I'm A Fu@#$*& Samurai!

The greatest movie, nay, the single greatest piece of entertainment ever is the 1992 film "3 Ninjas." The dialogue makes "Casablanca" look like a steaming pile of shit. The saga of Tum Tum, Colt and Rocky and their ninja grandpa Maury Tanaka touches every one of the five senses. Actually, it roundhouse kicks them, then feeds them a Coke laced with Ex-Lax. How can lines like "I won't eat dog poop!" and "Rocky Loves Emily" not be on par with "If you build it, he will come," and "I'll make him an offer he can't refuse" in the national vernacular? And the stunts? At one point, you can actually see the Asian actor turn into a white dude when he falls down the stairs. The plotholes are only minor inconviences, though. The most glaring one is this: why are ninjas carrying guns? Doesn't that technically not make them ninjas? And why don't they just shoot the kids in the knees? Oh well, "3 Ninjas" is still the best film ever.