Reasons To Be Cheerful One, Two, Three

As I write this, I have to work in six hours. I really can't sleep, as I am riled up by all the fags that I have seen in the last two days. I am so sick of the dudes with "jock face" (my new term for a dude with a bugeyed baggy eyed slack jawed face) trapsing around my world and making me want to go all crazy. Here is a list of the things that have to go with these jock faced dudes:

1.Hollister clothes- Cool, your shirt looks vintage. Congrats, douche.
2.Striped Polos with matching colored undershirts- Again, cool. You just rolled out of bed brah. Nice look.
3. Pink Button Downs- Especially the ones with green dental floss stripes on them.
4.Pre-Torn Hoodies- I have been wearing the same blue hoodie for five years and the fucker ain't ripped yet. I know you totally partied hard, but try to dress dece.
5.TEK-Vests- I thought this shit died in 2000. Why in the fuck is it coming back?
6.Aviatiors-The only reason to wear these is to look ironic.
7.Trucker Hats- Fucking Kutcher doesn't even rock this anymore, and he is the king of fags.
8.Pre-Ripped Faded Jeans- You're so nonchlant about your fashion, dooder. Sweet
9.The Biggest That Needs To Die...WHITE BASEBALL CAPS! Wear that shit backward brah, I want to see that you rep the "Cocks" or the "Shockers." Better if the brim comes pre ripped.

Indie fucktards, you don't get off so easy either.
1.Dude From Modest Mouse hats- You are not in the Civil War. Stop it.
2.Mos Def Beanie things- You don't look bohemian, or like Timberlake. You just look gay.
3.Olive colored anything- Not flattering,and I am a fatass with no fashion sense telling you this.
4.Drain Pipe Jeans- The only skinny white dude ever who should rock these is Joey Ramone. And he died in 2001.
5.Tight ass Jeans- You weigh 110 pounds and you are 6'1''. Like you have anything to show off.
6.Messenger Bags- Maybe you have something cool in there, but I bet its just a Superchunk album and some lame poetry.
7.John Kerry buttons on said Messenger Bags- We lost to a retarded shaved ape. We have to come to terms with this NOW! Stop putting your faith in a false messiah and move on.

And The Ladies...
1.TEK Vests- Doesn't keep you warm, doesn't flatter. What, are leg warmers next?
2.Lip Gloss with a bad dye job- Just makes you look like a drunken party slut.
3.Fake Tan- I love a nice tan. But orange just ain't the way to go.

Actually, I kinda like the way the girls rip the jeans on the ass. So they get off easy on this one. I always kill for that kind of nostalgia.