K-O-B-E I L-O-V-E You!!!

The title of this post is a fallacy. I hate Kobe Bean Bryant. I have hated him since he took Brandy and her stupid little Moesha dreads to prom. This off season, when Lebron broke my heart and decided to be a spastic 8 year old named Toddy and play with his special friends in Bullshit Little Havana Candyland, I thought I could begrudgingly like Kobe and late Lebron.

I was wrong. Wrong as all Hell.

For you see, my Kobe hate runs deep. Kobe is like some sort of emotionless perfect basketball God who plays the game like most people go to work (which makes the title of his documentary Kobe Doin Work all the more realistic). He has basketball Aspbeger's. When he tries to show emotion, we get this:



That is the same face my roommate's Boxer makes. Jordan had the intense tongue, Shaq looked at his hand in disbelief, and Kobe B. Bryant makes a doggie face.

So you can imagine my glee when Kobe and his "friends" failed yesterday. The Lakers were not at all deserving of another run. Phil Jackson can retire to Montana and boff his fine ass bosses daughter, Ron Artest can do typically awesome shit that Ron Artest does (dodgeball, laser tag), Derek Fisher can be the only Laker player I don't hate, and Kobe can continue to fulfill his lifelong goal of being the Sultan of Brunei's 34th wife:



Enjoy the off season Kobe. I am sure you will do it with absolutely no feeling, emotion, or any other sort of human characteristic.