I Saw A Mobile Light Lookin For A Moonbeam

Last night, David Lee Roth was 20 feet from my person. It was the best night of my life. Van Halen fucking KILLED. Afterward, my friend said, "well, this is why kids like music from back in the day. Because it kick ass." Sure, DLR missed a few notes, but for not having preformed the anthems for almost 25 years he was "On Fire." Coincidentally, they played most of Van Halen 1(which is one of the top ten best albums-ever) and even busted out a personal fave("Everybody Wants Some!). Wolfie wasn't even that bad, although seeing the Secret Weapon would have made me spontaneously combust. Now, if only we could get the Beatles and Led Zeppelin to re-unite and come to MPLS...

PS-For a man whos diet from 1976-1987 consisted of Jack Daniels and mountains, literally mountains of cocaine, DLR looked fucking amazing. Along with Eddie. Oh, and I could give a shit about Alex sometimes. But still, I fucking saw Van Halen play with David Lee Roth. I saw "Dance The Night Away..."played 20 feet in front of me. I saw DLR wave big chains during the fight anthem "Unchained." Its like a dream.

Keep On With The Force Don't Stop

Good Evening, Sports Fans. Earlier this evening, I brought myself into a debate. The question is this: Which is a more kid-centric beverage, Hawaiian Punch or 2% Milk? I said 2%, because it seems(to me) more kiddy. But, on the other hand, I am the only nearly 25 year old man I know who feels the need to drink a quart of Punchy's favorite beverage a week.

25-I'm already middle aged

In other local news, I finally got my turntable working-for one album. Now, instead of the left channel playing, its the right. I feel like I'm listening to KDWB in 1980 because everything is in Mono. Unlike 63 KDWB, I hate the song "You Light Up My Life." Much like old school KDWB, I do enjoy "Sad Eyes" by Robert John and "Sentimental Lady" by Bob Welch.

Hey, Here It Comes, That Funny Feeling Again. Windin' Me Up Inside Every Time We Touch

I'm way too tired to deliver any interesting thoughts right now. Looks like my Red Sox pick was almost as good as my Cubs pick. Sadly, most of America doesn't want to watch a Indians-Rockies World Series. Well, I for one do. It's going to be fantastic. Both teams have good pitching, great offenses and the Rockies may be the best defensive team I have ever seen. It's going to be tremenjous, much like Carrie Underwood's bosom.

On a high note, the Angels did indeed score under five runs in their series with the Sox. See, I am Nostradamus.

The Cuts!(November Needs To Spawn A Monster Version)
Hang Me Up To Dry- Cold War Kids
Discovering Japan- Graham Parker
Why Can't This Be Love? - Van Hagar
I'm A Terrible Person - Rooney
That Daughtry song that continuously plays in the warehouse at work (I don't even know any words, just that it is that guy)

I'm On Firah!

Yesterday was really kick ass. I thoroughly enjoy this weekend off thing, especially when it involves shopping for records and random shit all day because you have a bit of money. Here were my finds:

Dwight Twilley Band- "Sincerely". One of my favorite sub-genres of music is power pop, and this album is pretty much perfect power pop. They kind of sound like the Raspberries with more of a rhythm section. Too bad the CD costs like 30 bucks online

New Order- "Power, Corruption and Lies". Have this on CD. It will go nicely with my "Blue Monday" 12" from the original pressing.

CDs
Black Keys- "The Big Come Up"
Lifter Puller- "Fiestas and Fiascos" Craig Finn's (Hold Steady) first bands last CD. Really rare.
Tom Petty- "Wildflowers"
Old 97s- "Fight Songs"
Mark Lanegan Band- "Here Comes That Weird Chill"
Black Sheep- "A Sheep In Wolves Clothing"

Other:
A Jim Kleinsasser jersey for 2 bucks
A pair of pants for 6 bucks

All in all, a pretty grand old day. Plus, I went to Mayslacks and had a nice roast beef and a few Seven/Sevens. And Hookers and Blow played. Plus, I found out I'm going to VAN HALEN on the 24th. Good day indeed!

I'm Takin' What They Givin'

Sorry about that Cubbies pick. I guess as a Minnesotan, I just instinctively root for teams that will break my heart and leave me wanting.

I started my new job today. It was...draining. It sucks going into a job and not knowing much about it at all right off the bat. Plus, the company had to ship out a huge amount of orders today. I felt like I was in everyone's way. But, by the end of the day, I was kind of getting the hang of things(at least I think).

Not much else. I'm digging my new house, except the sink backs up when you run the dishwasher. Oh well, pobody's nerfect (yes, that was a Simpsons reference).

The Cuts(Drunken Sing-A-Long Edition)
Don't Stop Believin'-Journey
Whatever Song Christian Did The Ric Flair Strut To
Heaven Is A Place On Earth-Belinda Carlisle
Hard Luck Woman-KISS

And Look At Him Go And Look At Him Go...He Could...Go...All...THE...WAY!

Laaacck, Cub, Laaaack. Anyways, I have been really preoccupied with my move from hilljack Methlehem to Ramsey County(New Brighton, to be exact). I also put in 46 hours at the 'Bucks last week. But I'm coming back strong just like LL in '91.

I enjoyed my first evening off in some time that was not dominated by moving by purchasing a Dubby Chubby and a McChicken and watching a shit load of playoff baseball. The Cubs and the Angels looked like shit, and the Phils didn't show much fight. Here are my semi-annual picks for the 2007 postseason:

Rockies over Phillies in 4
The Phillies are who we thought they were! Oh, yeah. A bigger albatross hangs around the Fightin's neck because, unlike the Cubbies, the Phillies are cursed AND it is all because their fans are a bunch of Guido-lite pieces of shit. Plus, the Rockies are riding such a natural high right now that there is no way in hell they lose three of the next four.

Cubs over D-Backs in 5
I like Sweet Lou. Plus, the Backs are a bit young (but super talented). Funny Jake playoff related story: When Eric Byrnes was playing for the A's, I went to a game with Mr.Brandon Quade. We had seats about five rows up in left field, and I said to Brandon, "hey, what if I whipped a penny at Byrnes?" On cue, Byrnsie turned around and looked at me. Then, to top off the creepy vibe, HE DID IT AGAIN! Still, my interaction with the best player on the Backs will not let them take my NL squad.

Indians over Yankees in 4
My grandpa is 72 years old, and I think he's the fourth starter for the Yanks. Unless A-Rod blows up and hits .700 or something, I don't see the geriatric Yankees taking out the studs in the Indians lineup. Plus, Sabathia and Carmona make this a 2-0 series right off the bat.

Red Sox over Angels in 3
The Sox own the Angels. Period. Seeing Papi go yard tonight brought back memories of 2004. Shit, I'd be shocked if the Angels score five total runs in this series. Talk about bad luck-your two best players(not to mention Matthews Jr) suffer from injuries and one of those is PINK EYE? You aren't winning a playoff series.

ALCS
Red Sox over Indians in 6

NLCS
Cubs over Rockies in 7

World Series
Red Sox over Cubs in 5

I really feel this Red Sox team. I don't know why. Maybe its because this is the World Series we got fucked out of in 2003 and were subjected to the Marlins-Yankees snorefest. I don't know. I just really have a gut feeling about this one...

Stop Tellin' The Rumours, Stop Tellin' The Lies

Wow. Tonight at work, one of my fellow baristas told me that Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong were lovers. I thought that it was one of those rumours that only Starbucks partners like to tell (like that it was a known fact that the first mom on the Fresh Prince got fired for heroin abuse). So I went to my own gay lover (Wikipedia) and checked it out. I guess that Ol' Lance and Wooderson really DID have a gay love affair. Matty said that they tried it and it wasn't for them in an issue of Details magazine last year.

I wonder how many weird things that you thought were never true actually were. Like, for example, my dad told me that the big rumor when he was a kid was that Gomer Pyle and Rock Hudson or Darrin from Bewitched were lovers. Well, I think that they all came out later in life. My favorite rumor as a kid was the one where Zach Morris and Stephanie Tanner died in a car crash together. I guess it wasn't them who died, only their careers.

I Was Looking For A Job And Then I Found A Job

As of October 8th, 2007, I will no longer working for Starbucks Coffee Company. I was offered a job with the Wand Corporation in Eden Prairie as an operations coordinator for POS screen installation. I took it, as how it pays much better than the Bucks and I also will have weekends off.

It's been a good run, but its time to pack up the kids and move on.

It's Cold Gin Time Again

Has there ever been a cooler sports mascot than Mr.Met? Just a dude in a Mets uniform with a ginormous baseball head. And he always looks so happy...every time I see Mr. Met, I get all giddy like I did when I was six and got the complete set of Tiger Force G.I Joes from Grandma Weber.

I went to the monthly record show today where I obtained Kiss "Alive" and Magazine's "The Proper Use Of Soap" on LP and "Boogie Nights" on DVD. Record shows are about the most fun you can have outside of intercourse, and not because of the records. The people watching at record shows is unparalleled. For one, I have never seen a woman outside of the vendors(and that total is maybe two or three). Second, every dude looks kind of like that dude in the Dave Matthews Band video who goes around hugging everybody. And third, everyone acts like they are the absolute be-all and end-all for having kick ass records. Yeah, I'm going to give you three bucks for Hall and Oates "Rock and Soul".

The best part is the conversations that you are bound to overhear. The conversations usually consists of grease balls talking about their favorite obscure 60s garage bassist or how cool a UK pressing of some bizarre Frank Zappa album is. Sometimes, the conversation is about other vendors. I heard one about some vendor named Tom today. From my one minute of eavesdropping, I learned that Tom:

1. Was fucking cheap
2. Had been collecting since 1960
3. Does not let other vendors in on his vast knowledge of Elvis, even when asked

Therefore, I will never buy Elvis records from a guy named Tom. Oh, and I'm pissed at myself for not picking up "Sandanista!" by The Clash for five bucks.

Well, It's You And Me In The Summertime, Holding Hands Down In The Park

Today was a boring day off. I cleaned my apartment, read "Killing Yourself To Live" for the 3rd time, went to work for 45 minutes to do some coffee seminar prep, and I ate Hardees. Pretty sure that Hardees was the highlight. Has anything come from so far down as Hardees to be the best in its field? You all remember going to Hardees, ordering something like the fried chicken, and being ignored or spit on or sworn at. It's nothing like that now, nothing like that at all. It's like the period between 1990 and 2005 didn't happen. Hardees comeback is like if the Arizona Cardinals were to win the next five Super Bowls or if Britney Spears released her next album, and somehow, it was better than anything the Beatles had ever done.

I mean, Hardees fucking kills it EVERY TIME! You go for breakfast, you get some of the best biscuits and gravy known to man. When the B'n'G is killer, you really don't need much else. But then you eat some of the burgers (the mushroom and Swiss is amazing) and you realize that you're actually getting a better meal then you would at any sitdown out there. Throw some seriously bad ass fries and you really can't eat better for under 5 bucks.

The Cuts! (MonsterBurger Edition)
"I Feel Like A Bullet In The Gun Of Robert Ford"- Sir Elton
"Summertime"-The Sundays
"Kate"-Ben Folds Five
"Looking For Today"-Black Sabbath
"Running Up That Hill"-Kate Bush

It's Britney, Bitch

Today was a good day. Got to see the Purp beat the shit out of ATL(formerly Team Bad Newz Kennels) 24-3. THE DEFENSE WENT OFF!! It was also very nice to heckle Joey Harrington, along with everyone in my section. Oh, and Adrian Peterson is a friggin stud.

MTV VMAs were also tonight. Didn't watch the whole thing(its not 1995 anymore and "Peaches" by the Presidents of the United States of America wasn't nominated for the Video Vanguard award) but I saw the Britney Spears performance. Here's my thoughts:

Chick straight up sucks at singing AND dancing now. She's entered that rareified air of "women that I legitimately think I could fuck if they and I were drunk enough." I mean, she has baggage, she kind of looks like the REAL slutty sorority sister who the others make fun of, and her special place looks like steak tartare. If I saw her at, say, TGI Friday's on Electric Lemonade night and maybe bought her some motzies...there's a good chance I'm taking her back to Springbrook for 45 seconds of pleasure.

Also, Jamie Foxx was drunk and Kid Rock decked King Of All Brahs Tommy Lee. I think this was like when my uncle punched my aunt at Thanksgiving. I was kind of shocked due to the setting, but we all saw it coming. Oh, and Sarah Silverman is funny and hot. Too bad none of the Hollywood Freaks could laugh at her comedy.

Final note: during the Cowboys-Giants game tonight, Jared Lorenzen came in at QB. I loved it! A 300-lb quaterback! It was like watching the Big Boy statue take snaps. Boy has a cannon for an arm.

True Romance In Joy Opposites

Why did McDonalds pick the Cha Cha Slide for a commercial promoting their Happy Meals? And, it's a minute long! Couldn't they have picked something a little more current-like "This Is Why I'm Hot?"

Sign #1000 that I feel old-I have never heard the #1 song on the Billboard charts. Its some song called "Crank That(Soulja Boy)" by a guy named Soulja Boy. There sure is a lot of Souljas, Lils and Shawtys on radio today. I think I am going to totally give up on radio. I mean, I haven't been a regular listener for years, but except for KOOL 108, they're all done, son.

I'm moving to a townhouse off of County Road E and Silver Lake Road at the end of the month. The word finally came down today, so its all over for Springbrook. Thank god. I hate having no air and ending up being covered in sweat at night. Its really icky, like evolution.

Oh, and I'm re-reading "Kitchen Confidential" by Anthony Bourdain. I found it at my parents while doing laundry, and I am sodamnexcited to be hearing tales of the seedy underworld of cooking again. The only pain in the ass is that reading the book makes me hungry, real hungry.

Anyone know of a place that serves some kickass waffle fries? I enjoy Granite City and Champps, but there's got to be some place out there that out does those two. Oh, and seasoned sour cream is a necessity.

To Peter- Have you purchased any "import" CDs yet? Also, have you eaten any of those crazy egg pizza things that they fry in front of you and cover in mayo? Those look delicious!

I'm Higher Than A Kite, I Know I'm Gettin Hooked On Your Love

NFL Season starts today! Although, there is something slightly unwholesome about starting the NFL season on a Thursday. It seems to me that Thursday has become the new Friday. I remember when I actually went out to the bars on Thursday (the old school Old Chicago days...God, what fun. I'm gonna have to post about those one day) they were almost as packed as Friday night. It always seemed a little like naughty fun to be out on a night when you weren't supposed to also. And the drink specials were cool. Maybe it actually makes perfect sense to start NFL 2K7 on Thursday after all.

In other NFL news, my fantasy team looks like pure shit. I have Donovan F. McNabb as my starting QB, and Kellen "I'm a soldier, a fucking soldier" Winslow Jr. as my TE. I think I have Earl Campbell or Marcus Allen as my running back, and Donald Igwebekie as my kicker. Looks like Ron Mexico's Fightin' Pups are gonna be a last place team.

Also, I have given up my dream of a lifetime of wedded bliss with Carrie Underwood for a lifetime of pining for Jenna Fischer. This ones gonna be tough, seeing how she's married and all, but a boy can dream, can't he?

THE CUTS!
Falling-Ben Kweller
This Is The One- Stone Roses
This Is For Real-Motion City Soundtrack
Walk Of Life-Dire Straits
No Myth-Michael Penn

Mr.Wendal, Looooord, Mr.Wendal

Has there ever been a group in music history more over hyped for one album than Arrested Development? Discuss.

So, the Labor Day weekend came and went (I have to go to work in about an hour). It was pretty good. Jeff, Christian and I were feeling good about our liquor run into Huddy yesterday, until we realized it was in Wisconsin. As most of you know, I would rather look at pics of Brittney Spearses vajayjay than set foot in cheeseland. So that sucked. And all the shit in Hudson advertised the Brewers and their football team. Whats the deal with that? Did someone not tell them they live 20 minutes from the Dome AND they are a suburb of Saint Paul? I guess all the years of inbreeding in Sconnie made those who live there a titch slow.

The movie "Enemy Of The State" is the shit.

The first "Batman" with Michael Keaton isn't.

The Cuts(Superfly Edition)
"Romeo and Juliet" Dire Straits
"Feel Your Love Tonight" Van Halen
"Shandi" KISS
"Freedom Of Choice" DEVO
"Baba O'Riley" either the OG by The Who or the Pearl Jam cover

You're A Heartbreaker

MIGHTY TARKIN SPLIT TWIN BILL

by Kiki Vandewege III
TJIFA staff reporter

FRIDLEY, MN-

Season 1.5 of Grand Moff Tarkin began tonight in a rousing fashion at the Fridley Ball Yards. The Tarkin beat up on Team Hardcore 14-5 in the first game and lost a heartbreaker to Brownberry in the second game, 27-19. The cause of the heartbreak was the shitty play of the incredibly attractive and intelligent 3rd baseman, Jake Eickholt. Although both gifted of glove and sexual ability on a normal night, Eickholt bobbled the third out of the inning on a routine ground ball. This lead to an eight run inning for the visitors.

Hot bats were wielded by catcher Shawn Almen and team captain (and US Olympic swimmer) Zach Eickholt. Manager-Shortstop Brandon Quade hit a 360 foot blast that just missed being the longest home run in Tarkin history. Also of note: First Baseman Jeff Hill was outstanding at the lead sack, making a run-saving catch of a Brownberry liner in the 5th inning. The Tarkin continue their season next week at the Fridley Ball Yards at 8 and 9 PM, Central Standard Time.

We'll Play Jacks and UNO Cards

So I was hanging out with my gay lover Wikipedia tonight, and I looked up Topps(as in the producer of baseball cards). I started reminiscing like Little River Band about how absolutely nuts I was about sports cards in the late 80s and early 1990s, and about how popular cards were. I remember the People's Plus on Humboldt used to actually have packs of cards from the 70s and 80s that you could buy for more per pack(I think that 1980 Topps went for like $13 a pack). Even today, I will still buy a pack of cards at least once a year, just for old times sake.

I also was remembering how absolutely gay some of the cards were. One cards that sticks out was a card of Jeff Bagwell in a tux holding a baseball, with his mullet and acne in full effect. What the fuck is cool about Jeff Fucking Bagwell in a tux? The other one that sticks out is Nolan Ryan tossing a football in his Rangers uniform. I remember my boys going absolutely ape shit for that card, and I think a couple of them paid like ten bucks for it at a card show at Village North. Ah, yes Village North card shows, AKA pedophiles delight. So many little boys in one place at a time, with no parents to be found. Weren't the 90s cool?

Oh, and am I the only one who remembers People's Plus?

And on a totally unrelated note, I propose a new name for Anoka County... how about Methlehem?

Five O'Clock World

Well, the first post-college job interview/job fair have had came and went today. I didn't get the job (sales account exec at KOOL 108) and I knew I wasn't going to get the job going into it. It wasn't a lack of self confidence, I just didn't have the sales experience that it would take to sell advertising on a regular basis for a national company. The guy who interviewed me seemed impressed with my knowledge of ratings systems and such, though, so I guess that was a silver lining. But he did tell me to wear a suit next time. Oh well, like Alanis said, you live, you learn. But, I did get a KOOL 108 T-Shirt and a Cities 97 Coozy! This had to be the only job interview I have ever gotten swag at. I don't even think I got a free latte OFFERED to me when I interviewed at Starbucks.

I'm kind of half out of it due to a full work day and a job fair, so I watched some soccer on ESPN 2. For those who don't know, I'm a closet soccer fan. The funny thing is, I really don't know all that much about it. I just like to watch it, for some reason(and to scream at the Canada U-20 team on TV when I'm drunk...thanks Labatts 10.1%). Anyways, it was Chivas vs. LA, or some team with sweet striped shirts vs. Beckham. Just watching for 20 minutes, you could see how one would find Beckham electric. LA was losing 2-0, and he created the only two scoring chances for his team. He may be old, and injured, but it was kind of like watching Jordan with the Wizards. Even if you didn't follow basketball, you could tell that he was the most naturally gifted man on the court. That he read things differently. That's what I felt when I saw Beckham tonight.

The Cuts!
"Love Lies Bleeding" Elton John
"Timebomb" Beck(Possibly the dumbest song ever by Mister Hansen)
"Give The Drummer Some" Ultramagnetic MC's
"Ugly As I Seem" White Stripes
"Babe" Styx

I've Been Waiting...Waiting For This Moment

This website totally justifies the stalker pics I took of the guy at Lolla in the Manute Bol jersey. Thank you, Jesus!

http://straightcashhomey.net/

P.S.- Isn't the blogs name fucking wonderful?

These Are Of A Few Of My Favorite(and Least Favorite)Things

I haven't done one of these in a while. Here it goes:

LIKES:

• Those Banana Pepper things you get with a pizza at Papa Johns. I've been putting them on everything for the last week
• Scarlett Johannson's mouth. I'd like to put something in that for about a week. And it ain't a banana pepper
• The cover of Rolling Stone with Guns N Roses on the cover. Coolest motherfuckers ever. They look like they would even kick Bon Scott's ass
• The 80s teen flick Class. Rob Lowe, Andrew McCarthy, Alan Ruck(aka Cameron from Ferris Buller aka Brandon Quade), and...CUSACK! Really, who gives a fuck when you have the Mt.Olympus of pussy guys?
• KISS In Attack Of The Phantoms- I don't think there could ever be something more retarded than this. I can't even begin to compare this movie to anything that exists. Its like if Corkey from Life Goes On wrote a movie about KISS, and then it was edited by Forrest Gump and I Am Sam. So basically, its fucking brilliant.
• Mountain Dew Game Fuel. It's like so fucking good it will make you forget every other soda that has ever existed, except for OK Soda.
• Hockey Fights on YouTube-Better than self-lovin'!
• "Nightswimming" by REM-I forgot how absolutely perfect this song is.

DISLIKES:

• That commercial for YAZ birth control. There is never a bigger turnoff than pieces of ass talking about their fucking period. Ever.
• This one customer who waits outside work every day at 4:30AM-Why in the fuck would you wait at that time for a Mocha Frapp? Really, who other than a resident of Anoka County does shit like this?
• Anoka County(and in particular order: Fridley, Coon Rapids, Blaine, Spring Lake Park). Andover gets a pass because it is less white trash than all the others.
• The little Skateboard P's that roll up and down the sidewalk in front of my building-Guess what? You're gonna get some girl named Lacey knocked up in about two years and spend your days working at either SA or Wal-Mart. Enjoy keeping me up while you can, you little fuckers!
• Hot Pockets-I finally hate them after over a year of living on my own.

Self High Five!

First off, I would love to congratulate myself on 400 posts. I have left all the other blogs in the dust(Heavy Into Jeff, FutureRhythm, Ennui du Pantleg, Nate's blog that lasted two days, all five of Quades blogs) and I alone am still here. I feel like the Highlander.

Now I'm gonna play doctor and declare the Twins legally dead. It was the shit that Santana struck out 17 the other day, but the Twinks could only manage one fucking run to support him. They had to bring in Nathan to save it. If they would have managed one more fucking run, Santana may have tied Kerry Wood and the Rocket with 20Ks. This just isn't their year. If only they could get another power hitter, like Jeff Cirillo...

The Cuts!
"Men's Needs" The Cribs
"At This Moment" Billy Vera and The Beaters
"Sara" Starship
"Now That I Am Blind" Deathray
"You Are The Girl" The Cars