Ahhh, the holiday season. The time of year for avoiding family and for wondering who has a perfectly stereotypical "family Christmas." Personally, I hate family Christmas. Mind you, this is not with my immediate family, who I actually like, but with my extended family, who I would rather not see.
Nine times out of ten, I get asked if I'm still in school, how "the job" is going, and if I have a girlfriend. I like to think of it as a trifecta of questions I don't give a fucking shit about answering. Sometimes, just for shits, one of my uncles will throw in the "still drivin' the Ford?" question, which this year I think I am going to answer with, "Actually I'm not. I actually upgraded to the Lambo. But I do drive the Ford on weekdays sometimes, to save gas. Fuck the goddamn Republicans for causing gas prices to rise, and also for the goddamn-baby Jesus-abortion-gun control-war in Iraq." All those hot button buzz words will certainly get me kicked out of the house, at which point I can enjoy playing my little brothers video games until Santa comes the next morning.
Oh yeah, and I almost forgot to mention my other favorite part of Christmas...the awkward conversation between your nearly same aged cousins and yourself. I have at least four cousins who have some serious legal troubles, and you gotta kind of pussyfoot around those bad boys at the dinner table. I mean, you KNOW how they are doing, so you don't have to ask the trifecta, but you are forced to. It would be rude as hell if you were to ask Cousin Jimmy how his stint in County was after that DWI. Plus, with my fam, the cousins are fond of saying random racist shit about blacks and Arabs for some reason, so you kind of have to avoid any topic that may involve one of those groups of people(such as the NBA or Aladdin). I was trapped into a racist rant once by the "still drivin' the Ford?" question, which led to a discussion on gas prices going up, which lead to my cousin Andy saying two different racial slurs about Arabs AND also referring to them as "Iranis." Ah, horrible times...here's wishing y'all a happy Christmas!
Oh, and in honor of the holiday, here's a little light reading about the man who should replace Santa:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Oakley
Talk about badass.
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