The Curse Of Ragnar

The last two weeks of my life have been spent doing pretty much nothing, nada, zippo. I work my workweek and I come home and do one of two things:
1.Watch TV
2.Read

One book I just finished was Now I Can Die In Peace by Bill Simmons. The book is a fantastic read about one Red Sox fan and his obsession with his team that some call "cursed." Simmons never subscribes to the curse, and when the Sox finally won it all in the magical summer of 2004, Simmons gets pumped that all the curse talk is dead for good.

This got me thinking about my own local sports franchises. I am nearly 25 years old, and I have seen two Minnesota teams win titles in my lifetime. My father is in the same boat. Over that time, I can think of more actual instances of depression and heartbreak than victory and elation. All the usual suspects are there: the Wolves in the magical summer of 2004, the Twins in 2002,03,04 and the dump that they took last year, and of course, the fucking 1998 Vikings.

Actually, I am positive that the Minnesota Vikings have a more star-crossed history than that of the Boston Red Sox. Too many crazy things have happened to this team over the years to think, hey, it's just a really bad 48 year streak the Purp got going for them. Here are just a few examples of events in the timeline of sadness:

• Super Bowl IV-I wasn't around for this one, but my dad said that it was one of the worst experiences of his sporting life. According to the sportswriters, there was no way in hell that the Vikings were losing this game to the Chiefs. They had beat the shit out of the Browns the week before and were something like a 16 point favorite. Yet, the Chiefs made the NFL champs look dated and slow by shutting down their running game and coming at the Vikes with something that the NFL was not used to-a passing offense. Add to that the Chiefs jackass coach being mic'ed for NFL Films and calling the super long Otis Taylor touchdown on film, and it was insult to injury.
• All the other Super Bowl losses- Every time I see a highlight film of any of the Vikings Super Bowl losses, it acts as if the Dolphins, Steelers and Raiders beat an imaginary opponent. There is NOTHING on the Vikings. Nothing. They will show one or two plays, then bust nuts about how God-like Terry Bradshaw was. The truth is, the Vikes never really got blown out in any of the games. Then again, they really didn't hold their own in any either...
• The "Hail Mary Game." I have spent my whole life hearing about this game. Basically, my dad told me that one of the Pearsons on the Cowboys pushed Nate Wright down, no flag was thrown, and a ref got clocked by a whiskey bottle thrown by some drunk from Fridley. Well, three years ago, I tracked down a bootleg copy of this game on eBay. That is exactly what happened. The Vikes were fucked by a shitty non-call, and some stupid ref got what he deserved. The saddest part is that this team was 12-2 and was probably the most realistic shot at winning a Super Bowl. Oh, did I mention that this game caused Vikes QB Fran Tarkenton's dad to have a heart attack and die? I am not making this up
• The "Darrin Nelson Game" (1987 NFC Championship Game)- I remember this one. I was five and had just started watching sports hardcore. I remember a pretty mediocre Vikings team shocking a really good New Orleans team and one of the 49ers dynasty teams both on the road. Then came the Redskins. Tommy Kramer was going through one of his injured periods and Wade Wilson was throwing bombs to Anthony Carter and Leo Lewis like he was Elway. A.C. even got the cover of S.I. the week of this game. Then fucking Darrin Nelson has to drop the easiest freaking pass ever as he was about to go into the end zone with four seconds left in the 4th. Goodbye win, goodbye trip to the Super Bowl to face the Broncos (like this wasn't going to be a win?), and hello Herschel. If you can find the clip of this on YouTube, don't watch it. I watched it 12 times in an hour. It shows some bar in International Falls all primed to celebrate, then, BOOM!
• Steve Young's run- yes, the most legendary run in NFL history was done on one of the top ranked defenses of the late 80s. The Stormin Mormon worked his way through Browner, Millard, Carl Lee, Al Noga and seven other guys. And I get to see it whenever there is a highlight show!

None of this compares to something that I still haven't come to grips with totally, and it will be nine years in January. Something that is so painful that I can barely type this without getting teary-eyed. Something that made me cry drunk when my friend Brandon somehow found my tape of this at a party and threw it on. Yep, its the 1998 NFC title game.

That fall was one of the most magical in Vikings history. So many good moments, like Moss torching the Cowboys on Thanksgiving and the Packers on MNF. The team was 15-1! The only loss came against Tampa Bay because Mike Alstott decided to have a career day. Randall Cunningham was amazing, there were three scary as hell deep threats(Moss, Chris Carter and Jake Reed), Robert Smith was having an awesome season, Gary Anderson didn't miss a fucking field goal all year, and the defense kicked ass. And the Niners, Packers and Cowboys were out of the playoffs. WE WERE PLAYING THE FALCONS!!!!!! Miami was booked. We were going to beat the Broncos in two weeks, cause there was no way in hell the Jets were beating them. Finally, a Super Bowl!

Except Denny felt the need, with the best offense in NFL history, to take a knee with about a minute left in regulation. Lets take another game with a similar scenario. Lets say that the Patriots take a knee to play OT with the Rams in Super Bowl XXXV. Then Tom Brady doesn't become God. Expect that Denny Green is one of the worst NFL coaches ever in the postseason and Bill Belichick of the Pats is a coaching mastermind. So the knee is taken. And Morten Andersen kicks the game winner for the Falcons in OT. Yep, I knew this was going to happen from the SECOND that Gary Anderson missed the clincher in regular time.

Honestly, I have no idea what happened after the game. I blocked it out. My tape of the game cuts off the second the Falcons win, and goes to the AFC game. I may have went to Target or K-Mart to buy a graphing calculator, but I think that was after a Packers loss. I did cry, my brothers cried, and my dad cried. The next day at school, no one talked, except for my friend Kyle. He paused at the lunch table, looked at me, and said "We are not fucking talking about it. Ever. Not fucking ever." Then we ate our Italian dunkers.

The aftermath of the game was terrible. My dad became a Buccaneers fan for two years. I basically quit following sports and started investing myself into pro wrestling until around 9/11. And the loss broke the last bit of sanity of Vikings fans.

That game begat the 41-0 game at Giants Stadium two years later. I had spent the night at Steve Louwerses house playing Final Fantasy Tactics, and while driving the five miles from his house to my parents, the Giants scored two TDs. Game over. Even more heartbreak happened at the Cardinals game when Nate Poole caused the Vikes to miss the playoffs(and Paul Allen to have an on-air fit doing the play by play). I tried to call my friends, but they knew how I was going to bitch, so no one picked up. This was also right after I got dumped by my girlfriend of two years. God, what a great time!

That pretty much sums up the Vikings curse moments from my perspective. I have no idea how the curse got there, but I do know, to paraphrase Michael Jackson, the curse is real and I believe in it.

(Oh, and while writing this, ESPN showed Mike Vick's 75 yard run through the Vikings defense in OT to win a regular season game. Thanks, fuckers)