives ever accomplished something like, oh, say PLAYING IN THE SUPER BOWL I would be wearing a shirt screaming about it. Ah, good old fashioned Minn-E-SOH-Tans.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I Know Noriega, The REAL Noriega
For something that happened when I was cognitive of the everyday world, I know very little about the U.S. invasion of Panama. All I remember about it was that Manuel Noriega looked like the main terrorist in "Executive Decision," he pushed a lot of weight, and my uncle used to brag about being part of the peacekeeping force (which is like me bragging about getting to the Chinese Buffet after the wontons are gone).
One thing that interested me was that the U.S. forces played music to force Manny out of the Vatican embassy (where I think he was seeking amnesty). Here is Uncle Sam's hype ass playlist:
http://www.gwu.edu/~nsarchiv/nsa/DOCUMENT/DOC-PIC/950206_4.gifhttp://www.gwu.edu/~nsarchiv/nsa/DOCUMENT/DOC-PIC/950206_5.gifhttp://www.gwu.edu/~nsarchiv/nsa/DOCUMENT/DOC-PIC/950206_6.gif
I'm not gonna lie to you, this may be the hottest government sponsored playlist ever. And they were taking requests! How 80s! I can just hear John London saying "Its a Boot Manny Weekend on 101.3! The phone lines are open, 989-KDWB, caller 13 gets Bon Jovi tickets for February 12th at the Met Center and the new Richard Marx cassette. Here's Kix with "Don't Close Your Eyes!"
One thing that interested me was that the U.S. forces played music to force Manny out of the Vatican embassy (where I think he was seeking amnesty). Here is Uncle Sam's hype ass playlist:
http://www.gwu.edu/~nsarchiv/nsa/DOCUMENT/DOC-PIC/950206_4.gifhttp://www.gwu.edu/~nsarchiv/nsa/DOCUMENT/DOC-PIC/950206_5.gifhttp://www.gwu.edu/~nsarchiv/nsa/DOCUMENT/DOC-PIC/950206_6.gif
I'm not gonna lie to you, this may be the hottest government sponsored playlist ever. And they were taking requests! How 80s! I can just hear John London saying "Its a Boot Manny Weekend on 101.3! The phone lines are open, 989-KDWB, caller 13 gets Bon Jovi tickets for February 12th at the Met Center and the new Richard Marx cassette. Here's Kix with "Don't Close Your Eyes!"
Sunday, January 11, 2009
You Don't Have To Be A Star Baby...
Last year, I picked up a copy of the 1992 NBA All-Star Game at the Bryn Mawr garage sales. Due to a lack of a VCR in my house, I didn't get a chance to watch it until today. It was pretty entertaining. Take a look at the rosters HERE:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1992_NBA_All-Star_Game
The only players who seem really out of place (to me at least) are Michael Adams and, to a lesser degree, Otis Thorpe. Honestly, when Bob Costas was doing the introductions for Michael Adams, I had no clue who he was. Otis Thorpe was always a role player, but the West was pretty weak in those years (the Wolves, Clippers, Mavs, and Kings were all horribly atrocious) so hey.
Highlights:
-Hammer saying that he was rooting for his main man Doug West in the Slam Dunk Contest.
-Bob Costas presenting the Shaq vs Laettner battle for the 12th spot on the Dream Team as a tossed off aside. If that fight for the spot were happening today, ESPN would dedicate at least 45 minutes of programming to it per day.
-Commercials for Oldsmobile, Vikingland GMC, and the Worlds Toughest Rodeo at the Met Center (Sponsored by Dayton's and FINA).
-Jeff Passolt on KARE 11 News bumpers every 15 minutes.
-Michael Bolton singing the National Anthem. His hair was so fried it looked like he was enrolled at Aveda for five years
-Isiah kissing Magic before the game. Yeah, I know everyone thought that this was cool at the time (and it was probably, you know, furthering peoples tolerance for those with HIV or AIDS) but I still get weirded out every time I see it. Because it had been going on for years before Magic was diagnosed. And Magic never really, you know, looked comfortable with it.
-Some dork ass in the crowd had (obviously planted) signs that said "Where's HARE Jordan?" and "The Magic is Back." He kind of looked like a young Phil Jackson.
Unfortunately, the tape cuts out at about the 3 minute mark of the 4th quarter. FORTUNATELY, whomever taped it taped an episode and a half of Beavis and Butthead from MTV in 1993. Now that's what I call value added!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1992_NBA_All-Star_Game
The only players who seem really out of place (to me at least) are Michael Adams and, to a lesser degree, Otis Thorpe. Honestly, when Bob Costas was doing the introductions for Michael Adams, I had no clue who he was. Otis Thorpe was always a role player, but the West was pretty weak in those years (the Wolves, Clippers, Mavs, and Kings were all horribly atrocious) so hey.
Highlights:
-Hammer saying that he was rooting for his main man Doug West in the Slam Dunk Contest.
-Bob Costas presenting the Shaq vs Laettner battle for the 12th spot on the Dream Team as a tossed off aside. If that fight for the spot were happening today, ESPN would dedicate at least 45 minutes of programming to it per day.
-Commercials for Oldsmobile, Vikingland GMC, and the Worlds Toughest Rodeo at the Met Center (Sponsored by Dayton's and FINA).
-Jeff Passolt on KARE 11 News bumpers every 15 minutes.
-Michael Bolton singing the National Anthem. His hair was so fried it looked like he was enrolled at Aveda for five years
-Isiah kissing Magic before the game. Yeah, I know everyone thought that this was cool at the time (and it was probably, you know, furthering peoples tolerance for those with HIV or AIDS) but I still get weirded out every time I see it. Because it had been going on for years before Magic was diagnosed. And Magic never really, you know, looked comfortable with it.
-Some dork ass in the crowd had (obviously planted) signs that said "Where's HARE Jordan?" and "The Magic is Back." He kind of looked like a young Phil Jackson.
Unfortunately, the tape cuts out at about the 3 minute mark of the 4th quarter. FORTUNATELY, whomever taped it taped an episode and a half of Beavis and Butthead from MTV in 1993. Now that's what I call value added!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
The Boys Do The Boogie Woogie on the Corner of the Street, Yeah
Had quite the night out last night. Started out at NE Palace, where I (unfortunately) drank tallboys of PBR and some strange Wop like concoction called NE Punch. But I did get to karaoke. I sang "No More Mister Nice Guy" by Alice Cooper and "Rebel Rebel" by Bowie solo, and did "Regulate" with Jeff (which got called "fooking brilliant" by a British guy, thus fulfilling one of my lifelong goals of getting called brilliant by a Brit). Big Chrisitan kept trying to make me sing "Too Drunk to Fuck" by the Dead Kennedys, but Mr. Hill instead did "Pussy Control" and there was to be no more nookie songs for the evening. Oh, and some Heggies were consumed.
Then I headed to Legends (after getting lost over by the Saint Paul U of M campus). Drank a shitty beer and a shitty G&T, and owned the dartboard. At bar close, I heard "Rock And Roll Train" by AC/DC on KDWB, which blew my feeble mind so much I had to hit up the dollar menu at T-Bell. Then, end scene. Quite a wild night, to quote JCM.
Then I headed to Legends (after getting lost over by the Saint Paul U of M campus). Drank a shitty beer and a shitty G&T, and owned the dartboard. At bar close, I heard "Rock And Roll Train" by AC/DC on KDWB, which blew my feeble mind so much I had to hit up the dollar menu at T-Bell. Then, end scene. Quite a wild night, to quote JCM.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
We're Playin BASKETBALL
Tonight at the hallowed Fridley Junior High, the Nature Boys Basketball Club were defeated by 49. Still, this is better than the other drubbings we have taken this year, and it was only a few points worse than the Thunder loss to the Wolves across town. Looks like this team is on the up and up...
Oh, and RIP Carl Pohlad. Yeah right. Cheap old fool couldn't even put a roof on Target Field or ever give the Twins the missing piece for a Series title. If reincarnation is real, I hope Mister Pohlad gets brought back as a parking space at Rosedale for the ghost of Kirby Puckett to pee on.
The Cuts (Not Too Shabby B-Ball Edition):
"Love Is the Law"- The Suburbs
"Hair of the Dog"-Nazareth
"Oblivious"-Aztec Camera
Oh, and RIP Carl Pohlad. Yeah right. Cheap old fool couldn't even put a roof on Target Field or ever give the Twins the missing piece for a Series title. If reincarnation is real, I hope Mister Pohlad gets brought back as a parking space at Rosedale for the ghost of Kirby Puckett to pee on.
The Cuts (Not Too Shabby B-Ball Edition):
"Love Is the Law"- The Suburbs
"Hair of the Dog"-Nazareth
"Oblivious"-Aztec Camera
Friday, January 02, 2009
Love, Love Love Me Already
2009...wow, I feel old. Or maybe just really hung over. That could be it. Mixing Windsor, cheap Champagne and keg beer that tastes like an ashtray does that to a man sometimes. Oh well, at least I have tomorrow off and hopefully I can get something accomplished. Today all I have accomplished was watching the Winter Classic, parts of the Rose and Orange Bowls, and seeing that girl from Heroes krump with Beyonce's sister (and somehow finding the krumping really hot).
Hopefully my 2009 will be much more eventful than today. With trips to Cancun and Chi-city to see the Twins/Cubs, it certainly looks so.
Hopefully my 2009 will be much more eventful than today. With trips to Cancun and Chi-city to see the Twins/Cubs, it certainly looks so.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Check Out The Hook
VH1 was running the Best Songs of the 1990s countdown tonight, and it felt like Super Nintendo, Crystal Pepsi and Tato Skins. Ah, memories. What was shocking was the huge differences in the songs from 1990 and 1999. Hearing songs like "Ice Ice Baby" and "Vision Of Love" makes one think of the 80s and not the 90s at all. It doesn't seem like there is such a disconnect today. Songs from the early part of this decade (lets say "Shake Ya Ass" by Mystikal and "Independent Women Part I" by Destinys Child for example) don't sound all that different from whats currently topping the charts. Has pop music stalled?
Oh, and for your laughing pleasure...
http://menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com/
Oh, and for your laughing pleasure...
http://menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Simply, Having, A WONDERFUL CHRISTMASTIME
Oh Paul, how you got more Japanese to harikari than Hirohito with your inane ditty I will never know...
Its Christmas, but it feels like January. Except for the fact that the Purp still have a chance at winning the Super Bowl.
Seeing as how it is time for Jolly Saint Nick, there has been a lot of Christmas songs floating around in the ether. I heard "Fairytale of New York" by the Pouges at Jaros on Friday, and when I said it was the best Christmas song ever, I was roundly shot down. Also heard "All I Want For Christmas Is You" at the record store yesterday and got shot down for saying it gets me amped. Am I the only one who doesn't get grabbed by the shorthairs when I hear drivel like "White Christmas" and "Come All Ye Faithful"? Those old boring songs just get me depressed. Give me George Michael singing about how hes gonna give his heart to a special dude any day!
Its Christmas, but it feels like January. Except for the fact that the Purp still have a chance at winning the Super Bowl.
Seeing as how it is time for Jolly Saint Nick, there has been a lot of Christmas songs floating around in the ether. I heard "Fairytale of New York" by the Pouges at Jaros on Friday, and when I said it was the best Christmas song ever, I was roundly shot down. Also heard "All I Want For Christmas Is You" at the record store yesterday and got shot down for saying it gets me amped. Am I the only one who doesn't get grabbed by the shorthairs when I hear drivel like "White Christmas" and "Come All Ye Faithful"? Those old boring songs just get me depressed. Give me George Michael singing about how hes gonna give his heart to a special dude any day!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I Often Drift When I Drive
For those not in the know, my work day is usually a 60/40 split between the warehouse doing QA on POS systems and doing paperwork, answering emails and whatnot at my desk. That 40 percent is usually a glorious time because I can bump whole albums without too much distraction. That allows me to think about said album intensely in between making work orders.
While playing "12 Golden Country Greats" by Ween today, I got to thinking about the one. No, not a girl. The one is the one bad track that can almost ruin a good or great disc. In Weens case, its the song "Fluffy". It is fucking terrible, so bad that it nearly ruins the perfect joke country of the rest of the jams. (Side note, Ween had a perfectly awesome song called "Booze Me Up and Get Me High" recorded for this album, but went with the Corkey on downers "Fluffy". Damn)
"Fluffy" did get me to thinking...what other albums are nearly ruined by one bad song? Here are a few I thought of off the top of my head:
-"Something/Anything" by Todd Rundgren
Almost Ruined by: That part where he talks about recording hiss. What kind of self indulgent shit is this? Seriously.
-"Dookie" by Green Day
Almost Ruined by: "Emenius Sleepus". I remember getting this CD in 1994 and bumping it hardcore while playing NBA Jam TE. I also remember hating this song because of the title alone. Listening to it now I still hate it (even though it is kinda catchy) just because of the title.
-"Born In The USA" by Bruce Springsteen
Almost Ruined by: "Working on the Highway". Why would you put this on an album full of fire? Just cheesy, nonsense rockabilly with the worst organ line since Dave "Baby" Cortez.
-"On A Wire" by The Get Up Kids
Almost Ruined by: "Campfire Kansas." Any song that starts off "Woke up at 8, started a fire" is bound to fucking blow. I remember these guys playing this in concert back in the day and hating the band for about 6 months for boring me with this drivel.
-"The Great Adventures of Slick Rick" by Slick Rick
Almost Ruined by: "Indian Girl (An Adult Story)." If I want stupid stories about crabs banging on drums and shit, I will throw in a Too Short album good sir. Almost negates the impact of "Children's Story" and "Hey Young World".
And don't get me started on songs that actually RUINED an album. Case 1: I haven't listened to the second Eagles Of Death Metal album in two years because of that Baby Duck song. Honest.
While playing "12 Golden Country Greats" by Ween today, I got to thinking about the one. No, not a girl. The one is the one bad track that can almost ruin a good or great disc. In Weens case, its the song "Fluffy". It is fucking terrible, so bad that it nearly ruins the perfect joke country of the rest of the jams. (Side note, Ween had a perfectly awesome song called "Booze Me Up and Get Me High" recorded for this album, but went with the Corkey on downers "Fluffy". Damn)
"Fluffy" did get me to thinking...what other albums are nearly ruined by one bad song? Here are a few I thought of off the top of my head:
-"Something/Anything" by Todd Rundgren
Almost Ruined by: That part where he talks about recording hiss. What kind of self indulgent shit is this? Seriously.
-"Dookie" by Green Day
Almost Ruined by: "Emenius Sleepus". I remember getting this CD in 1994 and bumping it hardcore while playing NBA Jam TE. I also remember hating this song because of the title alone. Listening to it now I still hate it (even though it is kinda catchy) just because of the title.
-"Born In The USA" by Bruce Springsteen
Almost Ruined by: "Working on the Highway". Why would you put this on an album full of fire? Just cheesy, nonsense rockabilly with the worst organ line since Dave "Baby" Cortez.
-"On A Wire" by The Get Up Kids
Almost Ruined by: "Campfire Kansas." Any song that starts off "Woke up at 8, started a fire" is bound to fucking blow. I remember these guys playing this in concert back in the day and hating the band for about 6 months for boring me with this drivel.
-"The Great Adventures of Slick Rick" by Slick Rick
Almost Ruined by: "Indian Girl (An Adult Story)." If I want stupid stories about crabs banging on drums and shit, I will throw in a Too Short album good sir. Almost negates the impact of "Children's Story" and "Hey Young World".
And don't get me started on songs that actually RUINED an album. Case 1: I haven't listened to the second Eagles Of Death Metal album in two years because of that Baby Duck song. Honest.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I Can't Sleep At Night, I Toss And Turn, Listening For The Telephone
The following paragraph sums up why I am still having a torrid love affair with Wikipedia:
"Every Little Step" is a single released by R&B singer Bobby Brown in 1988 on the MCA label. It had a cultural impact comparable to Michael Jackson's 'Billie Jean', only on a smaller scale. The video featured Brown twisting, turning, and spinning, creating a new era for dancers from the local clubs to the school dances. The video also featured Brown's stair step haircut that became the norm for urban blacks across the country
Only on the good ship Wiki would someone feel the need to discuss "Every Little Step" and its cultural impact, and then top that off by comparing said impact to "Billie Jean".
And don't ask me why I find shit like this. You only need to know I go on "rolls" where one thing on Wikipedia leads to another, like the Fixx.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Ballin On A Budget
New week, new trip to HPB in St Louis Park. Four CDs for Four Bucks! "Sweet FA" by Love and Rockets (Sweet Lover Hangover kicks ass), a Suede EP, Barry White's Greatest Hits and "Olympian" by Gene. Someone was selling a shit ton of Brit Pop. Plus, tons of finds at the record show on Saturday, and my brother and mom found me "The Roots Come Alive" on vinyl at Spanish Harlem, so a good week for cheap dirty music.
The new "Office" tonight was really uncomfortable. I enjoyed the little laughs (like Dwight talking about his mustard colored shirt) but overall it was just really uncomfortable. I mean, the old episodes were the same way but it seemed light hearted at points also. I think "30 Rock" may be overtaking it as the best thing on NBC on Thursday nights. Besides "Kath and Kim". Oh wait, that show fucking sucks, but I can't turn away because it is done up in pastel and Selma Blair is strangely hot.
"Chinese Democracy" on Saturday night. I hope that Best Buy is open cause I want to have a few beers and head over there and experience probably the last music related cultural event of my lifetime. Because, lets face it, no other band will dredge up this kind of excitement unless they dig up the Mighty KC or Brad Nowell in the next few months. Plus, this will (and I repeat WILL) be the last time a group of people queue up for a CD. Why hang with the unwashed masses when I could download it off iTunes, they will all say...
The new "Office" tonight was really uncomfortable. I enjoyed the little laughs (like Dwight talking about his mustard colored shirt) but overall it was just really uncomfortable. I mean, the old episodes were the same way but it seemed light hearted at points also. I think "30 Rock" may be overtaking it as the best thing on NBC on Thursday nights. Besides "Kath and Kim". Oh wait, that show fucking sucks, but I can't turn away because it is done up in pastel and Selma Blair is strangely hot.
"Chinese Democracy" on Saturday night. I hope that Best Buy is open cause I want to have a few beers and head over there and experience probably the last music related cultural event of my lifetime. Because, lets face it, no other band will dredge up this kind of excitement unless they dig up the Mighty KC or Brad Nowell in the next few months. Plus, this will (and I repeat WILL) be the last time a group of people queue up for a CD. Why hang with the unwashed masses when I could download it off iTunes, they will all say...
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Holiday, It Would Be So Nice
The other night while at the Champlin Holiday, I got super amped when I heard "I Heard A Rumour" by Bananarama over the Muzak. It got me to thinking...why do I love shitty 80s pop music? I mean, everything that sounds oversynthed and garbage sounds like ear candy to me. From Rick Astley to "I Should Be So Lucky" by Kylie Minouge, I drink their Aqua Net milkshake, I drink it up.
Sometimes I think I am the only straight American who likes incredibly gay catering British pop music.
In other music news, "Chinese Democracy" finally drops in a little under two weeks. I will be the first in line, if only to support the man who sang on "It's So Easy". And I think I have made myself like the title track, deluding my brain into thinking its a combo of "You Could Be Mine" and "Nighttrain" but not even 1/10th that kickass.
Sometimes I think I am the only straight American who likes incredibly gay catering British pop music.
In other music news, "Chinese Democracy" finally drops in a little under two weeks. I will be the first in line, if only to support the man who sang on "It's So Easy". And I think I have made myself like the title track, deluding my brain into thinking its a combo of "You Could Be Mine" and "Nighttrain" but not even 1/10th that kickass.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Can You Dig It...Yes We Can!
So the long national nightmare is over. Within three months, this whole Republican nonsense of the last eight years will be gone (at least the people will be gone) and a more level headed, less narrow sense of thought will be in Washington. This is the best day I have had in some time, even though I got my ass chewed at work. Someone could have laid a huge Sir Duke in my Corn Flakes and I wouldn't have cared...because Barack Obama is President. Say it, let it linger. No more of this "Dubbya" nonsense. Thank whatever deity you may choose.
Oh, and thank you to Michelle Bachman for winning. Your politics are crazy and no where in tone with what I think, but I have just discovered your sexy. The crazier you talk, the hotter you are.
PS-Thank YOU CNN, with your hologram of Will.I.Am talking to Anderson Cooper on a gigantic US map. Talk about jumping the shark. How about "Gramming the Pea"?
Oh, and thank you to Michelle Bachman for winning. Your politics are crazy and no where in tone with what I think, but I have just discovered your sexy. The crazier you talk, the hotter you are.
PS-Thank YOU CNN, with your hologram of Will.I.Am talking to Anderson Cooper on a gigantic US map. Talk about jumping the shark. How about "Gramming the Pea"?
Monday, November 03, 2008
Prissy Prancin/Biko Toughen Up
To this boy, there is nothing better than scuzzy, sexy, lets drink-a-fifth of Jack and play pinball rock and roll. This boy says thank god for Josh Homme and Jesse Hughes and their playing as Eagles of Death Metal on "Heart On".
The Devil (Hughes) and the Baby Duck (Homme) first kicked me in the scrote with "Peace Love Death Metal" nearly five years ago. That album was all about Whorehoppin, apple wine, fucking the devil and Gerry Rafferty. Needless to say, it is one of my most favoritiest discs ever. Then came "Death By Sexy" which had the better album title but weaker songs (prime example: the god-awful "The Ballad of Queen Bee and Baby Duck"). I will admit, I didn't know what to expect with "Heart On".
Hughes was quoted in Rolling Stone saying he wanted his new album to sound like the Stones buttfucking Devo. That pretty much sums it up. The latest one is the glammiest toughest sissiest shit, plain and simple. It gets back to prancin, pants, LA and torpedos. But, unexpectedly, it gets tender as fuck with "Now I'm A Fool". Sometimes, the jokiest motherfuckers can write some effecting stuff (see:Ween). Anyways, I digress. And I need this, like I needed the Toadies and old Stones and any other rock that can make me want to fight and dance and ride into a biker bar dressed like Rob Halford except less gay.
Speaking of slightly effeminate yet rugged, I am also taken by the new Bloc Party disc "Intimacy". Truth be told, the first two songs scared me because they were so tough and ready to scrap it up in some West End back alley, with their talk of drunk rumbles and mercury being in retrograde. But by the time "Halo" and "Biko" roll around, the album is a grade-A Morrissey style poncefest. Best quote "You took your watch off when we made love/You never wanted to share your time with anyone else." The third Bloc Party homerun in a row.
The Devil (Hughes) and the Baby Duck (Homme) first kicked me in the scrote with "Peace Love Death Metal" nearly five years ago. That album was all about Whorehoppin, apple wine, fucking the devil and Gerry Rafferty. Needless to say, it is one of my most favoritiest discs ever. Then came "Death By Sexy" which had the better album title but weaker songs (prime example: the god-awful "The Ballad of Queen Bee and Baby Duck"). I will admit, I didn't know what to expect with "Heart On".
Hughes was quoted in Rolling Stone saying he wanted his new album to sound like the Stones buttfucking Devo. That pretty much sums it up. The latest one is the glammiest toughest sissiest shit, plain and simple. It gets back to prancin, pants, LA and torpedos. But, unexpectedly, it gets tender as fuck with "Now I'm A Fool". Sometimes, the jokiest motherfuckers can write some effecting stuff (see:Ween). Anyways, I digress. And I need this, like I needed the Toadies and old Stones and any other rock that can make me want to fight and dance and ride into a biker bar dressed like Rob Halford except less gay.
Speaking of slightly effeminate yet rugged, I am also taken by the new Bloc Party disc "Intimacy". Truth be told, the first two songs scared me because they were so tough and ready to scrap it up in some West End back alley, with their talk of drunk rumbles and mercury being in retrograde. But by the time "Halo" and "Biko" roll around, the album is a grade-A Morrissey style poncefest. Best quote "You took your watch off when we made love/You never wanted to share your time with anyone else." The third Bloc Party homerun in a row.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
We're On A HPB Tour, With Jacob My Man
The second annual HPBT was held last Saturday all around the MPLS metro. The HPBT stands for Half Price Books Tour and it consisted of me and a few friends going to every conceivable Half Price Books location and shopping for entertainment media. You can get quite a haul for the price of a 12 banger of Pabst, and being cheap and broke, that is the only way I roll these days. Anyways, here is the breakdown of my purchases (with reviews) from this last weekend...
Adam and the Ants-"Dirk Wears White Sox"
I've been on a huge New Wave kick lately, and I have always appreciated ridiculous British Pop Music. Plus, I bought "Friend or Foe" on vinyl and found it respectable recently. I wasn't prepared for this one, though. DWWS sounds kind of like a bastard combo of Joy Division and the Cars. Really dark and murky, with songs about the Kennedy Assassination and decay. And it has "Physical" (which I came to love and know via NIN). B+
Bob Dylan-"New Morning"
I love Dylan, especially when he's playing it straight, so New Morning is right up my alley. "If Not For You" is strikingly beautiful, and "Went To See the Gypsy" is the only Dylan I can think of that references the home state directly. Plus, "The Man in Me" (the song I bought it for and which was featured in "The Big Lebowski") is really happy which makes me smile for Ol' Bobby.
A
Whiskeytown-"Pneumonia"
Good album for the $3 I paid for it, but it suffers from what I like to call Ryan Adam syndrome. This occurs when I hear a Ryan Adams song, love it, and forget everything about it 10 minutes later. Don't get me wrong, I really like the works of Misseur Adams. I just pull a Michael McDonald every time I listen to him and keep forgettin' (with the exception of "Gold", "Rock N Roll" and parts of "Love Is Hell" that don't involve political scientists). I also have RAS when I listen to Bright Eyes, Galaxie 500 and some indie rap. B-
Steve Forbert-"Jackrabbit Slim"
I fiddy cented this bastardo for the awesome "Romeo's Tune" and ended up liking the whole thing. Forbert had kind of a Dylan crossed with a more bad assed, throaty Jackson Browne thing going on. B
John Lennon and Yoko Ono-"Double Fantasy"
Another fiddy cent find. This album makes me pretty sad. I mean, if you get down to it, the concept (an album of love songs between a rejuvenated couple) is pretty interesting. Plus, the John songs are REALLY life affirming. The Yoko songs are even pretty good, not what I was expecting (think a pretty cool post punk band fronted by a crazy Japanese lady). Still, the fact that Lennon was shot as this album was on the charts will always haunt it. B
The Very Best of Hank Williams
I really only bought this for the cool cover. I already have the Hank anthology on CD. I know whats on it, and even though it doesn't have "Move It On Over" (call it Pre-Pre-Punk or maybe "woodshed rock") its still got "Your Cheatin Heart" and "Jambalaya". A
I also purchased "Psychotic Reactions and Carburetor Dung" by Lester Bangs. I'm about 80 pages in, and its a mindfuck of a read.
Adam and the Ants-"Dirk Wears White Sox"
I've been on a huge New Wave kick lately, and I have always appreciated ridiculous British Pop Music. Plus, I bought "Friend or Foe" on vinyl and found it respectable recently. I wasn't prepared for this one, though. DWWS sounds kind of like a bastard combo of Joy Division and the Cars. Really dark and murky, with songs about the Kennedy Assassination and decay. And it has "Physical" (which I came to love and know via NIN). B+
Bob Dylan-"New Morning"
I love Dylan, especially when he's playing it straight, so New Morning is right up my alley. "If Not For You" is strikingly beautiful, and "Went To See the Gypsy" is the only Dylan I can think of that references the home state directly. Plus, "The Man in Me" (the song I bought it for and which was featured in "The Big Lebowski") is really happy which makes me smile for Ol' Bobby.
A
Whiskeytown-"Pneumonia"
Good album for the $3 I paid for it, but it suffers from what I like to call Ryan Adam syndrome. This occurs when I hear a Ryan Adams song, love it, and forget everything about it 10 minutes later. Don't get me wrong, I really like the works of Misseur Adams. I just pull a Michael McDonald every time I listen to him and keep forgettin' (with the exception of "Gold", "Rock N Roll" and parts of "Love Is Hell" that don't involve political scientists). I also have RAS when I listen to Bright Eyes, Galaxie 500 and some indie rap. B-
Steve Forbert-"Jackrabbit Slim"
I fiddy cented this bastardo for the awesome "Romeo's Tune" and ended up liking the whole thing. Forbert had kind of a Dylan crossed with a more bad assed, throaty Jackson Browne thing going on. B
John Lennon and Yoko Ono-"Double Fantasy"
Another fiddy cent find. This album makes me pretty sad. I mean, if you get down to it, the concept (an album of love songs between a rejuvenated couple) is pretty interesting. Plus, the John songs are REALLY life affirming. The Yoko songs are even pretty good, not what I was expecting (think a pretty cool post punk band fronted by a crazy Japanese lady). Still, the fact that Lennon was shot as this album was on the charts will always haunt it. B
The Very Best of Hank Williams
I really only bought this for the cool cover. I already have the Hank anthology on CD. I know whats on it, and even though it doesn't have "Move It On Over" (call it Pre-Pre-Punk or maybe "woodshed rock") its still got "Your Cheatin Heart" and "Jambalaya". A
I also purchased "Psychotic Reactions and Carburetor Dung" by Lester Bangs. I'm about 80 pages in, and its a mindfuck of a read.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
The Sweetness Will Not Be Concerned With Me
Came across this on Rick Riley's column on ESPN.com...
In 2004, when Mike Ditka considered running against him for Senate, Obama—remembering how Ditka let William Perry score a Super Bowl TD instead of Walter Payton—said that "anybody who would give the ball to Refrigerator Perry instead of Sweetness doesn't have very good judgment."
I totally agree. This is the biggest blemish on Mike Ditkas professional record (besides co-starring in Kicking and Screaming) and Obama is totally right in criticizing it.
God, football in the 1980s was awesome. The Giants, Bears, Skins and Niners were all so badass, even the Vikings had Tommy Kramer's drunk ass along with a killer D. You just don't get the feeling of bad assedness from the NFL these days (except from Ray Lewis, which I ain't gonna touch).
But really, Ditka as a senator? Really?
In 2004, when Mike Ditka considered running against him for Senate, Obama—remembering how Ditka let William Perry score a Super Bowl TD instead of Walter Payton—said that "anybody who would give the ball to Refrigerator Perry instead of Sweetness doesn't have very good judgment."
I totally agree. This is the biggest blemish on Mike Ditkas professional record (besides co-starring in Kicking and Screaming) and Obama is totally right in criticizing it.
God, football in the 1980s was awesome. The Giants, Bears, Skins and Niners were all so badass, even the Vikings had Tommy Kramer's drunk ass along with a killer D. You just don't get the feeling of bad assedness from the NFL these days (except from Ray Lewis, which I ain't gonna touch).
But really, Ditka as a senator? Really?
Monday, October 20, 2008
You're A Real Tough Cookie With A Long History
Some men head to the bar to check out dime pieces, some go to the gym. Still, some go to the local Dairy Queen after 9PM on summer night (sadly, those men are probably in jail). Me, I hit up none of these haunts of perversion. I scope the aisles of my local Super Target.
As I have documented many times before, I would marry Target if she were a flesh and blood woman. But now I actually see women at Target (instead of meth heads and those with the food stamps, like in Fridley). Not like I would approach any of them, I just like to check out the chicas while I buy my generic pizzas and canned pasta stuffs.
Series Prediction: Phillies in 6 (or 7). Both teams are just too evenly matched, but the Phils will pull it off because they are the more veteran team. But the fact that the Rays may be good for the next five to ten years.
Oh, and fire Childress.
Double oh, look for recently purchased music reviews on Thursday.
As I have documented many times before, I would marry Target if she were a flesh and blood woman. But now I actually see women at Target (instead of meth heads and those with the food stamps, like in Fridley). Not like I would approach any of them, I just like to check out the chicas while I buy my generic pizzas and canned pasta stuffs.
Series Prediction: Phillies in 6 (or 7). Both teams are just too evenly matched, but the Phils will pull it off because they are the more veteran team. But the fact that the Rays may be good for the next five to ten years.
Oh, and fire Childress.
Double oh, look for recently purchased music reviews on Thursday.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Tiger Tiger Woods, Y'all
I haven't played video games much lately. I don't know, it seems like Wikipediaing Danish foodstuffs seems more fun most days. But, since all the consoles (360, PS3 and Wii) in my house are hooked up to one of the big TVs now, I figured I should give games a chance again. So, being the broke ass I am, I picked up Tiger Woods Golf for $15 at my local Blockbuster.
So far, I've only played for a couple of hours, but it seems really good. I picked John Daly and went like 14 over par (which is 6 better than I did the last time I went real people golf). The most interesting part was the create-a-player mode that the game features. I created someone who looked almost exactly like me, right down to the bags under the eyes and the ever so handsome stubbled face. It was creepy, it was beautiful, it was somehow life affirming.
It did get me to thinking what a 16 year old Jake would have done with this feature though. I am pretty sure I would have made the sexiest she-golfer ever. Or, I would have done what I did in WWF Attitude (the first game I played with C-A-P) and created Jose Tarronoski and Paul Tulay, two of the Earle Brown Crew Chief greats.
So far, I've only played for a couple of hours, but it seems really good. I picked John Daly and went like 14 over par (which is 6 better than I did the last time I went real people golf). The most interesting part was the create-a-player mode that the game features. I created someone who looked almost exactly like me, right down to the bags under the eyes and the ever so handsome stubbled face. It was creepy, it was beautiful, it was somehow life affirming.
It did get me to thinking what a 16 year old Jake would have done with this feature though. I am pretty sure I would have made the sexiest she-golfer ever. Or, I would have done what I did in WWF Attitude (the first game I played with C-A-P) and created Jose Tarronoski and Paul Tulay, two of the Earle Brown Crew Chief greats.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah
I fell in love today with a sandwich shop. It took me in, kept me sheltered from the storm much like Bobby Dylan and fed me well. That shop was Pastrami Jack's in Minnetonka.
I enjoyed the three sandwich sampler platter (a pastrami, a corned beef and chopped liver) which came with a huge potato pancake and all you can eat pickles and slaw. Holy shit was it amazing. The beef was just the right kind of fatty, and the bread perfect. I honestly had never had chopped liver before, and it wasn't mind blowing, but it was good (kind of sweet, kind of salty).
Oh, on a non processed Jewish Delicatessen front, I am almost completely moved into the house in Crystal. It has blown coming home from work every night and trying to straighten my room up, but it is almost done. Too bad I have to spend 16 bones on pegs for my CD shelves (I lost the other ones in the move).
I enjoyed the three sandwich sampler platter (a pastrami, a corned beef and chopped liver) which came with a huge potato pancake and all you can eat pickles and slaw. Holy shit was it amazing. The beef was just the right kind of fatty, and the bread perfect. I honestly had never had chopped liver before, and it wasn't mind blowing, but it was good (kind of sweet, kind of salty).
Oh, on a non processed Jewish Delicatessen front, I am almost completely moved into the house in Crystal. It has blown coming home from work every night and trying to straighten my room up, but it is almost done. Too bad I have to spend 16 bones on pegs for my CD shelves (I lost the other ones in the move).
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Boy Versus Girl In The World Series Of Love
The Twins broke my fucking heart last night. I will maintain and be ready to come crawling back to them next Spring though...
Here are my picks for the Playoffs:
Phillies over Brewers in 5
Cubs over Dodgers in 4
Rays over Sox in 3
Angels over Sox in 5
Cubs over Phillies in 5
Angels over Rays in 7
Cubs over Angels in 7
I did these this morning around 7:30 (before the Cubbies got trounced). I still stand by them, but I haven't been right in ten years, so hey!
Here are my picks for the Playoffs:
Phillies over Brewers in 5
Cubs over Dodgers in 4
Rays over Sox in 3
Angels over Sox in 5
Cubs over Phillies in 5
Angels over Rays in 7
Cubs over Angels in 7
I did these this morning around 7:30 (before the Cubbies got trounced). I still stand by them, but I haven't been right in ten years, so hey!
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