Don't Bring Me Down, Bruuuuce?

To use a little Cliff Clavin, its a little known fact that there is an ELO tribute band called ELNo. As of 2 PM yesterday, I had no idea someone would pay tribute to Jeff Lynne (who's career was mainly a tribute to the Beatles and Roy Orbison). As of 2 AM yesterday, however, I had seen the tightest cover band I have ever seen.

Lee's Liquor Lounge was the venue, and it was pretty empty for the Thin Lizzy cover band Jailbreak (basically the reason that I went anyways). They did a good "Cowboy Song" and, like all Thin Lizzy cover bands I have seen didn't play "The Boys Are Back In Town". Anyways, I almost decided to make a border run when I found out Nate and his lady were going to come up for ELNo. And I was glad I stayed.

It seems really hard to pull off an ELO song live. There are strings, vocal effects, vocal layers upon layers and about 14 different keyboard effects in each song. Yet ELNo pulled it off. All the big hits sounded like the records, with the exception being "Telephone Line" where the vocals were a little off. And the mix of oldsters, hipsters and gay guys was interesting people watching. Oh, and 5/6ths of the band rocked afro wigs and Aviators and billed themselves as "Jeff Lynne #1-5". I definitely need to see these guys again.

Volga Boat Song

So Labor Day is nearly upon us. What the fuck does Labor Day exactly celebrate? Me working? I think that is their (by their, I mean the government) idea. If that actually is the case, then why do we not get a whole week off? I'm confused, but I guess I shouldn't look a gift holiday in the mouth?

Doesn't a holiday honoring the worker seem a little Commie to you? And whenever I think of Commies, two things pop into my head...the Miracle on Ice and Kyle Olson reading "The Communist Manifesto" out loud to the Chinese workers at the Northtown China Buffet in high school. I guess coming of age at the very end of the Cold War can kind of do that sort of thing to you.

According to my gay lover Wikipedia, Labor Day was going to be celebrated on May day like the Reds did. So I was right. But the entry is still vague as hell, so I really don't know why we are getting time off still. Oh well, at least Milla Cabin V is on track for the weekend after...

Attention QOTSA Fans

I'm selling my copy of The Desert Sessions volume III/IV on CDfor $60 bucks, if anyone is interested. I'm broke as shit, so I need to clear some of my inventory...let me know.

Electric Blue

I have been more 80s than New Coke, McDLTs and Stone Washed 501s lately. I have no idea why. Its weird, with the straight lack of good new music coming out (Black Kids, MMJ, the new Roots, the two Cool Kids songs I d/led and a few others non-withstanding) I have been turning to my aural comfort food of top 40 80s pop. Last night alone I "acquired" "Electric Blue" by Icehouse, "Love Takes Time" by Mariah Carey and "I Get Weak" by Belinda Carlisle.

Topping that list, I believe that "Electric Blue" may be in my top 5 80s songs. Everything about it screams 1988. The plinky synth lead, the power guitar, the vaguely falsetto chorus sung by a guy who shouldn't be hitting those notes, and the "On-My-Knees" backup vocals. It also reminds me of long car rides to my grandpa's restaurant in Eden Prairie in a big ol' Delta 88 with springs sticking out of the backseat.

The new Verve single "Love Is Noise" is also kick ass. Yes, I still ride or die for some Verve. Oh, and new Kings of Leon...smashing.

Jesus Is Just Alright (For Kirk Cameron)

Last night I went and saw Pineapple Express at a theatre in Oakdale. This was far outside of my standard theatre triforce of Showplace in the Coon, AMC in the Maple, and Regal in the Southside of Chicago, er, Brooklyn Center. But, I digress. The theatre was one of the Carmike chain, which does something interesting with their previews. They throw low budget God person movie previews in with the normal ones.

This meant 20(yes, 20!) minutes in previews before I got to see Seth Rogen get ripped and blow shit up. But the religious previews were awesome. One was for a movie about the pets that got left behind after Katrina, the other one was for some uber patriotic movie about how sweet America is staring Mr. Belding, and the final one was for a God movie about loving your wife starring Jesus Cyborg Kirk Cameron. The best part was that they were spliced into the reel between actual Hollywood previews, so I got to see a glimpse of Vin Diesel as a killer with heart, followed by Mike Seaver making a candlelight dinner for his wife.

My question is this: who is the audience for these movies? I'm pretty sure the 20 somethings who wanted to see a stoner comedy are not going to see a film focusing on orphaned pets or how the Jesus can make your love life real. Someone at Carmike needs to hire a marketing guru to determine where to place their chruchie previews, maybe someone named Jake?

Jake Eickholt Is (Probably) Going To Run On Dunkin

YES!!! Dunkin Donuts is trying to find a franchisee to fulfill my need for cheap coffee and Bavarian Cream donuts. 100 or so in the Twin Cities metro in the next few years. So, I beg of anyone with 4 mil in the bank, please go to www.dunkindonuts.com and get me my fucking coffee!

And yes, I am sure my previous blog had something to do with the planned expansion. And yes, the fans on the Strib website are complaining and touting local bakeries. Fucking clowns. Although Jack's in Brooklyn Park is awesome, and the Shakopee Bakery is also pretty good (dudes bring donuts in from there on Donut Friday at work).

Next up: A bitch fest about the lack of 7 Elevens in MPLS. Then maybe I will get to indulge in Slurpees.

It's Butters!

The St. Louis Park Bennigan's closed abruptly this morning I guess. Unfortunately, the one in Coon Rapids will still stay open. I bet Butters is mad pissed. Where else is he going to go for his parents anniversary and eat mozzarella sticks? And where else am I going to get shit service and have a stoner broad try to upsell me a twice baked potato?

The truth is, chain restaurants haven't been as much fun since you couldn't light up in them. I remember going to TGI Fridays in Brooklyn Center and Applebee's in Brooklyn Park and taking major advantage of their two for ones at Applebees and the 2 dollar well drinks at Fridays. I also remember putting cigs out in Nate's nachos, taking pictures of Milla puking after his power hour (which are now also illegal) and seeing Oliver Miller after a Wolves game. Ah, memories.

Girl Talk

For those not in the know, a little of Americas innocence died last night. It was callously murdered when the Detroit Shock and the L.A. Sparks got into a girl fight at the Palace last night.

Such a shame that the great spectator sport that is the WNBA would have to suffer such a horrible event, one that consisted of light pushing, Rick Mahorn, and The Mailman's daughter tearing her ACL trying to avoid the light shoving. I feel bad for the fan in attendance who had to see this tragedy.

(The only bonus of seeing coverage of this farce was glancing up at ESPN and seeing Rachel Nichols head shot. My god, does that woman look like she has a frisky side or what? I'm pretty sure that if a Rachel Nichols sex scandal breaks, I'm following it with more intensity than I did the Bill O'Riley one for sure).

In other, non WNBA related news, I went and saw The Dark Knight today. Easily one of the best movies I've seen in the last couple of years. I got the same feeling watching it that I got when I saw The Departed. Heath Ledger is straight up scary as hell and the movie overall was a 2 1/2 hour roller coaster that didn't let up once. I know that it may be odd for the Academy to nominate a "comic book" movie for best picture, but I really cannot see how they couldn't give a nod to "The Dark Knight".

Excuses and Half-Truths and Fortified Wine

I am totally feeling "Stay Positive" by The Hold Steady with every inch of my being. This is a damn near perfect classic rock album. All the usual Hold Steady musical touchstones are there, the piano, the solos, the anthemic choruses. What is new is the addition of more horns, and a talkbox at the end of "Joke About Jamaica". None of the new tricks take away from the overall power of the album, which seems a bit more downbeat than the previous three. My only gripe when I first picked it up was that Holly, Gideon and Charlemagne were not referenced but once. But then I read an interview with Craig Finn, who claimed that he deliberately left out names to make the songs more ambiguous. I thought that was a very interesting way of writing, seeing as how the Steady's songs play more like mini novels than conventional pop songs.

After multiple spins "Stay Positive" is probably going to be album of the year when my rundown comes out in December (the only major competition so far being the new My Morning Jacket). We still have Kings of Leon in September, so who knows? It may be a repeat of 2005 when "Separation Sunday" and "Aha Shake Heartbreak" topped the list.

As for other new discs, I am feeling the new Beck after the second listen. After listen number 1, I didn't get into it. My reasoning was that I listened to it on my iPod, and Danger Mouse's overwhelming Space Invaders meets Hanna Barbera production killed the thing for me. Listening to it on the old Hi-Fi allowed the bloops and blips to blend into the songs, and it was overall a better experience. "Gamma Ray" and "Youthless" are the tracks that I feel the most.

Endless Nights

Another holiday has come and gone, and I celebrated my nations independence by rockin with the Money Man at the Taste of Minnesota. Eddie Money kicked ass last night, rockin the oldies and the ironic hipsters in the crowd in equal measure. Coming off as a bit like Rodney Dangerfield (the best one liner of the night: This song is by Ray Charles, a great man who beat me by 3 strokes at golf!) Mister Money only played one new song and stuck to the anthems of the 80s like "Shakin," "Gimmie Some Water," and "Take Me Home Tonight." He also busted out "Endless Nights" which I hadn't heard since I was like 5. It was cool to see a crowd of dudes chanting "Eddie, Eddie" all night in the pit (yes, Eddie Money had a fucking pit). Oh, and he also plugged Ashley Furniture for some reason, even though there was not an Ashley ad to be found.

Remember After The Fire I Will Be The Flame

I think my brain has finally given out due to lack of sleep and constant rolls on Wikipedia. For I have been fixated on nonsense for the last week.

For the life of me, I cannot get snippets of things out of my head. Over and over, I hear Justin Morneau saying "lay somethin' in there, meat." I also hear the chorus of the new Roots song "I Will Not Apologize," most of "The Flame" by Cheap Trick, and the current #1 hit "I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry...IN ITS ENTIRETY. Frankly, I'm a little scared. I used to not get like this, I was in the drivers seat when it came to my pop culture consumption. My brain has overruled my heart, I guess.

After tonight's softball drubbing, I have decided to call everyone on my softball team by their softball number, along with the affectionate names kid, pal, and sticks, in honor of the douchetards who we played. For example, Jeff Hill is #0, so tonight it was, "good job null value" or "good job single zero". Chris Howe will be "nines" for #99, and Jordan Eickholt III will be "single 8" or "el ocho".

I think that this trend may take on in the work place. For example, if Andy in shipping kicks some ass in getting my POS system out early, its gonna be, "Nice ship, Wand T-Shirt." Or if one of the CSR reps satisfies a customer on a hardware issue, I think I will say, "Way to pick me up, green dress shirt and blue striped tie." Yep, I think this is going to be big shit...

He Wore Diamonds On The Inside

Softball news--The Nature Boys would have won two games last night if it weren't for fucking Grammy. Singlehandedly beaten by Mr. Johnson, Naitch came back and beat up on team Monopoly Hockey in the night cap, 17-8. That brings the record up to 4-11, which Crystal Park and Rec cannot fathom, as they have the Blue and Gold listed at 1-14. For shame!

In other news--I cannot wait to go to the Twins-Brewers game Friday night. I plan on root, root, rooting for the home team due to the fact that there will be tons of fat cheese-bloated Sconnies there cheering for their mediocre Brewers. Not to mention the fact that we owned their stadium two weeks ago. Plus, they probably all need a vacation from the "awesome" city of Milwaukee and their "fantastic architecture" consisting of crumbling Victorian houses and dirty breweries. Don't forget the casino in the city limits!

I will give Milwaukee one thing-they know who they are. I didn't see a bunch of museums and theatres in Milwaukee. Guess what? I bet cheeseheads know that they are Midwestern and working class, unlike some cities that I can think of (cough...MPLS...cough).

We've Got Stars Directing Our Fate

So VH1 is airing "I Love The New Millennium." Although I find this very Balki Bartakamous, I will watch it anyways. Because I love listening to C and D list celebs talk about things I am completely familiar with.

I think deep down inside of my soul, these jokers validate my existence by discussing pop culture trifle that I thought no one else (besides me and my immediate friends) find interesting. For example, I got a twinge of joy when they brought up Shaggy's 2001 #1 hit "It Wasn't Me." I don't particularly like this song, although I will sing it when alone in my car or drunk off cheap brandy. No, the only reason I got some enjoyment out of seeing it on the show was it reminded me of senior year in high school, and I also thought that everyone else forgot about it.

I get the same feeling when I discuss old video games. I almost did a Pete Townsend like windmill on air guitar when my co-workers and I discussed Snowboard Kids for the N64. All this pop culture nonsense makes me (and I assume others) feel like members of a secret cool kids club. Except all the cool kids are really dorky.

In other news, the Sonic in Saint Paul finally opened...

http://www.startribune.com/local/stpaul/20646009.html

...and, of course, Minnesotans shit all over it. Listen you tree hugging faux Minnesota Nice clowns, I work in the fast food industry, and I have worked in the QSR industry for eight years on and off. Quit hating all over chain restaurants for no reason! Most of the comments are of the "I could make a better burger at home" and "buy local ingredients" variety. Guess what? I am 25, I am single, I enjoy fast food, and I would rather not buy jalapenos, bacon and cheddar cheese to make the same thing I can get at Wendy's for $2.99. To all those who like going to the corner grocer or stopping at the farmers market: YOU ARE THE REASON THAT I CANNOT GET A FUCKING SLURPEE UNLESS I GO TO CHICAGO! Choices, people. Some of us don't like to play hero and really enjoy shopping at non-union shops like Target for our groceries.

Oh, and just to clairify, I don't even like Sonic that much. I just like variety, which is something that our cake and punch Lutherans just cannot stand.

Your Eyes Have A Mist From The Smoke Of A Distant Fire...

Tuesday was a big day for me. Not only did I go 7-9 with 5 RBI in my three softball games and the Nature Boys tore up our second game, but Kevin Garnett won the NBA title.

KG was the second most important athlete in the history of the Twin Cities (we all know the first). The way he was ride or die for a cold, poncey metropolis for 13 years will be something I will never forget, along with his incredible intensity on the court and the fact that his biggest regret after winning the MVP in 2004 was that he couldn't go to Best Buy and buy DVDs anymore without being hounded. KG seemed like a good person who busted ass at work every day. I respect that in anyone, let alone a pro athlete.

So when I saw the image of KG getting emotional on ABC Tuesday at a packed Buffalo Wild Wings in Crystal, I got a little misty. I thought about a lot of things, mainly how that should have been at the Target Center in 2004 and not at the Gaaahden in 2008. I thought about how I felt in 1991 when Kirby made that catch and hit that homer in game 6. I thought about how I would feel if I could ever see another local team be the best in the world. But mainly I thought about how awesome it would be if KG gave love to us (which, as a matter of fact, he did, first and foremost. Unfortunately I didn't found out about this until after the fact).

I'm not an emotional guy when it comes to public events. I really don't cry at funerals or weddings, and I most certainly don't cry at most movies. The following is a list of times I have gotten misty in the last ten years that I can recall (not involving real everyday events):

-"Rocky Balboa"
-KG winning the title
-The episode of "Futurama" where Fry's dog waits for him and the one that features his lucky clover
-The 2004 World Series speech where Curt Schilling toasts the Red Sox as the best ever
-"A Walk To Remember"
-The Ric Flair tribute on WWE Raw
-The death of Owen Hart/tribute

I also may have gotten teary eyed a some point during the whole 9/11 era, mainly though I just remember feeling really dazed and running away from the TV to sit in Nick Miller's LeBaron and eat Quesadillas from Taco Bell while we waited for the Star Tribune truck to deliver the extra. I also think I went to the farm even though I didn't work that day.

Anyways, I couldn't be happier for KG, although I wish that we could have had that night at the Target Center.

What Made Milwaukee Famous...

On Saturday, I got the chance to go to Milwaukee to watch the Twins destroy the Brewers. It was awesome. The only downside is that I am still super hoarse today but it was worth it. The Twins won 9-4 and rubbing that in a bunch of Miller-Drunk frat boys faces was a treat all in itself. I rocked the red TC hat with a Cubs shirt, and one guy said that I didn't like my life because of that combo. I replied that I liked to support winners, to which he threatened to stick his foot up my ass. I never got footed, which was pretty damn cool.

I also enjoyed a brat with a Milwaukee exclusive concoction called "secret stadium sauce." I have no idea what is in this stuff, but my god is it tasty. It's like a cross between ketchup, Arby Sauce and Heinz 57. It's so good that I had to stop on the way home at a grocery store to pick up my own bottle for Minnesota eating pleasure. And the sauce holds up my theory that the only good things to come out of Wisconsin are food and drink related.

In other awesome news, the dance studio next door to my works World Headquarters is moving out so we can take over their space in August. The dance studio just threw out 25 years of crap, including about 100 records. If you don't think that I didn't do a little dumpster diving, then you don't know Jacob Donald Eickholt. Here are the cuts:

-"Hangin' Tough"-New Kids On The Block
-"Batman" Soundtrack
-"Don't Be Cruel"-Bobby Brown
-"La Bamba" Soundtrack
-"The Karate Kid" Soundtrack (featuring the anthem "You're The Best" by Joe "Bean" Esposito)
-"Behind The Wheel/Route 66"- Depeche Mode (12" Single)
-"The Rain"-Oran "Juice" Jones (12" Single)

For Christian: I got you the 12" for "Brand New Lover" by Dead Or Alive
For Nate: I got you the entire Taco album.

There might be some more gems there, I'm gonna look tomorrow again. I am a little pissed someone took the "Howard The Duck" soundtrack. I would like to re-live the scene where foxy little 80s Lea Thompson fucks the duck.

In Seattle, In Seattle

"Your Boy Just Hit 600".

And so a text told me about an event that should have happened in 2004. Ken Griffey Junior hit his 600th career home run tonight in Miami, Fla. If you don't know why this is important to me, then you probably didn't know me between 1992 and 2000.

During those years, I followed every single move that Junior made. I collected his baseball cards, I bought Seattle Mariners hats (I even had the turquoise fitted one and the one with the silver bill) and I went to at least one Mariners-Twins game a year. I even kept a scrapbook with clippings from USA Today and the Star Tribune. But when Griffey went to Seattle in 2000, I kind of lost touch. National League ball doesn't interest me as much as AL, so I kept on following Seattle(these were really bad, Scott Stahoviak and Pat Meares years for the Twins) even though Griffey had left.

As it turned out, I wasn't missing much. Griffey spent a huge chunk of time on the DL and his prodigious stats fell off a bit. Most predicted that he would break Aaron's record, with all the injuries he had, it looked like a miracle to get to 500. But he did, and around 2004, Griffey started putting up really solid numbers again. And tonight, he finally got to 600.

It was a happy moment for me personally. Griffey always seemed like a good player to follow(family man, played the right way, had one of the best lines in the best Simpsons episode ever) and I guess that this was sort of a vindication for picking the good guy when all my friends liked players like Albert Belle (nutcase) or Jeff Bagwell (looked like he was sitting on the toilet when he batted, was washed up by 33).

Congrats, Junior.

P.S.-The Twins are sucking hardcore right now, so it pleasures me to write something positive about baseball.

You Say, I Only Hear What I Want To

Yesterday I watched "Reality Bites" for the first time. Yes, I know, the movie came out in 1994 and I was 12 so I was old enough to watch it yada yada yada. I haven't seen a lot of movies, I know. Some things in "Reality Bites" really moved me though (besides Winona Rider hiding her natural hotness). Trouble was, they moved me the wrong way.

You see, ol' Wino Forever has to choose between two guys (Ben Stiller's yuppie and Ethan Hawke's tortured musician). Only one guy loves her, the other treats her like shit. One guy tries to help her career, the other smokes weed out of a Pepsi can, dances like a tard to "My Sharona" and plays Violent Femmes covers in a coffee house. Guess which guy she picks? Yep, the tortured artist who treats her like shit. This wouldn't be so bad, I guess, if it wasn't so fucking true.

Most women I know pick the less safe bet, and I can't understand it. Shit, most GUYS I know would rather get with the train wreck than the safe bet. And this is why I haven't had success with the ladies over the last few years. I am the safe bet. I'm the guy who won't leave, who probably won't piss you off except for buying too many CDs. A lot of my friends are like this also. The ones who are far from the safe bet are the ones who get the most, to quoth Sir Mick, girlie action.

I really don't know where I'm going with this, other than "Reality Bites" pissed me off more than any movie since "Fahrenheit 9/11" because it was more of a documentary than that film ever was.

Sequestered In Memphis

It's 2:30 AM on a Saturday, I'm not drunk, and I cannot sleep because I just downloaded the new Hold Steady single "Sequestered In Memphis".

Is this band capable of writing a bad song? Shit, its got horns, piano, sing-along chorus. You know Craig and the boys know their musical history, so they have to know that they are singing about Memphis and using soul horns and it's not just a happy accident, right? And the words, the story again...it's not "Chips Ahoy!" or "Your Little Hoodrat Friend" in terms of a novel in three minutes but it is close. "In barlight she looked alright/In daylight she looked desperate." Fucking brilliant. Someday, if I get my money right, I will be making a movie about Holly, Gideon and Charlemagne if they will let me.

Five plays in a row now. The album drops on the 15th, the concert is a week later. July is looking pretty positive.

I'll Have The Kobe Beef

Here's something you'd never hear (well, I guess SEE) me say: I am fucking amped that the Lakers won the conference title. I'm sporting leather I'm so aroused. You see, this is how I root. It may be sick, some may say deviant, but if I hate one team more than the other, I will root for the lesser of two evils. It is kind of how some choose their president. In a normal, day to day situation, I would hate the L.A. Lakers (but deeply respect the games of Kobe and Pau Gasol). But seeing as how they are playing the San Antonio Spurs (who I would rather see perish in a plane crash than ever flippidy flop all over an arena again) I will cheer the Lakers onto sweet victory.

This isn't a new thing. When I was an impressionable teen, I rooted for the 1996 Yankees to beat the shit out of the Atlanta Braves, mainly because I was being a good Minnesotan (if you were of school age in the fall of '91, you know what I'm talking about). Yet the year before I cheered those same Braves onto a World Series victory over the Indians (who beat my beloved at the time Seattle Mariners in the ALCS).

The only time this hasn't really worked out was during the 2002 World Series. The Angels beat the shit out of the Twins in the ALCS, yet I wanted them to win the Series bad. Why you ask (if your still reading)? Barry Bonds was playing for the Giants, and I don't know a single person outside of San Fransisco proper who wanted the Giants to win that title due to that punkin headed fucknut.

I guess the rule is always go for the lesser of two evils. Maybe that is also why I prefer Pepsi to Coke

Forgive and Forget You

Nice little Memorial Day weekend we had here. Or at least I thought it was. It rained in New Brighton for a total of 10 minutes yesterday, but we heard a bunch of sirens and figured it was just because there was a tornado watch. Well, picking up the paper today and seeing that tornadoes touched down only a few miles away was quite a shock. Shit, the storm didn't even really interrupt our lawn dart game or the grilling. Global warming is sure odd.

I went and saw "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" today and thought it was one hell of a funny movie. It also didn't hurt that the female leads were oh-so-pretty (I never thought I'd see Jackie from That 70s Show topless). The previews were pretty interesting also. I kind of want to see the stoner/action hero movie with Seth Rogen and James Franco, and never will see "The Incredible Hulk" if I live to be 100.

Otherwise, nothing else really. Boof Bonser sucks ass at facing MLB hitters, I'm pumped about softball tomorrow and the only CD that comes out tomorrow is a re-release of the fucking Dutchess by Fergie Ferg. Goodnight.