Thursday, November 25, 2010

What This Guy is Thankful For (2010 Edition)

Ah, Thanksgiving...the time of year where most stuff themselves with turkey and other random delicious crap. Oh yeah, and it's also the time of year where thanks are given.

I've always been a little confused about this part. Are those thanks supposed to be given in a public setting, i.e. the dinner itself? Or are they supposed to be a private matter, like counting your blessings or praying to the Baby Jesus? If option "A" is the correct choice, I've failed the Turkey God miserably. I have never given thanks in person to anyone, or to any THING on the day itself.

So to hedge my bets, I'm just going to blog the shit out of what I am thankful for this year. Hopefully, those closest to me (I'm looking at you, my immediate family, my ladyfriend, and my circle of friends who puts up with my drunken, rambling, inane ass on a daily-to-weekly basis) understand that I am eternally grateful for them being here in my life. Seeing as how they are the most important and they know it, I am going to spend the rest of the blog focusing on some of my lesser thankfuls for the year. And awaaaaaay we go...

What I am thankful for this year:

Coffee
Yep, pretty sure I couldn't get by without you. You are my raven-colored (and sometimes creamy mocha-colored) mistress, friend and mother. Thanks for being there every morning in all of your guises.

The MLB Network
As a tubby little boy growing up in Brooklyn Park, I often prayed for a channel that showed baseball highlights all the time, along with old games and the occasional re-airing of the Ken Burns documentary Baseball. When I got older and more jaded I thought that prayers often go unanswered. The MLB Network proves this wrong.

Half Price Books
More specifically, the clearance LP and CD sections at these stores. Where else could I have been opened up to many kinds of music that I thought I never would listen to? Five years ago, I never would have thought I would even listen to the likes of Fleetwood Mac or Cat Stevens. Now I realize that they are glorious mom-jean rock.

Surly Beer
I am thankful for Surly for murdering my love of Miller Light and other shitty lawnmower beers. Except for PBR. I totally fucks with PBR still.

My New found Love of Cooking
Well, I should say it's not so much "cooking" as it is "not eating takeout/fast food all the goddamn time". As one who embraces trash culture at every turn, I thought my life would consist of me solely eating Taco Bell and SuperAmerica hot dogs for eternity. In the last couple of months I have come to the realization that making a salad and a tortilla rollup leaves you feeling much less degraded than a Whopper or a Chalupa would.

Shitty 80s Pop Music
Shitty 80s pop music got me through the Summer of My Discontent. Special thanks to it's sexier cousin, Shitty 80s New Wave, for still being there for me in much happier times.

NBA Jam for the XBOX 360
Even though I haven't played this yet, I am sure it's going to kick ass. I mean, you can play as Bill Clinton, Len Bias, Larry Bird and (probably) the Phoenix Gorilla. What's not to like? Thank you for letting me revert into 12 year old Jake, sans the business mullet and the Notre Dame sweatshirt.

Katy Perry's Rack/Tunes
Strangely, I find both her bazooms and her music compelling at about the same level. I'm not sure what that says about me as a man, but I don't fucking care. I am just glad those sweater kittens are there, along with her sappy pop confections from the gods.

Well, there you have it. I guess you could say that at this point in 2K10 I am living a Teenage Dream, much like Miss Perry. But with a much less fantastic rack...

2 comments:

christiaN said...

Wow! You're list is almost everything i'm thankful for minus the katy perry. My list would also list NFL network instead of MLB. I like NFL for the same reasons. I don't mind paying the extra doe for Surly. Furious is the best IPA i've ever had hands down. I've got The Pleasure Principle by Gary Numan on constant rotation. I also found Telekon at Half Price.

Jake said...

The NFL Network is like 1B to the 1A that is the MLB Network...those countdown shows are the shit.

And Katy Perry's boobs would have singlehandedly won us WWII if they would have been round in that timeframe...