What's My Nayayayayayayuhme?

I'm a mess, my friends are all messes, and I'm pretty sure my extended family are all messes. This is why we give the bit players in our lives nicknames. What makes it even more of a mess is that I'm not even sure other people do this. And even worse, I know that I do not know the good majority of the people's REAL names. Anyways, heres a few of the best ones, and how they came about.

"Gay Gusser"- This dude was some kid who used to go out with Milla and drink. He looked like The Gusser(Gus Johnson), dressed like the Gusser, but loved penis. He hung out with...

"Date Rape"-Date Rape told me that his TKE frat at the U threw killer parties where you could "just finger chicks and they were too drunk to care." He also hung out with Gay Gusser and wore pooka shells. Right, Brah!

"Joan Of Arcadia"-This was a crazy broad that Milla tried to set me up with. She looked like Joan Of Arcadia. I'm not going into details, but there was some cock blocking on my part, and some flaking out.

"Fetus Boy"-One of Millas boys(again). He looked like a fetus. He also rapped along to "Can I Kick It?", did the bus driver, and chased a car down Bryant Ave in his socks in January. All in the course of two hours. I often wonder what happened to Fetus Boy.

"That Whore_____Fucked"-For random whores who got fucked. Not for nice girls, or girls that were not fucked BUT other stuff was done with.

"Ghetto Fabulous(AKA Ghetto Frab or G-Fab)"-A white girl who looked like Mary J. I one time petted her leg and said "Is this shit Sean John?" which got my ear boxed. She also dressed like R Kelly on the cover of TP2.com.

"Teen Wolf"-A dude who looked like Teen Wolf. He made Karkov Screwdrivers, told ribald oral sex stories, and pulled a knife on Jeff. Probably because we were yelling "Teen Wolf" at him.

"Picture Me Rolland"-A strange cat who wanted to befriend me on MySpace but couldn't find me. Because my MySpace name isn't, oh, "Jake Eickholt".

"White Tupac" and "Harland Williams"-Brother pair at a party at Stacy's one month townhouse who were the biggest douche brother pair since the Maloofs. I watched White Tupac puke and pee on some guys house, then got flicked off when I laughed. Harland claimed he was Latin Kings and wanted to kill Christian for no fucking reason.

"Scarecrow Haircrow"-Stereotypical bad haired Valley Girl.

"Josh Bachman's Girlfriend"-Still don't remember her name. All I know is that she worked at Davannis.

"Ash Bash"-A girl that Milla hung out with who allowed us to have 70 people over to her stepdads McMansion. She got her name from the party, which was called "Ash Bash". The party was the only good thing. That and when Cody made out with her while a bunch of people laughed.

"Brewers Shirt"-Some fox that rocked a Brewers little league shirt. I still talk about how sexy Brewers Shirt was

"Andre The Giant"-A dude who looked like Andre Jr from "Final Fight". He also answered a question once with the line, "I don't know about that, but are we all gonna smoke these bomb nuggs that I have?" Very Zen.


And now, for the some of the most legendary nicknames of all time from back in the Farmin' Days! Thats right, its the...
EBHC DIVISION
"EmHead"-For the jerkoff catering director at the EBHC back in the day.

"The Mole"-For the other catering director there, Cory. He used to snoop around all the time and then tell on us when we stole shit from catering.

"Goblin Twins"-The janitorial staff who wasn't Tom Cooley at EBHC. One day, Tom Cooley will get a blog about him. The others won't.

"The Robots"-Two sexy catering chicks who will forever remain nameless

"Soup Layday"-MILF soup vendor.

"The Juicer"-If you don't know the Juicer now, you never will. As a matter of fact, I miss that little guy. I was just thinking about when Peter Harold yelled "In Uh Bottle" at him for 10 minutes straight the other day...

"Taytayboyo"-Oh, you'll experiment...I bet $100 that this came from porn GOAT TT Boy somehow.

"Doug E. Fresh"- Doug wanted to kill me very badly.

"John LeFemme"-Was once seen in close proximity with The Juicer.

"BJB"-Duh

"Church Grrls"-A group of churchy lafemmes who stunk up the joint.

"Boner or T-Bone"-For Mike T, who was the King of Jams.

Any others I've missed from those who have been a part of the insanity over the last decade?