Let's kick off the week of Christmas with some "cheer". By cheer I mean "the Christmas song I hate the fucking most". I have always loved the Beatles and have come to love Paul McCartney's songcraft as an adult. Wingspan maybe has been bumped more than any other greatest hits I own. Yet all that love cannot make up for this lovely little ditty that was dropped on us:
Thank god the only place I have heard this song this year was a liquor store. Being surrounded by all that sexy ass beer made me forget about what was aurally raping me for a minute.
I used to have a coworker at Starbucks who would sing this song in July just to piss me off. So even when I am getting a latte I now harken back to that random whaa-whaa noise in the song. Thanks Paul, first you ruined coffee with this:
and then you got all up in my cup with your horseshit carol.
My only saving grace for years was that, according to Wikipedia back in the day, 'Wonderful Christmastime' caused tens of Japanese to kill themselves. Now suicide is a sad thing (and IS NOT a solution, no matter what Ozzy said) but the thought of people killing themselves because of this song gave me a sort of righteous feeling. "I was right! It is that bad," I told myself. But then it disappeared off the wiki page around 2007, and I was stuck with the cold reality that 'Wonderful Christmastime' was just a pax on my eardrums for two months a year. Nothing more, nothing less.