My Hands Are Small, I Know

I saw the new Jewel video today, and I'm pretty sure that I'm the only person in America who still thinks this. but I really want to bang Jewel. I have had a thing for 'Ol Snaggletooth since 1998, when I saw her on the cover of Entertainment Weekly and got kicked out of Ms. Rudys class for commenting on Jewels "tremenjous breasts." Spectacular.

To the asshole who opposed the Twins, Vikings and Gophers stadiums in the Thursday Star Tribune Editorial page: Go to hell, you fucking retard. This d-bag had the audacity to say that he wanted a laminated card with the outlines of Anoka and Hennepin counties so he wouldn't spend his hard earned money there. This is like those stupid tree hugging bitches who only shop at the Wedge because they don't support big business. Do these fucking morons realize that a downtown stadium will bring in millions? And a stadium will make a hilljack part of Anoka County an actual city? There was one guy who opposed the tax because he would waste $600 over 30 years. I will make a deal with that dude if I ever see him. I propose this: How bout I give him that $600 dollars over the course of 30 years if I can beat the shit out of him once a year with a Torii Hunter model bat? Because I would rather see some ass get the shit kicked out of him then lose the Twins. Its that simple.

And those stupid assholes who say it takes away from education funding? They can go to hell also. I went to public school for 12 years, and guess what? Public schools are corrupt as shit. At Champlin Park, we had no idea where our parking lot funds went. The sports teams were outfitted with professional equipment on money that, technically, could have went to the freaking textbooks or something. But you know what, the teachers who teach at most public schools wouldn't know how to use them, because they are incompetent and burned out on teaching. The only reason that you couldn't miss more than seven days at Champlin Park a quarter was so the district wouldn't lose out on funding. For what? Soy burgers and texts that, I shit you not, said "Electronic Mail is coming!" and were from the early 80s? And don't get me started on all the funding that went to the new Walker and Orpheum. Yeah, athletes get paid a lot, but the enjoyment pro sports teams bring to the people is worth 3 cents on every 20 dollars spent. And yes, I will be paying, because I live in Hennepin County and work in Anoka County.

Thumbing My Way...

Pearl Jam is at Summerfest this year with Tom Petty! Tix are a little spendy (100 bucks for me cause I'm in the Ten Club) but the next night, its Nine Inch Nails. It would be like freaking listening to the Edge in 8th grade all over again.

I think that when the Twins play the Brewers we should do a Mee lee wau kay invasion. Say three words..."We're takin' over" and invade Miller Park. I am sick of these 'Sconnies on campus sporting Brewers gear. .500 one year doesn't make you a good team. Pat Listach and Jim Gantner were the only true Brewers.

Whats the deal with gauchos? I hate those damn things

Oh, and I cracked and started a MySpace. Friend me for random, unsatisfying hookups.

I'm A Fu@#$*& Samurai!

The greatest movie, nay, the single greatest piece of entertainment ever is the 1992 film "3 Ninjas." The dialogue makes "Casablanca" look like a steaming pile of shit. The saga of Tum Tum, Colt and Rocky and their ninja grandpa Maury Tanaka touches every one of the five senses. Actually, it roundhouse kicks them, then feeds them a Coke laced with Ex-Lax. How can lines like "I won't eat dog poop!" and "Rocky Loves Emily" not be on par with "If you build it, he will come," and "I'll make him an offer he can't refuse" in the national vernacular? And the stunts? At one point, you can actually see the Asian actor turn into a white dude when he falls down the stairs. The plotholes are only minor inconviences, though. The most glaring one is this: why are ninjas carrying guns? Doesn't that technically not make them ninjas? And why don't they just shoot the kids in the knees? Oh well, "3 Ninjas" is still the best film ever.

Uh Huh, It Ain't No Big Thang

Vegas, baby! I think May sounds good. Mid May. Leave on a Thursday or Friday, come back on Sunday. Spend way too much money on bullshit and stay buzzed for four days sounds like a good time for me. Plus, after finals week, I will need a break like this.

Eagles of Death Metal is the shit on a shingle. I think that "Peace, Love, Deathmetal" is probably better, but what is better than that one? The only thing I can see hurting the new one is the inclusion of that annoying bitch from the Distillers. God, they fucking suck. I hate the Distillers with all the passion in my heart. Why does everyone think they are soooo punk? Mind you, I'm not one of those d-bags who thinks that the Sex Pistols sold out when they signed to EMI. But the Distillers are not punk, they are just shit, plain and simple. They are lame in the same way that crap punk bands like Pennywise, Guttermouth and NOFX are lame. Too much attitude, and songs that a handicapped monkey could write. Write something original or at least carry a tune.

Speaking of tuneful, I wanted to take this oppritunity to shit on Ryan Adams. I own all but three of the mans solo albums, and I do like his work. But would it be so hard to sit down and write a verse-chorus-verse every once in a while? I bought "29" recently (the one he dedicated to his dog) and I got uber angry when I heard the song "Strawberry Wine." The song rambles on for like 5-6 minutes without even so much as a hint of continuity. Dylan was a rambler also, its just that he also wrote shit that was memorable. "29" is so unmemorable that I couldn't tell you one thing other than the album is called "29" and I thought that "Strawberry Wine" was a cover of a Deanna Carter song. "Cold Roses" sticks out a bit more, and the stuff off the EPs is pretty much golden, except for that song about a lonesome scientist. If it wasn't $6.99 when I bought it, it would be sitting in Cheapo's Friday new arrivals bin tomorrow, and I would use the procedes towards a case of Miller Light or Sam Adams.

I am on a country/rock jag these days, with the Jayhawks and Neil Young and the Byrds dominating the listening. I also have been eating a lot of soups, pastas and salads with vinegrette if anyone cares. And only drinking Iced Coffees with white mocha syurp in them. Its a special little treat that only me and some housefrau in Maple Grove have. God, I feel like Blanche from the Golden Girls.

Have I Got A Long Way To Run?

Hey, what's up? What you doin? Oh really. Not much, just sittin at my comp, typing up a blog.

Yeah, lifes been pretty boring for the last few weeks. I have felt lonely for some reason. I never feel lonely. I think that it stems from a dream I had a week ago where I met this really attractive girl at a party on Cody Stevens deck. I walked with her in the general direction of Steve Miller's house, then I don't remember what happened. I woke up and was really depressed. It's odd.

I bought Collective Soul's greatest hits off half.com. I really wanted to hear "Why Pt.2" and "Run". That shit reminds me of Jackson and my formative years at CPHS.

My brother Zach introduced me to a new way of eating a Subway Subshop Submarine. You get sweet onion sauce and honey mustard with carrots, lettuce, and onions. It tastes like cole slaw. And as a fan of cole slaw on my sammich, I dig it like John and Paul dug a pony.

Substitution, Mass Confusion All Inside Your Head

I was listening to my New Wave greatest hits disc today when I was greeted with a pleasant surprise. The Cars greatest hits suddenly fell out. I popped it in for probably the 100th time. It was around the opening notes of "Just What I Needed" that I realized that everyone likes The Cars. Everything about them is appealing. They did rockers, they did ballads. The dudes were ugly, yet they nailed models. They put hot nearly naked chicks on their album covers. They scored the best topless scene in the history of cinema (Fast Times. Phoebe Cates. Uhhhhhh). I do not know a single person who has a distaste for these Boston gods. Four out of five Eickholts own a Cars LP. There are some bands that peple are indifferent to, such as Boston or Oasis. I mean, everyone likes the first Boston album and the first two Oasis albums, but no one is really puttin those on all the time. You can listen to the first Cars album, most of Hearbeat City and the greatest hits disc nearly every day and not get all that bored. Oh, and Rick Ocasek produced Weezer's Green and Blue albums. Bonus points.

Hiawatha Didn't Bother Too Much, With Minnehaha and Her Tender Touch

Tori Spelling is one of the few celebs I have seen who actually looks better after having plastic surgery. I just watched her Lifetime movie "Alibi" (which she escapes a killer by skiing down a black diamond ski run!)and realized that, yeah, she did need a new nose and some new boobs. I usually hate plastic surgery of any sort. During the movie there was an Icebreakers commercial with the Duff sisters and I also realized that I am pretty sure that Duff the younger got some serious work done. And now she looks like shit. Duff the Elder, by the way, is still super friggin hot.

So I went totally gay the other day and bought "Extrordinary Machine" by Fiona Apple. I saw her video with Zach Galafornakis on VH 1 at 4:30 in the AM and dug the song. The CD is really good, for those who care. I also picked up the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs, which is also really fantastic.

To balance out all the estrogen, I have been reading "The Dirt" by Motley Crue. God, what a fantastic book. Each member gets to write a chapter about a certain time period in the bands history. It makes for some funny stories, like hearing about how Vince banged a certain girl, then Tommy did or vice versa. As expected, Mick is the only one who doesn't get all debauched. And who knew that they were all so obsessed with Sweet? This book and "Scar Tissue" by Anthony Kedis make illicit drugs sound really rad. I hope no one under the age of 14 reads these things. Oh wait, they don't listen to anything except T.I. and My Chemical Romance, so 80s rock wouldn't interest them.

Gimme Some Of That Nasty Bass

Lord, am I tired. A total of about 7 hours of sleep in the last two days SUCKS! Anyways, I have been downloading just about every 80s power ballad that I can find lately, and a bunch of 80s R & B also. Any suggestions? I got about all the power ballads I need (even going as far as to d/l some "Love is on the Way" by Saigon Kick and "Only Time Will Tell" by Asia). As for old school pop R&B, I went back to the late 80s. Still need to get "Love You Down" and "The Rain" again. Oh, and I got super amped when I put in an old CD mix this morning and heard "If I Had No Loot" by Tone Toni Tony (I thinks thats right). Reminds me of 5th grade.

Screw Barry Bonds. Listen, you asshole. Just because you cheated and your back is against the wall, don't play the race card. Hank Aaron had to go through segregation and death threats to beat Babe Ruths record. You were an upper class little shit whos daddy was a major league all star. Your wife was white. There would be no debate about race if your dumb ass hadn't used steroids (which I would bet my life on. Remember him with the Pirates? Leadoff hitter with Jacque Jones power numbers). If there is any justice, Bonds will never see that record be broken, and his 73! home runs in a season should be stricken from the records.

Sussudio (An Appreciation)

I went through a dark period in my life over the last few years. A period where I denied my love for a balding little Limey singer. Mr Phil Collins, I am sorry. I truly do love your hammy rock songs and poingant balladry now. My friend Nick got me to come out of the P.C. closet. He took took me home (cause I didn't remember). I came to terms with this and had to purchase both Phil's "Hits" CD and the greatest hits of Genesis. The man had like 20 top ten songs in a ten year period between the two bands. EIGHT #1s, which gives him eight more than Springsteen, Dylan and Led Zeppelin combined. I thought he was all just about these two bwhemouths, but no. Phil was an easy lover, a gun for hire. He preformed on avant glam god Brian Enos solo albums AND on George Harrisons masterpiece "All Things Must Pass." He produced an ultimate slice of 80s cheese "I Know There's Something Going On" by Frida from ABBA, and he drummed with a reuniuted Led Zeppelin at Live Aid (I haven't seen that one, cause Zep won't release it because it blows, but hey, Zeppelin!). Oh, and he was the game show host on "Miami Vice." And he was in some movie called "Buster" that I haven't seen. If you forget that song from "Tarzan" that you hear at the dentists office, you realize that Phil was hot like fire for a very long period of time. I salute you, and I will always remember to watch others drown so I can exact revenge on them at one of my concerts later on. And I may go rent "Buster," but probably not.

I Look At The Cross...

One more note on the Deftones. I am pretty sure I saw the bassist at the BC Best Buy purchasing an Xbox, a PSP and about 20 games and movies. Off to boring ass Political Theory class to listen to dudes and ladys talk like they know more than friggin Socrates. We all know that Socrates slayed the broads, while Sigmund Freud creeped them out with offers of corn dogs. And where was Napoleon, one asks? Obviously at Waterloo, the raddest place in all of San Dimas. WILD STALYNZ!!!!!

I Hear You Guys Like Vodka and Orange Juice...Yeah!!!

I saw the Deftones on Sunday. It was spectacular. Chino was obviously either REALLY feeling it or he was bombed as a mofo. He screamed into the mic for like a minute and a half, then said, "uh, that was from our, uh new album that came out, uh last week." Trouble is, that doesn't come out until May or June, and their isn't a title yet. Oh well. I saw "Knife Party," "Change," "Be Quiet and Drive," and a version of "7 Words" where he cock teased "Say It Ain't So" by Weezer by starting the "Oh yeah, all right, feels good inside" part. Then he taunted the band to play something else. The openers kind of really sucked. Thrice was decent, Atreyu had a singing drummer, which was cool and a dude who thought he was Eddie Van Halen. Story of the Year sucked ass, as did As I Lay Dying. All the in-between bands blew, including the dudes who banged on trash cans.

Bought some new albums over the last week. The new Prince is pretty good, I really feel the songs "Fury" and "Lolita" because they sound like some old school jams. Not too fond of the song with his protege or that one about incense and candles. It just seems a little cliche. Also picked up the new Ben Harper, which I really think kicks some major ass. I like the way the album is split between some soft acoustic, orchestral jams and some hard classic rock sounding cuts. It also came in a cool box. Such a strong showing after "Diamonds on the Inside" makes me kind of want to give that one another listen. I also bought "Under the Big Black Sun" by X, "Songs In The Key Of Life" by Stevie Wonder (I had that one on vinyl before though), "Steal This Album" by The Coup, "Super Black Market Clash" by The Clash, "Lifes Great When You're Straight...Yeah" by Black Grape, and Test Icicles self titled. Oh, and the "Gold Lion" single by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I used to think that they sucked ass, but this song is the new truth. So poppy that it could blow up on pop radio if they got some balls.

It's So Easy, Easy, When Everybodys Tryin' To Please Me Baby

I was perusing the Billboard 200 albums chart today, and somewhere around number 80 I saw Guns N Roses greatest hits album. No surprise, as they are probably in the top ten for most popular rock bands all time. The shock was the number of weeks it had been on the chart-101. Three weeks shy of two years. I thought everyone and their mothers already owned Appetite and the Use Your Illusions. Why can't that son of a bitch just put out Chinese Democracy? I guarantee it would sell over half a million copies in its first week, just to people like me who want to hear what the hell it sounds like. Oh, and bring back Izzy, Duff and Slash. I really don't care about Matt Sorum. But keep Velvet Revolver together I guess. Just on weekends. Do GnR on weekdays.

Kirby Puckett 1960-2006

I am still in shock from this one. No matter what happened in the man's private life, I will always view Kirby Puckett as the greatest Minnesota Twin ever, and one of the top five players I saw play in person. No man or woman who grew up in the Upper Midwest in the late 80's or early 90's was not a Kirby Puckett fan at some point. I feel like I aged about 10 years when I heard that Kirby had died. My god, was it really 10 years ago that he retired? I used to get mad that Kirby couldn't have retired on his own terms, couldn't get that 3,000th hit like Ripken or Gwynn. And now, hes gone. None of that matters.

The only thing that I can think about right now was the 1991 World Series. How great that Game 6 was. Sitting in my basement on 81st and Dupont with all my grade school friends, trading baseball cards, praying that the Twins would play on Sunday. That game was one of the best moments of my life, the best moment up until then. I get chills when I hear Jack Buck say "We'll see you tomorrow night." Then the next night, when I got to sneak out into the living room and see Gene Larkin's hit. I am pretty sure we didn't do anything in class the next day. I remember my teacher high fiving everyone who walked through the class door, and how we watched the parade on TV a week later.

My brother Zach was the big Puckett fan in the family. I think that he collected over 1,000 Kirby Puckett cards, and he has numerous things signed. All of the Eickholt boys had a favorite player. Mine was Ken Griffey, Jordans was Cal Ripken. Zach got to name the puppy we got three years ago. Kirby, like my friend from grade school had done. I guess a lot of people named their pets Kirby. That says something about the outgoing nature of the man that people would name a family member after him.

The only other deaths of celebrities I have ever taken to heart were those of Kurt Cobain and Owen Hart, the wrestler. This one is way worse. Going to the Dome this Summer isn't going to be the same. And I know when I look at the portraits on the white wall in center field for the first time this year, I will probably start to cry a little. My prayers go out to all Twins fans, and more importantly, all of the mans loved ones.

Fake Tales of San Fransisco

I'm down here in Brooklyn Park, sick as a dog. I got a horrid case of the flu, but I can still eat. That's good, but nothing settles right. I have to type a paper comparing the lives of Plato and Aristotle, but lord do I not want to do it.

I couldn't sleep last night for the life of me, so I watched "Date My Mom" or whatever that crap show on MTV is where junior "brahs" take out ice princesses while their moms act like jailbait hungry whores. Anyways, last nights episode was the first one that I have seen which, I believe, was all scripted. The moms and the brah were all squinting towards the camera and talking in a clipped, monotone sort of way. And one of the moms kept showing her ta's. It was just so fake. If some chick hung out with my mom, I'm pretty sure it would go like this. "So, how is your son." My mom would reply:" Well, hes 23, he lives at home. He wastes all his money on records and beer, and I thought he was gay until he was 16."

Well, better get to paper writing, instead of watching the E! True Hollywood Story on Dirty Dancing. Did you know that Ghost won the best original screenplay at the 1991 Oscars? What the hell else was up for it that year? City Slickers and the Mighty Ducks couldn't cut it?

Gonna Make It Right, Tonight, Tonight, Tonight, Oh Oh

This post is brought to you by Michelob. Remember, the night belongs to Michelob.

So I guess the Red Headed Stranger has a song about gay cowboys. What the hell? Willie, Waylon was totally right. Don't let your baby's grow up to be cowboys.

I found Controversy on vinyl today. I am bumpin that shit like nobody's business. Seeing how I don't own the CD, its nice to have.

So I had this paper due last Monday, a six pager on how the European treatment of the Indians was genocide. I put it off until midnight, when I wrote four of the worst, rambling pages ever. All because I really wanted to play Call Of Duty 2. This is why I am on academic probation. Shit, I can rewrite at least one paper in the class, so if I don't get a good grade, its the one.

I'm pissed I didn't download the billionth song off of itunes yesterday. The winner got ten new ipods. Maybe then I would get one that didn't suck. I still haven't gotten a call from Best Buy telling me if I have to stick with the old shitty one or if I get a new one. I hate Best Buy on about the same level that I hate Wisconsin, Brett Favre and John Madden. They like to stick it up your tailpipe really good, even if you bought the three year warranty. I am buying any major purchase at Target or Circuit City from now on.

You Can't Hurry Posts, No You Just Have To Wait. They Say Posts Don't Come Easy, It's A Game Of Give And Take

I will honor the requests of Phil Collins (so that's where you've been for the last ten years, Phil) and post a little. I was supposed to go celebrate Dr. Dre's birthday on Friday, but no cab would pick us up. So I drank a bunch of beers and listened to a rap battle where Nate faded Jeff with a line that concluded "You're Fit Finlay, I'm Lex Luger." Then I ate Burrito Loco, which I want to eff. Jeff put it best when he said "I'm gonna have so many orgasams eating this." Then I worked a bunch. I bought a shitload of discs this weekend. Heres a rundown:

Lucero- Nobody's Darlings
Social Distortion- Prison Bound
Hard Fi- Cash Machine EP
Brakes-Give Blood
Dirtbombs-Dangerous Magical Noise
Oasis-The Masterplan

Everyone knows the general on most of these bands, so I will give the rundown on Brakes and Hard-Fi. Brakes are like a drunk Irish slut. The lead singer sounds sauced and wild, and they do covers of "Jackson" by Johnny and June Cash and "Spmetimes Always" by Jesus and Mary Chain. Oh, they also do a ten second song about Dick Cheney and a minute song about telling some girl to fuck off because he wants to listen to the band. Amazing, shambing folk punk.

Hard-Fi does a pretty good Clash imitation, especially the Clash on "White Man In Hammersmith Palais." "Cash Machine" is a kind of broke Brit follow up to the Streets, and its great, all dubby and kinda punky. The rest of the songs are more of the same. Good for two bucks.

VH-1 plays some crazy shit after 2AM. I just saw the new Nada Surf video for "Always Love." I always see videos for some shit called the Fray or something before I go to bed, with a chick lead singer flying over New York City. That KT Tunstall video is always on. I don't know what to make of this chick. Its not all that shitty, and its weird to hear someone who isn't Pink or Britney on TV. That interview that she gives where she calls her music "Acoustic Folk Punk Girl Stomp" in a Scottish brouge makes me want to shoot 78 year old men with buckshot. And now they are playing "Girl" by Beck. I see this and "E-Pro" every night. Not complaining. Its strange that Viacom is playing videos off an album that, although it was the truth, didn't sell Timberlake or Fiddy numbers.

John Candy eating the "Ol' 96er" in "The Great Outdoors" is on and it makes me want to vomit. I have a soft spot for the Candyman. This film, "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" and "Uncle Buck" make me feel all fuzzy because they remind me of childhood.

Arctic Monkeys comes out tomorrow. I am amped. Goodnight.

She Seems To Have An Invisible Touch

My Ipod broke again. I plugged it in this morning to recharge, and all the songs were deleted. Fucking Steve Jobs. I bet Best Buy doesn't give me a new one. Oh, and in other news I heard the worst conversation ever at Target on Sunday. I heard a teen girl say to her friend "Aw shit, the Fugees, they legends." Her friend said, "You don't even know the Fugees." The teen girl said, "Naw, I know em. My brother gots that CD. Ooooh, Chris Brown. I want that CD. I got it burned, but I want it for the pictures." It beats the time Jeff and I heard one girl say "Why we come here?"and the other one say "For candy and stuff!!"

I Was Makin' Love Last Night, To A Dancin' Friend Of Mine

I had a rollicking good time last eve. I went to Jeffs crib and watched the Office and had a few beers, then I took a cab downtown to sing some kareoke at Old Chicago like we had done many a Thrusday. Unfortunately, they don't do that at Old Chicago anymore. It turns out that we were the only people doing kareoke on Thursdays there. So we went to Gluek's to see Hookers N Blow. It was pretty good, and they actually played some different songs ("Across The Great Divide" by The Band, "Rocks Off" by the Stones and "I Saw the Light" by Todd Rundgren) with some guy they introduced as "being straight from Greece". But it was kind of dead there. We went to the Pub, but there was, I swear to God, five people there. Why is downtown so dead on a Thursday? I thought that most people don't work on Fridays anymore. The night was finished off by eating cheap apps at Old Chicago. Fun with two n's.

Bring The Boys Home

I just saw a commercial that angered the hell out of me. It was for a group called Midwestheroes.com. The commercial consisted of Iraq war vets talking about what they had done in Iraq, rebuilding schools and such. Fine by me. But where it made me furious was where it started talking about how the real reason we were in Iraq was to fight the terrorists of Al-Qaida. They made statements about how the U.S. news only reports the bad that is going on and how we all need to support the president. Bold statements, seeing as how we are fighting an insurgency that really isn't all that much of a threat to the everyday lives of American citizens. Also, there is a lot of bad going on. Lots of American lives are being lost. We put into power a group of people who hates each other and cannot make a logical decision to save its life. The second we leave Iraq (be it in five, ten or twenty years) its going to split up into a bunch of little factions. I'm surprised that the commercial didn't have a statement about how we were about to find WMDs.

While Kids Be Watchin Thirteen, I'm In The Backroom Scopin Zoom

I just saw a State Trooper pull out an assualt rifle, load it and then approach a beat up Blazer in front of the Washington Avenue Starbucks. Scared the shit of me.

When We Make Love, Do You Look In The Mirror? Who Do You Think Of? Does He Look Like Me?

I recently went to a local Dunn Bros. for an Italian Soda (Blackberry/Strawberry). While there, I decided to check my blog for posts. Well, according to the filters at Dunn Bros, my blog is banned. I feel so much like Luther Campbell and the rest of the Crew its scary.

Not much doing lately, been working 40 a week and trying to go to class. Its hard when one of your professors only has class for ten minutes a session. So I usually don't go to that one. And I have been battling some kind of virus that destroys me at random times. I got uber sick on Monday and had to miss a pretty important class. It sucks.

I think that the Arctic Monkeys album comes out next week, so I will actually be buying something on a Tuesday for the first time since the Strokes new album came out a month ago. Where are all the new movie/CD releases?

Why Count Lifes' Complexities When The Leather Runs Smooth On The Passenger Seat?

I looked at a list of the Oscar nominees today and I was kind of put off. The fact that Walk The Line wasn't nominated was kind of a shock. I think that the only way that you can get nominated is if you play a retarded person, a homosexual or someone who has a mental disability or is crippled. Seriously, Tom Hanks wins two years in a row (as a gay man with AIDS and a mentally slow guy) and loses the third as an astronaut. Sean Penn and Leonardo were also both nominated for playing retarded characters. It's kind of funny. I would bet the house that Brokeback Mountain wins for movie and director, and Reese Witherspoon wins for Walk The Line. Hell, thats the only one of the movies that I have seen. I hope that both leads from that movie win, but they will probably give it to the fat guy from Boogie Nights because he plays a gay guy and 2006 is the year of manly love at the Academy I guess.

On a totally unrelated note, I have rekindled my long dormant relationship with twice baked potatoes. I had one tonight and all the great memories of Ms. Korhorst's 7th grade Home Ec class came flooding back.

The Atomic Punk

Sorry about the lack of updates, I have been too busy fucking up this game called Guitar Hero I bought for PS2. It comes with these mini guitar controllers that have five fret buttons and a whammy bar (or as Cassandra in Waynes World would say, "A Whammee Bawr"). You get to rock out hard core to songs like "Ace Of Spades" and "More Than A Feeling." It truly is the truth.

This early Spring is fantastic. Spring usually doesn't show up until like June, so this is great. I went to the Wild game Thursday with Quade (Wild won 5-1) and I didn't have to wear a coat over my Wild sweater. It was great, except that it was in Saint Paul, which is what I would expect Milwaukee or Indianapolis to be like at night. Meaning, it was dead and full of fat people.

I also purchased NHL 2K6 and I have been dominating the NHL with the Flames. Not that anyone cares.

My pick for the Super Bowl is the Pittsburgh Steelers over Seattle, 31-17. I am pretty sure that the city of Pittsburgh needs something like this, seeing as how they have no industry and the Penguins are leaving and the Pirates suck. Plus, the Seahawks are always disappointing, I hate Mike Holmgren more than pretty much anything, and I like Bill Cowher's coaching. And the ladies think that Big Ben is hot I guess.

I found a pizza restaurant near the Northtown Starbucks called Umbria that is right up there with Luce in goodness. Oh my God, this was fantastic. All the sudden at work one day, this big Eastern European guy comes in, orders a double espresso, then casually tosses these menus for the place down. I looked at the pics and ingredient list and had to have it. I had the spinach and feta and something called the DaVinci, which had homemade sausage and meatballs and red onions. They give you some sort of gyro sauce to dip the pizza in instead of ranch, and it truly was a mouthgasm. I will be ordering in again next time I close.

If I Could Walk On Water, If I Could Find Some Way To Prove...

First two days of school are long and draining. I tried to go for a sunup to sundown fast today, but the egg kolache at Kolache Factory in Brookdale proved my undoing. I am trying to live a little bit healthier, but when Old Chicago calls (as it did last night), I have to be seduced. And all this sitting here, 10-8, after working in the morning doesn't help the need for the occasional bagel or burger. Anyways...

Forgot to mention my honorable mentions for 2005 albums. As I am at school, I cannot do this tonight. I can name a few that I bought too late in 2005 to totally digest before the review (but I still liked a lot). They would be My Morning Jacket and Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. They both kicked some serious ass.

I am borderline retarded for the 99-cent Bean and Cheesy Rice Burrito at Taco Bell. I used to make something exactly like this when I worked there, and I wish I would have suggested it to corperate back then. Working at Taco Bell fucking sucked. I worked with over 100 people (by my count) in a two year span because the turnover was so high. It was fun working with a 14-year old Steve Louwerse and Kyle Olson and Mike Gale though. We used to make Slurpees out of the soda in the walk-in and play music all the time because our manager was always strung out on blow. One time our shift went out to smoke up in his car with two other employees, leaving me and Kyle alone in the store during the middle of a rush. Our only way to get revenge was to put Chilitos underneath the celing tiles in the managers office. Ah, youth.

My Bitchfag of the week goes out to the douche working at Cheapo last night who wouldn't let me use a travellers checque. Fucker cost me the Moby Grape CD for six bucks. Hey, brah, quit hitting on the jailbait Goth chick and look at the damn check.

I'm thinking about going to either Vegas or Nashville for spring break (mid- March). Anyone who is down, let me know. My Spring Break is the 13th through the 18th. All I can say is that I am scared shitless to fly. The first and only time I flew I horked into a sick bag after I accidentally ate the parsley.

Oh, and I am in love with Carrie Underwood from American Idol. My good Lord, does that chick fill out a Resees Pieces top or what?

2005 Albums of the Year

2005 was a pretty good year for music, as long as you didn't listen to top 40 radio. Then, it was all stuff like "Wait til you see my dick, bitch" and "I'll take you to the candy shop, I'll let you lick the lollypop." 2005 was the year of the dick in pop music, I guess. Gay. Anyways, here is a few of my favorite albums and singles of the last year.

Common "Go"- I approached this one carefully after the hogepodge of mediocrity that was "Electric Circus." "Go" came out swinging like Sugar Ray Lenoard to "Circus" Fat George Foreman. Kanye made some classic beats while Common throws out classic lines about being more faithful than Eric Benet. And "The Food" comes out of nowhere to be the first "live" cut on a rap CD in, well, the first that I can remember.

Shout Out Louds "Howl Howl Gaff Gaff"- The Swedish Cars. Synths, girly lyrics that very obviously were written by ESL dudes. A bassist that smelled like rock and roll and had a creepy beard. "Very Loud" wasn't, but who the hell cares when it kicks so much ass?

LCD Soundsystem- Ass shaking one minute, Beatles ripoff the next. A Daft Punk houseparty would have been the shit in, like, 1998. This was labled techno, dance and a whole lot of other stuff, but I call it rock. Mainly because of the copious amounts of cowbell.

New Pornographers "Twin Cinema"- Lord almighty, do I love power pop. I really dig the guy singing one minute, the country chick singing the next. I am not really sure what "listening to long to one song/Sing me Spanish techno" means but I like it.

Bloc Party "Silent Alarm"- This one sounds like "Boys Don't Cry" crossed with...well, it really just is straight up Cure. But the Cure if Robert Smith wasn't fat, and he was black. And I'm pretty sure that the lead singer would be cooler than Robert Smith, who is pretty damn rad in my book. A punky good time, with rave-ups and icy ballads.

White Stripes "Get Behind Me Satan"- I listened to this and was all, "Holy Hell, this is a little different than the other four." Then I realized that they took lounge pop and rocked the hell out of it. It sounds like some twisted 60s Phil Spector nightmare. And the cover kicks ass, mainly because Jack White looks like a gay movie cowboy, predating "Brokeback Mountain" by like six months.

Brendan Benson "The Alternative To Love"- A work of power pop genius. I still am totally unsure of what Jack White sees in this dude. I too, am forever in search of the alternative to love. And "Spit It Out" will be considered a classic in five years, I guarantee.

Beck "Guero"- Nothing this man does is boring. This one rocked like "Odelay" and in many ways trumps it. The singles are not up to that albums classics ("Girl" may be), but the whole album seems to flow better. "Missing" is an all time classic.

Lyrics Born "Same Shit, Different Day"- A remix album of the classic "Later That Day." Nuff said. Oh wait. "I Changed My Mind" is on it too. There is no justice until Lyrics Born hits the mainstream.

Spoon "Gimmie Fiction"- Something about this is just cool. The album cover looks like a 50s photo shoot, and the music is straight up indie pop. "Sister Jack" was so bomb that it was in "Wedding Crashers" and "I Turn My Camera On" is a creepy funk jam. And there is a song about Dungeons and Dragons I think also.

Franz Ferdinand "You Could Have It So Much Better"- The ambiguously gay party sluts go all straight and sing pretty ballads about their girlfriends on top of their songs about gay hookups. Yes, I believe you now. You truly are the new Scottish Gentry.

Magic Numbers- What the Mamas and the Papas would be if they came out now and kind of quasi rocked the folk jams.

The TOP 2 Albums of 2005:

RUNNER UP: The Hold Steady "Seperation Sunday"- A great bar band telling stories about Stillwater, South Minneapolis and...OSSEO? Freaking Osseo? On a national album? Hood rats going straight? I can't believe this turned out to be so damn amazing. It vibes with what I heard from Peter Harold Quist about the early 90s in Minneapolis. The homeless kids camped out for the buses, and City Center was the center but no one goes there now. A "Born To Run" for the new century.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR: Kings Of Leon "Aha Shake Heartbreak- This album kicked my ass twelve ways to Sunday. Southern decadence crossed with gutter punk mentality. The best live show of the year, maybe the best ever. "The Bucket" becoming an anthem. Gods? I know this.

SINGLES OF THE YEAR: 2005 had to be the worst year for pop singles in a long time. So most of these are rock songs. Thanks to Jeff Hill for introducing me to about half of the new music I heard last year.

"Plays The Hits" HAL- The Beach Boys outdone. Summer in three and a half minutes.

"I Predict A Riot" Kaiser Chiefs- Britpop lives! What the hell is getting "Larried" exactly?

"Hounds Of Love" The Futureheads- A remake of a fucking Kate Bush song by dudes who really dig on the Jam. Awesome.

"Gold Digger" Kanye West- Can I say anything that hasn't been said about this one? Oh yeah, I hate Ray Charles.

"Spit It Out" Brendan Benson- Jack Whites BFF jamming on his relationship issues.

"Do You Want To?" Franz Ferndinand- Most poncy since Bowie sang about the church of man, love.

"Girl" Beck- Another summer jam. And I think its about killing your lady or stealing her eyes or something like that.

"Daft Punk Is Playing in My House" LCD Soundsystem- Dude, I think that you were the only person waiting for Daft Punk to play your house. Still kickass.

"The Bucket" Kings Of Leon- 18, balding. Obviously Kate Moss didn't care, as she still did coke with you guys.

"Banquet" Bloc Party- The line "I'm on fire when you come" is just so filthy.

"Rebellion (Lies)" Arcade Fire- A jam that, unfortunately, got way too hyped by indie fucktards.

Don'tcha Wish Your Girlfriend Was Raw Like Me?

I woke up from my nappy poo today to find out that my brother had bought the NewsRadio DVD set! I am so pumped. I used to watch NewsRadio every time that it was on while I was in middle school. They moved the damn show around so much that I couldn't follow it sometimes. I quit watching it though after Phil Hartman died and Jon Lovitz took over. That bastard, his best role was on The Critic. I can't believe how different the pilot was. The handyman wasn't Joe, and it was shot all dark and dank. And it's weird that the old news director was played by Russell from Wayne's World. And Lisas cute, even though she is wearing something like a maternity jumper in the first episode. What a crush I had on her...

So This Is The New Year? And I Don't Feel Any Different

300 posts! Nice, if I don't say so myself. Anyways, 2006 is upon me, and I have high hopes. I have no desire to relive 2005. I had some good times, but overall, I didn't like the vibe that I got from 2005. I just didn't have as much fun as the year prior. This year is going to be sweet because even numbered years are so much better than odd numbered. 1984 was an even numbered year, and I think that it was the best year ever. Come on, Gremlins, Ghostbusters, Purple Rain, Van Halen, The Replacements "Let It Be," The L.A. Olympics, and more! I also have a fond spot for 1988, 1992, 1994, 1996, and 2004. For some reason, they just seem better.

My New Year's Eve was pretty fun. I went over to Nate and Jeff's pad for a bash, but I was pretty sick the whole previous week (I even went and got tested for mono on NYE at around 4. Thank god it was negative) and I couldn't get very out of control. It was still fun, except for the douche bags who kept starting somethin' and some heroin addict looking dude who called me "Charlie."

As for the whole year, I don't have any long-term resolutions. I am going to cut out the fast food somewhat, and probably be nicer to people. These will only probably last a week or two, but hey.

Turned On What's Happenin?!

That last post was wayyyy too angry, so I decided to lighten the mood. I was watching Whats Happening? and realized that Rerun reminds me of Steve Miller. If Milla were black and fat and born in 1959, he would have dressed like Rerun.

I also have concluded that country girl singers are my second favorite place to find hot chicks. Number one, waitresses. You know that they can't be ugly; otherwise I wouldn't tip them as well.

Ice Baby, I Saw Your Girlfriend. She Was Eating Her Fingers Like They Were Just Another Meal

I saw at least 12 people in Starter jackets at work today. I swear that the Spring Lake Park/Blaine/Coon Rapids/triangle is where white trash goes to die. My dad said that all the hicks used to move out there in the 70s because they knew that no other races would go out there. I bet it's true. Little known fact: Champlin was called West Coon Rapids until the 1960s, or at least the part near Dayton. What a coincidence. Throw that into the pot and make it a white trash square.

I remember in high school hearing all the hick bastards talk shit about black people and how no "N------ drove snowmobiles or Chevy S-10s" every day at lunch from this fat ass named Rolly. I still hold a grudge against huge parts of Champlin and Dayton for the bullshit that I got for being from "Brooklyn Dark." Granted, some areas of my city are shit (Century Courts area, over by 63rd near New Hope, Osseo) but I still feel safer than I do at work. Especially now that I found out that there is a transient motel like two blocks from work. That shit is scary. One time at 2 AM two homeless fucks came banging on the window demanding to come in (after we closed) because they missed the last MTC. Fuck them. Also, some drunk dude came in last week and talked to us for two hours because his "old lady" left him. She caught him at some bar with a new lady I guess. Shit is scary. Where is the common sense switch in some people?

I have been innundated with white trash stupidity in the last two weeks. Seriously, where is the common sense? Or the general grooming habits of respectable society? Every day I see people with ratty hair, dirty hands and crooked brown teeth come in. I wouldn't usually write about this, but most of these people are rude as hell, obnoxious to a fault, and demanding. One actually slammed the door and yelled Jesus Christ when he found out we only had a half pound of the coffee he wanted. What the hell?

Those Endless Summer Nights

Ah, Richard Fucking Marx. I forgot how much I secretly loved "Endless Summer Nights", "Satisfied", "Don't Mean Nothing", and "Right Here Waiting." The reason for this revelation is that I got the 80s boxset for Christmas. It is the shit. I love most of the Rhino boxsets (the 90s one is kinda weak) but this one brings back fine memories. I also got super fucking pumped about "Sailing" by Christopher Cross, "Everytime You Go Away" by Paul Young and "White Horse" by Laid Back.

Christmas otherwise kind of sucked. I worked both days, and it once again didn't feel like Christmas. I just kept humming the Lennon song "Happy Xmas (War is Over)" in my head, coming back to the "so this is Christmas?" line over and over. Hopefully New Years will be better. But I did recieve the Dylan Documentary on DVD (like Jesus telling his life story) and "Cash" by Johnny Cash (he gives fishing tips and tells how he wrote Folsom Prison!).

Heres my grades for Fall Semester. C, C-, C+, D. I worked way too much, went out on nights I should have studied (or read British music magazines) and also didn't really give two shits about my classes. Better luck next time.

We Can Crown Kings In Adidas

I was putting stuff on my little bastard IPod last night, and I grabbed "The Headphone Masterpiece" by Cody ChesnuTT. What the hell happened to him? I just Googled his name and the only things that came up were old articles and older reviews for the album. No concerts in the last two or three years, or anything. The most current reference I could find was a comparison between John Legend and him. He and the Sleepy Brown album "For The Young and Sexy" are in some sort of soul Bermuda Triangle I guess. If anyone can find anything, let me know.

The Way She Plays There Are No Words To Describe The Way I Feel

The Stone Roses are the most underrated group ever. I get super pumped whenever I hear "She Bangs The Drums." And they stole the "Funky Drummer" beat for "Fools Gold." Too bad I am the only person that I know who likes them. I know that this post was uber-random, but I had to say it. Its been bugging me for a few weeks now.

So Come And Dance With Me, Come And Dance With Me Michael

I hate finals week. Lord, I can't take it! Anyways, Christian's birthday was a weird old time. These Pittsburgh fans from Omaha were jacking the dancefloor and one tried to start shit with me because Christian was dancing with his wife. Sorry dude, turtlenecks and guido chains aren't cool. Then a (possibly) gay dude sat next to me and wanted me to go dance. I felt a little odd, but flattered in a weird way. He probably viewed me in the same way all the ladies do, as a big teddy bear. Oh, and there was a bachelorette party of very large women that no one was dancing with. Nate kept pushing me into them, and one kept grabbing mine and Christians respective asses. I would have rather been harassed by the gay dude.

I was in the Coffman bookstore a few minutes ago, deciding which periodical I would like to purchase for the day. It was down to Sports Illustrated and Rolling Stone. I went with SI when I looked in Rolling Stone and they had nearly the exact same top 50 list for albums of the year as Blender. Rolling Stone has become a piece of shit in the last five years. I am so sick of seeing pictures of Federline and Paris Hilton in there. Too bad I didn't want to spend the nine bucks on Mojo or Q. British music mags are hype driven trash sometimes, but at least they do stories on actual bands and some obscure older stuff also.

Christmas is gonna really suck this year. I haven't done any shopping, and I can wait to see my extended family. My uncle Danny actually walked away from me in mid-sentence on Thanksgiving because I wasn't talking about him. Everyone gets drunk as shit and theres a bunch of unsupervised little kids running around interrupting my TV watching. Thats what happens when you have six aunts and uncles and thirteen cousins.

Cause I'm Paid In Full

I friggin got back $170 for four of my books. ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY DOLLARS!!! I was expecting like 50 bucks. So I bought "Beatles For Sale" (cause I love "I'll Follow the Sun") and...The Best Of The Spinners. Yep, I wanted to hear "Cupid" that bad. I mean, it was only ten bucks, and "I'll Be Around" and "It's A Shame" are also on there. But that shit wormed itself into my brain hard.

I realized today that my five favorite songwriters of all time, in order, are as follows:
1.John Lennon/Paul McCartney
2.Bob Dylan
3.Elvis Costello
4.Prince
5.Eddie Vedder

Vedder is the only one who doesn't have songs covered on a regular basis. And Lennon/McCartney count as one, seeing as how they were all co-credited. Prince was the most varied of the five, seeing as how he could write kickass songs about God, sex and from the womans perspective. Same with Vedder (from the woman's perspective). He definently is the most consistently personal of the writers. Dylan is the most covered, and the most obscure with his lyrics. Costello is the most cynical and if I were a songwriter, I would probably write like him. He is one emotionally f'd up guy. Just listen to "Indoor Fireworks", "I Want You", and "Allison".

I also have decided that my favorite album of all time is "Plastic Ono Band" by John Lennon. I actually put this album up there in impotance with anything written in the last 100 years. There is not a bad song on there (except for "Do The Oz" which is only on the later CD versions). The fact that the most popular artist of his time had the balls to question the basic belief structure of the world is stunning. Every word on the album rings true. Why can't this album be taught in schools? Oh yeah, because Lennon says "cock" and "fuck". And because he dismisses organized religion and tells the masses that they are "fucking peasants." This album would never get made today. Can you imagine any popular artist releasing something like this now? Or, comparably, Usher releasing something like "What's Going On"? "American Idiot" was the closest thing for a statement that we could get, and it really isn't half as incendiary as either of the above two.

Out Of The Blue Clear Sky

The guitarist from the Doobie Brothers and Steely Dan is now a counterterrorist expert? What the hell? I guess playing on "Reelin In The Years" and "What A Fool Believes" was really a way to train for the war on terr(George W. Bush Trademarked).

I had the best sandwich at Granite City ever today. It had ranch, guacamole and cheese on top of a fried chicken breast. I swear to Yahweh, this sandwich was the best ever. The hostess was also maybe the hottest girl I have ever seen also. Oh, and they have seasoned sour cream with waffle fries. Yep, one of the best meals of my 23 years.

I went and saw King Kong last night. It was a little long, but it had its moments. I also felt that Naomi Watts was the hottest 30s chick ever. I have a little quirk with women. I like a nice little overbite smile. Ms. Watts has a tremendous little overbite in King Kong. And Jack Black was good playing the same asshole Jack Black plays in everything. For Jeff, they have six foot long scorpions, three foot long centipedes, and these slugs that pop out of the ground and eat some dude.

For the last month, I have had the Spinners cover of "Cupid" stuck in my head.

Why does Marissa always hang out with douche bags on "The O.C.?" I think that she gives off some sort of creepy douche bag vibe or something. I haven't watched any of the shows this season, so I am a little out of the loop. But isn't Johnny a bit like Oliver with a nicer side?

I was watching Reunion (a piece, but I cannot stop watching). They played "Come Undone" by Duran Duran in the 1994 episode. Come on guys, "Come Undone" was SOOOOO 1993. Its still the shit, though.

ESPN Classic had a eight man hypothetical tournament that featured the best one on one NBA players of all time. KG made it to the finals, but got beat by MJ. The dudes who were doing the picks (Scoop Jackson and some white guy who looked straight "Queer Eye") said that KG was the best all around NBA player of all time. I think that KG beat Kobe and LeBron to get to the last round. It was sweet. They showed old school highlights where Garnett was rockin the "Wolves" jersey at home and in the blue in the Alamodome dunkin on Sean Eliott and The Admiral.

Finally, "Last Christmas" by Wham! gets me fucking PUMPED. I mean, super pumped like when I hear "Switchin To Glide" by the Kings or "Get Over You" by the Undertones. Ha Ha, not about a laday.

Where Have All The Bloggers Gone?

What the hell is with the hiatus of Future Rhythm?

Don't remember Saturday night. I puked all over, and I hear that Jeff ran from the cabbie. I thought that everyone ran, but I guess Nate and I stayed back to fight the good fight. One of my belt loops on my pants is ripped from behind, I lost my drivers license, and I somehow spent $60 bucks. Good birthday, though. First one that I don't remember.

I have three finals this next week, plus I work 33 hours at Starbucks and 15 at LTF, so I am going to be dead as hell. I guess I need the cash, seeing as how I haven't bought any Christmas presents yet. Nor do I have any ideas on what to buy my brothers.

I started an albums of 2005 list when I was bored in class a couple of weeks ago, so that should be up pretty soon. Just don't look for Coldplay's "X&Y" on there. Mediocre should have been the title

T.R.O.Y.

I was thinking about all the crazy shit that happened to me when I was a little kid today at work over some Extra Crispy KFC. Like one time, we were playing mini golf in my friends backyard. All of the sudden, the neighbor kid came out naked. He looked at all of us, and happily said "lets play bare butt." He the proceded to take a crap on a metal slide and then slid down said slide.

Another time, I was trick or treating with some friends. Some drunk ass young couple lured us into her house by telling us to "come see mama." We agreed for some reason. Mama was an 80 year old lady smoking cigarettes and drinking Pig's Eye beer. She was also hooked up to an oxygen tank. The only thing Mama said to us was aimed at my friend Marc. He was dressed as a sausage. Mama said, "what are you, some fucking carrot or something?" We then lied and said our parents were calling us and we ran out of the house.

Another great time was when I called this kid named Pat Weinerman (I think) cocktail weenie dick. He proceded to punch me in the face and give me a shiner. I was eight or nine, and he was like 16. His dad used to come yell at us for playing in the trees at Sunkist Park and claimed that he planted them. One time, one of my friends took a leak from the tree, and the guy actually yelled out "I see you peeing." He had binoculars on. What a creep.

All this stuff happened because our parents didn't really give a fuck. They would send us out to play at like 10 AM and not care when we came home or anything. You just don't have that kind of freedom as kids today. Hell, we had an awesome tree fort where we kept baseball cards and old issues of Penthouse. What kid would have that today? We would bike to Brookdale and all over Brooklyn Park. We would ride our bikes like five miles to Central Park in Brooklyn Park so we could buy 49 cent Mello Yellos in the glass bottle and then jump off the big robot tower. Kids today will have no stories like this. They will be like, "I played so much freaking Pokemon, holy shit." I boo that.

Looking For Girls Who Like Boys Who Do Boys Like They're Girls

Always should be someone you really love. Thanks, Damon Albarn. I always get superfreakinpumped when I hear "Girls and Boys" by Blur. I have been on a huge Britpop kick the last week, since I bought this magazine at school that is about the history of Britpop. I bumped "I Should Coco" by Supergrass, "Dog Man Star" by (London) Suede and "Best Of" by Blur. These are all essential albums to own if you like pop music. Although "Coming Up" by Suede may be more accessible, and all the Supergrass albums are worth owning. And Blur's "Parklife" is a classic.

I had to present a diagram of the consumer purchasing process tonight, and it was funny as hell. My partners and I slacked our way through it, and I think we got an A. I also saw some Carlson School dorkass grope his girlfriends fat, gross ass. He didn't even care, he just palmed, squeezed and slapped for the world to see. What a douche.

I also concluded that my A+, #1 candy bar of all time is the Whatchamacallit. It is so damn good. Number two would probably be the Cadbury Fruit and Nut bar. English candy is better than any other foodstuff. I may have to import or get some from Canada. Why in the hell can't they come here? The Hershey Symphony bar is really good too.

Jordan hooked up the ColecoVision last night. I am eager to play some Montezuma's Revenge and some Donkey Kong Junior. River Raid and Keystone Kapers are gonna be played for effin sure also. I can't believe games can't be this fun today. Make something worth playing.

Work Sucks, I Know

I hate opening three days in a row. God, even three cups of coffee couldn't keep me awake today, as I read Rolling Stone and listened to the new Darkness album. I am also a bit pissed that there was no "My Name Is Earl" or "The Office" tonight due to the "Biggest Loser." I have a good friend who said once that he would like to give it to Caroline Rea (the host of said show). I won't name names, I swear. And I missed the new "Nip/Tuck" where Christian screws some fat chick with a paper bag on her head and the third partner in the clinic gets ass loved by a Marine. What an abusrd, great show.

School sucks, too. I need a beer, really bad. Too bad no Old Chicago this Thursday due to my working. I cannot wait until school is out for Holiday. I'm finna go apeshit, take the returning C.B.S. out for a belated birthday downtown and watch him do the retarded chicken dance all over the place.

Xbox 360=Overrated hype. I played King Kong and it was graphically beautiful, but it seemed like different song, same dance. Nothing like when the N64 and PSX came out back in the day. Moving to 3-D was an actual markable improvement over the SNES and the Genesis. I would kill for a game experience like Final Fantasy VII or Mario 64 from when I was 14. The lack of "Holy Shit, I can't believe that" is why I don't game like I used to. Shit, I would rather play Donkley Kong Jr. on ColecoVision or HERO on the Atari 2600 than some of the junk the next gen systems turn out. I like fun, not graphics.

And NHL 91 and Tecmo Bowl still kick most current sports games asses. Bo and Madano have dominated me far too much for me to not call them classics.

Where Have All The Rude Boys Gone?

Walk The Line is a fantastic movie. I finally saw it today, and I think that I need to pick up some Sun Records Johnny Cash. That was the best music in the film.

I was reading Okay Player last night and there was a thread about the songs that scared people as a kid. Most people were scared by the song "Carribean Queen" and by "Somebody's Watchin Me." Some dudes were even freaked out by the Paramount TV ending theme. I admit, I was too. I was also scared by the song "Hey Tonight" by CCR and the song "Silent Running" by Mike and The Mechanics. It was the one with the chorus "Can you hear me running? Can you hear me callin you?" The song "Hazzard" by Richard Marx, about a retard killing a girl by the river, also made me want to cry and cuddle up under my Lazer Tag sheets.

Its funny how weird things freak you out. I can't watch old black and white movies. They make me not sleep for weeks. Not classics like Citizen Kane or Casablanca, but B Movies. I have no idea why. Maybe because everyone who was in them is dead? Oh, and I also get freaked out by old commercials with really creepy jingles. Mainly with lady singers. There was a commercial for a pro choice orginization a few years ago called Birth Right. The jingle was "Birth Right Cares About You." I swear to god, every time it came on while I was listening to my clock radio, I would have to sleep with all the lights on.

I Need A Dime, Thats Toppa Tha Line

The last week was an interesting time. Thursday consisted of me getting run off the stage trying to sing "What You Give" by Tesla, downloading pics of Rowdy Roddy Piper to the Old Chicago computer, and doing the Double J strut as Jeff sang. Friday was a bore, but I bought stuff, so it was ok. I also had shift class in Bloomington where some crazy old shift talked about how she was adopted by Clarance Thomas at 17. Saturday was Millas 23, which was celebrated Northeast with $1.50 Old Styles and crazy cabbies that almost got whupped. Some Indian kid called our crew whack, but whatever. He had coke nails that scratched Jeff.

Oh, and I worked a bunch. I also bought Neil Diamonds new album, which is good, and the Playgroup mix, which is every good 80s song continously mixed. The best party album ever. I also attended my first record show, where I found the Moby Grape album for six bucks, and some Bowie and Dylan records. I also bought "Fresh" by Sly Stone, and a kick ass Bowie button from the cover of "David Live."

WW(F)E Raw was super depressing tonight. I was thinking about it, and why is it wrestling that kills so many? Steroids are just as prevalent in baseball it seems, and none have died officially from them. Still, I don't watch wrestiling as much as I did in my heyday, but I did follow enough to know what is going on. I was shocked that Flair is the Intercontinental Champ. That is slumming for the 16 time champ. Whoooooooo!

Enough dork stuff, except that I want that Warriors PS2 game...bad. Thats all.

Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves

No updates lately cause I have been super busy with work and whatnot. The Halloween parties were a good time, especially when Nate and I took over the dancefloor. That was the shit. The last weekend blew ass, cause I have overdrafted a shitload in my checking account and don't get paid all week.

I got pumped in the car today when KOOL 108 quit playing shitty Christmas music. There really haven't been many good Christmas songs...ever. How can you fill a whole playlist with that shit?

Who is Mark Chumura? I really need to know. Whoever it is, has to be a true believer. No one can reference Dan Devine without either being a huge Packer fan (which would be lame) or a Packer hater, like myself. 1-7 makes me warm and fuzzy. I loved when that fat guy stole the ball from Brett Favre. I am sure the announcers were really pumped, calling him the old gunslinger and saying he always makes a play. Um, no. He throws more picks than Razor Ramon.

Speaking of wrestling, the Ric Flair book is a friggin must read. That man knows how to party. He caused riots in Puerto Rico and banged his way through the US countless times over. Old school wrestiling was the shit. And now what do we get? A fake retard winning belts? Good writing.

Been doing a lot of karaoke at the Old Chicago downtown. I sang "Faith" and "Banditos" and it was very liberating. I was also drunk, but I would do it sober also. Hell, I sang the country classic "Dust On The Bottle" stone sober.

Oh, Lovers Need Lawyers

I heard "Lust For Life" by Iggy Pop, "You Don't Know How It Feels" by Tom Petty, and "Life In One Day" by Howard Jones tonight on JACK 104. I believe Christian now. That station does play some hot shit late at night.

I closed for the first time tonight at work, and it went really smoothly. Got out two minutes early, even. Its weird having to delegate to people, though. I haven't been in charge since the days of Taco Bell. It is kind of fun I have to admit.

The weekend was crazy. Kicked it off Thursday by singing Karaoke at Old Chicago. Rocked the hell out of "Kiss" by Prince and got love from some guy at the bar. I prefaced it with "I bet you never seen a motherfucker who looked like me sing this." Nice. Then I sang "Banditos" by The Refreshments and "I Got You" by Split Endz. I also saw Jeff give a Timberland to a bum and nearly take a bite out of a street pepper.

Then I saw the Decemberists on Friday. I was the only non-theatre major there, but the show was fantastic. I never thought that a band with a chellist and a violinist could rock so hard. The opener was friggin shit, two dudes with acoustic guitars. Lame as hell.

Saturday was a good time. I enjoyed sitting on Nates porch and shooting the shit, having some sort of deep talk (I don't remember much) and smoking cigarettes for the first time in ages.

Thats all for now. I cannot believe the White Sox are about to go up 3-0. I fucking hate those assholes.

Cancer...My Name Is Larry

My I Pod is dead, and it has to be resurrected for the second time in eight months. Seven thousand songs, down the drain. Screw Best Buy, those assholes can't help anyone even though it is their job. Some dude who looked like he just crawled out of the primordial ooze looked at me three times and didn't offer to help once. The troglodyte also had shaggy blonde hair. Thankfully, an older gent helped me. And also, Steve Jobs is a prick. Your state of the art tech breaks down constantly. Anyone looking into a MP3 player should buy a Walkman or a Creative Zen. Screw Apple and it's dork ass granola lovin fanboys. Oooh, I am good for graphic design...and nothing else.

Good for KOOL 108 for playing their entire music library without repeats this week. I heard "Nothing From Nothing"(Billy Preston), "Float On" (The Floaters), and "Knock Three Times"(Tony Orlando) in a row. Can't wait to hear "Ride Like The Wind" and "Life Is A Rock(But The Radio Rolled Me)".

Up, Down, Turnaround, Please Don't Let Me Hit The Ground

I went and saw "Waiting" last night and found it to be hilarious. Most definently a movie that my nonexistent kids will enjoy watching on TBS in 20 years. Best part was when some douche in the audience felt the need to scream out at Andy Millanakus when he said "I am the walrus." Dude screamed "Thats a fucking Beatles line!! Fuck this, I'm fucking leaving. " I saw him in the lobby two minutes later being comforted by his girlfriend. It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen at a theatre. And all this was at Arbor Lakes, because I am sick of the ghetto trash at Regal. Freaks be everywhere, I guess.

I am feeling the shit out of the "Danger Doom" CD. I have only heard a few MF Doom cuts before I purchased, and I have to be honest, I bought this one because of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force cameos. But Doom is the shit, the cameos are not lame like I thought they might be, and Danger Mouse has some kick ass beats. I probably will have to go out and get that Doom album about food next. I also have been in somewhat of a mellow mood lately. I picked up "After the Gold Rush" by Neil Young on vinyl about a week ago and I have been bumping that quite a bit. I love "Southern Man" and "Only Love Can Break Your Heart." It's been a bit of a weird musical journey lately. I felt the overwhelming need (not want) to hear "Brilliant Disguise" by Springsteen on the way to school. So overwhelming, in fact, that I almost ran into CD Warehouse and bought it.

If you don't own the "Arrested Development" season two box set, you are shamed. This is the truth, and the best sitcom on TV. Random lines like," I, uh, went out to my shit hole trailer and smoked the weed like a cigarette" crack me up every time.

Oh, and one other thing. I finally friggin got promoted! I guess the DM was impressed with how I helped open the store that I am going to be a shift at Northtown in a couple of weeks. The extra bank is going to allow me to move out of the parents house and into a crap place with a few roomies. Its time for the baby bird to fly the coop. Actually, its probably been time for five years, but whatever.

I Need Bullets, Hurry Up, RUN!!!

God, I hate pretentious know it all college students. We had a discussion in my Media Ethics class last hour on whether or not it was wrong for the Star Tribune to not publish the names Indians, Redskins, or Fighting Sioux. Most of the people in class agreed that it was OK because the team names were part of society and actual names. Some weird beard in the front woke me from my nap by saying that he was all super offended and that no one would stand for the Texas N******. Well, bitch offended me with that one. I then noticed that there was not a black person in the class. I bet the miniscule contents of my bank account that he would not have said that one if there was a black person in class. Fucking hippie. Little wool sweater and whatnot. I wanted to say, I actaully want a team named the Pittsburgh Krauts or the New Jersey Meatballs. I would be first in line to buy a jersey. I almost brought Nate Heck into this one. I'm pretty sure Nates got some Indian in this one, and that kid had at least two Indians hats by my count. So, to sum up, fuck sensitive intellectuals. I bet he said that just so he could get into some tree hugger chicks pants.

Oh, and Guided By Voices song "Game Of Pricks" is the shit...

It's The Freakin Weekend

My "Internets" is back on, thank god. Too bad some are still without power. What a awful storm. I was stuck out in the storm in Champlin, which is double bad, because it is Champlin.

The last three days have been the shit. Thursday I went out to TGI Fridays and downtown with some of my Starbucks co-workers as a sort of "goodbye to Jake at Maple Grove" party. I drank three Ultimate Long Islands and got really really tipsy. Then on Friday, I went down to the U and kicked it at Nates for like 30 minutes before we went to some random kegger which was a mile away. Saw Peter Harolds new digs, and saw Jeff grab a rake from a frat house and say "I'm Rake-kwon." Then we walked to meet a friend of Jeffs, only to find the address given was that of an industrial park. The walk was definently a walk to remember.

Saturday was the best of the nights. Christian had his "leaving the EBHC" party and rocked cowboy boots like the Gap Band. We started out at Nye's. I guess that Frank Vascelerio was in the house, so Pete, Jeff and Milla went to go buy him a shot. Too bad he left. I ate the best pierogi ever, and drank many a cheap beer. Then we went to Gastoffs for Oktoberfest, where I consumed a Tied To The Bedpost and got pumped when "Jump Around" came on. The ride was the funniest. Peter had to straddle my lap because there were 8 people in a Mercury Sable. I felt really gay. I never had a 200 pound man on my lap before. Hopefully that will be the last time.

There She Goes Again, The Dopest Ethopian

Jeff finally made me the "Wanksta" mix of Underground Hip-Hop and Indie Rock. I am so pumped! Two discs, both the shit, introducing me to stuff that I had never heard. Fantastic. I also was introduced to this band called Diamond Nights, who kick more ass than any band recently. They sound like Thin Lizzy, Kiss and Van Halen thrown into some sort of music blender. I'd do coke with them if they asked me.

Quade killed his blog. Maybe someday he will bring it back with new material. Or maybe a return of The Plays? I kind of doubt it.

Cuts of the week:
"Catch My Disease" Ben Lee
"Cracklin' Rosie" Neil Diamond
"Black Book" Stephen Malkmus
"April Skies" Jesus and Mary Chain (Can't stop listening to the "Darklands" CD)
"Night On Fire" VHS or Beta

Tonight It's Very Clear, As We're Both Lying Here

PUMPED!!! Got let out of work two hours early, and all I had to do was train one of the new girls how to make drinks. Mainly we just shot the shit about the U and how it would be sweet to live down there. Not much else new, started class this week. I have a bunch of case study and strategic bullshit that I have to do in order to get my degree, so my social life may suffer soon. Yeah, right. I am the only person who doesn't study for finals and end up with B's on everything. Got a good parking contract this semester right next to the commuter bus stop, so its better than walking all over campus. I don't have class til 1:25 either. Sweetness like Walter Payton.

Jeff informed me that The Hold Steady and The New Pornographers are both coming in concert in October. I am there. Those bands released two of the best CDs of the year. I cannot stop listening to the New Pornographers CD "Twin Cinema." God it's so damn good. Off for some night tennis where I'm gonna dominate like Agassi.

You Sexy MF

After putting "Emancipation" by Prince on my I Pod yesterday, I had a dream that he performed at the Grammys in the Champlin Park auditorium. He also had Angelina Jolie on stage in a metal bikini flamenco dancing to his "new" song. Then we all went to the gift store and bought commerative T-Shirts from the event that said "Bilzzard '91" and were sponsored by Tommy Hilfiger and "Cigarettes." Then I roamed the halls of CPHS and went into my old 12th grade English class, where I did not acknowlege anyone, I just took a cup of coffee with cream. The lesson in all of this: Don't listen to Prince and eat Buffalo Wild Wings before going to bed on the first day of school.

Blaze It Up/Fortuante Son

Been quite an interesting week. In the spirit of "I will try anything once" I went salsa dancing with some of my female co-workers on Wednesday night. Seeing as how I have danced like twice in my life, I still had fun. That was probably due to the large amount of mixed drinks that I consumed over the course of the evening. Oh, and I did actually dance, just not well. And I was finally let in on the mystery of the "black man handshake" (as Quade and Jeff have dubbed it). I failed, but the bouncer said that my white ass would get it someday.

Today I enjoyed some Broadway buffet, and then went blazer shopping. I feel the need for something in a pinstripe, I think black. The shitty thing is that all the places that I went had that bullshit "vintage cut" style that looks like a chick should wear it. I don't have the body of a male model, so I don't look good in a vintage cut. Gay. Anyways, I think that some more clothes shopping is in order next Friday. I have class, but fuck it. College is for skipping, idn't it?

I find the New Orleans situation much worse than 9/11, personally. The pictures coming out of that city are damn sad. The worst part is that the media is not handling it like 9/11. I think that it is the media bias toward minorities. The reason that 9/11 got so much coverage was, yes, due to the fact that it was done by evil. But most of the people killed were white and proffessional. Hurricane Katrina hit the poor parts of New Orleans worst, and the low-income people were the most affected. Plus, Cocksucker Bush doesn't have a "terr" to fight. My brother Jordan said that Bush will probably propose a war on storms next. He is so fucking stupid. I swear to god, open your fucking oil-filled wallet and donate, say, $10 million to relief efforts. I know that you have it, you can afford it. Instead of telling people to "hang in there" actually fucking do something, you ignorant son of a bitch.

It's In The Way That You Use It

The V.M. Gays are on tonight, and they are really fucking stupid. Friggin Hillary Duff came out with her statutory buddy and said that he introduced her to AFI, Rancid and...MORRISSEY!! How fucking gay! I bet that she has never heard a Morrissey song, and either has that douche fuck from Good Charlotte. Lame. Fucking lame. And Nelly is wearing a Batman shirt?

I heard, on JACK tonight, "It's In The Way That You Use It" by Eric Clapton. I got super pumped. I don't like a whole lot of Clapton, but that song brings me back to my childhood, and my parents big tan Delta 88 that had a spring that stuck into your butt in the back seat. Also, I heard "My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit, which brought me back to Junior year in high school when all I did was sit in my room and play Ape Escape and Civilization II. I was cool as shit.

Where Are You Now?

Cody's last supper was an interesting time. There were a bunch of people that I rather would not have seen, but it was good. I guess a frisbee with pics of the kid who laughed at Yoda on it are ok, but not that kids balls. Watching Peter hump Cody one last time was amusing, and now I have it as my wallpaper on my phone.

In other news, I am transferring to the Northtown Starbucks starting in mid-September. It is a new store, and it will not be as busy as the Maple Grove one, which is a nice change. Also, it will be nice to be in a different area. The Northtown store will be about ten minutes quicker to get to, and the customers may not be as high maintenence. I am so sick of people demanding there only be one half shot of espresso in their latte or mocha. Come the fuck on! Don't come to a coffee shop and order a $4 drink if you don't want coffee flavor. Or order a Frappuccino or something.

The Cuts:
"I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend" The Rubinoos
"Shelter From The Storm" Bob Dylan
"Sing Me Spanish Techno" The New Pornographers
"Do You Want To?" Franz Ferdinand
"Soul Meets Body" Death Cab For Cuite

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

The Bloodhound Gang have released the worst song in the history of recorded music. It is called Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo. Hey, look guys, they said FUCK in the title! The whole song is them inventing new euphamisms for sex. One involves pudding or something. I would rather eat at Old Country Buffet for the rest of my life than ever hear this shit again. I actually find the dumb shit that the Bloodhound Gang usually puts out funny, but this is just fucking painful. Oh, and this song took SIX years to put out. They were "working on" the song in 2001. Holy shit, this is bad.

She's My Tender Roni

Cody's going away party provided for some interesting moments. Christian decided to play Bobby Brown's greatest hits, which caused most of the other non-former-Farmers to clear the lane. His parents had an excpetional taco bar, which had about seven different kinds of salsa. Most of the night, Cody sauntered around to different people while this couple groped each other in the corner. It did kind of suck because I was the only person at the whole party not drinking, but it was interesting none the less.

Otherwise, it has been nothing but work, which sucks ass. I worked almost 40 hours at Starbucks this week. I got a huge ass paycheck though, which I haven't had a chance to spend.

Don't Want No Sugar Cereal, Cause It Makes My Teeth Bacterial

What happened to toys in cereal? Back in the day, there was always a sweet toy even in the lamest of cereals. Except for King Vitamin, which they gave to the welfare kids and featured a lame-ass mask on the back. The last toy I remember was that Halloween disc that Nate would play at the Farm that featured the song "Boo, I'm Gonna Scare You." The best toys ever were the Soggies and Cap'n figures that came in Cap'n Crunch back in like '85 or '86. The soggies glowed in the dark. Also, the bowls that came with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cereal were cool as hell, but the cereal tasted like stale ass. Those little nets cut the roof of your mouth worse than anything. Oh, and the Post Cereals giving out the baseball cards every Spring was really sweet also. They always had their team logos blocked out, but they were still kickass.

The Cuts:
"Where You Get Love" Matthew Sweet
"The Bitterest Pill" The Jam"
"You're Dead" Alkaline Trio
"Thunder Island" Jay Fergusson (The gayest 70s song...EVER?)

Can't Knock The Hustle For Real

WE FUCKING WON!!! A game won, without a forefit. We took the first game 14-12, with some stellar play by Nick Miller at second and a bunch of dingers by this ringer named Bill. Then we lost the second game 26-16. I tried to leg out a triple, but my visions of grandeur were quashed when the Allman Brothers looking third baseman tagged me out on my ass. So gay, but I got a few Ribbies and made a few decent plays at first. God, a win feels good. Kind of like sub-par sex.

The Cuts:
"Up On Cripple Creek" The Band
"If I Can't Change Your Mind" Sugar
"Dracula's Wedding" Andre 3000
"Step Into My Office" Belle and Sebastian

Oh, and tomorrow I have an interview with my district manager about a promotion. I am told it is merely a formality, so soon I will be getting a raise. More CDs, more food.

Indian Outlaw, Part Cherokee and Choctaw

We won the second game of the tournament (over the CPHS jocks Bomb Squad) because they didn't show up. Then we got killed by a team of 40 year old Indian dudes. Oh well, Fall League starts tomorrow. Work today was really lame. I had to work the front desk for 2 1/2 hours because no one showed up. Working front desk is the equivalent of getting it in the tailpipe by Shaq, Tommy Lee and Milton Berle one after the other. Then, my lunch was interrupted by a page telling me to check the sauna because the Hmong family that bathes each other was sitting in there naked, according to some member. After asking the patriarch if they were indeed clothed, I went back to eating my sandwich. Alas, my appetite was ruined.

Songs of the day:
"Tears Of A Clown" The English Beat
"See A Little Light" Bob Mould
"So Here We Are" Bloc Party
"Little Sister" Queens Of The Stone Age

I'm Dick Butkis

We lost the first game of our softball tourney today, 16-4. The team was made up of a bunch of fucking ex-jocks and was sponsored by some shit bar Nordeast. And when one popped up, he yelled "Fritzy." I guess you can't escape high school no matter how hard you try. And their catcher was Dustin Wagner. What the hell? CPHS has too much pull in the Brooklyn Center "D" softball league.

Quote of the game: "So, are all the other teams in your league fags too?" Jeff Hill

Givin' You The Business All Night Long

Sorry about the lack of update, but I have been busy with work and sleep and the whatnot. Lately I have been playing a lot of tennis (or 'nis as Jesse "Red" Lind called it) and some basketball. I also have been watching the "Arrested Development" Season 1 set my brother Zach bought. Fantastic purchase. Also decided to load up the ol' Ipod with some old favorites, and now I am up to over 5000 songs. Oh, and I bought Ted Leo and the Pharmacists (friggin excellent) The Dirtbombs B Sides and Rarities disc (also friggin excellent) and Spiritualized "Ladies and Gentleman, We Are Floating In Space"(haven't listened to it yet). All in all, not too interesting of a week.

Whats on it? The Cuts (for week ending 8/14/05):
"I'm Mad"-EPMD
"Raw Power"-Iggy and The Stooges
"First Day Of My Life"-Bright Eyes
"Mayonaise"-Smashing Pumpkins
"Fell On Black Days"-Soundgarden

I told you I was going old school, especially on the last two. Oh, and last night I had a dream that I was put into a jungle outpost to study nature. Then my dad yelled at my brother Aaron for buying some crappy album. He told him not to make the same mistakes that he did because he bought a Parliment album that sucked where "Bootsy was undoing George Clinton's bowtie" on the back cover.

Surrender, Surrender, But Don't Give Yourself Away

Today was a good day. I got off work an hour early and I proceded to get a Crunch Wrap Supreme from Taco Bell. The Crunch Wrap Supreme is the greatest invention known to man. There is like 50 things folded over inside a tortilla and grilled to perfection. The best T-Bell item since the invent of the Chalupa in 1999. Anyways, I also heard "Surrender" by Cheap Trick on JACK as I was driving down the parkway and, lo and behold, a golfer was in the middle of his back swing. So I laid on the horn and floored it. I got so pumped that I had to take a three hour nap.

Daddy Was A Cop On The East Side Of Chicago

My weekend was tiring. I worked 15 hours between the two jobs yesterday, eight on Saturday, and six on Friday. Still, I found some time to chill at Jeffs and have a few beers on Saturday night. It was kind of cool seeing the whole gang there. I cannot remember the last time Mok, Quade and Cody all were together. It was a good time, with many mixes bumped.

I've been broke as a joke and as corrupt as a senator, so I have been listening to a lot of weird shit due to the fact that I can't buy CDs like usual. I have been bumping mad 70s AM Gold CDs, playing shit like "The Night Chicago Died," "Billy Don't Be A Hero," and "Fooled Around and Fell In Love." This got me thinking about the current state of radio.

Back in the 70s, KDWB played everything. I found a site that has their old playlists, and Black Sabbath would be followed by Sly and the Family Stone, which would be followed by Sammy Davis Jr. Now, its all shitty rap and pop metal. Where is the variety? Another thing is that most of the bands that got radio airplay back in the day were pre-fab studio bands. They would just have the same five dudes record songs under different names. Like "Beach Baby" was by First Class, and "Hitchin A Ride" was by Vanity Fare. But it was the same band. This shit could fly today, because MTV doesn't air videos and only older bands draw good numbers touring. I wonder why no one works that angle? Oh well, stations like JACK and XM will kill terrestrial radio as we know it in the next five years.

Da Da Da Duh...The Reflex, Flex, Flex Flex Flex

The Kings of Leon are the hick rock dandy kings. The concert last night put hair in places I have never seen, if you know what I mean. Never before have I seen three men strut onstage in womens clothing and sing songs about impotence and gang rumbles with so much abandon. And the girls understood. There was a strange mix of preps, old rockers, new New Wave chicks and scuzzballs in Dikembe Mutombo jerseys. Every song was sung along with like it was some sort of Dashboard Confessional show crossed with a tent revival, which, given the Kings Baptist roots, seems apt. Highlights included the band shaking their asses as they played towards the drummer, and the lead singer getting so excited at the end of "Tranni" that he had to toss the mic stand at the ground. And everyone was smoking cigs on the stage, which seemed eternally cool for some reason. Sure, they didn't sing "Day Old Blues" (as like three dudes behind me cried out for) but they did play every other song off their two albums.

The openers, The Shout Out Louds, were no slouches themselves. I kept thinking, as they ripped through their set, "Shit, these guys (and girl) are going to be fucking huge." They sounded even better live then on their excellent CD "Howl Howl Gaff Gaff." A Swedish Cars or Weezer would sum them up, but their lyrics were more emo than either band. The enterance was met with indifference, but the crowd booed the lead singer when he said it would be the end of their set. Even cooler was the fact that the band went into the crowd to watch the other bands and even played pool. Jeff Hill said that he saw the lead singer checking out some hottie while she was bent over. And we think we smelled the bassist by the merch booth, and he smelled pretty bad. Who can blame him, he was rocking out in a full suit.

The Secret Machines sounded like a primordial Pink Floyd. They were good, good enough to make me buy their EP, but eight minute long jams are not usually my bag at concerts. Still, their cover of Dylan's "Girl From The North Country" made me nearly cry, it was so beautiful. The drummer was amazing, and he looked like a stoned caveman. He never once looked up from his kit, he was so into beating the shit out.
(I listened to the EP today, and the songs play much better on disc than live. Still, not as much drum. Which isn't a good thing)

Your Little Hood Rat Friend

I played mad tennis today, and I lost to Quade and Nick pretty bad. I kept blowing huge leads, and it sucked. But I did win a few games from Nick, and after one I posed like Shawn Michaels over my racket. It was fucking hot.

I bought five new CDs this weekend, and I am feeling them all. The best of the bunch is by this group called The Hold Steady. The lead singer was from Minneapolis, and he wrote a bunch of confessional songs about doing drugs in Osseo and how no one hangs out at City Center. It sounds kind of like a punk rock Bruce Springsteen. Also enjoying the Jamie Lidell, the Shout Out Louds and the Belle and Sebastian CD. I heard about all but the Belle and Sebastian from Jeff and Christian, so it looks like I have lost my title as the go to guy for new music. And I also feel the shit out of the new Gwen Stefani song "Cool." I love 80s sounding shit.

Oh, and I also got tickets to the Kings Of Leon concert on Thursday. It is going to be the shit, for sure. I bet the Kings kick ass so hard live, those coked-out ponces. I swear, confidence or extreme sadness make the best music. No in between. Either you are a suicidal nutjob like Nick Drake or Morrissey, or you swagger like you got the biggest cock like Mick and Keith or Liam and Noel. Guys who lead normal lives make albums like Ben Folds. Granted, I love Ben Folds more than most other stuff, but he doesn't make the most exciting music out there. His best songs were when he was sad and bored on "Whatever and Ever Amen." Also, the Stones have sucked since they kicked the drugs and whores. Complacency leads to shit.

Jennine, I Can Be Him

I bought Fall Out Boys pussy-punk opus "From Under The Cork Tree" today. The re-virginization of Jacob Donald Eickholt is now complete. I have been listening to a bootyload of pop punk lately, and its 2001 all over again. Lame, but brilliant. And another waitress laughed at me at Broadway today. Quade felt the need to yell, "You don't have a real job," and then the chick laughed. Hahahahaha LOL.

Then Best Buy provided me with plentiful hot chicks. It doesn't matter where, the workers, the customers, whatever. There is hot ladies aplenty at the Maple Grove Best Buy. Every time I walk in I am greeted by a hot security guard. Its much better than the guy everyone called "Stoolio" at the Brooklyn Center because he was too lazy to stand up. One time he told Jeff Hill that "Everyone and they moms was buying Training Day." God, that Best Buy was lame. Oh well, it kicked the BC Circuit Citys ass. They had more CDs and they were cheaper, but it was like a ghost town up there.

The Wise Man Has The Power To Reason Away

Wedding Crashers is the funniest movie I have seen in a long time. I swear, Vince Vaughn is giving Ferrell a run for his money as the man who makes me laugh the most. "The girl in the hat just eye fucked the shit out of me" is just so damn out there.

I have been bumping mad 70s tunes for the last few days. All the heavyweights. Billy, Elton, Sir Paul, Rod. They all get equal play. The best 70s song that I have uncovered recently is "Couldn't I Just Tell You?" by Todd Rundgren. God, this song is amazing. And to think, the bastard went on to write bullshit like "Bang on the Drum All Day." Truly a wasted talent.

Oh, and Bush is even more of a puppet whore than I previously thought. Now, he won't fire his daddy Karl Rove because he didn't officially commit a crime. What the hell is this? And John Kerry is a flip-flopper? Stick to your guns, Mr. Mission Accomplished. I fucking hate that shit eating son of a bitch more than anyone. Just turning over the fold on the Star Tribune today made me want to puke. I can't wait to see who he nominates to the Supreme Court tonight. Probably another religious right puppet, like himself. The only way I can hold back the tears is to tell myself, three more years. That, and bump some more "What A Fool Believes" or some T.Rex.

Stay All Day, If You Want To

I heard "Gouge Away" by the Pixies twice in a row today on 89.3 The Current. I got pumped both times to the point that my fellow motorists were watching me.

Fantastic Four is suprisingly good. I went into it pretty worried that it would suck like The Hulk, which I defended because I went to the midnight showing and paid $8. But the movie had a nice sense of humor, even though some parts were really slow.

I was bored the other day, and I came to the conclusion that Bo Jackson was my favorite athlete of all time, at his peak. Had he stuck to one sport, we would be talking about the greatest running back or greatest center fielder of all time. I went to a Twins game in 1990 and I actually wrote in my scorecard that Bo was a showboat. He was catching the ball behind his back and between his legs while warming up and I was in awe that someone could do that without any effort, and it kind of made me mad. Oh, and that Score card/poster with him in the shoulder pads/bat was the pimpest shit at back in the day.

Other random sports thoughts:
My favorite baseball player of all time is Ken Griffey Jr. I have loved Griffey since 1991, and sometimes my Mariners obsession got out of hand in the mid-1990s. It's still nice to see him hit one out, even with all the other injures. Easily the best player I have ever seen live, and I watched Puckett, Molitor and others for years. In 1997, I saw him hit one out at the Dome, with about 3,000 other people.

Favortie basketball player of all time: Jordan. Need I say more? I fucking loved everything that MJ did when I was a kid. I also was a huge Grant Hill fan, but I remember having Jordan posters on my wall when I was 6 0r 7. I watched every minute of every Finals game the Bulls ever played, and I can tell you where I was when he scored 35 in the first half against the Blazers in 1992 (my Aunt Jenny's house eating bar-b-que) and when he scored 63 against the Celtics in 1986 (the Holiday Inn in Brooklyn Center). The Babe Ruth of basketball. The 1993 Finals were tough to watch, as I loved the Suns with Sir Charles and the Bulls. I rooted for the Suns, but when Paxon hit that three, I didn't exactly cry.

Muhammad Ali is the most important athlete ever. Hands down. He held the title off and on from 1964 to 1978, which is forever in boxing. He also stood up for what he believed to the point that prison was an option. That takes some cojones, to give up your career because you "ain't got no quarrel with the Vietcong." He also was such a bad motherfucker there was a top 40 song about him being a black superman, and he felt the need to tell the announcers (after he won his first title) that he was a bad man and so pretty. He talked jive like a pimp, fought with his hands at his sides, and advanced black rights by being the best and loudest. Thats some cool shit.

Is There Life Out There?

I went to my uncles wedding reception last night, and it confirmed my stance on marriage for the time being. If you want to do it, good for you, but it ain't my bag. I just saw all the people there who didn't look happy, and it outweighed the ones who did. Weird atmosphere. But they had a free keg for a couple of hours, so that was fun.

What was also weird was the fact that I actually had a conversation with my grandfather. My grandpa and I have some major differences both politically and religiously. He also likes to collect weaponry, something for which I really don't care about. So I would put our relationship at about a 2 or 3 on the 1-10 scale. Anyways, we talked mainly about my future, which was expected. But the surprise came when I told him about where I wanted to move after graduation. I said Chicago was on a short list, and he encouraged my idea. The man shoots down quite a bit of what I say, and to hear that was a nice change. Also, I realized that someone who worked for a multinational company for 25 years probably knows a thing or two about good places to live. I have probably been to 1% of where he has been (Communist Russia, all of Europe, Japan, etc.) . But he has only lived in North Minneapolis his entire life, within a 10 block radius pretty much, and is also very family oriented. It was just interesting to hear someone give me feedback on this idea. I do not want to live here my whole life. Granted, I have quite a bit of state pride, but I want to see what else is out there.

Let Me Hold You, Come Caress My Body, You Got Me Going Crazy,You Turn Me Up, Turn Me On

Thank you, Kevin Little, for proving that one hit wonders (or oneders) do still exist.

Man, I fucking hate golfers. I live off the 13 or 14th tee of Edinburgh, so every day from March to November I see dudes in khaki slacks and some sort of Lauren couture teeing off when I go to work. They expect me to stop so they can drive their little fucking carts instead of walking across a pretty busy parkway. I decided to get a little revenge. Every day that someone is golfing by my house and I pass, I lay on the horn. I mean, this isn't a love tap, it's a full on honk. Sometimes I yell "fuckers" really loud, also. That's what they get for being lazy and wearing khaki way too friggin tight for their fat asses. The best is when they dress like Payne Stewart, with the tam-o-shanter and the knickers. That makes them even look gayer.

Boone debut tonight for the Twinks. I don't know about them catching The Sux, but a wild card looks pretty good right about now. Then they can work those fags in the ALCS.

Songs of the day:
-"Billy Jack Bitch" Prince
-"Mercy Mercy Me" Marvin Gaye
-"Tears Of A Clown" Smokey Robinson and the Miracles
-That lame ass Antigone Rising song I hear every day at work that goes "She's not, She's not Innocent" (Cause I hear it all the time and it blows)
Also, Starbucks is selling a Sly Stone remix CD with Big Boi, Maroon 5, D'Angelo and a whole bunch of other decent artists on it. I may have to check it out, if it kicks ass like the Motown one.

Feelin Allright, Uh-Huh

Feelin better, still have a sore throat though. Listened to a lot of tunes and watched the All Star festivities. Also dug out my tape of the 1996 All Star game. It had a bunch of playoff highlights on it, and a news report from KARE 11 where someone threw a paint gernade over the balcony at Champlin Park! There was an interview with Mr Bohthius and everything. Pretty weird.

Gonna try to play softball tonight, and get the Gamers an elusive win. So elusive.

Heres a few of the current listens
-World Leader Pretend-Punches (Fantastic. Sounds like Radiohead/REM. Thanks Quade)
-Morrissey- Your Arsenal
-Fountains of Wayne- Out Of State Plates
-Stephen Malkmus- Self Titled
-All American Rejects- Move Along (Yeah, I know its pop punk bullshit. I dont care)
-Sonic Youth-Daydream Nation

Come On, Come On

I have the bronchitis or some kind of infection, and I have been sleeping way too much. Here is the laundry list of my sick dream I had last night.

-Transvestite hooker forcing herself on me at gunpoint
-Anthony Anderson shooting said hooker five times (and her not dying)
-Christian, Jeff and myself going to the Glastonbury Festival
-Me watching Rilo Kiley and Jenny Lewis singing directly to me
-Me preforming with Ben Folds and William Shatner on a "40s duet"
-Christian losing my wallet forcing me to stay in England longer than anyone else

I think that there was more, but thats all I can remember. What the hell?

Jakies Back, Tell A Friend

The trip to Milwaukee was epic. So much fun was had that I don't think that it can be expressed in words. The first night was the night of the show. We took the city bus to Summerfest after having a few of Milwaukees finest and arrived at a combo of the State Fair, the Taste of Minnesota and a beer fest. We stopped at a Shakey's pizza stand then headed into the concert.

The Pixies made me cry. It was the most amazing show that I have ever seen, and the whole band looked so excited to be playing together again. The only downside was that some guy felt the need to start shit with me. I was jumping around, singing, and I guess I threw an elbow at his girlfriend (inadvertently). He bumped into me, and I said sorry. To which he replied, "Fuck you motherfucker. I paid for this seat. You made my girlfriend leave, motherfucker." Jeff gave him an "I want to kill you" look and he sat down for the rest of the show. Then, his girlfriend came back and HE yelled at HER. So, it worked out. Yet, the fucker ruined "Monkey Gone To Heaven" and "Where Is My Mind" for me.

Weezer delivered another odd show. Rivers Cuomo has the worst stage presence of any lead singer I have ever seen. He stands motionless and unenthused throughout the show. Except for when I saw them at Roy Willkins, where he was a cock rock god for one night. Nevertheless, the band still delivered. They played most of their new album, and it sounded fantastic. "We Are All On Drugs" had this really cool background that swirlled around. And they played a totally different version of "Buddy Holly" with a Moog. And Rivers even started to get into the show towards the end and thanked the audience profusely at the end. Too bad they didn't play more from Pinkerton. Probably the best concert I have ever attended.

At the end of the night, we heard Death Cab For Cutie play a few songs. We couldn't see them because there were 5,000 people in front of us, but "The Sound Of Settling" sounded damn good.

The second day we just went back to hang out and maybe watch Whitesnake. The lineup was really weak, with Alter Bridge, Issac Hayes and Cowboy Mouth being the free shows. So we just drank and walked around. The bus ride home was nuts. Milwaukee County buses have TVs in them, and they have these "Who am I?" guessing games to play. Cody sat in the back and was playing the game with the entire bus, and leading them in a chant of "Teddy Teddy" when Roosevelt came on. Great day. Earlier, we went to the dirtiest beach on Lake Michigan and ate Popeyes from the most ghetto Popeyes ever.

And we toured the Miller Brewery. It was really cool seeing how the beer gets shipped and packaged. And it was really cool drinking free beer samples. The Miller Cafe had the best burgers and the worst waitress ever, and a sign that said "The Only Bud We Serve Here is Selig." Gay.

Then we went up to Millas cabin, which was fun as all hell. We partied until seven in the morining, and Millas crazy neighbor took us for a random pontoon ride at 3:30 in the morning. Overall, one of the best weeks of my life, hands down.